Kate watched silently as the team stumbled into the office late that night. It had been a hard, long case. One they wouldn't soon forget, and it had taken a lot out of them. Kate usually worked with Penelope, but since the flamboyant woman was forced out on medical leave, Kate was alone this time, manning the tech side of things. Which wasn't much better than being there in person.
She couldn't hear what was being said, but knew they wouldn't try the paperwork until tomorrow. Rubbing her face with both hands, Kate let out a sigh. With a smile she walked up to the team.
"Good work guys." She said. Her smile almost faltered as the images of the abused bodies of the girls through her mind. Blinking them back she assessed them. Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan looked ready to drop, though trying to hide it. Reid, also tried to hide it, but wasn't successful. Emily didn't care who seen that she was exhausted, and laid her head down on the desk.
"You did good too," Emily mumbled, sounding almost asleep.
Hotch leaned back in his chair and a hand passed over his eyes.
"The paperwork, and reports will wait till tomorrow. I suggest we all get some sleep," he glanced at his watch, "also, since it's almost 01:00, everyone can come in a hour late, including me."
They all made noises of agreement and gratitude, but no one moved from their chairs. Looking around at the heavy eyes that refused to stay open, Kate made a decision.
Clapping her hands once, and startling them, she declared: "none of you are fit to drive, and I'd never forgive myself if I were to let you guys go out alone tonight and one of you fall asleep driving and get hurt or hurt someone else." They all just looked up at her without a word. 'Hmm,' she thought to herself, 'they must be worse off than I thought, wait, this is probably the most they've ever heard me say too... whatever.'
"So, in light of that I demand you all crash at my place. It's just a few minutes, and I'm not going to take another hour taking you all home. And don't worry if you don't have any clean clothes, I gotcha covered."
Emily of course agreed right away. The guys however after processing what I had just said began halfhearted protests. Saying that it was too much trouble and that they weren't really 'that' tired.
"You don't have to do that Kate," Hotch said.
"We can take ourselves home," Rossi agreed.
Crossing my arms I suppressed a small yawn, and put on a stern face.
"You are all exhausted," I stated firmly, "and I couldn't let you guys go out with the chance that you might fall asleep at the wheel. I know you've all probably done it before, but I don't want you to do that. I've got plenty of room in my house and car. Now please. No more arguing," I sighed.
"C'mon guys, just say thank you and let's go," Emily said dragging herself up and grabbing her bag, "I agree with Kate."
After a few mumbled protests, the boys finally gave in and followed the girls to Kate's deep red suburban. Reid and Morgan sat in the back, Hotch and Rossi in the middle and Emily up front with me.
It only took ten minutes to get to my place and by then with sleepy replies I'd gathered that only Reid and Rossi had clean clothes. Emily and I were about the same size so that wasn't a problem, and Morgan and Hotch would fit into my brother and dad's old stuff I thought so that would be taken care of. Hopefully I wouldn't start crying again.
With a deep breath I pulled into my driveway and parked the car. Rousing everyone, they filed out and up to the door. I unlocked it and let everyone inside trying not to think about the questions I was sure they would ask the next morning. Like, why didn't I use the upstairs part of my house?
Stepping inside I kicked my shoes off under the table beside the door, tossing my keys, and bag on the top. After they were all inside, I re-locked the door.
"I'll let you fight over where to crash, but here's the first room, bathroom included," I motioned to the 'master room' first door on the right of the hallway. "There's two more rooms, one with a full bed, the other has two twin beds. Couch is back in the living room," I said pointing to each. "Make yourselves at home, kitchen is that way, help yourself to whatever. Another bathroom at the end of the hall, shower too."
Opening the small door next to the master, I nodded to them all while switching on the stair light.
"I'll be down here, there's another bathroom down here if you need it as well. You are welcome to explore if you want. Goodnight."
After the various nods and mumbled 'night Kate's, I headed down to the basement leaving the top door open.
