[Time started: May 27 2015, 7:59am;– ]
I don't even know anymore.
Disclaimer: Disclaimed.
Please rate and review!
Title: breathing in the dark
Summary: I think I might still be in love with you, what would you say if I told you that? –– One-sided Mio/Ritsu.
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It all goes a little something like this:
Ritsu confesses to Mio in the middle of an empty train station sometime after dark, when they had gone home together after their after-school club had ended. It had been three simple words, "I like you", and Ritsu had held her breath as she awaited Mio's response.
Ritsu remembers her heart pounding in her chest. But it hadn't been anxious or heartwarming or anything remotely now-or-never like Ritsu had read about in Mio's girly mangas, when the latter had gone to the washroom and left Ritsu in her room with absolutely nothing to do. It had been a quieter, simpler feeling, and all Ritsu felt was a quiet sort of calm that settled over her bones as she pulled her scarf up around her nose; it had been November, and it had been cold.
Mio's response had been simple but complicated and everything all at once. "I'm sorry," she had replied, all quiet eyes and apologetic smile, and Mio looks down at her shoes so Ritsu does too, the both of them staring at the grey of the floor and the scuff marks on well-worn sneakers, made from years of running around laughing with each other in the summer.
"You're just a friend to me."
And just like that Mio rejects Ritsu under the space of sixty seconds, and Ritsu kicks her shoe against the grey of the train station floor, and doesn't say a word.
–
Two months after the rejection, and Ritsu is not quite learning how to forget.
It aches like an old wound not quite cauterised; sometimes Ritsu looks at Mio laughing in the clubroom, black hair gleaming like silk in the golden-evening sunlight, and has to remember to look away. It was all half-glances and moments-too-soon and watching her when nobody was looking, and Ritsu has all but memorized the soft lines of Mio's back when she plays the bass.
Love was such a stupidly easy thing, sometimes, and sometimes Ritsu wonders why she still does it.
They were all at Mio's house, currently, because it was January fifteenth and January fifteenth was Mio's birthday so they had all crowded into her house to celebrate. All of them, meaning the entire of HTT plus Nodoka-chan and Ui-chan. They had showed up with cake and yells of "surprise!" when Mio had opened her front door, and amidst Mio's blushes and protests of I can't eat cake I'll get fat, they manage to throw one of the best birthday parties ever.
Yui decides sometime in between the pillow fighting and the guess how much cake I can stuff into my mouth at one time! game that all of them should stay over for the night, and before Ritsu had time to blink Yui had already zipped around the house and set up enough pillows and cushions and blankets (from god knows where, Ritsu doesn't even know) to accommodate all seven people for the night because Yui was, well, Yui.
"C'mon~" Yui whined at a protesting Mio, "it'll be fun, Mio-chan! Pleaaaase?"
"But my parents won't be pleased with the mess afterwards, and–"
"They're overseas anyway, and we'll tidy up when we leave tomorrow, promise! Besides, your parents know us, it's not as if we're strangers – Mio-chan, c'mooooon!"
In the end, Mio relents, because saying no to Hirasawa Yui was practically impossible.
It was nighttime now, and everybody was in the living room watching a movie – a really bad comedy, judging from the shrieks of laughter from Yui and the placating giggles of Ui as Nodoka tried valiantly to calm Yui down – and Mio was nowhere to be seen. Ritsu had taken to wandering around the house to get away from the noise, and before Ritsu knew it she ended up in front of Mio's room.
Ritsu glanced up at the door, eyes blinking, before cautiously trying the doorknob. It's unlocked, so Ritsu steps in and shuts the door behind her with a gentle click, stopping to let her eyes adjust to the gloom.
"Ritsu?" Mio sits on her bed in the dim nightlight, curtains drawn and windows open, her back facing Ritsu as she turns around to look at her. Her black hair spills over her shoulder in a sleek tumble that Ritsu can barely make out in the dark, and her gray eyes were wide and expressive.
Ritsu wasn't even surprised.
"Hey," she answers back, and walks over to the bed before flopping down next to Mio, lying down on the bed with her arms at the back of her head. "It got noisy out there."
Ritsu doesn't need to see to know Mio is grimacing. "I heard. Came here for a break?"
"Yeah," Ritsu says into the air, stretching out her fingers in front of her as though trying to catch the darkness of the space in her palm. Her hand closes, uncloses into a loose fist. Once, twice. "That, and to look for you. I figured you'd be here."
Mio hums in response.
Things had been okay between them, for a while; Ritsu hadn't been the kind to hold a grudge – and there had been nothing to hold, in the first place. So after a painful week of Mio being unable to look Ritsu in the eye and Ritsu just opting to give Mio her space, things had more or less turned back to the way it used to be; Ritsu teasing Mio and Mio hitting Ritsu, the same old routine, the same old thing.
Ritsu's learned how to lock away her feelings and throw away the key, and so far it's seemed to be working.
(It's painful, falling in love with your best friend – because your feelings will always be toeing the line somewhere between love and affection, and depending on the time of day you could be leaning more towards one side or the other, you could never know. And Ritsu can't tell the difference between love for Mio, and love for Mio, anymore.
But, Ritsu supposes, it was for the best.)
So Ritsu gazes up at the darkened ceiling in the gloom and doesn't do anything in response, doesn't say things like hey Mio you're my best friend and I'm really glad you're here or even I think I might still be in love with you, what would you say if I told you that? But maybe not– Ritsu doesn't say any of these things in the spaces of silence that hang between Mio and her, the air thick with a something that Ritsu can't describe.
It wasn't a bad thing, not really.
Ritsu laughs quietly, and closes her eyes.
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It seems like my favourite trope to use for this pairing is gay-Ritsu-falling-for-straight-as-an-ironing-board-Mio, ho-hum.
I'm absolutely sorry if this made no sense – the feeling I was trying to capture here was… difficult, to put into words. There isn't much plot progression, either.
…Writing is incredibly hard.
Please rate and review!
[Time completed: June 19 2015, 8:19pm;– ]