Summary: "Life is never fair", and Bella perfectly knew it. Life has taken from her what she value the most, what she gave her life for… And that was what she was going to do. But life not always gives you a sad ending. Sometimes angel's prank makes you suffer but in the end, even the saddest stories have a happy ending...
WARNING: This fanfic contains strong language themes of 'suicide' and all the shit. u_u Girls, you know... If you don't like it, then I don't know what are you doing here. You have been warned, you read under your own will.
You MUST hear these songs while you are reading: For all the start, I recommend you to listen The meadow_Alexandre Desplat, and when Edward appears -that surely you will realize when- listen to this one: Duet_Rachael Yamagata ft. Ray Lamontagne.
A/N: GIRLS, SUPER IMPORTANT WARNING! Please, the OS is STRONG, so I ask you to read with caution and at your own risk. You are fully warned... :) But remember: EVEN THE SADDEST STORIES HAVE THEIR HAPPY ENDING. ;D Now, enjoy the OS. ^^
1. Unique Chapter.
Cold
By Ally C-B
&.
Bella POV.
Darkness. Whispering. Hands. Questions with no answers. A prick on my wrist. And another one on my forearm. I frown. I felt it, and it hurt.
—She is moving… —I heard a male voice saying, after a desperate sight. "That voice… Dad?" I thought confused.
—She is waking up. —Said another masculine voice but this one is more determined, neutral and professional. I get scared. Whose that voice? It is not Emmet's, my older brother. Then, whom does it belong to? I've never heard it before.
I tried to move but everything feels so… heavy. So much that hurts. I feel a jab all over my body and I just want to cry because of the pain. I can only see darkness. I try to open my eyes but my eyelids are also too heavy.
GOD… even my head feels that way and that's not normal.
—Bella? Sweetheart? Can you hear me? —I heard my mum's desperate voice. And I want to answer her; I just can't find my voice.
And my throat hurts. Burns. The hot air coming through my nose burns. And I want to cry because of the pain.
But at the same time I feel like I deserve it. I deserve all this pain. I just don't know why. I feel I should be crying for some other thing or maybe another person. I don't know for what or for whom.
Disorientation. Pain. Shame. Sadness. Desperation. A car… The white light of a car. A strong noise. Weeping. I turn my head around and I see her, she is staring at me with fear. The horror is written in each of her beautiful features. My desperation increases and I stretch my hands to caress her face to calm her down. Suddenly, I see my hand full with cuts and blood. She stares at me even more terrified, so I fill with despair. "Anny".
—Anny… —I manage to say with my burning throat.
More voices and a heart-breaking sob give me the creeps. And right after I feel my body moving. At the same time I start to remember…
Emmet. The car. The crash! Anny…
"Anny. Anny. Any. Anny…" It is the only thing on my mind, and the oppression increases on my chest.
I open my eyes slowly. The white light blind me and makes my head hurts; this makes me forget for a few seconds.
—Hello, Isabella, how are you feeling? —That professional voice asks, calling me for my full name, the one I never liked.
Pain and anxiety. That's what I fell. Apart from confusion and the unforgettable pricks on my arm.
When I get to open my eyes, I noticed what the pricks are. Needles. God… I've always hated them and I'll always will. On my wrist, there's another one. I winced when I noticed I was covered in bandages, and of course, the size of the stupid needles. Why do they need to be so huge?!
Anny hated them too and…
"Anny…"
I look up worried. Where's my angel? Is she okay? And Emmet?
My last question is answered when he come in the hospital room with some coffees on his hands. His tired green eyes meet mine and he dropped the coffees on the floor and started running to me before hugging me.
I hug him back trying to ignore the pain that overwhelm my body but I relax. He's fine. I just need to know if…
I get distracted when Emmet started crying on my shoulder. I can't believe it… Emmet, my big bear, crying? He never cries. Why the hell is he crying for? I push him away with my hand free of needles and I take out his tears.
—How is Anny, Emmet? —I asked with my cracked voice. I can hardly speak.
I don't care. I need to know it. I need to hear from him that she's okay. Our little angel is safe and fine.
I only get more tears instead. Emmet cries. My mum cries. Even my dad is crying! And I feel something is not right. Their faces weren't as I expected them to be. There weren't happy tears. And that gives me an idea.
