OOOOKKKKAAAYYYY... So this is my first songfic so don't be too harsh on me. I like reviews and this is all from Peeta's PoV. It no joke is the rewritten end of the Mockingjay. Lol.
~Vi
"Listen," She says in a tone that worries me. "Don't do anything foolish."
An uncertain feeling rises up in me and refuses to leave as I look into her grey Seam eyes, knowing that she was all that was left of the District that I even cared about… even if she was a Seam girl. I finally reply. "No. It's last resort stuff. Completely." I avoid her gaze just knowing what was going to happen next.
I fiddled with the purple pill in my pocket as her soft, lanky arms wrapped around my neck. Hesitantly, I let go of the Nightlock and finally wrap my arms around her, knowing that this could be the very last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. I wanted to tell her that I could control myself when I very well knew I couldn't. I wanted to tell her that everything was okay and it was all just a bad dream. But I couldn't tell her any of these because only the first was true. She pulled away and gazed into my eyes a long time before saying a quiet, "All right then" and released me. I wanted to take her back and hold her in my arms forever, but now was not the time. The time might never come. I refused myself the urge to grab Katniss and take her back to… wherever and escape the madness, but I knew it would never happen…
Something's tearing me down and down
And I can't help but feel it's coming from you
She's a gunshot bride with a trigger cries
I just wonder what we've gotten ourselves into
The old stylist seemed sympathetic by the slow twitch of her tail and the sadness in her eyes as she announced, "It's time."
I watched my Mockingjay kiss Tigris on her cheek and walk out in the snow with the abomination Gale. I turn my head and return my focus to Tigris who was watching me carefully.
"We can't thank you enough, Tigris." I looked back out at the flurries of snow and the Mockingjay's wig bobbing around and eventually becoming lost in the crowd.
"There's no need to thank me when the girl can kill Snow. That's all I've ever wanted. What can I do for you?" She eyed me with caution.
I could only say the first thing that came to mind. "Suit me up. Katniss can't live without me." I gave the lynx like woman a wink and she smiled in return.
It took a long while before I was dressed and ready, but Tigris made as quick as possible before shooing me out the door with a wave of farewell. That's when pure steel rain fell on the streets and pierced through the shop's windows and barely missed the elderly stylist who dove behind her displays and I prayed got in the safe cellar. I plunged behind a few shrubs and noticed the rebel uniforms lining the roofs. They wouldn't know who I was in this condition nor would they care from the way Coin had been acting. I made my way as quickly as possible when something caught my eye.
A little girl in a lemon yellow raincoat stood pointing at a very familiar girl. My throat constricted and I couldn't get ahold of my bearings as another round of blitzkrieg rapid fire rained down on the streets where I saw my Mockingjay dive down and yell at Gale. She wouldn't have seen me if she tried. Without thinking, I ran as fast as I possibly could for her.
In a trail of fire I know we will be free again
In the end we will be one
Screams of agony and dying reached my ears immediately after the drilling fire ceased. I had lost sight of Katniss and the infernal Gale, so I took to wandering the streets in search for a weak Peacekeeper so I could knock him out/ kill him and take his gun when I heard sharp screams from one street over. Some instinct drove me to follow the sound and I witnessed it. The ground opening up and Katniss hanging on by her nails. The smell nearly knocked me over- the smell of rotting, decaying meat that could only be people. I watched in horror as everything blurred by, and I only found myself standing in front of the President's mansion, wondering how I ended up there and searching desperately for Katniss. Only when I regained some composure did I hear the all too familiar sounds of whimpering children.
My head whipped around to see a four foot, concrete retaining wall and looked over at what I saw in horror. There were children in the retaining wall. Cold, whimpering, desperate children in the snow freezing to death. I spin around, scanning the area for Peacekeepers, which are everywhere, and run in the opposite direction and towards a flagpole when I hear the ever familiar hum of a hovercraft. When I look up, I see what could be thousands of silver parachutes- life in little silver packages. The same silver packages with the same silver parachutes we received in the arena. I almost feel the need to rush back when the hovercraft disappears and I stand staring at the empty sky. That's when the first explosion goes off. Tiny body parts fly everywhere, carrying gore and blood and filth with them.
