The World after the Day after tomorrow
Miserere, miserere
Miserere, misero me
Pero' brindo alla vita!
Ma che mistero,e'la mia vita
Che mistero
Sono un peccatore dell'anno ottantamila
Un menzognero!
Ma dove sono e cosa faccio
Come vivo?
Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!
Miserere,misero me
Pero'brindo alla vita!
Io sono il santo che ti ha tradito
quando eri solo
E vivo altrove e osservo il mondo
Dal cielo
E vedo il mare e le foreste
vedo me che...
Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!
Miserere,misero me
Pero'brindo alla vita!
Se c'e' una notte buia abbastanza
Da nascondermi,nascondermi
Se c'e' una luce,una speranza
Sole magnifico che splendi dentro di me
Dammi la gioia di vivere che ancora non c'e'
Miserere,miserere
Quella gioia di vivere(che forse)
Ancora non c'e
(Miserere by Zucchero, Andrea Boccelli et Luciano Pavarotti)
"I heard that Nevada's a bit more… lax."
"Yeah? Where'd you hear that?"
"I talked to a guy. He knows a guy there."
"Does he know if… you know…"
"Yeah. The guy he knows in Nevada is a coyote."
"So he could lead us."
"Yep."
"How much?"
"Nothing, if we manage to get to Las Vegas in three weeks."
"Some kind of proficiency test?"
"Something like that."
"Okay, let's do it."
"It was more than just a comfort fuck for me, Martin!"
"Who says that I did it for comfort?"
"I just can't imagine why else! There was never any indication that it wasn't comfort!"
"Maybe it's just because I can be more subtle than you!"
"Martin, you didn't even know I was gay until I told you! And you say you know me and have great investigator skills? Then you would have figured it out ages ago!"
"Hey, it's not like you went up to me and told me!"
"I never thought that would be an issue for you."
"It's not. It's not an issue, believe me, Danny. But this is just as surprising for you as it is for me. It's just… I don't know what to do right now."
"What do you want from me, Martin?"
"Time. Understanding. Let me come to terms, please."
"You want time? Okay. Just don't fuck with me again."
"In what sense?"
"You know in what sense. And wipe that smirk off your face, Martin."
It's getting colder the longer they are on their way to Las Vegas.
He remembers that he and Sam once thought about going up there for the weekend, just relaxing and forgetting all about their stressful job. They never got around to doing it, though. Things got out of hand. But that's a pretty tame assessment for what went down. No- one had seen it coming and then overnight it was there. Towering over those who thought different like the true menace and pretty much scaring the crap out of them. They had thought that as government employees they would have some freedom, but it was the direct opposite.
And now they are fugitives, fleeing from what they once swore to protect.
10 days ago, when the journey started, they split up as it would seem too suspicious if a group of nine people would be spotted.
Jack, Katherine, Hanna, Sam and him.
Danny, Vivian, Roger and Reggie.
At first they all would cross from New Jersey through to Iowa, where they would meet again in Cedars Falls three days after the journey started. Then split up again and make their way somehow to Richfield, Utah. How they would get there was each group's own decision, as long as they managed it. If one group hadn't reached the meeting point by the 12th day, the other group would trek to Las Vegas.
Today is the day that they had all agreed upon to meet again.
Martin stares up at the building on Richmond Street that they had sought out as their destination. It was old and run- down, the paint chipping, the windows glassless. He pulls his scarf tighter around his neck, ducking his head as he enters into the narrow doorway. Walking along a row of closed door, he finally reaches theirs and knocks
Three times short, two times long, three times short.
He hears the sound of a safety released on a gun before that of a tight female voice.
"Come in!"
"It's me, Sam."
Her relief is almost palpable.
"Martin. Thank God. Do you have any idea what time it is? I was so worried about you. So worried."
Without thinking she comes over, kisses him on the mouth before hugging him tightly. He hugs her back, both of them reveling in each other's nearness before letting go.
"Where's Jack?"
"Still out. He came back an hour ago, brought water bottles that we can take with us. Hannah and Kate just feel asleep."
She strokes his cheek softly.
"You look tired."
"I'm wiped out."
He sighs, sinking down on one of the mattresses they have found in the abandoned room.
"Then get some rest. Until Danny and Viv come we have time to catch up on some strength."
"Do you really think they'll come?"
"Why would you think that?"
"They planned on going over the Rockies, Sam."
"Who told you that?"
"Roger. I heard him say to Jack that it was the shortest route, but that Danny and Viv weren't that happy about it. He was just of the opinion that it would be better if they chose a totally different route than us."