God. No. NO. It can't be possible… She. No. NO!
—Bella… —Emmet said with a broken voice. Hurt. Sad… No. I don't want to hear it. I start shaking my head and felt tears running through my cheeks. I don't want… —Anny died.
A strong noise was heard in the room and I think it was my crying mixed with a scream. I also heard a strong "crack". And I know it was my heart. And I know I died with her in that moment.
.
.
.
The water of the shower falls on the top of my head and it mixes with my tears.
It has been two weeks since they gave me the new. Anny. That beautiful angel… She was no longer with me. And I couldn't stop asking: why? Why that beautiful creature?
Of course, nobody can give me the answer for those questions. Nobody has the answer for those questions.
But I know the answer for them: "Suicide". This word has been in my mind for a while. And I've thought about it before.
I think, and feel, this is the only solution. The only way to get what I'm looking for; and when I see the bath I have an idea.
I put the plug on before getting in it and I let it fill. Once ready, I turn off the shower and breath deep. I lie in it whit my head out and I think… I think about her before taking another deep breath and star to dive with my eyes closed.
There's no air. I hold my breath. But a few minutes later my lungs star asking for it.
"You can do it", I told myself. I can. I can. I can. No. I can't. Suddenly, I wake up breathing deeply and pouring water out of the tub. I couldn't. I'm a coward to do it by myself, but there are many other ways to die…
.
.
.
I put the chair right below the rope that is already prepared. I look at the knot tied to one of the rafters in the cold basement.
It's quite high… I take a deep breath, attempting to collect some courage, and stand on the chair. I placed the rope around my neck, as if it were a necklace. Or at least, that is what I want to imagine…
No. I shake my head. It will be worst, if I deny my reality. I deserve this. And I don't do it just for me… But for her, I deserve it…
Life does not deserve someone like me, when a really deserving angel can't no longer breathe. No. I'm just a nuisance and I prefer to destroy myself by myself. Because I deserve it…
I keep breathing, close my eyes and I start counting backwards…
Three…
"—Bella! Faster! —My little sister shouts laughing, sat in the swing in the park.
And me, behind her, laugh too. I really love her laugh, it sounds like some bells, like the chant of the angels. Because she is an angel, fallen from a beautiful paradise.
I keep laughing and I pusher her stronger, which make her laugh stronger. She likes the speed and the height she is now. And I love amusing her…"
Memories. So many good memories, and bad ones, are making my guilt increase and they are just making me want to disappear even more.
Two…
"—Bella, what if Santa does not come this year? —She asks me, opening her eyes full of worry.
I just smile amuse by the situation. The innocence of the children is so beautiful…
—Why wouldn't him, sweetie? —I ask her back walking to her room with her in my arms.
Anny shrugs her shoulders with no answer. A few seconds later, an adorable and loving pout formed in her face. I stop walking confused and worried when I see tears running through her cheeks.
—Why are you crying, Anny?
—What if Emmet doesn't get any present? I know he hasn't been a nice boy this year… —I look at her amazed, before laughing so hard."
The best and precious human being on Earth. Honest and humble. Sensible and strong, all at the same time…
Anny was my strength.
And she is not here now.
And I lost everything.
One…
"My eyes closed the moment after I lay down in my bed. I'm so tired. But I haven't forgotten about the little intruder that came to my room in the middle of the night.
—I'm scared, Bella... —She tells me when she hear the roar of a thunder due to the heavy rain outside.
—I'm here, sweetheart. I will never leave you…—I promise her trying to calm her down, at the same time I hug her. She put her arms around my neck. I smile pretty happy when I feel her body relaxed.
When we are about to fall asleep, another thunder sounds. She jumps in fear, takes the top sheet and covers us.
I smile. Anny is so special and precious… unique.
—Shhh, relax… —I calm her when her arms went around me again. —Just close your eyes… The sun will come out and everything will be all right. —She shakes her head with her eyes closed. —Nobody can hurt you, I will always protect you… —I promise her determined.
—I love you so much... — She says before kissing my right cheek.
And my heart melts down with her words."
I disappointed her. I couldn't protect her as I promised so I deserve it. I don't deserve walking where she did.