I couldn't move as I saw the Peacekeepers tearing at the barrier wall and trying to get to the children when I saw the ever familiar white coats of doctors, the same type that worked with me, jumped through the hole in the barrier. I caught a glimpse at a very familiar blonde braid flipping down the back of a petite girl who I knew so well. Prim. A figure beside me stands and rushes towards the barrier and I follow as fast as I can listening only to the voice of my Katniss yelling her sister's name over and over until she pauses to catch her sister calling her name. Then, with my hand on her wrist, the second explosion goes off.
In a trail of fire I'll burn before you bury me
Set your sights for the sun
I felt the skin receding from my body on my forehead and arms and knew what the Phoenix felt like, except I wouldn't come out as a newborn. My body alternated between burning and numb just like my mind. I would feel the images, overly shiny, taking hold of my mind then the dull remembrances of torture in the Capitol, but nothing compared to the pain, physical, mental, and emotional of all this going on. Suddenly, I'm very young with my mother screaming at me at the top of her lungs and her bedslat hand came into contact with my face. I dropped the loaves into the fire on purpose because of the little girl outside. The little girl who made the mockingjays fall silent with her songs. I scooped up the bread and gave it to her when I was supposed to be feeding the pigs. My mother would never know…
"Is he coming up?" one of the doctors asked.
"No, he's just fully conscious." Haymitch's unmistakable voice came to my ears. "Now, if we can just get Bread Boy moving and the Mockingjay singing, we could get on with the show."
"Where is she?" My speech was affected by the morphling still in my system.
"She's… somewhere." I jumped up and threw on my clothes with nausea hitting me so heavily that I gagged a few times before I could stand up straight.
"I need to see her." My determination exceeded my nausea and weakness.
They didn't try to stop me as I stumbled out of the hospital ward and into the bright light filtering in through the president's mansion. Stumbling as fast as I possibly could through the corridors, the name that was forever imprinted on my mind came to my lips and I shouted her name. I ran blindly through the halls beating on doors and threatening the guard.
Mind is willing
Soul remains
My vision was fading fast as I argued with two guards from 13 and demanded they escort me to Katniss's room, but they just told me to move along and to check myself before there ended up being an accident. Rage bubbled up in me and threatened to come out as me breaking one guard's neck and shooting the other with his own gun until I heard her screams. Without thinking, I ran in the direction her wails were coming from.
This woman cannot be saved
From the drawn into the fire
My girl on fire, her screams echoed in the confines of my skull as I rushed around and saw two guards pulling my girl from a closet of silks. Mild horror filled me as I took in her patchwork skin.
Mind is willing
Soul remains
This woman cannot be saved
From the drawn into the fire
She screamed and carried on while they carried her off. I stood around dumbfounded for a moment or two before quietly following the guards to her quarters where they shoved me off and told me to go away, but I just couldn't. I stay there for who knows how long before a gentle, familiar hand placed itself on my shoulder.
I spun around to see a gold metallic wig and a clipboard carrying Effie Trinket. "Go get all dressed up. You can fix yourself. We have another big, big, big day ahead of us."
Dumbfounded, the next two hours fly by in a blur. The next time I'm fully aware of myself, I'm standing in a meeting hall of some sort. Johanna motions for me to sit next to her and my eyes drift over to a very confused Annie. Revoltion built up in me as I saw a smirking Enobaria kick back and taunt Johanna endlessly who returns with death threats. I take my place by Johanna and nod at Annie who appeared to have a moment of lucidity. As soon as I sat down it seems, the girl on fire walked in as if expecting to shoot Snow, but who really knew what was going on?
Anything to bring it on home
"What's this?" Her voice was flat and careless… rather occupied actually.
"We're not sure. It appears to be a gathering of the remaining victors." Haymitch didn't look to happy as he glanced at Enobaria.
"We're all that's left?" The edge of her voice trembled with uncertainty.
