Lust, Love, and Life
DISCLAIMER - I do not own Victorious, or any of the Characters, Images, or any else that is in any way related to it.
A/N: This is my first attempt at a Cade. If it sucks, please tell me so that I can adjust to make it better. If you love it, let me know that too, so that I can stay on the same path. AaronandSarah, you are on the clock my friend. I give you till March 1.
Also, following in my previous endeavor, Bold is someone's inner thoughts, Italics is someone's dream/flash back, and Underline is a text message. Also, this is my first fic where I will do everything First Person, alternating between Jade (odd chaps) and Cat (even chaps)
Chapter 1 - Wasted Time
I know what you are thinking. I'm Jade West. Cold hearted, broody, not giving a damn about the people around me. And while that is true, its not the entire story. You see, I do care, even if I don't show it. I care if my friends, as few of them as there are, are hurt or distressed. I just don't know how to express myself. I guess its my defense mechanism for all the fucking shit that I have been dealt in my life.
Allow me to take you back. I was five years old, my parents and I living in a normal life. I was happier then, not knowing or understanding what pain is, or was. I looked into my mother's eyes as she started to tell me that she couldn't live with my father anymore.
"Mommy, why? What did I do?" I asked her, as I watched my father, luggage in hand, walk out the door. He waved, smiled, and kept going. Little did I know, I wouldn't see him again for nine years. He reappeared, just in time for me to audition for Hollywood Arts.
"Baby, you didn't do anything. Now, let's go get some ice cream."
"YAY!" The thought of the teeth rotting empty calories instantly moved my mind from the painful thoughts of my family being broken. "Can I get coffee flavored?" If you didn't know, I'm a coffee nut. I've been in love with it since I was two, and my mother finally let me have a sip from her cup. Black and strong, it changed me.
"Sure." My mother rolled her eyes, grabbing my hand with a light squeeze.
We walked to our favorite parlor, sitting in the bright red booth as our favorite waitress, Beverly, came to take our order. Or at least, tell us it was on the way. We never changed. We ate it, laughing and playing with the spoons on our noses, making faces into the mirror like shine of the silver untensils.
But later, when the sugar high stopped and I finally remembered what mom had told me, it finally hit me. It was the first time I cried, the first time real pain and anguish were felt. I cried in silence, not wanting to alert my mother.
From then on, my father would send things, so that I would know he existed, and cared about me. But then, the older I got, the more I was forgotten. His birthday presents became less and less thoughtful, and it showed. One year, he sent me a picture of him with his mistress, saying they both loved me SO MUCH and that I should come and see them.
That was when I started resenting my father. We've never been close. He seems to enjoy keeping me down, and does his best to try every chance he gets. I still can't believe he actually admitted to liking "Well Wishes." I can still remember my audition for Hollywood Arts.
"Auditioning next, miss Jade West."
"Don't call me miss, you weird hippie." "Hi. Thank you for seeing me." I tried to be cordial, by my voice and body language were telling them to fuck off. My movements were stiff, my voice was monotone with a hint of anger. If it weren't for the fact that these people were determining my fate, I would have probably pulled out my "special" scissors and made them regret that word. I am not a miss. I am THE. Not miss West, THE West.
"Ms. West-" "Fuck you." "- what do you have for us today?"
Being confident in my abilities as a writer, I had written a short screen play and had enlisted the help of my mother. She filmed as I and Cat, my friend from middle school who was suspiciously, also trying to get in, went and did our thing. I think that was the first time I really started thinking I liked her. Like really liked her. In that way, you know. I was only 15, and had never given it any real thought. I had had a few dates, and the guys were nice, I guess.
Well, nice isn't the best word. I didn't want to kill them, or even break them down and pull them to my level. I guess my outward nature gives off a seemingly strong aura stating that if you're not on my good side, then you might as well fuck off. Because my bad side suggests pain, torture, and humiliation.
"Thank you. I wrote, directed, and starred in a short film." I watched along with them as my character, dark and intense, slowly pulled her "friend" into a trap. With a nice filleting knife, she slices and dices her friend, until there isn't much left to discern that would allow you to conclude that there was a human life there.
Cat, who had auditioned earlier, singing a song from her favorite musical, sat next to me. She got in, her voice lighting up the stage and her moves enticing everyone to feel exactly what her words were portraying. At the end, applause and cheering went on for a few minutes. Cat was looking on at our film, her arm around me with a cheery smile on her face. But then again, when isn't there one.
After the end credits were over, I stood, regaining my spot in the front of the board. The sat, mouthes agape as their silience gave them away. They hated it, and I was the weird little "creature" that had just shown them a world that obviously a fifteen year old shouldn't know anything about, or want anything to do with. I hung my head, a light tear falling on my cheek. "No, Jade. You promised, no tears." It wasn't until I heard clapping that I finally looked up.
"That was excellent, miss West."
"You stupid hippie. I, oh forget it. I guess I can take it if I get in."
"Truly marvelous. We would like to extend an offer to enroll here at Hollywood Arts. Is that okay?"
"Uh, duh. Why the fuck else would I have been here, morons." See, broody and hateful. "Yes, thank you!"