Emily claimed the master room, and Rossi the full bed. Hotch and Morgan shared the twin beds and sent Reid back to the couch. It didn't take long at all for everyone to be sound asleep. Well, except for me. I closed the bottom door behind me and looked around the basement and wondered what they would make of my house in the morning. Down here standing by the door, I could see everything in the room. To the right, was a small couch, a 40" flatscreen tv and a game system. Behind the couch up against the wall was my desk, simple but covered in papers and paint, and pencils. Beside my desk was a small silver trash can, and a bookshelf stretched with books and phots, then in the corner beside that, was a small refrigerator, that held candy, sodas, and some leftover pizza. A countertop stretched the rest of the back wall, and that's where I had a microwave, coffee maker and toaster. All of which were only plugged in if I was using it. The rest of the countertop was strewn with wood shavings and chips from where I carved, and paint splattered from when I painted my pieces. A box of wood was underneath this area, in the corner. A cheap rolly/spinning chair was used in every spot. To the left was the other bathroom, which had a tiny shower and all my stuff in it. Beside that, a small closed with an ironing board and iron. And lining the left wall almost to the ceiling were boxes full of stuff, from clothes to little trinkets I just didn't want to get rid of. It was needless to say I only used the upstairs when I wanted to use the oven or stove. But I kept the fridge stocked and everything was clean.
Sinking down in my chair, I leaned over and buried my face in my hands. This last case, five kids. Five girls had been kidnapped and molested by someone their families had trusted. One would turn up dead and another would disappear.
My mother had died of cancer when I was three. After my dad and older brother had been killed right in front of me, I was sent to live with my dad's cousin, the only known relative. Oh God I wished I could just forget his hands touching me when I was a kid.
Rolling over to the boxes I pushed back my tears and grabbed two of them. Opening them, a wave of emotion hit me as I remembered my dad and brother wearing these clothes.
"Oh James," I whispered as I pulled out my favorite shirt my brother had worn, and held it close. It was just a simple long sleeve black shirt with three buttons at the top. But it held good memories. I thought the shirt would fit Morgan nicely, and I pulled out a pair of dark jeans. I wondered slightly if they would fit, but they looked about right. Pulling out a slightly bigger pair as well I closed the box and laid them on top. Moving to dad's box I wondered if Hotch would want to wear a suit. Pulling over another box, I opened it to look through dad's suits and dress clothes. Pulling out a very light blue dress shirt and navy striped tie I sat back and thought about dad. He was always there for me. He always knew exactly what to say when I felt down. Sighing, I found a nice dark suit to match, neatly folded. I laid them with the other clothes and moved back to the other box, selecting a dark pair of jeans and dressy, but casual shirt in case he wanted that instead.
Putting back the boxes, I gathered the clothes and took them over to the tiny closet. I slid out the ironing board and plugged in the iron. Fishing through the junk I'd thrown in there, I found hangars to put it all on. I ironed with precision. I knew that my dad's suit should fit Aaron, but I wasn't sure if my brother's would fit Derek. 'Oh well,' I thought quietly out loud, 'if he has to he can just wear his pants from yesterday.'
Finishing my task, I hung the garments on the hangars and tiptoed upstairs to the hallway. Right in the middle of the hallway were hooks. You know, the kind that look pretty and are good for decoration but still useful. I hung the clothes on the wall. Then pinned a piece of paper to each with Morgan on one and Hotch in the other. Then on another hanger I hung a paper that said: 'there are some clothes in the master room that should fit you Emily.'
I looked down at my watch: 03:12, well they all should be getting up in around 4 hours I guessed. 5 at the most. I went back downstairs and set my phone alarm for 06:20, that would give me time to make breakfast and get ready. Then I pulled out the biggest box which was stuffed full of my own clothes. (I kept some in the master room just in case). I decided on my favorite pair of almost black jeans and dark burgundy long sleeve shirt. I then ironed them and laid them on my chair for in the morning along with a grey stretchy tank top that I wore under most of my clothes to cover my scars. (A clean one of course). Flipping on the lamp on my desk I turned off the main light and changed into joggers and a sports bra grabbing a loose tank to throw on in the morning.
