I'm going through M&M withdrawals. Trust me, it's not pretty.
Thanks to Tosca's Prayer for advice on this, you're wonderful as ever.
The team known to all but themselves as Ocean's Eleven (they're private contractors after all) would never like to be described as sentimental. They were crooks after all, thieves, hackers, munitions experts all in their own right. Not ones to be seen getting soft, not when in their line of the business.
But the need to reunite, reminisce on old (fantastic) times, to possibly brainstorm ideas for the future is understandable even for hardened criminals like themselves. So they saw no shame in the occasional meet-up at Reuben's, who was always only too happy to host. Especially when he had finger foods and French champagne on offer.
So it was only natural that on a hot Summer's night during one of these completely rare and not at all usual gatherings that when Rusty failed to show on time, there were a few questions.
It was of course just as natural that all those questions were directed at Danny.
"Yo Danny, Rusty coming or what?" Turk called from by the pool, still grinning maniacally at having managed to push his brother in.
Danny kept his sigh inward and instead nodded reassuringly. "He'll be here." It was the third time he'd been asked and the night had barely begun.
Rusty would be there. Of course he would. He and Danny had shared a flight over, had been planning to arrive together. After all, they'd barely been apart in three months, finishing up a long term con with their usual finesse, thank you very much. No point splitting up now. That had been the unspoken agreement at least.
But just as they had been leaving the airport Rusty got a call, and his usual easy going demeanour had quickly changed into that of something Danny rarely saw on him, and enjoyed seeing even less. Discomfort had settled on him like a blanket, his face setting into a tight-lipped line. Rusty didn't say anything, only listened warily, Danny waiting semi-patiently by his side to find out what was wrong and who was on the other line.
By the time Rusty hung up, having still not said a word since his short greeting of "yeah," that semi-patience had worn right down to no-patience and he looked at his partner expectantly.
"Something wrong?" asked Danny, as if he couldn't read the answer all over Rusty's face.
Rusty grimaced in reply, his finger lightly tracing the outline of his lips. You could say that.
Danny had the feeling Rusty hadn't meant to let that slip, even silently. But there wasn't much point trying to convey anything but the truth amongst these two. "Rus'" he prompted.
Danny was right at the brink of worried-but-won't-admit-it when Rusty finally answered him out loud. "Sorry, I've gotta…" he suddenly turned and began walking towards a waiting cab.
It was rare when one didn't understand the other, but at that moment Danny had no idea how Rusty would have finished that sentence. And that put him right at the alright-I'll-admit-I'm-kind-of-worried stage. "Well will you - "
"Yeah," Rusty called back with a dismissive wave. Okay. So he still planned to be at Reuben's later. Danny watched Rusty's taxi drive away from the curb, and by the time it had disappeared amongst the traffic, he still hadn't decided if he should have followed.
There was still a few hours before Reuben was expecting them. With a resigned air Danny decided he may as well check in to the hotel they'd booked (despite Reuben's insistence they could have stayed with him). Signalling another taxi Danny turned to pick up his luggage and it was at that moment he noticed Rusty hadn't even picked up his own. Shaking his dead dubiously Danny put both of their bags into the boot of the cab and tried not to dwell on the sudden strange actings of his friend. Too much.
But now everyone was lounging around Reuben's expansive house, everyone was there; except Rusty. He hadn't showed up at the hotel and hadn't answered his phone any of the two - okay, five - times Danny had tried to call him. It was taking an unexpected amount of self-control for Danny to not just rush out and look for Rusty right now. Las Vegas wasn't that big…
It was another twenty minutes before Dominic walked out of the back door with their final guest.
"Hey, Rusty!"
"Rusty, what's up man?"
"It's about time!"
Danny turned away from the pool to face the house, startled he hadn't noticed Rusty arrive. They could never sneak up on each other, and they'd tried in the past. It just didn't seem possible. Unless…
Rusty smiled at Dominic as the butler went back to the house before turning his smile on the others, raising a hand in greeting.
Oh no…
"And where the hell have you been, huh?" asked Reuben good naturedly, embracing Rusty quickly. "I was having trouble saving the snacks!"
Rusty gave a slight half-shrug in apology, that grin still plastered on his face.
Dammit Rusty…
Danny slowly made his way over as the chatter rose up again, more heartedly than before now that they were no longer missing a piece. He took his time, contemplating how to handle the situation, meaning Livingston had time to sidle up beside Rusty. "Hey Rus, listen, I have this idea on how to boost surveillance I was wanting to bounce off you… I was hoping maybe I could try it out at your hotel?" Livingston paused and looked at the ground sheepishly. "I asked Reuben but he's a bit sceptical after my last experiment."