"Normally I would have agreed, but now? It's winter and how do they think they can pull that off? How many fugitives are trying to get over the Rockies? I bet they have lots of Troopers up there."
He can only nod.
"And with Danny? He can barely walk anymore, and then over the Rockies."
She's close to tears now.
"I just hope that they managed to convince Roger of another alternative."
He nods again, feeling sleepiness pull at him.
"Wake me up when Jack comes back so that you can rest, okay?"
Her lips on his forehead are the last thing he feels before he falls asleep.
If he didn't know better, he would say that New York is in exactly the same condition as Richfield. Dirty, dark and depressing.
And also lacking anything that might have something closely resembling food. Earlier in the day, he had managed to find packs of bottled water that would definitely help them, but they needed also food. Jack looks around him and then at the backpack he carried in his arms. It's stocked with enough food to last the five of the, but what if Viv, Danny, Roger and Reggie come? He needs to get them something to eat, too. He wipes his forehead and then decides to go on a last run through the city before he gives up. As much as it hurts him, if the others come tonight, they will have to content themselves with water.
"Let's all write down the cities and map them out. We'll follow that route exactly and if one groups lacks behind, they can try to catch up."
"Okay."
"Everyone should carry a copy."
He dreams of his father that night. With his arms wrapped tightly around Sam, dreams of Victor Fitzgerald are invading his dreams.
It's not the most pleasant sleep he ever had.
After two days, there is no sign of Danny, Viv, Roger and Reggie.
They pack their things, secure the water, leave a small message at the door, hoping that they will find it and then leave. Sam has tears in her eyes and when she looks at Jack and Martin, she knows that they don't like that situation either. Neither wants to leave. It's up to Hannah and Kate to place doubt in their actions.
"Why are we leaving, Daddy? Shouldn't we be waiting for Danny and Vivian?"
"Honey, we waited for two days. That's what we agreed upon."
"But maybe they will come."
"They know the route we are going, they can follow us."
"But what if something happened? What if they are injured and need longer time? They will never make it to as Vegas without our help. We need to wait for them. Please. You yourself said that no- one should be left behind."
Jack exchanges looks with the two adults and then with his two pleading daughters.
"One more day. But otherwise we will be really late."
So they take the note off the door and set up camp for one more day.
Later Kate and Hannah will gloat when the door opens by midday on the third day and a man stumbles in. Though you can't even call that stumbling. It's more like falling. He's on his knees, supporting himself with his hands, deep, heavy breathing.
They are all frozen to the spot.
The body is familiar, the form and way of movement, too, it's just that the head is bald, there are no hairs and if he hadn't known him for close to five year, Jack would never have recognized that skeletal person.
And he is alone.
Something must have gone wrong.
"Danny?"
It's in a choking voice that Sam finally can ask.
The head rises, a sunken face stares at her, eyes raw with pain.
"Sam?"
It's not a voice, it's a croak, nothing resembling the soothing timbre that she remembers.
Surprisingly, it's Martin who is at Danny's side first, who catches him as he is about to completely fall down. He cradles the thin man in his arms like he would with a child and Sam is not thinking about the kids she wants to have with Martin, but instead about how Danny's face contorts into a grimace as though he wants to cry but can't. They all gather around him, Jack with a bottle of water, Hannah and Kate with a spare blanket and Sam just by his side, holding his hands in hers and warming them up. For a few minutes they just sit around on the cold floor, warming him up while he tries to gather the least of his remaining strength.
"You waited."
Even those two words seem to take everything that he has in store.
"We were on our way out, but Hannah and Kate convinced us to wait."
Danny smiles at the two girls, and for a moment Sam catches a glimpse of the old Danny Taylor who would bring a smile on every kid's face and who needs someone to smile for him.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Hannah, ever the polite one.
Jack helps him drink in small sips, while Sam breaks out a bit of zwieback that they have salvaged since leaving New York. In a bowl she mixes it with some of the water, creating a slimy substance that is easy for Danny's closed up throat to be swallowed.
"When are we leaving?"
Jack stares at him open- mouthed.
"I'd say tomorrow."
Vehement head- shaking.
"We're already behind. We need to leave tonight. I can do it. I can walk. Just gimme a few hours to rest. I can do my job. I can do it. I will do it."
He's getting agitated the more he rambles on and it is up to Jack to calm him down.
"Danny. Calm down."
"I will do it. Please, wait for me, Jack. Don't leave me here. I can do it."
