Welcome, Welcome this is my first holiday one shot! (Le-gasp!) Yes I can do them to…but when other holiday's come around all just be posting them all here….now if the title didn't give it away the main charters in these holiday one shots are my OC's Kazuya (who is technically Luda59's) and Razz with cameos from the rest of the Death Root Merc's (Mostly Meku, Endo, and Penny….cause I think I can get the most comedy out of them).
P.S. These one shots are based in my good friend death shark's AU universe but one a half years after the events of her Saw series but one and a half years before her story Death Blade.
So that means both Kaz and Razz are in there late thirties…and still bachelors…much to there pleasure or displeasure depending on how you look at it.
Welcome to my series of One-shots called 'The Misadventures of Razz and Kaz'!
First up….Easter!
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A few floors below deck the infamous ship Goshou Musubi of the Death Root Mercs, a certain blonde, red eyed archer sat tinkering with his many arrows trying to come up with some new motels.
" Kaz! 'ey!" came a shout from behind him followed by the slam of the door.
BOOM!
Kazuya twitched for a second before falling from his chair, face covered in gun powder and soot. The black leather wearing, guitar wielding mercenary chuckled as his blonde friend laid twitching on the ground…would have been better if he used a blow horn but still.
" I…loathe…you…Razz…" Kazuya growled standing up.
Razz just chuckled holding his hands up in defense " 'ey I came down 'ere vith a purpose."
Kaz looked at him for a second before grabbing his blood red coat from the chair he placed it on when he started working.
"So what's the mission and who's coming with us?"
"Vell…" Razz rubbed the back of his head "Dat's the problem…'ou see…"
"Out with it!"
"Endo put Siamon in charge of dis years 'Annul Guild Easter Egg Hunt and Party'…but…" Razz grinned nervously, Kaz just sweat-dropped.
"Let me guess…" the blonde mumbled "Since he just got back from his honeymoon he pawn the job onto us and went to spend some 'quality' time with Des…am I hitting it close?"
The musician chuckled "Bulls eye,"
A vein bulged on the back of the archers head, face turning red from anger and pulled out a newer model of the baby den den mushi…he swears they just keep getting smaller.( 1 )
"What up! Root here!"
"Yeah Root this is Crow-"
"I'm don't feel like answering at the moment so please leave a message after the beep."
BEEP!
Kazuya sighed and rubbed his temples "Yeah Root this is Crow…I have a problem with-"
"You have reached the voice mail system." a monotone voice said.
Kazuya's eye started to twitch "Getting annoyed…"
"To leave a message just wait for the tone."
"I know that already!" Razz was chuckling in the background "Shut up you!"
"When you are done recording, please hang up the phone or press pound for more options."
"…I'm not stupid." Kazuya growled "…stupid answering machines."
"For delivery options, press five."
"…give me the damn beep!"
"To leave a call back number, press eight. For English options press one."
"We're already speaking English!"
"To repeat these options press nine."
"I swear…when I find these people that make these things I'll kill them…." the blonde growled, Razz was starting to lose it.
(Five minutes later)
"To mark this message as important, please press eleven."
"THERE IS NO ELEVEN DUMBASS!" Kazuya roared loudly.
" 'hey vetch da language." said Razz.
(Five more minutes later)
"…to hear these options in Spanish, press dos."
"I HATE YOU!" yelled Kaz into the mushi, and glared at Razz who was nearly doubled over in laughter…so the blonde pegged the phone at the musician.
"Ow…" Razz moaned, Kazuya brushed past his friend.
"Screw it lets go…"
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"Okay first on the list to get…annoying plastic eggs for the Guilds members kids to find." the archer said to his friend as they walked down the streets of Kanemeate the city that belonged to 'Death' Mercenary Guild…which was lead by the Death Root Merc's.
Razz shrugged "Don't know… I say ve check da storage room at da guild."
"Ah…now how many kids are on this island…."
"Vell…at least five 'hundred…plus da Pirate King and da rest of da Straw Hats…da Axe Heads…and everyone else Root invited."
Kazuya sweat dropped "That…doesn't help."
"Vhy don't ve just split up? I'll get the food and 'ou get da eggs an set 'hem up."
Kaz growled before stomping away "Fine!"
____________(Kazuya)______________
"Storage?…no." Kaz hung his head finding out that out of the ten rooms he tried in the guild they weren't the Storage Room.
"Endo should have had maps or something put up in certain places so people don't get lost!" Just as he said that the archer passed by one of those maps…so he back tracked.
The map was the size of the wall and showed the whole town, a giant red arrow pointed to a spot on the paper with the words 'You are not here.'
A vein popped on the back of the blonde's head "How the hell is that supposed to help!"
____________( Razz )________________
"Hmmmm…now vhere are da stores…"
"Eeeeeeeeeeeee! It's Mariachi!" yelled a young squeaky voice. Razz looked over his should to see…young rabid teen fan girls…and a few guys.
"Aw…crap."
_____________(Kazuya)_____________
"FINALLY!" yelled Kazuya standing in front of two large doors that had the word 'Storage' on one and 'Supplies' on the other. Opening the doors and letting them slam into the walls the blonde man walked in thankful that he can get this over with soon enough…but that was until he ran into a desk that blocked the rows and rows of stuff that was in the storage room.
