Apparently FFnet is not totally dead. I have more on Ao3 tho if you like my shit.

Moc-first time, virginity fantasy, marriage, civil unions, roleplay,

Somewhat companion fic to 'From the Apartment', and "Marriage". I suppose most of my BF fics could overlap in the same loosely defined universe though.

Debated posting this without sex, but I think the sex helps fill in the story. Idk. Wasn't aiming for porn this time; I just wanted a companion fic to the 'Marriage' fic I posted a while ago. However the fuck art works.

End notes; I TOLD MYSELF I WOULD WRITE MORE EIJI CENTRIC STUFF! GODDAMNIT! I DIDN'T FINISH THAT YET. I relate with Ash more though, so I feel he is easier to write. …and my Eiji centric fic titled "Loving Ash"… so yeah. FCK. Also, all of my porn across fandoms seems to be the same, I must have boring sex.

….

"Can we pretend I'm a virgin?" Ash nervously whispered into the other's ear, pulling him down on top of him.

"What?"

Ash gazed up at his lover, no, husband now. His legal partner. Someone he wanted to belong with. It was their apartment. The apartment they had fallen in love in. Nothing special, no special suite at a luxury hotel…. Granted their apartment was opulent, bought with money graciously embezzled from Golzine.

It was their wedding night. They had been together for years, but only recently had Ash pulled the strings to make this happen. It wasn't a real marriage, it was a civil union, and the ceremony had happened in Max's back yard, but it was sweet and romantic. Their friends were there. Michael congratulated them both and gave them both bouquets. He was eleven now. Likely his idea, even though Jessica was the one who bought them. He still saw Ash as his hero.

They had come a long way in their relationship. Ash had become willing to fix himself; began accepting he could be saved. He was doing well. His past only caused minor hiccups in everyday life now. His panic attacks were rare. He had learned not to carry a weapon. He could function in society and not feel like a total outsider. Eiji had helped him extensively but had also helped convince him that a therapist was a good idea. They attended some sessions together so Eiji could know how to better help him.

Sex had slowly progresses it's way into their relationship. They loved each other, and while Ash felt relief that Eiji didn't expect sex from him, it was something he desperately wanted to be alright. Eiji wasn't repulsed by the idea, but he let Ash take things at his own pace.

Their relationship was sexual, but it was mainly kissing and hands and mouths. It was erotic, and tantalizing, and satisfying. Penetration was rare; not particularly liked or disliked by either party; whoever was on the giving and receiving end. Moods changed depending on the week or month, but they had done it. Most of the time they did it Oxford style due to not needing as much prep.

"It's our wedding night, can you pretend I'm a virgin? Or would that be too weird?" Ash tried to read Eiji's face. The other was inquisitive, but not distressed. He smiled softly, lightly laughing.

"Yes. You are a virgin. I don't need to pretend,"

Ash slowly smiled to meet him, "Thanks…. I want you to be my first,"

…

"If I pretend to not know what I'm doing, will you take the lead?"

Eiji hesitated, "….can we pretend we are both virgins on our wedding night?"

Ash giggled, "Sure,"

Everything was new and exciting. Their 'real' first time was stressful instead of romantic. They had talked about it before it happened, but still, the fear of rousing bad memories in Ash was present. Ash had wanted to bottom for the first time, and it went well, but Eiji was so nervous. He let Ash lead, to do what he wanted and felt comfortable with. When Eiji had finally convinced Ash that he also wanted to try the receiving end, problems happened. Even before anything, Eiji could feel the other's heartbeat pounding. Once inside him, after a few trembling thrusts, the blonde started crying. Ash just broke and retreated into his own head. If Eiji wasn't so focused on his own body, keeping his own nervousness under control…. He blamed himself.

Little to say, their first times were too stressful to be romantic, but the more he talked to others, the more it seemed like most people's first times were less than perfect. Still, most of their stories were that it was comically bad due to a lack of experience or communication; crying fits and bad memories didn't seem to be mentioned. The idea of a romantic first time, he wanted to give this to Ash.

"So if you're a virgin, and I'm a virgin…. Did you know to prep yourself?"

Green eyes were soft, "A little bit, but I think you should help,"

They were both naked. Eiji's hand reached lower. He kissed the blonde. Skin was soft and wet.

"This is what you were doing in the shower after the party,"

"Yes, I was excited. I couldn't wait,"

He slipped a finger inside. It was warm and slick. Ash blushed.

"You touch yourself like this?"

Ash nodded.

He kissed the man's chest, no longer a boy he told himself. They hadn't been boy's in a very long time. Ash's pectorals were still slight and firm, his skin was still soft and supple. This could be their first time. He added a second finger.

"Do virgins just stick it in?"

"I think so," Ash hesitantly confirmed, "I don't think they know anything else to do,"

Eiji added a third finger and Ash grunted, "Slow down," his blush was spreading farther down his chest, "I haven't done this before,"

Eiji felt a light pang of guilt about how much those words aroused him. Ash noticed.

"Make love to me," He said those words as much for himself as he did the other.

….

It was Eiji who said it.

"I don't like the idea of 'virgin'."

"Mmm?" Ash rolled over, hair a mess, post orgasmic bliss.

"Virginity. Purity. The thought that sex is dirty. I don't like it,"

Ash rolled on top of the other's lap, "That's a lot of thinking," He gazed hazily at the other, unable to contain his post-sex smile.

"You're not worth any less because of sex. You're not broken. Sex doesn't break people."

"If I was a girl I would be,"

"I do not think so. Also, please stop comparing yourself to a girl when you want to feel better about yourself. It does not make a difference if you are a man or a woman,"

Ash grumbled, stretching against his partner, snuggling into his arm. "You sure think a lot. Did it bother you?"

"It felt nice," he lay next to Ash, holding the other's body against him, "You felt amazing, but you are always amazing, even without sharing this with me. Did you like it?"

Ash thought for a moment, he had gotten used to the idea of sex for his own pleasure and voicing his own wants. "Yes, I liked it, but sometimes I wish I was a virgin for real. I wish my only memories were of sex with you,"

"Your first time was with me. And you were my first kiss. Was I your first kiss?"

Ash shook his head teasingly, "No. Shorter,"

"What?" Eiji jumped, "Shorter?" He glanced down at his husband, shocked.

"Yeah, we were messing around," He grinned full of teeth, "Why, do you want to change that?"

Virginity…. It was about creating memories.