Stretching out on the small couch, I propped my feet on the armrest. Throwing an arm over my eyes I tried to shut out the memories this case had brought back. I mean they never went away, but the case made it worse. Hearing about any molestation case did. I tossed the blanket that was over the back of the couch over myself and just tried to breathe slowly and evenly, holding back my anxiety and hoping I wouldn't have a nightmare. Slowly I drifted off to sleep, but woke suddenly with a gasp as I tried to get away from my uncle again. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat up, taking in my surroundings, assuring myself that he wasn't there. I d been through his many times. I tossed the blanket back over the couch and rubbed the tears away. With a deep breath I stood up and checked my alarm. 'Huh,' I thought, 'could've slept another 6 minutes if I hadn't had a nightmare..'
I used the bathroom and tossed my long hair into a bun, then headed upstairs and pulled the tank top over my head. Hoping to avoid everyone for a little while more, I stayed out of sight of the living room and slipped into the kitchen. Used to the dim light, I softly started to pull out some pans and things from the fridge. I stood for a few minutes just catching my breath and giving myself a moment to push away the nightmare. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I thought it would be fine to start now, it was 06:35. Before I did though, I peeked into the living room. Spencer was already up and ready, sitting with his back to me reading what looked to be his second book of the morning. I smiled softly and turned back to what I was doing. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I grabbed my earbuds and played some nice 80's rock. It always reminded me of my parents and brother, it was our favorite playlist. It was sort of comforting in a way. I mixed pancake batter and whisked some eggs while I let the pans warm up a little. Then I cooked the food, pulling out some bacon and frying it up after the eggs were done. I was about to slide the last of the pancakes onto the plate when all that had gone on the last few days and all the memories going through my head and the music that brought other memories with it just hit me and I froze. My mind not able to even process all the emotions going through me.
A moment later, a dark hand took the pan from my hand and turned me around, searching my face.
"You okay?" Derek Morgan asked with concern.
Blinking out of the daze, I muted the music and pulled out the earbuds stuffing them and my phone in my pocket. I glanced around confused for a moment, noticing Spencer standing behind us watching. I looked at Morgan and nodded.
"I-I'm ok," I stuttered softly taking a deep breath. I looked them both over pleased to see they both looked much better than last night. Morgan has already showered and changed, and James' clothes fit him perfectly. With his hand still on my shoulder, I grinned and touched the fabric.
"Looks good on you," I offered, trying to change the subject, holding back the urge to hug him. He let the subject drop to my relief and accepted the compliment with a smirk.
"Whose was it," he asked smugly, "an old boyfriend?"
"Haha," I said sarcastically, "no, it's not from an old boyfriend. It was my brother James'"
I pointed to a picture on the wall beside the clock. It was of me and James. He was hugging me from behind and had lifted me up off the ground. We were both laughing.
"That his daughter?" Asked Spencer who had moved closer to see.
At that comment I had to laugh, confusing the genius.
"No Spencer, that's me," I laughed, "he was sixteen years older than me, I was about eight in that picture I think." I offered starting some coffee in the upstairs pot.
"Was?" Morgan asked gently.
With my back turned I chewed in the inside of my lip, and inhaled deeply.
"Yeah, he, um.. he and my dad died at the same time when I was nine." I answered quietly hoping they wouldn't press further. I knew Hotch knew how that they had died, because he read my file and I had talked to him a few times about it. Hotch was the first man I'd trusted in 14 years, he had willing tried to help me, and that meant a lot. I just wasn't sure I ever wanted to talk about everything that had happened to me.
"How did they die?" Spencer asked innocently curious.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Morgan interjected quickly. I had to smile at that.