Bring it on home
Beetee spoke up and slightly frightened me. I hadn't seen him earlier. "That's the price of celebrity. We were targeted from both sides. The Capitol killed the victors they suspected of being rebels. The rebels killed those thought to be allied with the Capitol."
Johanna made some snappy comment about the District 2 victor, which was reasonable, but Coin lost points with everyone stating that she was protected by Katniss's law or something. Everything went downhill from there to me. I didn't listen. I didn't care. I just watched in mild fascination as Katniss's expressions changed so subtly or not at all. She finally looked down at my hands and saw the burns.
Bring it on home
Her eyes traveled up my arms and looked into my eyes for a split second before I tore myself away from her pull. I didn't need to get carried away in a public meeting. Coin's voice droned on for a little bit until my ears pricked up at "…we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power."
Bring it on home
My blood beat against my ears. This is what we were trying to PREVENT! "Are you joking?" I was livid at the prospect.
All I heard then was a simple, curt, "No."
"Was this Plutarch's idea?" Haymitch looks thoughtful of the circumstances, an odd look for him.
"It was mine. It seemed to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes."
I lost all composure. "No!" I slam my fist on the table, causing a water glass to tremble and rattle. "I vote no, of course! We can't have another Hunger Games!"
Johanna and Enobaria cast in 'yeses' and I nearly lost it. "THIS is why we REBELLED! REMEMBER?" My voice rose up above a reasonable level and I looked at all the shocked faces. I locked on to Annie. "Annie?"
"I vote no with Peeta." Thank you very much. I think I've made my point.
Beetee joins us with the no's.
I look at Katniss as the weight of our predicament falls on her hands. We all knew Haymitch would follow her vote, no matter the long term effects.
And her mouth forms the words I knew she would say. "I vote yes… for Prim."
"Haymitch! You can't do this. You know you can't! What would it do to the rule of this place? Turn it against everything we know and have fought for our entire lives? You're inflicting the pain on them they have on us. Don't do it, Haymitch."
And his mouth forms the words I knew he would say. "I'm with the Mockingjay."
I jump up and my chair slams to the ground, but it goes unnoticed as people pile in. I lock eyes with Katniss once. Her expression shows me something else is going on deep under the surface and that I have to be entirely prepared for the worst.
Much too weak to jump yourself
Heal the wounds or crack the shell
Lift yourself from once below
I darted out of the room and head off to behind the crowds, but I thought I knew something would happen that involved the infamous Nightlock. But it was just a hunch.
Much too weak to jump yourself
I heard the roar of the crowd before I came to my senses and peeked out from behind the wall. Coin announced Katniss with pride and a smirk. There went the girl on fire excellently positioning her arrow at Snow's face, but he coughed causing blood soaked spittle to stain his shirt.
Heal the wounds or crack the shell
She looks thoughtful a moment, several things flickering through her mind before making a decision. Her arrow shaft pointed upward and she let go, sending the arrow through the president's heart. I had to move quickly if I wanted to save my firebird. She was already speaking to her bow and readying herself to tear into the sleeve to consume the Nightlock and be gone forever. I threw myself into the growing crowd just as her teeth were supposed to sink into her pocket, but the adrenaline kept me going as she bit into my hand. She looked directly into my eyes and I tried to explain, but she wouldn't understand
Lift yourself from once below
"Let me go!" The feral, grey eyes of the Seam girl I'd once seen in the Hunger Games ring came alive.
Praise the anger to bring it on home
"I can't." I made a promise to protect her and she with me.
Bring it on home
With that, I ripped the pocket off and she was taken from me. I just hoped that I would see her again not being tortured or killed, but a free bird.
Bring it on home
The little purple pill fell to the ground and was crushed under the boot of a guard.
Bring it on home
Then they took me away. And away. And away. Away from my girl, my Mockingjay. "Take me back! Let me see her! You can't do this!"
"You are now a suspect in the murder of President Coin. You may not see or speak to the murderer until further notice." They dragged me despite my efforts, even the ones fueled by tracker jacker venom. I fought tirelessly against the guards who proved to be stronger than I.