"Crap…"
Sitting behind the desk was none other than the slightly cynical, blind, ki using second-mate/third in command of the Death Root Merc's, Meku, listening to a iMushi.
"Prophet…" nothing "Prophet!" still nothing, so Kazuya took a headphone off of the blind-man's ear "Meku!"
Raising an eye brow the man with piercing turned his head towards his fellow member "What?"
"Didn't you hear me?"
"Yeah." Kazuya sweat dropped "Then why didn't you respond?"
"Didn't feel like it."
The blonde man sighed "Why are you here…your one of the leaders, this is newbie work."
"Just felt like it…why are you here?"
"Need the eggs for the Easter party."
"Ah…fifth row, second shelf." said Meku pointing behind him.
"How do you know that?"
"I have my ways."
_____________________
Razz limped out of the grocery story with hundreds of bags pilled into the cart, his jacket and hat were missing along with one of his pants legs….the crazed fan girls nearly raped him.
Bebebe-be-the mushi rang, Razz answered it "Vhat?"
"Got the plastic eggs, you have the food?"
"Yeah…now vhat?"
"What we do even night Razz…Try to take over the world!"
"Vhat?"
"Huh…Oh nothing…"
____________(8 am in the morning, Easter Day)____________
Siamon walked out of the Guild with a yawn, his arm around his wife…god he loved the sound of that. He heard a surprised gasp from the woman at his side.
"Wow…it's so festive." said Destiny looking at the colorful banners that hung all over the place and the tables upon tables of food, ranging from scrambled eggs to stacks of giant flapjacks and potato pancakes, you could see small colorful plastic eggs all over the place.
"I forgot this is your first celebration here isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Final came out of the nest eh?" laughed a female voice from behind them, followed by the deep chuckle, Siamon sweat dropped but didn't turn around…not wanting to ruin his day. If I ignore them they'll go away…to bad Destiny turned around to great Elsa and Mac.
Elsewhere the towns people and guild members started to crowd the street and Endo Ordam or as the guild and towns people know him only as 'Root' the top guild head, stood onto on a stage that was somehow placed in the middle of the street with a microphone in his hand.
"Good morning everyone! Incase you didn't know I'm you sexy leader Root-" a beer bottle crashed into the side of his head.
"Tetsu!"
"What?"
Endo sweat dropped "Yes well…we have are friends Crow and Mariachi to thank for all of this…to bad there a little…indisposed at the moment."
About a mile away from the town, the tallest tree on the island was surrounded by rapid fan girls. At the very top Kazuya and Razz sat, Kazuya was glaring that the guitar player.
"You just had to ask Elsa to be the bunny this year didn't you…"
" 'ey it vas vorth a try…she does 'ave a rabbit devils fruit." Razz retorted.
" You do remember what happened two years ago don't you?"
Razz tapped his chin "Oh yeah…"
Back at the party children ran happily picking up eggs, the Straw Hats, Axe Heads, and the rest of Death Root's friends made it. Thankfully they found someone to be the Easter Bunny…Luffy volunteered Sanji.
The children of the merc's and pirates ran around collecting eggs. Axe slammed Endo's head threw a table, Endo's nearly seventeen year old daughter Sheanna or Shena for short laughed but was hushed by her mother, Shan.
Siamon was reclined asleep in a lawn chair, Destiny laying next to him, her head on his chest. Mac and Elsa sitting at a table, joy written on there faces and happy tears in there eyes. Sitting across from the two was a young man in his every early twenties, dressed in a standard marine captain outfit, his slightly curly black hair hanging around his face.
Next to the marine was a beautiful woman the same age as the marine, with many of the same facial features except she had strait brown hair and dressed like a bounty hunter.
Mars was surprisingly not wearing his face paint for once as he chased Endo and Shan's five year old son around the town because the kid stole his hat while he was eating. Meku was in a deep conversation with Chizuru and Robin.
Penny flicked Pan's nose to make sure the giant panda does try to sneak food before everyone else, while she made sure there was always enough of everything.
Eric Von Elric the Guild Master started a huge drinking contest while a bunch of the single people…and a certain drunken boxer. The co-guild master, Gilmore was putting on a show for the kids by juggling around fifty different colored balls.
The sun was bright, and the island of Ne O Haru in the town Kanemeate was probably the happiest place on the planet that very day…well for all except for two people.
"Hello?" called Kaz
" Can someone get use down!?" yelled Razz as he nervously look at the group of fan girls circling the tree.
"Oh crap Razz they have a saw! Quick throw a shoe!"
Ah…just wait for what is in store for these two when the next holiday come around.
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Well everyone hoped you like this one-shot and the first installment for these series of holiday one shots. If your new to these characters read my Death Root story's and deathshark's 'Saw' and Death Blade story's.
Now from-
Death Root: The Death Root of today!
Shena: And the Death Root of tomorrow!
Everyone: Have a Happy Easter!
Endo: and remember kids rabbits don't lay eggs…so if you see t=one lay something DON'T EAT IT!
Shan: Endo!
Endo: What?
(DoD sweat drops and laughs) Well happy Easter to all my friends and everyone that's reading this.