I take another deep breath. It's time. I kick hard the chair where I'm standing. I feel the air beneath my feet; the only thing that holds me is the rope. And I feel pressure in my neck. And it hurts. I deserve it. Shit, I do deserve it!
The air goes; I feel that it hardly goes through my nose, or my mouth. But I don't give up, and I try to find enough air to my lungs. I feel the fast beat of my heart in my ears, deafening, not giving up. Hell! Why don't they give up? Why haven't they learned that nothing matters, that everything is over?
And then… I feel the hard, cold and dirty floor under my face. I also feel the pain because of my fall. Shit, it hurts! I try to get up but I feel a stabbing pain on my leg. I turn around facing the roof groaning in pain. Everything hurts and burns.
I look up; half of the rope is still hanging. It broke, o cut. Whatever…
The frustration arrives. Damn! It was so close and the fucking rope broke down. I sigh completely angry.
—Bella? —I heard Emmet's voice. Great… What next? —What the hell did you do?! —He yell worried before running to my side.
—I felt down.
—I see… —He says before opening the door.
He doesn't notice my suicide attempt. Great, I don't have to worry about that. I take of the rope and I throw it away. If I am lucky enough, he won't notice the rope hanging there. Emmet comes back and he lifts me up. I try to hide my grimace face, but I don't get it. It hurts and I deserve it…
.
.
.
I run, it's the only thing I've got left. But I don't know where I'm going.
I keep running.
All of them are liars. Do they really believe that some flowers and a note that says "Everything will get better" will make me change my mind? Why can't they understand that I'm nothing without her?
Anny took everything with her… My strength, my desire to stay alive, my heart… And without it I can't keep going. I can't keep going without her…
"—I'm so sorry about your little sister, Bella. —Mr Coope says, an old gossip lady with fake pity.
—Yep. —I answer terse and I look away with my arms crossed.
—Isabella. —My mum tells me off surprised by my answer. I shrink careless.
—No problem, Renné. I understand the pain your daughter is going through. But look the bright side, Bella… —The ancient says facing me. —You no longer have to worry about the pranks that the little brat makes and…
—WHAT?! —I shout super angry. How dare she refer to Anny like that? Who the hell she thinks she is? —I'm not going to let you talk about my little sister like that, you old lady! You are nothing compared to her, so shut your huge and worthless mouth because it is only use to talk about people behind their backs!
Everybody stayed silenced watching our little row."
Do I matter if I hurt her feelings? Of course not. She needs someone to tell her who she really is in her ugly and drawn face.
I keep running. Without noticing, I arrive to the River Thames. And I smile. I know how to die, and there's nothing or anyone to stop me. There's no way I can regret or become frightened once it is done. Perfect.
London is a big city with a huge population and tourists. There are too many places to visit, to appreciate their beauty, full of people during the day. But destiny wanted me there at 2 in the morning because there's nobody in this river lighted up by the city lights.
"Thanks." I think exhausted. I'm tired. I need to disappear; I need to find her; I need my answers…
My body crashes with the edge of the bridge and my breathing is erratic.
It takes me a few minutes to breathe normally but then I think: does life need me to waste even more its time? No, of course not. It's my opportunity. I climb up the bridge. I hold tightly to the lamppost because I need to remember one more time why I'm doing this. Why I deserve it…
"—Come on, Emmy! Sing with us! —Anny shouts to him amused. He laughs at the same time he turn the corner with the car and he join the chorus.
Special moments. Some will call it brother's moments. This is one of the beautiful scenes where Anny is the star.
The song ends and we can hear a crash.
—Emmet, stop the car. —I say trying to stay calm. He hits the breaks but nothing happens and his horrified face faces mine.
Then, something breaks the front glass. I cover my face with my hands, also he does. Pain and fervour.
Desperation. I turn my head around to see Anny's face full with fear. Her terror frightened me so I get even more desperate. I turn my body completely while Emmet takes the steering wheel again. I stretch my arms towards Anny. Simultaneously, I discover why I have this fervour. My hands are cut and full of blood…
Her little eyes full with tears are looking at me worried and we can hear another crash. I start unfasten Anny out of her chair completely wretched. I want to have her in my arms; I want to protect her with my body if it's necessary. I prefer dying than losing her.
