AN: I'm absolutely in love with Never Going Back Again. :) I sort of had to write this. And duh, I love Artie too much to hate on him. Just analyzing characters here.
For once, he had gotten exactly what he wanted. He could still remember sitting in the choir room and noticing her, really noticing her, for the first time. She had been sick, but that hadn't stopped her mentioning how she'd made out with every single guy at McKinley.
What about him? Somehow, ievery single guy/I always excluded him. Always.
He had never really been attracted to her, tall blonds weren't really his type, but somehow in that moment, he wanted her. She seemed to stand for something he could never have. She was one of three cheerleaders that would even look at him in the whole school and the other two seemed to pretty much hate him for reasons unknown. Brittany was different. She didn't seem to hate anyone.
He knew unreasonable wishes were stupid; he'd learned that lesson the hard way. Still, he couldn't stop himself from wanting her. Especially after Tina dumped him for the other, he wanted what she had. He wanted to be popular, to be accepted. Somehow, dating a cheerleader became a means to that end.
Something stopped him and he wasn't even sure what it was. If he would admit it to himself, he hated that she had lied to him. He hated liars. Ever since his Aunt Mildred had said he would be fine after the accident, he hated people who kept the truth from him. He had believed her. He had wanted to be "fine" so badly; he wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. But nothing would ever be the same.
If he adnited it to himself, he had known all along that Brit wasn't in it for any long term relationship. Isn't that why he liked her to begin with? Yes, he realized that now. He didn't want commitment, but he did want to be with someone. He liked the feeling of love, just not the commitment that went along with it.
She told him that she'd never had a long term relationship before him. It had been the double date with Santana and Puck that had finally broken her will to be free. She'd seen the good in him. And something about Brit had changed him for good. Maybe it was just that he was living his dream of being popular. If you had asked him a year ago, he never thought he'd be on the football team, dating a cheerleader. It was too good to be true. And he was willing to do anything to hold on to that. He could put up with Brit's idiosycracies.
That was part of the reason he had rejected Tina. He just could not accept her as she truely was. If he accepted her as flawed, he would be making some kind of commitment to her. He liked her as she had been, as the facade that he had known, and he wasn't ready to accept that she had somehow lied to him. There it was again. She was a liar.
And he had never quite forgiven her for that. That might be why he tended to treat her badly; why he ignored her needs. He knew Tina had truly liked him, but he had ignored that for too long and lost her.
He knew Brittany was next. He wasn't blind. He watched Santana in the hallways. He had seen how she looked at his girlfriend while she performed Landslide. Santana was in love.
He should have broken up with Brittany. It was the right thing to do. Santana might hate him, but he couldn't be cold hearted. He could see that they needed each other. But he had needs too. He had been down once and down again and he wasn't ready to give up a good thing again.
Maybe he was selfish, but he wasn't ready. He never wanted to go back to how things had once been.