The Tale of Two Douche Bags: My Little Bastard

Hey there guys! I know you guys must be grabbing your shotguns and swords right now since I haven't uploaded anything for, what, a billion years? I KNOW, I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT I'VE BEEN SUPER BUSY. Several misfortunes happened to the chapter of the other story, and I've had to rewrite it several times. I also don't want to rush it since I want it to be good, even if it's just a little fanfic story. BUT, until then, this other author and I are writing this story on the side. We're both working on it, meaning he'll pressure me more on uploading it too. So, sorry if you guys are unhappy with me writing another story, but I promise the other chapter to the story is coming! Please be patient. (P.S., the author's name I'm working with is sonickirbypokemonfan. Kind of a weird name, but whatever.) Hope you enjoy this little collaboration story.

Lax began stirring in his sleep as a cold breeze tickled his face. The last thing he remembered….. Hell, now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember what he did before this...

"WHOA, WHAT THE FUCK!?" He shouted when he opened his eyes, finding the ground several feet below him. He gripped tree branch he lied on for dear life. As he waited for his breath and heartbeat to slow down, he started noticing black fur covering his arms; in fact, there was nothing but black fur. "GAH!" Nearly scaring himself off the branch, Lax hugged onto the branch tightly again, taking a closer look at his arms.

Sharp claws that he had used to cling to the branch had replaced his nails; jet black fur had replaced his skin. Removing one hand from the branch, he touched his face and felt more fur covering him. He also found that his mouth had been replaced by some sort of animal muzzle. His Mohawk was still present, however, and he desperately combed it to calm himself down. Not only had his physical appearance changed but he also felt far shorter , and just looking at himself proved it .

Lax glanced around the forest surrounding him, finding nothing but leaves and branches. After looking down, he noticed a large meerkat with a black, curly afro leaning against the tree trunk. He finally decided that he might as well try getting some help from the animal, "Uh, hello?!" He shouted down to it.

"What the-" The meerkat darted away from the tree as if he was asleep and was suddenly shaken awake. "Oh shit!" The meerkat tripped backwards after noticing Lax in the tree and began trying to crawl away.

"Hey, wait! I need some help!"

The meerkat froze with a confused expression on its face as it stared at Lax, "Lax? Is that you?"

"Yeah," Lax recognized the voice, "Etc?"

"What the hell happened to you, dude?" Etc stood up and dusted himself off, "You're a freaking wolf!"

"Dude, have you looked at yourself? You're a damn meerkat!" Etc's face froze in concern as he began touching his face with his furred hands. After a little while of feeling his arms, however, his expression turned into that of excitement. "Oh shit, dude! I'm a freaking furry!" He looked at his legs and noticed his shoes still covering his feet, "Well, not completely furry, anyways."

Lax slapped his face as his friend laughed excitedly below him, "Yeah, that's awesome, whatever," Lax sighed, "Do you know where we are?"

"Uh," Etc's face grew concerned yet again, "No, actually, I don't."

"Wonderful."

Etc stressfully combed back his hair, "Can you see anything from up there?"

"No, but I can try getting up higher up on the tree," cautiously using his claws as hooks, Lax climbed up the tree until he could see over the rest of the trees. He was about to say that he didn't see any buildings when he spotted the top of a red barn towards the moon. A thought struck his head but left soon after. "There's some sort of barn off to the east. I can't really see it too well, but there's nothing else I can see from here."

"Well," Etc sighed slightly, "let's get moving then and get some help."

"Yeah, just let me get down-" Lax's foot slipped off a branch, causing him to fall to a lower branch, hitting his stomach. Sliding off the branch, Lax fell to the ground backwards and landed on an exposed root, injuring his back.

"LAX!" His friend ran over to him, "Are you-"

Lax held up a finger to shush his friend, "..."

"Lax?"

"Just….. Give me a second, please." Lax groaned for a few minutes before attempting to bend his back. Aside from being in immense pain, Lax didn't feel like he broke anything on the way down. "Help me up." Etc nodded as he grabbed his friend's hand and lifted him off the ground. Lax dusted himself off.

"Ready?"

Lax looked towards the moon "Yeah, it's this way." The two of them trudged on through the dense forest.

The two of them didn't talk to each other for a little while, both of them deep in thought about their situation.

"Hey Lax," Etc finally spoke out.

"What?"

"Do you think I'm faster now?"

Lax stopped walking and stared at his friend, "Dude, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I mean, meerkats are pretty fast. So does that mean I'm fast too?"

