Why Do You Fight?
Written by: Duet Maxwell
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" Raindrops keep falling on my head "
Duo sang cheerfully as he opened up his umbrella. The others did the same as they came out of the restaurant where they'd eaten for the night. A silent groan shifted through the other young pilots.
" Don't you just love the rain? The air always smells different…a nice smell…and everything seems to sparkle. "
The braided pilot mused on as they walked down the street.
" A great time for walking."
Quatre nodded in agreement as he pulled his coat about him a little more closely. Walks were something he enjoyed, but rain was certainly not his thing. The taller, quiet boy beside him slipped one arm around Quatre's waist. The blond boy's eyes lit up and he moved closer to his koi.
" You guys are duds, really you are."
Duo said, frowning as he cast a look over his shoulder. In one fluid movement he had closed his umbrella and began to get incredibly drenched.
" Duo, open your umbrella back up, or you'll catch your death getting soaked like that."
Quatre reprimanded softly. Duo paused a moment,
" But I AM Death, Quatre, "
He laughed back jokingly to the blond haired boy. Heero watched on, silent as always, but in a slightly amused mood.
"Duo."
He stated quietly. His koi looked at him with his wide violet eyes. Duo's face fell,
" Oh, all right, "
he whined sourly as he opened up his umbrella again. Heero swiftly moved closer to his lover.
" Really Duo, sometimes I just don't understand you. "
Duo shrugged in response, his smile growing. His eyes searched the ground ahead and lit up as he eyed a shimmering puddle straight ahead. Before the others had a chance to protest, he raced ahead and splashed through it, hollering, and completely soaking the rest of the group.
" Duo!!! "
They all cried out in unison, glaring at him angrily.
" Hey, I just couldn't resist! You all need to have some more fun. It's rain!!! "
They watched as the energetic young man began to find every puddle along the way, smiling all the more as he and the others got more and more soaked. Quatre couldn't help but smile at Duo's insane antics. He and Trowa watched as Heero made a few unsuccessful attempts to grab Duo by the braid and quiet him some. Before long they had reached the Winner estate. Agreeing to meet back down at the fireplace, they all headed up the stairs to their rooms to change.
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A few moments later, after switching into a pair of sweatpants and his signature green tank top, Heero slipped out of his room, and back down the stairs. A smile somewhat came to his face as he spotted a curled up form on the couch. The fire cracked and popped in earnest as he sat down quietly next to his koi. Duo mumbled something that was incoherent to Heero and snuggled closer. He cracked open one bleary eye,
" Ohayo, Hee-chan,"
The boy said softly, looking up into Heero's stern, cobalt eyes. Heero nodded in response, listening more to the thunder from outside. The braided pilot sat straight up suddenly, staring out the window. He moved over to it, tracing a raindrop that had landed on the window and had begun to slide downward.
" Don't you just love the rain, Hee-chan? "
Duo asked, though it came out more as a statement than a question.
" I guess so, what's so wonderful about it? "
Heero asked, studying his koi from the couch.
" It washes things away…"
The pilot of the Deathscythe replied. Heero's eyebrow raised slightly,
" Like what? "
He asked as he stood up.
" Like guilt."
The fire grew larger for a moment as if in response to the boy's words.
" Guilt…"
The perfect soldier repeated back.
" What else?"
Heero pressed on. Duo shrugged,
" Lots of things…it washes away destruction, washes away evil. When rain's come and gone, it leaves everything full of life and with a beautiful shimmer."
His finger began to trace a newly fallen raindrop on the window.
Heero came up behind his koi,
" Anything else?"
Duo's gaze fell to the floorboards,
" It washes away sorrow and tears and regret…"
he whispered. The mood of the braided pilot at the moment was drastically different from his everyday one. Heero was growing deeply concerned. More so when he saw the moon reflect a tear slipping down his lover's cheek. He wrapped his arms around Duo's waist and guided him back over to the couch. He sat down and Duo lay beside him, his head resting on Heero's legs. After a moment or so, Heero spoke again.
" Duo. "
" Hai? "
" What's wrong? "
Heero felt his koi inhale deeply and let his breath out slowly.
"… I…I don't think I can ever be forgiven for the sins I've committed."
Heero stared down oddly at the other boy.
" What would make you think of something like that, Duo? "
" Something reminded me of it last week and I just can't quite shake it."
Heero thought a moment, staring at the fire that seemed to settle under his gaze.
" The Maxwell Massacre."
He thought aloud, Duo shut his eyes tightly, nodding slowly. Heero frowned,
" I still don't understand. "
He said slowly, Duo got up and faced Heero.
" Of course not Heero, no one understands but me. Because I was the only one this happened to, I'm the only one who remembers it in full detail…every moment of it. "
Heero noted that Duo had not made any attempt to wipe the tears that were now running freely down his face.