At last, they chunked me in a room. It was the same room that I had at the Training Center for those first dreadful Hunger Games. Everything was bare, but I would have known the place for anything. The mattress was bare as were the closets, but I would have known it. I stripped off my clothes down to my underwear and stood there just breathing deeply in an effort to fend off rising, shiny memories. Something tugged at the edge of my consciousness and I opened my eyes to find a little tray of food.
That's when the idea hit me. I would protest eating until I saw her or heard her. I would not drink or eat until they allowed me to hear her voice, and I made it clear. Bravely, I walked to the door and pounded on the steel shouting, "I know you can hear me! I'll tell you something! I refuse to eat anything, do you hear? Anything until I hear and see for myself that Katniss is okay! Do you hear me? I know you do!" My voice reverberated in the steel. My fist, before I knew what was happening, slammed into the door and a severe pain speared through my hand. I looked down at where my fist remained. A dent a little wider than my knuckle breadth rippled out. Undoubtedly, I fractured a knuckle or something, but I knew that just struck my point home.
My head gently contacted the steel door and I felt my rage ebb until all my energy was gone. My ears got hot and stinging took to the corners of my eyes.
In a trail of fire I know we will be free again
I just let the tears fall where they may at that point. They were probably filming me with commentary, asking why I assisted the murderer or why I did what I did, but no one would understand.
"I'll tell you why," I said in a voice just above a whisper. The tears streaked shamelessly down my face. "I love her and I'll never let anything bad happen to her unless they take me out first."
My fate was then sealed. I lay around on the floor and on the mattress and walked to my window occasionally to see a Mockingjay flit to my window and sing a tune. I was fading into nothingness from my lack of eating and I finally had to indulge in drinking a little water and tearing into a bite of bread, just to hear the Mockingjays sing to me at least one more time. That one more time slowly became two and three and so on. The weeks passed and I was excruciatingly thin, more so than I had ever been in District 12. Perhaps the only time I'd been this way was in the Hunger Games. Snow built up around my windows and my Mockingjays had left save for one loner with a clipped wing, surely on the brink of death, but it still hung on- a little like me. A lot like Katniss. And one day, to torture me even further after weeks and perhaps months of solitude and my own voice, my little bird came chirping at my window a lovely tune that carried Katniss's Hanging Tree. It mimicked her voice so accurately and perfectly that I almost wanted to worship this little bird.
In the end we will be one
The bird brought me hope and reassurance that she was still alive, and I began to eat. I tore ravenously into the bread and sumptuous meats, devouring the vegetables ever more than I had, and everyday around midafternoon, my crippled little bird would sing to me the songs of Katniss. This went on for a great amount of time before my bird's songs altered and began to fade, wounding more like chirps rather than songs. I attempted to remind her of the songs that brought me hope, but she would not call back. Doubt and concern began to overwhelm me. What if they killed her? They surely would have told me. Wouldn't they?
Several more weeks passed and the snow began to melt away and spring came around. I resided away from the windows, away from the bird that once brought me joy and now only brings me doubts. I wore the old 13 wear day in and underwear day out. My clothes were washed, I was fed, I bathed, I even sang a little for the bird at first, but nothing would bring me relief until-
Someone knocked hesitantly at my door before coming in without waiting for a response. Dr. Aurelius. I considered throwing the tray of half eaten food at him, but I abstained.
"I know we aren't on the best terms lately, Peeta, but-"
"Don't say anything unless you're telling me if she's dead or I'm going home."
"She's very much alive and in District 12." His eyes rolled around in their sockets, an idiosyncrasy that only he had. "You, I have noticed, are eating more and appear to be in more stable conditions. You're going home today."
"Where's Gale?"
"District 2. He got some cheap construction job. You might see him on television from time to time."
"What about Annie?"
"District 2. She's being cared for by Gale."
I nodded and collected a scrap of bread left from my daily eating to munch on during the long flight. "Thanks, Doc."
"Oh and tell Ms. Everdeen that I can't keep acting like I'm treating her. She has to answer the phone."
