A/N: This fic is my submission to Kakashiweek2018, "Modern" prompt.
(But really though, I wrote this for my Sister Wives)
I do not own these characters; I had a wonderful time manipulating them.
"Good morning Hokage-sama."
"Please don't call me that Shikamaru," the Rokudaime didn't care for such a stuffy title when it was applied to himself, and especially not before his third cup of coffee. Noting that Nara wasn't carrying his usual armload of paperwork when he entered, Kakashi debated if he should be pleased or suspicious. "Have I finally gone through all the paperwork in Konoha, or have I mistakenly come in on my day off again?"
Shikamaru can only laugh at Lord Sixth's optimism, "I'm afraid not Kakashi-sensei, and you have never made that mistake."
"Ah. Well, there's a first time for everything."
"I'm glad you think so because I want you to become familiar with a new way to communicate with others today," Nara smirked.
"Oh no, the last time you looked at me like that, you had me join Facebook…"
"This isn't like that Hokage-sama," Shikamaru began.
"…It's not even a book. It's so misleading," Kakashi ignored even the title he despised along with the Nara. "…and rumors of my death started in neighboring nations just because I hadn't 'updated my status' in a while…"
"It was eight months, Lord Sixth."
"Before that, it was Twitter, and I refuse, Shikamaru," Kakashi locked eyes with his assistant to emphasize his point. "I refuse to use the same method of mass communication as some of those other garish leaders that can't control their impulses and 'tweet' whatever madness seizes their mind at the moment."
"I can't fault you there, Hokage-sama. But really, this isn't like that…"
"Can't you just be satisfied that I joined Friendster? It's not my fault nobody uses it anymore."
Shikamaru raises a single eyebrow, sarcastic and unimpressed with the leader of the Hidden Leaf. "Y'know Kakashi-sensei, you can be a real drag sometimes. There's a stack of D-level missions that we could go through and assign to the genin teams if you'd prefer to do that."
"Hell no. Go ahead and show me whatever you want." The Rokudaime proved he could be open to the rapidly changing worlds of technology and communication after all.
Shikamaru smirked, knowing he could outsmart his comrades as well as his enemies and switched on the laptop that lay upon the Hokage's desk.
"What I'm about to show you is called Discord, Kakashi-sensei. It's a medium to communicate with others via instant messages in real time. You can access Discord from your laptop, and your mobile phone. It's broken down into servers, which individuals join by invitation. Within these servers, groups of people chat amongst themselves. For example, we've just set up a server specifically for the Kages and their assistants to use. Ah-here it is."
Shikamaru clicks on an icon labeled ShadowSamas before he continues hauling the Rokudaime into the 21st Century. "There aren't that many of us on this server yet, and I'm not sure who might be on this early in the morning. Why don't you go ahead and play around with this a little bit under my account while I download the app on your phone."
Kakashi reaches for the mouse to select a topic heading to explore, but before he can click it, a message pops up on the screen.
windygrrl: hi bby
u missin this?
:^*
Not wanting to involve himself in the romance of the international lovers, Lord Sixth decides it would be best to make his presence known, and begins to type a reply under Shikamaru's username.
checkmate: Actually, this is Kakashi.
I'm learning how to use this. (edited)
How are you?
windygrrl: OMFG
0_o
my bad
checkmate: What?
The Rokudaime raises his eyes to the screen to see that a flurry of messages had littered it in the time it had taken him to write just that one line.
windygrrl: sry i thought u were my bby
n i was all like yay hes online
coz i so dont wanna work rn
masterofpuppets : ^mood
desertlvrboi: ^^ big mood
"Shikamaru, what the hell are they saying?"
Kakashi could only watch as the language he loved so much was broken down to random consonants and vowels. The screen continued to fill up with broken and unfamiliar words, interrupted with strange uses of punctuation. To make matters worse, his assistant was doing his best to stifle his chuckles.
"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei. I should've warned you that people usually shorten words to type the messages faster."
"I get that much, but" the Rokudaime sighed, hating to show any weakness of any kind, to anyone. "What do they mean by 'mood'? I know what the word means, but that's not how I use it."
"Well," the Nara began to explain to Lord Sixth, "it means, 'I feel the same way' or 'same.'"
"If that's what they mean why don't they just say that, then? I mean, it's the same number of letters so it can't be faster to type." Kakashi continued to watch as the screen filled up in a series of brb's, lol's, and omg's.