" Then tell me Duo. Tell me so I can understand it too. I want you to smile again and be happy. "
Duo looked at Heero, his face showing his confusion. Heero went on,
" When you're happy Duo….you make me happy too. "
He swallowed hard; admitting the type of feelings he was expressing at the moment was difficult. Duo's normal smile appeared on his face for a split second. He sat back down, making a swipe with his hand to get rid of some of the tears.
" I could have done something more. I know that anyone who's made a mistake says things like that…but it's true. I'll always regret that, if I had been there- "
" Duo, if you had been there you would be dead right now. "
Heero interrupted,
" So? At least I would have died trying to help. "
" It would have been a meaningless death Duo. By surviving you've honored them. "
Heero said gently, Duo snorted.
" If that isn't the ultimate joke. Honoring a church by killing millions. The millions that they made efforts to shelter and save, whatever side they were on. Honoring the only father and mother I've had by killing not saving…"
" Duo you know that's wrong. We haven't fought without a purpose. We've fought to save millions. True, millions may have to die in the cause, but that's war. That's a soldier's life. "
" Than I should have been something else. I'm a soldier whose sole purpose in the beginning was revenge. To kill those that killed the only people that had loved me. But I've killed more innocence than evil…I really am the Maxwell's Demon."
Duo said sharply, he brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. A silence held in the air.
" Before I had been just some dirty street orphan. Then I had a home suddenly, and two very important people that meant the world to me. I knew they would do anything to help me. And I wasn't able to do a single damn thing. I could have been a priest like Father Maxwell had dreamed I would become. To help the masses, help the world. I know I've done something similar as a soldier…but as a priest I wouldn't have killed. "
Heero searched Duo's face,
" As a priest you wouldn't be the same Duo. You wouldn't have done the things you have as a soldier would. You wouldn't have known Quatre, Wufei, Trowa…you wouldn't have known me. "
Duo looked at him, and was surprised to see one of Heero's hand's tremble.
" All we've been through, all the fighting's that we have survived through…Duo, every one of us has given up something incredibly dear. We've all come to a crossroad where each of us had wondered why the hell we fight…So, Duo, why do you fight? "
" I fight for Sister Helen. "
Duo swallowed, sorting out his thoughts.
" The only other time I have ever cried was when I found her dying….every time I fight I remember how much she thought of me."
His smile crept back onto his face,
" I remember when she tried to cut off my hair because she thought it was too long. How she would comfort me when the bullies at school would tease me. And I remember how beautiful she was, not just inside, but outside too….she had the most stunning blonde hair ever…and I'd never seen it till she was dying…and I never realized how young she was till she was gone. "
He had risen from the couch as he had talked and now stood silent, his heavy breathing the only sound in the room. Heero came from behind and placed his hands on Duo's shoulders, staring him in the eyes.
" To fight without a just cause may be a true sin Duo…but to fight for such a cause as you have…that is every soldier's dream. And you should feel nothing but pride, pride for the honor that you are giving to the memory of their lives. "
Duo smiled and nodded to Heero as his usual personality returned.
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" Arigatou, Hee-chan. "
He mouthed as he hugged Heero. Heero returned the hug with a nod as he gently began kissing Duo's neck. His kisses moved up to Duo's lips. Duo laughed as their lips parted. Heero's eyes narrowed, causing Duo to laugh again.
" No, I wasn't laughing at the kiss. I was just wondering what happened to Trowa and Quatre."
Heero thought for a moment, knowing that they should have come down shortly after he had, but hadn't.
" Good question. "
Duo held on to Heero's hand and followed from behind as they made their way up the stairs towards Trowa's room. Heero silently opened the door a crack and peered in.
" Well? Come on, lemme see! "
Duo whined softly. Heero removed his head and Duo looked in. He smiled smugly and gave a short laugh as he saw the two asleep. A book lay on Trowa's chest, his arm around Quatre who was curled up beside them.
" They really are disgusting sometimes."
Duo commented, closing the door without a sound. Heero shrugged,
" I guess. "
Duo smiled wide,
" Wanna raid the fridge with me? "
Heero looked at the other boy for a moment. It really is amazing how he can switch faces so quickly, he thought, from all that bottled up pain and then back to his overly happy little self again.
" Whatever. "
He replied, smiling to himself since Duo was already creeping back down the stairs. He replied, smiling to himself as he watched his koi already creeping back down the stairs. Dawn was rapidly approaching and the rain had begun to cease. Heero peered out the window as he came down the stairs, seeing the beginning of a rainbow. He glanced at the fire which was beginning to slowly burn out.
" You fight for a beautiful cause, my little Shinigami. "