I turned and. Inside red them.
"They were both killed," I said knowing they saw the pain and sadness in my eyes. "In front of me," I hadn't actually meant to say that part out loud and I wasn't sure I really had until Morgan slowly reached out and wiped a tear from my face.
"I'm sorry you had to watch that," he said, "if you ever need to talk," he motioned generally, "we're all here."
I nodded and sniffed back the rest of my tears and looked up at them.
"It's been fifteen years," I said quietly. After a moment I knew I needed out of there or I was going to break.
"Well, breakfast is ready," I said with halfhearted cheeriness, "I've gotta go get ready, make sure to save me some," I said grabbing my phone and taking my exit, feeling like I'd burst into tears at any moment.
I barely made it into the small basement bathroom, when he first tears started to fall. I sank down i the small shower, knees pulled up to my chest, as I let go. I didn't let myself scream though. I didn't want to take that chance of the others hearing. And I didn't let myself cry for long, then quickly washed my hair and body. I toweled off as I thought about what the team might ask me. I settled on telling them the truth, but maybe just not the whole truth.
I wasn't really one to talk about what I've been through, and some things, is never had and I wasn't sure if I ever could, but I knew that I should. I had heard about what happened with Morgan and that awful man, Buford, but i felt like I couldn't talk about myself. My situation was almost the same as his, and part of me wanted to talk to him, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Partly because I didn't want to drag up old memories for him, and I didn't want to say it out loud for myself. And now he's offered a listening ear. It was all too much. To realize that I'd finally found a family I knew I could trust after my dad and brother were killed.
I wanted to talk, I needed to talk, hell, I wanted to scream and shout, but I just couldn't. It was just too hard... wasn't it?
After changing into the clothes I'd laid out earlier, I toweled my hair then twisted it into a bun still damp. I clasped my watch on and tossed my dirty clothes in a basket. I stuffed my phone in my pocket then did my makeup. It wasn't much, just a little foundation, powder, and mascara, and chapstick instead of lipstick. I grabbed a rolled up pair of socks and headed back upstairs entering the kitchen, I found everyone was up and ready. Emily wearing one of my simple grey blouses and some dark skinny jeans. And Hotch was wearing he suit, he hadn't tied his tie or put on the jacket yet though. Everyone smiled and said good morning when I grabbed a plate of food and sat in the empty seat beside Hotch and across from Emily, and slid on my socks.
"Thanks for loaning me some clothes," Emily said slowly drinking her coffee.
"Yes, thank you," Hotch said, "whom ever this belonged to had good taste."
I glanced up at him, "it was my dad's," I told him with a small smile, "it looks good on you."
"You have a nice room," Emily continued before he could answer, "I kind of expected you to have more stuff though, Kate, sorry I kicked you out of your room."
"Thanks and apology accepted, though you didn't kick me out." I answered amused.
"It does seem odd that you don't have many things though," Rossi commented standing to place his dishes in the sink.
"Yeah, given the way that you clutter at work, one would think you'd have lots of stuff strewn around." Reid added pouring more coffee. "Especially personal things, but it looks like there's not much at all."
Finishing my food I smiled.
"I spend most of my time downstairs," I said explaining part of the reason why, "most of everything is down there."
"Your basement can't be that big though," Morgan said with a skeptical look.
"Why don't you just come see for yourself?" I suggested. "I like it down there."
"That I will," he said standing with his coffee cup, "I don't believe it."
"Come on!" I said jokingly to the others, "let's go on a field trip!"
With smiles, they all followed me with Morgan close behind. Opening the bottom door and stepping into the small room, I stood aside and let them all in.
"Welcome to my humble abode," I said dramatically bowing.
Gazing curiously around the others took it all in. There were no windows, and there wasn't a door to the outside. Just a simple room filled with things. Reid looked at the bookshelf commenting on some of the books. Rossi went over to the carvings lined up against the wall on the countertop.
