A/N hey this is my first fanfic so go easy. All help welcome because it is awful. This story is for Latvia, you know who you are, Happy B-Day.

I own nothing but the bad poetry. If I did Hungary would rule the world (more than she already does).

All flames will be eaten by Natsu.

Russia's hand pressed on my head. I screamed.

"LATIIAAAAAA" Estonia ran in a calling my name. "It's okay it was a dream. Don't cry" I was sitting shivering in our bed; there was a steady stream of tears falling down my face. Estonia collapsed next to me pulling my head to his chest and slowly stroking my hair. Gradually I lifted my head to meet his blue green eyes. He smiled and wiped tears from eyes. So I blush and look away embarrassed. Instead Estonia gently pulls my chin up and leans in. Our lips brush. We both blush. I go to lean in again but there is a loud beeping coming from the door.

A man wearing a large cream scarf, military coat and a childish smile is standing there. I started to shake again when he brings out the metal pipe. The bleeping got louder. I went to grasp Estonia's hand but he jumped up to stand in front of me, blocking Russia's path to me. The bleeping got louder. Russia swung his pipe. The force of the blow to Estonia's head sends him flying. I looked down at my hands to see they are covered in his blood. The bleeping got louder. Russia's smile turns to a grin.

My alarm shuts itself off. I was lying in my own bed, in Latvia, where there is no Estonia to comfort me from my nightmares. Shaking slightly I sat up and rubbed my eyes (and tears that had formed in them). There was no more USSR: no Russia, no pipe and no more reason to spend time with the man I love. Sighing a little at my last thought, I slipped my feet into my slippers that were waiting for me at the side of my bed. 3 hour sleep was enough, right? Anyway I was used to it. I looked at my alarm 8:11 November 18th and then switched it off.

Still rubbing my eyes and yawing I wandered over to the window. No matter how hard I rubbed the image of Estonia dead would stay burnt on to the back of my eye lids. Maybe if I used bleach... I pulled back the curtains only to be blinded by the light streaming in. As my eyes adjusted to the light I saw the stunning sun rise over a layer of fresh snow and smiled, the horrific image gone. Maybe today wasn't going to be so bad after all. Then I realised I had smiled after a Russia nightmare. That could be a sign I was finally getting over it after 23 years after leaving Russia's house.

After that revelation just I continued my morning as normal. Today I had the day off so decided I could get some writing done. I write. I have a diary and everything. It's sad and it makes me seem like a little girl but where else am I going to put my thoughts and feelings. I live alone in a small cottage in just outside Riga and I don't talk to humans outside the government. I have no one to turn to. So yeah, I write my feelings down in a book along with my bad poetry. Don't judge.

I flipped through to the next clean page as I walked over to my sofa and grabbed my pen of the coffee table. I read yesterday's word doodle. Oh dievs, it was awful.

Humans follow their leader.

Governments decide their fate,

Yet they only turn hope to hate.

The uneducated demand rights,

Unhappy they revolt, start fights,

Locked in a battle of ideals,

No one sees small countries ordeals.

Why can we never be sure

If it's' the sickness or the cure

That turns the world from unity

And aids the fall into discord?

Humans don't follow their leader.

They run.

I laughed a little at how bad it was. It was suppose to say something about my feelings towards communism. I hate thinking about Russia but I feel better after putting it to words. It makes it seem so long ago but it wasn't. When for a nation 23 years is nothing.

I turned my attention to the next page. I begin to rewrite my dream. The slow, methodical act of writing word after word and the feel of the paper running beneath my hand sent me in to a sort of trance.

Suddenly the image of Russia and his pipe standing over a very bloody Estonia crashes into my head breaking my peace. I let out a yelp and tears come running down my face again. I am surprised they haven't carved their path down my face I cry so much. I know I am not just crying over the idea of a dead Estonia it's much more than that. It's the idea of him dying unknowing how much I love him.

I love him so much but I could never tell him. When he rejects I couldn't write how he would confess to me knowing it is such a lie. It's stupid. I know he would reject me; he has never shown interest in me more than a friend. I don't have many friends and I don't know how I could life without him. If I don't ask him I can still have hope. I get so easily lost in these thoughts; I almost don't hear the door knock. Quickly I write the last 3 words. Leaving the book open on the coffee table, I go to answer the door.

Wiping my eyes, I pulled the door open. My mouth drops. He is stood there looking as handsome as ever. Dusty blond hair, teal eyes covered is fine metal frames and a calm expression greeted me. Estonia.

He was quite a bit taller than me and as he looks down I see my reflection in his glasses. Oh sūdi, my eyes were red and my face wet from crying. I watched as his usally calm expretion turn to an anxious one. Sūdi.

"Latvia are yo-"

He couldn't ask me that I can't lie to him.

"E-E-Estonia what an un-unexpected surprise! Come into the warm. Well it's a little warmer than outside. I don't have much fire wood left so I am rationing it, you see. I... um I will go get you some coffee. One moment." I garble.

I dashed into my little kitchen. My heart pounded in my chest as I reached for the kettle. As I rushed around making the coffee I was also intently listening to the noises of Estonia in the living room. God, what if he guessed? That was the door closing. Was he going to follow me in here? That was him sitting down. Why was he here? That was him picking something up. Where is the sugar? That was him dropping a book on the table. Why didn't he have his laptop with him?

Wait, a book... no.

Estonia he had read it. His eyes that were glued to the book now stared at me.

"Latvia" he said slowly. This is it. He is going to hate my forever. I stopped staring at the floor for a second to look into his eyes. My fear was instantly replayed with anger. Blank. He looked at me with no emotion. Nothing! "What...? Raivis I don't-"

I went numb "I know you don't feel the same. Dievs I know you don't feel the same and it kills me every day and has for hundreds of years. You make my life worth living. When we were in the USSR I would have died without you. I am so sorry that I love you. But at least show some emotion!" I practically shouted the last words.

Estonia's eyes widened. Did I just say I love-? Sūdi.

"Man žēl" i mutter as bolt out of the room but not before i saw the hurt in his eyes. He hates me.

I run out of the back door, into the garden, over the fence and out in to the woods. The snow crunched beneth my feet as i ran, my slipper already soaked. I flew deep into the maze of trees. Not caring were my feet take me: i ran. The image of his hurt filled eyes dancing in my head. That last little bit of hope was shattered.

I am so sorry. I don't know any letish (Latvian) so i used the dreaded google Translate. Russia save my soul.

Sūdi - shit

Man žēl – i'm sorry

Dievs – god