"How is that supposed to change anything?"

"Because," Etc looked ahead, seeing a clear running path, "I'm sort of meerkat now. Maybe I've got their ability, or something."

Lax shook his head but gestured for his friend to try. Taking a runner's stance, Etc burst off. Lax already noticed how far ahead he had gotten in the few seconds he ran.

"Etc!" Lax called to his friend who was now yards away. "Alright, I got the idea! Get back over here!" Etc tried to stop running but slid a few feet before completely stopping. He ran back to Lax and flipped him off with both middle fingers jokingly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Lax said as he waved his friend off, "Let's get going already."

"Wait, what about you? You should probably have some sort of ability or something now."

"Honestly, the only thing I really care about right now is getting some help. I'll find out about that stuff later." Etc shrugged as Lax walked on. Along the way, Lax was focused on the one thought that kept pestering the back of his brain. The more he thought about his strange human-wolf body, the more concerned he became about where they were.

He would try to snap himself out of the thought, "No, that's dumb. It's a stupid, make-believe kid's show anyways." However, the thought would remain over him like a dark cloud of impending doom.

Only a few minutes seemed to pass by, but soon enough, Lax and Etc managed to get to the red barn. The thought that had been shoved to the back of Lax's brain abruptly resurfaced. He became more and more concerned the longer he stared at the familiar red barn.

The barn was awfully dark , as the sun was only beginning to rise, but the two looked around the barn anyway."Hey, look, there's someone over there," Etc said as he noticed a person sitting in a rocking chair next to the wall of the barn. The person was too far away for them to see completely but the two could tell she was there. "Let's ask her for help."

"Yeah," Lax replied reluctantly. His brain kept telling him something was off about this person. He didn't know exactly what, though, so he shrugged it off as a dumb feeling and followed his friend.

"Excuse me," Etc said to the person sitting down. He waited for a reply, but all that was heard was snoring. "Hello?"

"Dude, I think she's asleep." Lax walked closer to the woman sitting down and listened for a little bit. All he heard was more snoring. "Hold on, let me try to wake her up," as he walked closer , he noticed something , she wasn't wearing any clothes and she didn't have any hands or feet , he took her hat off just for a second and already realized what she was , "No, no it's not possible!"

"What?!" Etc stared at Lax who was holding his head in his palms, "What's wrong with her?!"

"She's a damn pony!"

"What the hell are you-" Suddenly, Etc also began thinking the same thought as Lax. Etc slowly and cautiously lifted the hat carefully as if it would change anything. He saw the pale green fur that covered her face and immediately dropped the hat. Slowly walking to the the barn wall, Etc began softly hitting his head against the wall. "We're in My Little Pony aren't we ?."

"Damn it…" Lax said as he sat down and combed his mohawk in a vain attempt at calming himself down

" Uggh , why not Sonic or Kirby or even Pokemon but my god damned little pony? "

"How is it even possible? Like what the hell!? How the hell did we get here?!"

"I can't remember shit, dude."

"I mean, this can't be for real, right?"

"We're here, standing at this red barn as weird short furry guys. There's an old, green pony sleeping over there: I'd say it's pretty obvious!"

Lax looked down at his shoes before getting up, "I'm still going to wake her up. Maybe she'll help us somehow."

"By doing what- rambling on about apples?"

Lax just shrugged and walked up to her. He lifted off the hat and took a deep breath before tapping her shoulder. Suddenly, she awoke and smacked her lips a couple of times, "What in tarnation- Who are you?" She said in a smooth, Texan accent.

"Hi, I'm Lax and that's my friend, Etc," he pointed to his friend that was still banging his head against the wall. "I'm sorry to disturb your sleep, but we're sort of lost-"

"Yeah, lost…" Etc mumbled from behind Lax.

"Anyways, we're sort of lost and we were wondering if you could help us. Ms-"

"You can call me Granny Smith!" The old mare looked at Lax and smiled, "And you're at Sweet Apple Acres!" The old pony declared, waving an arm at the woods and then to the barn, "We grow all the apples for Ponyville!" Etc and Lax both groaned loudly as their nightmares were confirmed, "Something wrong, sonny?"

"Well, sort of; we're not exactly-"

"Who in heck are you two!?" A louder, younger sounding western voice boomed from behind Lax and Etc. They had both guessed who it was before even turning around.

"This just keeps getting worse, man," Lax said to Etc who was groaning with mental pain.

Applejack, with her hooves in a battle position and a mean frown on her lips glared at the two, "I ain't gonna ask again: who are you two?!"