"Will do, Doc."
With that, I was ushered out of the mansion and boarded the hovercraft leading the way to my girl.
In a trail of fire I'll burn before you bury me
It was early morning by the time the hovercraft deposited me in the Victor's Village where I saw Katniss's house standing looking slightly tired and worn down. I walked to the front steps and grabbed the knob but just couldn't bring myself to open the door. So I went out to the woods with a shovel I found in a lean to and a wheelbarrow I found lying around. I came back with five primroses, just for her. Prim…
The continual scraping of the shovel and the methodical rhythm of the work finally got me into a rut only to be broken about midmorning by a head poking out of a lifeless house and a grimy girl walked out. She approached quickly and came to a sudden halt, eyeing me and the primroses.
"You're back." The unmistakable voice of Katniss rang in my ears and I almost cried right there on the spot.
I finally found my voice after a few awkward seconds. "Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday." I shoveled another pile of dirt out of a hole I was forming. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."
I paused and leaned on my shovel, taking in the grubby figure that was Katniss. Her hair had grown back, but it was in clumps. I felt my face contort into a slight frown and she attempted to push the matted mess out of her eyes. Her tone was suddenly accusatory. "What are you doing?"
"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her…" I motioned to the scraggly bushes. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."
Several painful seconds passed and I watched her face turn to horror, then to sadness, then back to normal before she gave me a curt nod and dashed back into the house. I heard the lock click as I finished my work. By midafternoon, Greasy Sae ambled on by with her cooking utensils and a granddaughter who lived in her own little world, but I knew the feeling all too well. She was lucky.
"Finish this and go home," she told me, shaking her wooden spoon threateningly. I almost laughed at the old lady and her antics.
"Think she'll want some bread tomorrow?" I cocked my head to the side and took in the odd two.
"Bread is nice," said the little space girl in a moment of lucidity.
I nearly called her Annie as I crouched down to speak to her. "Look here. I'll bring you and Katniss some bread. How's that sound?"
She nodded vehemently and her eyes glazed over as if she'd retreated back into her safe house- her mind.
I go on with my work until the dark is upon me and I go to Haymitch's place. I didn't want to be left alone on my first day back and Katniss was in no condition for me to intrude on her grounds. Finding things to make some decent bread, I began to bake three loaves- one for Haymitch, one for the little Annie, and one for Katniss.
With that finally done, I fell asleep in the corner on the floor, hoping that Haymitch wouldn't think I was some intruder in one of his night terrors. That would be bad.
I woke up in the morning dazed and confused, not knowing where I was, but I quickly regained myself as I glanced around at Haymitch's filth he lived in. I shot a look at the clock that ever so proudly read 11:47 and hurriedly threw my bread in the oven to reheat it. I left one out for my blundering mentor and took the two others in a basket that seemed clean enough. Outside, I ran into Greasy Sae and her granddaughter who took the bread happily and said, "You didn't forget me!" to which I shook my head and replied, "Never would, sweetheart."
I walked in to find a very clean Katniss flipping through her family's plant book with a thoughtful expression on her face when she looked up and saw me standing there with a loaf of bread.
"Boy with the bread."
"Girl on fire."
Set your sights for the sun
Weeks passed and normality, or what was supposed to be normal, resumed. Katniss hunted regularly and I baked without ceasing. We began compiling a book filled with those we knew, a sort of tribute to the tributes of war. Later, when Haymitch wasn't wasted or tending to his self-raised geese, he would help us fill in the 23 years of tributes he was forced to coach, if not with a hangover or drunk. Things died down except for the occasional tracker jacker memory to which I would grab onto the back of the chair I was sitting in and wait for it all to end. Katniss and I shared a bed because of the times we would sit up screaming at mutts and the war. We comforted each other, and my arms were always open to her. Then, she accepted my lips.
Eventually, the hunger I had so desperately on the beach of the second Hunger Games returned. Katniss agreed with me apparently to which she proceeded to take my breath away completely.
So after I catch my breath I whispered, "You love me. Real or not real?"
She says, "Real."
Bring it on home