Yen happened to be walking past at the time and grinned, pointing out that it might have something to do with his last experiment that had the sprinklers going off every half hour.
"It was only every hour," rebutted Livingston defensively, his face colouring.
Finally Danny reached them and lay a hand on Rusty's shoulder, getting his attention. Rusty looked at him and Danny studied his eyes, dull compared to their usual gleam, his grin not filling his face quite as much, the exaggerated stillness of his body and silence emanating from him. Danny sighed, his suspicions confirmed.
"Come on Rusty, sit down," Danny muttered, leading him to a chair.
"Is something wrong?" asked Linus. He wasn't the only one looking confused. It seemed they'd gained everyone's attention through Danny's quiet concern.
"What do you think?" asked Danny irritably. Wasn't it obvious?
"Well I - I dunno, he seems fine to me…"
Oh. Right. It wasn't.
"Rusty's drunk," Danny explained unhappily.
"Oh Rusty," sighed Saul, standing off to the left a little. Rusty never got drunk. Well. Almost never. Saul had only seen it happen once before, and that was right after Danny had been sent to jail.
"He seems pretty sober to me Danny," commented Frank despite his concerned look.
Danny offered a humourless smile. "He's completely smashed."
"Well, what'd he go and get bladdered for then?" asked Basher.
Danny shook his head and answered "I don't know." He tried to hide how much that frustrated him. It was no wonder he hadn't noticed Rusty arriving, and why he couldn't decipher anything going on in his head right now; the alcohol dulled Rusty's senses. It slowed his thinking, wittled away at his quick wits. Drinking too much made Rusty dull and mild, it took away all his normal energy. It made Rusty not Rusty. It was why he avoided ever having too much. Sure he was always up for a drink, and he could go a while before it really started to affect him - but that was just it. Rusty would have had to drink a lot to actually get this drunk. He had to have been determined. And drinking for the sake of getting drunk was never positive. Danny had only seen Rusty go there a few times, and it was never exactly for shits and giggles.
"How about you take him inside?' suggested Reuben, frowning.
Danny nodded and lifted Rusty by his arm, who stood up steadily at the small encouragement. He hadn't said a word. "Sorry to bring things down Reuben," he muttered without taking his eyes of Rusty.
Reuben waved his apology away, giving a small smile. "You just make sure he's alright."
Danny nodded. "Intend to." He lead Rusty back to the house, keeping a hold of his arm. Unlike Basher, who couldn't go without threatening to blow up at least three people when he was 'bladdered', or Linus who got all sentimental and teary, or Turk and Virgil, who both would get overly giggly at the tiniest thing, DrunkRusty was unaturally calm. Easily placated. Danny knew he should probably at least be grateful for that, but he couldn't help think he'd much rather the full-of-life Rusty he was used to.
Danny got Rusty settled on the plush lounge, grateful no one had followed them inside. "You going to talk to me now?" he asked as he crouched in front of him, holding onto each of Rusty's arms.
Rusty looked at him and tried to focus for probably the first time that night. "Danny?"
"Yeah Rus," replied Danny patiently. "I'm here. What happened?"
Rusty's brow furrowed, as he tried to concentrate. "I… I, um…"
It wasn't looking good. Rusty was more drunk than even Danny had thought. "Let's go from the start. Who called you this afternoon? Do you remember?"
Rusty was silent a moment before his eyes widened. It made him look vulnerable, and Danny had to refrain from hugging him there and then. Let him focus. "The hospital. A hospital in… In…" Rusty thought a moment longer. "In Washington. A hospital in Washington."
Danny frowned. "Why was a hospital in Washington calling you?" Rusty squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as if trying to block something out, keep some memory away. "Rusty. Rus, hey. It's alright. I'm here." Danny tightened his grip slightly. "Look at me." He did. "What happened?"
"Pete Henshaw… Petey… He… He's dead…" muttered Rusty hoarsely, as if he'd only just been told.
Danny frowned. The name wasn't familiar. "Who is that Rusty?"
"He was my friend… My best friend," admitted Rusty, and his head dropped almost before Danny could see tears welling up in his eyes. Almost.