"Hokage-sama!" Kakashi's eyes were drawn away from the screen when Genma and Raido burst into his office. He didn't have the chance to remind them that he really didn't like to be addressed by that title before Genma continued, breathlessly.
"Konoha is under attack. We suggest raising the threat level to three so that we may begin evacuating citizens immediately."
Shikamaru stood speechless beside him as the Rokudaime looked out the window to see what new, outlandish horror dared to disturb the peace of his home this time. Sighing, he turned back to the laptop on his desk.
checkmate: Mecha Sasuke is attacking Konoha (edited)
I'll have to try this some other time.
It was nice chatting with you!
Have a good day :)
desertlvrboi: shit
: (
masterofpuppets: that sux
windygrrl: hugs ttyl
Later that evening~
Relief flooded a slightly singed Lord Sixth when he returned to his apartment. Tossing the Hokage headpiece aside, he flopped on his bed and let his weary limbs relax. Before the peace of the moment could settle into his bones, his pocket buzzed for his attention. He pulled out his mobile phone and saw he'd received a text message from Shikamaru.
Sry 2 bug u hokage-sama but i got an invite 2 a discord server that I think u would like better. it's called icha-icha appreciation society. u have 2 click the link fast, or the invite will expire. hope ur chakra refills soon, tks 4 taking that hit 4 me. gn
As tired as he was, Kakashi didn't want to miss the chance to meet with others that saw the literary genius of Jiraiya's novels. He clicked on the link his assistant had sent and prepared to dive into the new-to-him world of mass communication.
But first, he had to come up with a username. Well, if Gaara can be 'desertlvrboi,' then I can be
Username: rokudaddy
Proud of himself as he logged on, he saw that there were already greetings and questions waiting for him under the introductions channel of the Icha-Icha Appreciation Society server.
Name (what you want to be called): rokudaddy: I really like rokudaddy, or daddy is fine.
Tumblr: rokudaddy: Who?
Pronouns: rokudaddy: He/him
What do you like about Kakashi?: rokudaddy: This is difficult for me to answer, but I'm flattered.
Would you like NSFW?: rokudaddy: Wait while I Google that.
Yes, I do like NSFW.
&/ao3 : rokudaddy: I don't know what this is.
As soon as he'd completed the questionnaire, a message popped up.
kakaskunoichi: come to the naughty-nook for nsfw
or sometimes we hang out in the naughtier naughty-nook
Kakashi quickly scanned the menu of channels, a little concerned about what he'd signed up for. He selected the 'naughty-nook' and attempted to greet the group that awaited him.
rokudaddy: Good evening :)
ninjalover: omg ur here!
kakaskunoichi: yasss
mysexysensei: one of us! one of us! one of us!
rokudaddy: One of who?
mysexysensei: a sister wife!
rokudaddy: What?
kakaskunoichi: kakashis our husband
we share him lol
rokudaddy: What?
ninjalover: lol yeah i guess we can't call you a "sister" wife
maybe a mister wife?
mysexysensei: ooh ooh ooh
check out the BDE in this one-
Before Kakashi could post a polite suggestion for another title, or even WTF, a barrage of images assaulted his slate grey eyes. He was stunned at the sheer number of portraits that had been done of his likeness.
Scattered between the shocking pictures of his naked self in varying degrees of NSFW, were the declarations of "I need new panties!" or "Guys-I'm looking at this on the bus smh lol" or "I'd lick him there." The Rokudaime did his best to keep up, but his comments were buried quicker than he could type them.
rokudaddy: What's BDE?
Thank you, I train hard every day to stay in shape.
Actually, it's a little bigger than that.
You know, I've never been tied up that way. (edited)
I guess I would try anything once.
Frustrated at his inability to keep up with the conversation, he set his phone down. Kakashi stood up and began to undress for bed. He was unaccustomed to feeling old and behind the times. Then, inspiration struck him. He knew just how he could best represent himself, and not be misunderstood or lost in the rapid-fire of modern communication.
Donning only his Hokage's hat and his socks, he reached for his phone. Adjusting the camera to selfie mode, he angled himself so that the bits he thought would be most appreciated-and not his face-could be captured. Satisfied with the image, he pulled up the Discord app.
He shared the photo and the scrolling script stopped. Smirking, he took advantage of the brief window in which finally, he had a full moment to compose a message of his own.
rokudaddy: Goodnight wives XO
Chuckling to himself, Lord Sixth crawled under the sheets, exhausted after a day of mechas and the modern era. Just before turning his phone off for the night, he Googled "BDE." Smiling at the results, he switched off the light and succumbed to sleep.
The End