But after that, everything happens so fast…
—Emmet! —I scream when he loses the control of the car, the same I do with my body.
I get curled up in my seat and we hear a delicate voice. Oh my GOD!
Suddenly, everything stays quite. I lift my head. Emmet is unconscious in his seat; hurt everywhere. I turn backwards to Anny, and she is not there.
—Anny… —I try to call her though my burning throat.
I turn forwards again and everything falls apart. Her little body is on the front of the car and she doesn't move.
In that moment, I knew everything was over. Another crash in our car and I was trapped in the dark."
—Anny… —I cry putting my hands on my chest. It hurts. And a lot.
"Life is never fair", and I completely understand it. Life took away from me what I loved the most, what I gave my life for. So that's what I'm going to do. I can't go on without her and…
—What are you doing? —An unknown voice distracts me. I turn my head surprised and I find the owner of that voice.
His furrowed brow and his face are full of concern. His green eyes gleam confusion but immediately they change to pity. His body tenses as he realizes where I'm standing. Why does he care?
—Go away! —I spit out facing the river
—You don't have to do it... —He says at the time I hear his steps getting closer. Now is when I get tense.
—What do you know about what I have to do or not? Go away, you rich boy. —I say when I see how he is dressed like.
Black shoes, unbutton white shirt, trousers and a really nice suit. Quite a snob.
He laughs when he hears my nickname for him but I don't see where's the fun of it. He's getting on my way and that's not funny.
—What are you waiting for?! —I shout sick of it. I need to finish this.
—I'm not leaving. —He says pretty sure and stubborn crossing his arms. —Not until you get down of there.
—I'm going down but not in your direction, snob.
He laughs hardly this time.
—That's a new one... —He replies getting closer to the bench. He takes off his blazer and leaves it there, then the shoes and his funny orange socks. Finally he stars taking off his shirt.
—What the hell are you doing? —I shout confused and maybe a little bit… anxious?
I have to admit that he leaves me speechless when he took off his blazer.
I shake my head trying to focus. Am I really thinking he's handsome? No, I can't do it. I'm here to pay what I deserve for but instead I'm thinking about a beautiful estranger?
"Ahhhhh!", I shout in my head. "God, Bella, focus!", I yell at myself.
—You are not willing to come in my direction so I'm going to yours. —He concludes smiling arrogant.
—We are not in Titanic, "Dicaprio".—He smiles with fun. —So back off. I don't have time to your heroic actions. Go look for another lady to safe because I don't need you to do it.
—Heroic? —He asks. —The world does not spin around you. If I try to safe you is because I want you to reconsider your decisions not because I want you to live. —He says before losing in his memories.
Ouch. Blow below the belt.
"Why do I care?!", I think angrily facing the river again.
I hear a sigh and a few second later he's next to me looking at the lights of the city.
—My sister also died in a car accident... —He says abruptly. With this, I star breathing pretty fast and the oppression on my chest comes back. —We were 6 when it happened. Twins, you know? —He explains smiling, but his smile disappear a second after. —I survived the accident because of her. Alice… She pushed me out of the car before it crashed against a truck.
I can't believe what comes out of his mouth. His sister? Twins? That should have been horrible…
But I'm not surprised he knows about my accident, it appears at the news in the CNN… "The miracles of the accident: Bella and Emmet Swan survive a car accident". But I didn't have to be in that list, Anny should have been…
—It's not the same. —I argue sitting on the edge. He's looking at me closely. —Alice saved you. I… It is my fault she's dead. —I star crying but I keep looking at the city because I don't want to look at him.
—That's not true. What makes you believe that? —He's confused.
—Nothing makes me believe it, whatever-your-name-is! If I hadn't unfasten her seatbelt, if the fucking car hadn't lose its balance, if I hadn't lose my nerves… —I can't almost speak because of my tears. —She wouldn't have landed on the bonnet… She…She wouldn't have died. — I cover my face with my hands, and again, everything happens too fast.
I feel some arms rounding my body and my feet no longer feel the ground. I can't stop crying and he tries to calm me down with no results.
—Look at me, Bella. —He orders taking my face with his hands but mine's don't ever leave his shirt, I don't want to look at him.