"You've never mentioned him," commented Danny, trying to hide his confusion. To be honest, he'd kind of assumed…
"Years ago," said Rusty with a waver in his voice. "Years and years. Before I met you. Before…" Before he'd joined their line of work, Danny realized. "We were so close," continued Rusty, no prompt needed. "So close… He didn't really have anyone. No siblings, no cousins, parents dead…"
"So you were his next of kin," Danny filled in the blanks. Rusty nodded wearily.
"I figured he would have changed it by now. Gotten it updated. It's been so long…" Rusty sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. "I should have kept in touch. Should have… should have been there." Danny was quiet, studying Rusty with years of practice. "It was a car crash," Rusty added dully.
This wasn't the only thing on Rusty's mind. He was still holding back. "It wasn't your fault, you know that right?" asked Danny softly. He wasn't sure if Rusty even heard him.
"I disappeared on Petey so long ago," Rusty said. "Never called, never left him a way to contact me. It took the hospital a week to even find me." A look of sudden shock crossed his face. "Petey's been dead for a week," he moaned, leaning back into the sofa as if hoping it would just swallow him.
Danny couldn't hold back any more. He got up to sit next to Rusty and hugged him tightly, resting his chin on Rusty's coiffed blonde hair. "This isn't your fault," he repeated as he felt Rusty's shoulders tremble. "It's not your fault Rus."
Suddenly Rusty pulled away and glared at Danny. "What if it happens to us?"
Danny blinked. "What?"
"What if we stop talking and one day I get a call telling me you got hit by a car? Or fell off a roof? Or died of lung cancer? What if - "
"Woah, Rus, slow down," said Danny, raising his hands in a calming gesture. So this was what had been worrying him. "That's not going to happen to us."
Rusty continued to glare suspiciously. "How do you know?"
Danny sighed. "I'm sorry about your friend. I'm sorry about Pete. I am." He looked right into Rusty's eyes, hoping something would get through the drunken haze. "You and Pete drifted apart. Sometimes it happens." His face was set determinedly as he continued. "But not to us. Not ever to us. We'll be going strong for years to come, and for years after that. We won't be going it alone." He allowed himself a small smile. "I know I can trust you to stop me from getting hit by a car. Or falling off a roof."
Rusty appeared to consider that for a moment. "What about lung cancer?" he asked uncertainly.
"Who was the one who got me to quit smoking?" rebutted Danny. Now it was Rusty's turn to smile. Silence settled over them and Danny watched fondly as Rusty leaned into him.
"Do you think Pete would be mad at me?" asked Rusty quietly after a moment's comfortable silence.
Danny considered the question, mostly just trying to understand how one could be mad with Rusty, and what on earth that would even feel like. He didn't think he'd ever find out. Eventually he answered with "I think, in the end, it shouldn't matter."
Rusty looked up at him, a rare expression of incomprehension on his face, and Danny was sorely reminded of the affects too much alcohol could have on Rusty, and in turn have on them as a collective. He sighed and continued "when you're at end of the line, I don't think regrets or grudges would be at the top of your priorities. I know they wouldn't be at the top of mine." Danny focused, unabashed, on Rusty's face as he spoke. "In your last few moments you'd want to focus more on the good wouldn't you? I'm sure that's how Pete saw it." Rusty lay his muddled head back against Danny's as he tried to understand.
"So… you wouldn't be mad at me? If that happened to us?"
"I told you Rus, it's not going to happen to us." Seeing Rusty wasn't entirely convinced, Danny continued. "But no, I wouldn't be mad at you," and finally he could feel some of the tension ebbing it's way out of his friend's body. "Just like you wouldn't be mad at me." After a pause he added "if you go into this life acting like you have nothing to lose - "
"Then go out of life the same way," finished Rusty almost soberly with a serious nod. Danny was relieved their connection hadn't completely disintegrated.
They settled back into silence and Danny could feel them both finally relaxing. He wondered how much of this Rusty would remember the next day.
Knowing him, probably all of it.
It was there on that couch they stayed until Rusty had fallen asleep and Danny couldn't bring himself to move in the risk of waking him up. If he was being completely honest, he just didn't really want to leave. Rusty looked so peaceful, almost vulnerable, more so than he ever did when awake. Danny was almost tempted to get a photo. The amount of torment that picture would provide was only thirty per cent the reason. Okay. Maybe forty.
Danny looked down at the man he would be willing to spend the rest of his life with, oblivious to the social shenanigans still taking place outside amongst the rest of the crew.
"Sure," he muttered under his breath. "Nothing to lose."
He wondered just how he ever could have thought that to be true.
Still have not obtained M&Ms. These are hard times.