"These are impressive," he said inspecting them, "did you do all of these?"
As I joined him the others did as well. Glancing at the small fishing boy he was holding I grinned, "yeah mostly," I answered then moved over to the various boxes against the wall, pulling a rather large one forward from behind some smaller ones.
"My dad did the best ones," I said lifting out a few intricately carved pieces, "I've never really been good at carving realistically."
"These are really good," Emily said turning over a wood duck my dad had made years ago. She then motioned to the other boxes.
"Why keep it all packed up?" She asked.
I shrugged and closed dad's carvings back up and slid the box back into place.
"I don't know," I said rubbing the back of my neck, "just easier to have everything in one place I guess."
Looking at me curiously, she nodded, not pressing further.
"Um, this," I said moving over to the bookshelf and picking up a framed picture, "this is um, my brother James and my dad, and my mom," I pointed to each. In the photo, dad had one arm around mom, who was holding me, I was almost two, and had his other arm tossed around James pulling him close. We all looked so happy. Mom had been so beautiful, I wished I could remember her. "That's me," I pointed to me, "I was almost two."
"Where are they now?" The curious reply came from Emily.
Nervously I rested my left hand at the base of my throat, fingers tapping restlessly. "Mom died of breast cancer when I was three, and dad and James, uh, they were killed fifteen years ago," I told them softly, breathing slowly.
I glanced up at Hotch who handed back the photo and looked at his watch in reply to my silent plea to escape the conversation.
"Well, it's after 07:30 now, we should leave in a few minutes, everyone go get your things together."
"Yeah boss," and "yes sir," was heard as they headed back upstairs.
Hotch lingered a moment linger and studied me for a moment, "You okay?" He asked knowing I wasn't but letting me choose.
For a moment I considered just saying yes, but I knew he knew and he knew I knew that he knew that I wasn't ok. Hotch was the only person I'd ever talked to about my dad and brother, so I wasn't embarrassed to look up at him and gently shake my head no.
"I can't get it out of my head again," I told him with a sigh. it wasn't he whole truth, but it wasn't a lie.
He nodded and rubbed my arm. Then silently pulled me into a much needed hug. It was amazing to me how much I actually trusted this man. I guess he reminded me so much of daddy, that I just couldn't help it. Over the past year, he had helped me a lot, even though he was my boss. He really stepped out of his way to make sure his team knew they could come to him.
With a final squeeze, he offered a small smile and motioned to my brightly socked feet.
"We should head out soon," he said, "we'll meet you in five."
"Yes sir," I said with a deep breath and a smile.
Hotch left knowing there was more I hadn't told him, but he also realized it was as painful as watching my family die. And he knew I would talk when I was ready, or just had to.
I sighed again, then grabbed a light jacket and headed upstairs sliding my phone in one of the zipper pockets. I went to the kitchen first and hurriedly put all the dishes in the sink to wash later. Then went to the table beside the door and pulled my converse out from underneath where I had tossed them. Then plopped down on the floor to properly tie them on. By the time I finished, the team was standing patiently by the door. Standing, I grabbed my bag, jacket and keys off the table then unlocked the door. I locked the door as they headed to the door, then caught up before they could get in. I handed the keys to Hotch and he took the wheel without question, myself in the passenger seat, leaving Morgan and Reid in the back again and Rossi and Emily in the middle. No one said much, but it wasn't really awkward silence, just quiet before walking in to work.
After the short ride, we all climbed out and entered the building. Ready for whatever the day had for us. Knowing they all had paperwork to do, kind of dampened the overall mood, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world.
"Kate," Hotch said before I headed to the tech area and he to his office, "you know where I am if you need me," he said pointedly, knowing he was the only person I fully trusted.
"I know," I said with a smile, turning back to him for a moment.
Satisfied that I'd taken his point, he nodded me on and entered his office. And I made my way to my little abode.