"Danny. Stop it. Of course we won't leave you alone. But you can barely stand anymore. How do you wanna walk?"
"I can do it. Just trust me. Please."
"Just a few hours. We'll wait until nightfall, then leave. Okay?"
He smiles a wane smile, relieved and then nods off still cradled in Martin's arms, who hasn't moved ever since taking him.
"Do you really think it's a good decision to leave tonight, Jack? We have him, but what is one more day?"
"A lot, Sam. We need to leave, otherwise we won't make it to Las Vegas in time and everything has been in vain."
"I know that. But why don't we just wait one more day and then walk for two days straight to make up for that lost time?"
He inclines towards Danny.
"Do you think he manages that? I have no idea how we will transport him now."
"I could carry him."
Martin's soft voice carries through the room.
"I have enough strength left and am the only one tall enough to carry him on my back."
Jack looks as though he wants to argue but then shuts his open mouth.
"Okay."
"I can carry Martin's pack."
"Did Danny bring anything with him?"
Kate points to a bundle by the door.
"This."
"How much is it?"
"A sleeping bag and a backpack."
He looks at the other four.
"I think we can divide that, don't you think?"
"Good. Then we should catch a bit of rest, too. It's going to be a few taxing days until we reached Las Vegas."
They all know it, and having it vocalized doesn't help.
Not really.
"Who is it?"
"It's me."
"Go away, Martin. I told you-"
"Danny, I… it's just-"
"Forget it, Martin."
"Please-"
"Why are you even here?"
"I wanted to apologize."
"There's nothing to apologize about."
"There is and we both know it."
"Martin-"
"Look, could you please open up? I feel a little ridiculous, talking to a door."
"Okay."
After four hours Danny wakes up again and claims that he's rested to walk again. His feeble attempts fall on deaf ears, though, as Jack and Sam simply grab him and he's bound to Martin's back.
"You're a paperweight, Danny. I can easily carry you."
"But it's depleting your strength, too. I don't want that."
"I won't hear any of that. Besides, you're already strapped on. And I bet you won't be able to get out."
The soft "asshole" is meant to be heard by all of them, but the affection it holds is something only Martin is able to detect and it makes him ache inside.
Jack is the first to go out and leave, then it's Kate and Hannah, Martin with Danny and Sam brings up the rear. Wearing their thickest warmest clothes they softly make their way out of the city, attention rapt at anything that seems out of place. They follow the route that Jack planned out on their first day in Richfield, which brings them directly to the Highway to Beaver, their next stop.
Danny doesn't talk about what happened in the Rocky Mountains that left him with a shattered right kneecap and a pronounced limp in his step, or where Vivian, Roger and Reggie are, and they don't ask. They can guess what happened, or get an idea, by the tears that stream down his face uncontrollably every time he falls asleep and loses the hold on his emotions and relives everything that happened in his dreams again. Maybe they're better off not knowing.
One night, two days before they are to arrive in Las Vegas and having just passed through Overton, Jack wakes up during one of Danny's guarding shifts.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Everything okay?"
"Couple of Troopers passed by. Didn't do anything, though."
He gets out of the sleeping bag, moving to sit down by Danny's side.
"Danny, what happened in the Rockies?"
The other man's reaction is so extreme that Jack immediately regrets asking or even considering asking the question. His dark eyes grow wide and cloud over until they are almost black, filled with an almost endless amount of pain and fear. His hands start shaking, in the beginning ever so slightly, barely noticeable, until the quiver seems to make almost his whole body shake. His lower lip trembles as though he'll start crying at any moment.
"Please, Jack. Don't."
Voice a mere whisper, he shakes his head in a begging motion.
"Don't do this."
Filled to the brim with regret, Jack knows that he will forever remember the haunted look in Danny's eyes.
"Forget I'll ever asked."
Tears spill over, and for a moment Jack thinks he's crying tears of blood, but then he blinks and the blood is gone but the tears are still there. It's an eerie kind of crying. Danny's not choking or sobbing or hysteric, but instead he's just sitting there, rivulets of liquid pain burning their path down gaunt dirty cheeks.
Jack can't stand to see this man, this particular man, so completely broken down and does what he's wanted to do since Danny stumbled into the door on the 13th day. He folds him into his arms and holds the battered body of the young man like a father would do with his son, rocking him while softly murmuring nonsense words. It's only a few minutes later that he realizes that he's crying, too.