We went to dinner, my father being called and being told that money would be needed. He was still my "parent" and my well being was his concern. He still had to support me, fiscally, and provide for me the things that would best help me in my future endeavors.
"No, Jade. You are not going."
I cried, looking him straight in the eyes. "But dad-"
"I said no, young lady. And that's final." My mother stepped in on my behalf. She still resented my father, and wanted nothing more than to stick it to him. So an expensive tuition for a prestigious performing arts high school ws the perfect way.
"Need I remind you, or the court, of your nine years of neglect? Or the "accidental" missed child support payments?"
My father looked on to her, defeat in his eyes. I smiled, a little bit of joy across my face. But he looked down to me, making sure to make his point. "So help me, if you don't make the best of this 'opportunity', you will regret it." He made out the first check from his private business account, making sure to sign and date for the first semester of class. I "hugged" him, kissing his cheed. "Gee, thanks, pop." I watched the malice in his eyes as he turned, walking away and cursing into the open air.
"Now, Jade, are you sure about this? I know you want to be a writer, but-"
"Mom, I'm sure."
I had gotten in, and things changed dramatically for me. There were all kinds of classes and students, from actors to musicians, comedians to that weird kid with that damn puppet. Yeah, I know his name is Robbie. And I know that he hangs around me. But that is because of Cat. But what he, and she really, doesn't know, is that she's mine. I want her. Not as a girlfriend. No, I want to fuck her silly, and make her my bitch.
A few months in, I found that this kid from Canada, Beck, had the total hots for me. And me, not wanting my being a lesbian to come out just yet, decided to play around a little. Plus, I was still trying to convince myself that I might not be that way anyway. Nothing like breaking someone and having them cry like a baby over me. Again, did I mention cold-hearted and dark? So Beck and I became a thing, and for over two years, we were together.
And then, I couldn't take it anymore. I called off things with Beck. But what I didn't know was how attached I had really become. I went over to this girls house. Tori Vega. Tori motherfucking Vega. If I wasn't absolutely convinced she was there to take the spotlight off of me, and to steal my cover of being a lesbian away, I think I might like her. No, scratch that. That girl would just be another roach under my boot, squashed flat in a matter of moments.
But I cried, made her feel sorry for me. I used her to get Beck back. I needed him, not for the support. And not romantically. And not even as a friend. I just needed my cover back. But not anymore. So here I am, about to break the guy's heart for the second time. How do I know I'm breaking his heart? The way he looks at me. Like he is awe, or just engrossed with me. Like I am the only thing important, or that I am all he wants and needs. But I had wasted too much time not being with Cat when I know I want to.
"Beck, its over. I can't do this anymore."
He looked up, his dark hair shielding his eyes. I know he is crying, I can tell by the way his body tensed and his breathing started becoming erratic. Its a tell tell sign of his. "Why?"
"Why the fuck does it matter? We're done." I had my reason, and I think he was going to find out really soon. I don't care that we are in the middle of school. I don't care that I broke his spirit, or that he probably will be weirded out by what I am about to do. I pulled out my phone, a certain redhead's number pulling up rather quick.
"Cat, I need to talk to you." There were no tears, nothing to suggest that I had just broken up with someone I "care about."
"Kay-kay!" Her squeal was enough that Beck could hear it.
"You've gotta be kidding? CAT?" I think he knew the entire time, or at least recently. I had stopped fucking him. We had done it so I could make sure of my "lesbian" feelings once and for all. He picked up on it, noting that something was different. I had pushed it away, saying that it was my business and that I would deal with it my way.
I got up, ignoring his sorry ass while he cried over our "relationship". I found Cat, who had been in the janitor's closet waiting. She always did, because it was the only place I ever went. Don't ask why Cat. Like I said, she was the reason I doubted being straight in the first place. She was the one who occupied my thoughts when I had my "alone time". If you need me to explain that, then you are wasting my time.
Plus, there was something about her chipper and non-chalant attitude. Something that made me feel happy. Even happy enough to "tolerate" Tori f'n Vega. I was drawn to her, a moth to a flame. I didn't want to date her. No, that wasn't my plan. I just want her. Fuck her silly, make her bo-legged. Watch her writhe as I slip myself into her. God, just thinking about it is making me wet. So wet, indeed, that I actually turn her away so I can touch myself momentarily.
"Cat, we're hanging out tomorrow. And you're staying at my house. I will not take no for an answer. If you don't show up, I will-"
"Don't worry, Jadey!" "If she calls me that one more time. I'll, what West? Kill her? Maybe just fuck her harder. I want her to scream my name!" "I'll be there!" There was something in her eyes. Wonder? Happiness? Well yes, but still, more than usual? Desire?! "Oh, god, what if she wants me too?" I place a light kiss to her temple, walking out and leaving for a private place to "get rid of some tension", and I hope you know what I mean.
Chapter 1! A new story, and a little bit different for me. I'm not one to write POVs, or to use such a dark/bitchy character. But then again, I feel like Jade's nature is dark, manipulative, bitchy, and very much controlling. So I feel like I need to let it out. If you would be so kind as to, please review. And please read this as I update. It would mean alot to me!