"He knows my name". Of course he does. The news. CNN. The accident…
—Look at me... —He orders again and I can't ignore him because his voice is too bossy. When I look at him, he has tears in his eyes. —It is not your fault, you hear me? A drunken guy was driving the car. It's just an accident. You couldn't know it was going to happen; that's why they are called accidents, Bella.
His words sound so good that I want to believe him but I can't.
—You don't…
—Of course I understand, Bella. I also thought Alice's dead was my fault. If I had reacted faster, maybe I would have had time to grab her and push her out of the car. —A tear leaves his eye and I can't help it. I stroke his cheeks and he enjoys my touch.
—But… —He opens his eyes getting back to the conversation. —It was the car behind us the one who accelerate instead of hit the brakes, sweeping away the car where Alice was, not giving me a chance to do anything. It just happened…
—Too fast… —I finish his sentence understanding his pain.
Maybe he's right. Maybe… Maybe it's not my fault. Maybe it was just… an accident. Maybe.
I sigh and a memory arrives to my mind.
"—What do we feel when we die? —Anny asks. I stop looking at the clouds and I look at her.
—Why do you think about that, Anny? You are way too young to think about that… —She laughs and I smile. I love making her laugh.
—I don't know. —She answers. A few minutes later, she sits next to me and asks: —If I die, how would you feel?
I open my eyes surprised by her question, but I answer:
—If you die, I would be really, really sad... —I say stroking her cheeks.
—But, are we not supposed to go to heaven when we die?
—That's right.
—So, why will you be sad? I will be protected and surrounded by angels…
I sigh fascinated. She's just five, but she thinks like an adult. I smile.
—You are right, again.
—Then, promise me you won't be sad when I die. —I stop smiling.
—Anny…
—Promise me! —I shake my head and say.
—All right. I promise."
I made a promise and I almost break it trying to kill myself. I promised! I promised I would take care of her, I promised I would always love her. I promised I would comfort her every time she falls off of the bike. I promised I would be happy if she dies...
—I promised. —I say out loud.
—Bella. —The estranger calls me.
—I promised her I would be happy when she dies. I promised her I would be strong enough. I promised her and now I've broken my promise.
He keeps hugging me.
—You have time to fix it. —I look at him confused. —If you had jumped and had died, you would have disappointed her, but you are still alive. You have time to make your promises come true. —I feel tears running through my cheeks, but this time they are happy tears.
I don't really know why but I feel a big relief. I feel peace, hope… I know I can't do this alone. I would never be strong enough…
—You are not alone. —He says. It seems to me he's in my mind. —You've got your parents, your brother, Emmet… And you have me.—I look at him surprised and he smiles.
And this time, everything is bitterly slow. His face begins to approach too slowly to me, and my breathing starts to quicken. I feel his heart beating under my hands quickly, and hear my heartbeat in my ears. I grabbed his shirt hard, crumpling it more than it already is, and I tiptoe. His arms are around my waist, pressing me against his body. My lips open just a few inches without a warrant, and so do his…
And finally... our mouths find each other. They just rub in a gentle caress. But without doubt, the best touch that nobody ever did to me.
And the joy begins to return to my body. That strange feeling that not too long ago filled. And something inside me tells me she is happy. Alice, Anny, both are. I can even see their palms crashing and a fun "we did it" out of their mouths.
I smile uncontrollably. They were our little angels...
The kiss ends not because of us, just because we need to breathe. None of us wants to stay away from each other, so he put our foreheads together. My stupid smile never leaves my face and his either.
—My name is Edward, sarcasm-lady. —I laugh amused. That sound is pretty weird to me; it has been a while since the last time I heard it.
And I don't know what happens next. I just need to hear it.
—Never leave me. —I say closing my eyes.
—If you wish, there's no way I'm doing it. —He answers pulling me closer to his chest.
—Don't let me go.
—Never.
—Take the cold away from me.
—I will be your sun.
—Love me.
—Forever.
Hi, there. :B
Thank you very much if you read this OS and having come this far. (L)
Did I already mention that I LOVE this kind of stories? *-* So, yeah, you can blame me for making you cry. ;)
Okey, I don't really know what else to say, so... :B
Did someone like it? Opinions? :)
Peace. Out.
Ally C-B.