No- one later exactly knows how they got there, but when they arrive in Las Vegas, Kate's not the only one with tears of relief in her eyes. They drag themselves to the plaza where the coyote told them to meet him. When the man who promised to bring them to safety finally arrives, he reminds Martin in nothing of the one he had to deal with two years ago, except that he has the same rough 'Don't fuck with me'- voice. He's impressed that they made it, but then his gaze falls upon Danny's bedraggled form sitting with the girls on the concrete, makeshift crutches that they brandished out of trees for him at his side.
"Can he walk?"
"We can carry him. And he has the crutches."
The coyote laughs, a harsh sound that makes Hannah visibly revolt and Sam grimace.
"Do you really think you can carry him all the way?"
"We switch."
"Oh, the chick and the girls carry him, too?"
"No, but the men do. And if everything breaks down, I can carry him, too."
The coyote smirks at Sam.
"And weren't you supposed to be only five? Five adults?"
"No, never. Originally we were supposed to be nine people."
That gets the coyote's attention.
"What happened?"
"They tried the Rockies."
"You split up?"
"Yes."
"Smart people."
He looks back at Danny.
"He survived?"
"Barely."
He acknowledges that with a nod.
"Tough guy."
A look around at all of them.
"To be honest, I never thought you'd make it. You have my respects."
Jack smiles wanly.
"Thank you."
"I set up a room for you where you can rest for two days and get your strength back. You'll need every resource on the trip."
He leads them to a run- down outskirt and to an equally run- down house. In there a room is prepared with a fireplace and mattresses. And food.
Before leaving, the coyote hands them badges.
"You'll need those. They'll help you. Not a lot, but it's better than nothing."
And he's gone.
"What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to decide. To finally decide."
"About what?"
"Don't play dumb, Martin. You know about what, Martin."
"Why?"
"Because I can't take this limbo anymore. I have no idea where I stand with you right now. You owe it to me to clear things up. To me and Sam."
"No matter the outcome?"
"As long as you come to a fucking decision."
In the last night while he is on watch, Martin gets to think. It's nothing world- moving or spectacular but it's also been a while since he had the opportunity to think about all that went wrong. And all that went right.
Because as much as it hurts Danny, he is happy with Sam. Which is not really a valid argument, because he was also happy with Danny. But for him the thing with Danny was never serious, while Sam is. It was a fling, a happy fling, but a fling nonetheless. It's not really his fault that Danny thought it was something more, something serious. That actually makes Martin sound arrogant, and he doesn't want that. He's been berated about it often enough by Sam, who ironically enough helped Danny pick up the pieces of his broken heart and who wasn't too happy with Martin. Because even though Danny never told Sam who broke his heart, she's a very smart woman with a great intuition, especially when it comes to the younger man.
After seeing what being with Martin had done to Danny, Sam originally had flat out told Martin that there would never be anything more between them than friendship. Danny then persuaded her to give in.
Fate's sick sense of irony.
How he did it, Martin will never know.
But he's thankful in more ways than he can express.
For two days they do nothing but relax. Relax and save strength. They sit together and talk and bond and feel like a family, forming a bond that will never be broken.
And then it's time.
Two days have passed and they are about to begin the second part of the journey of their lives.
May it end in good.
And may it bring all of them over the border to Canada.
God willing, they would all get there.
Hopefully.
A million footsteps, this left foot drags behind my right
But I keep walking, from daybreak 'til the falling night
And as days turn into weeks and years
And years turned into lifetimes
I just keep walking, like I've been walking for a thousand years
Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
If you're walking to escape, to escape from your affliction
You'd be walking in a great circle, in a circle of addiction
Did you ever wonder what you'd been carrying since the world was black?
You see yourself in a looking glass with a tombstone on your back
Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain
All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I'm just hanging here in space
Now I'm suspended between my darkest fears and dearest hope
Yes I've been walking, now I'm hanging from a dead man's rope
With Hell below me, and Heaven in the sky above
I've been walking, I've been walking away from Jesus' love
Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain
All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I'm just hanging here in space
The shadows fall
Around my bed
When the hand of an angel,
The hand of an angel is reaching down above my bed
All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
Now I'm walking in his grace
I'm walking in his grace
I'm walking in his footsteps
Walking in his footsteps,
Walking in his footsteps,
Walking in his footsteps
All the days of my life I will walk with you
All the days of my life I will talk with you
All the days of my life I will share with you
All the days of my life I will bear with you
Walk away from emptiness, walk away from sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away from anger, walk away from pain
Walk away from anguish, walk into the rain
(Dead Man's Rope by Sting)