The Tropic of Cancer
The doorbell rang five minutes too early. There were several panicked shrieks from Lucy's bedroom, before she came tearing out clad in nothing more than a towel, racing in front of her couch, and planting her hands on her hips.
"Stall."
Natsu, Gray, and Happy all looked at one another, and then at her. "What?"
"Lucy!" a very familiar voice called. Natsu's face became slightly wicked, and he and Gray turned towards Lucy with a collective leer. She spluttered.
"I feed you, I shelter you, I do your laundry, and you won't even distract him for five minutes?!" she ranted. They crossed their arms, smirking. For once, they seemed in complete agreement.
"Oh my, are you even allowed to date at such a tender young age?" Gray mused. Lucy hissed.
"I'll kill you."
"Her eyes are shooting lasers!" Natsu fake-cried. There was another, loud pounding on the door.
"Lucy?"
"Just a minute!" Lucy screamed hysterically, and went into full wrath!mode.
Five seconds later, Natsu and Gray found themselves answering the door, somehow stuffed into matching suits.
"Lucy is so cool," Happy observed brightly. Both boys muttered darkly.
"Hey guys," Loki said, as soon as they answered the door. He attempted to nonchalantly remove the rose from between his teeth. They both stared. "Is, uh, is Lucy in?"
Natsu and Gray both stared at him. Happy prodded at Loki's cheek with a single, curious paw. Loki began to sweat slightly. "Uh, is Lucy—"
"Is that body glitter?" Natsu blurted out. Loki's face turned a deep crimson.
"I'm luminescent," Loki said piously. Natsu and Gray exchanged looks.
"He dodged the question."
"Oh, yeah, totally. Do you think that stuff is flammable?"
"His hair sure is, just look at all that gel—"
"I was nervous!" the lion defended. His voice became a bit squeaky. "It's dazzling, right? You can't actually see it, can you? Is it—"
"I heard it causes cancer," Natsu mused idly. Gray snorted.
"Don't be stupid, the article clearly stated it was brian tumors."
"It was cancer!" Natsu insisted. Happy flitted over to perch on his head. Loki clutched at his bouquet of flowers, looking lost.
"Everything causes cancer! Tomatoes cause cancer! Sunlight causes cancer!" Gray ranted, apparently incensed.
"…If Lucy's not here, I can come back another time…" Loki tried. He was largely ignored, except for a pair of sneers.
"Shut it, sparkle boy."
"What kind of a man wears glitter?" Gray groused. Natsu looked at him pointedly.
"You work with ice. You twinkle."
"OH YEAH? WELL, AT LEAST MY HAIR ISN'T PINK!"
It was a very sore subject. "YOU WANT ME TO MESS YOUR FACE UP, PUNK?!"
"Peace and love, guys," Happy advised. Loki was, meanwhile, attempting to check his hair in Lucy's television screen.
"BETTER NOT, IT MIGHT GIVE ME CANCER," Gray screeched, and the two of them were already conjuring blizzards and raging infernos, when Lucy stomped out of her bedroom and gave both of them a good smack over the head.
"BE QUIET!"