Espada Boot Camp
Where exactly did the Espada learn how to function as well as they do? Boot camp of course! Crack fic. T for language and stupidity.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Chapter 1
Several hundred thousand years before the start of Bleach...
It was midnight in the Soul Society and nobody was thought to be awake, but one man was. Sosuke Aizen. A man of great intelligence, a wild imagination, a bad case of insomnia, a pair of thick glasses, wild, unruly brown hair, and the owner of blue prints of a plan to begin the end of the Soul Society and it's king, who is never actually seen, described, named, or anything else (even though the series practically revolves around his life).
Any who, on this particular night Aizen was deciding who he should have on his side in his yet-to-be-formed army. He already knew that he would have Kaname Tousen and Gin Ichimaru on his side, and he also knew that his main group of fighters were going to be the soulless hollows, the enemies of the soul reapers... like himself. Aizen was clueless on how he was going to persuade the hollows, but what the hay! He was gonna do it no matter what! Even if billions upon billions of strawberries fell on him in the process.
He had already hollowfied Shinji Hirako, Rose Otoribashi, Mashiro Kuna, Love Aikawa, Hiyori Sarugaki, Lisa Yadōmaru, Hachigen Ushōda, and Kensei Muguruma, but they had been shinigami, not hollo-
"THAT'S IT! I always knew narrating my life in third person would come in handy someday! Now I know who'll be in my legion of unbeatable soldiers. I'll remove a hollow's mask using the same method I used when I gave those shinigami masks! It makes so much sense now, why didn't I see this sooner? If I can give a mask, I can remove one! Sure those masks are the equivalent of a hollow's face, but it can't be that hard." Aizen was ecstatic with joy. He was brilliant; there was no room for error to occur. His army was going to be unbeatable.
Aizen went straight to mapping out all the odds and ends so he could show little Gin and Tousen his new master plan.
"Now of course there'll be some of these new hollow that will be more elite than others," he chimed to himself in pleasure. "Now, what to call them..." This baffled the genius the most; he didn't know what to call his yet-to-be-made race of hollows.
"Hmm... it has to have something to do with their missing masks. Gone, no. Their masks won't exist, so they kinda go "poof" and disappear, in theory at least. So... the "Poofs"? Yeah, the "Poof" race of hollows. It just emits evil, if I do say so myself."
Now all that was left was to tell Tousen and little Gi-
"Damn. I forgot. Gin went to the World of the Living for the first time ever a couple days ago." This set his plans back because he wanted Tousen and Gin to know at the same time. "Well crap. I'll just wait till he gets back. I wonder if he liked where he went, or for that matter, where he went."
One week later...
Aizen had continued to build on to the ideas of his new race of hollows, the Poofs. On this particular day, Gin was due to return to the Seiretei. Aizen and found out that he had been stationed in Spain for the week.
Aizen and Tousen were standing outside of the Sekaimon awaiting for Gin's arrival. In under minutes a child that looked about eight or nine with light periwinkle-ish hair came bounding out of the gate. His face was set in an unyielding grin. He looked like a child who have never seen pain and suffering in the world.
"Hi Aizen-sama~! What cha' doin'? Huh, huh, huh?" For as strong as Gin was, even at his current age, he had an issue. He could say 300 words on one breath, and he always had something to say. After about a minute Aizen and Tousen's ears were bleed profusely.
"Gin! Can you talk any faster?" Aizen was baffled at how much the boy could say. Tousen was quick to follow.
"Breath, Gin. It would be unfortunate for Aizen-sama to lose such great power because you didn't breath."
"Thank you Tousen. Now then, while I have you two here I might as well tell you my master plan!" This got Gin and Tousen's attention. "I've figured out who I shall have in my army of unbeatable troops. As decided earlier, I will use hollows, but not just any hollow. No, these will be special hollows. The others are so easy to kill, but not mine. They will be called "Poofs" because I will remove their masks using the same method I used when giving Shinji Hirako and co. masks! The origin of the name "Poof" is from the fact that they won't have a mask anymore!"
Gin and Tousen quickly took a liking to this plan. There were no questions like "how will we get to Hueco Mundo?" or "will the hollows even let us rip their masks off?" or "will the hollows accept a shinigami as a ruler?" or "how does putting a mask on equal taking one of" or anything like that. Nope, no questions what so ever.
Several months later...
Aizen, Gin, and Tousen are standing in a hollow palace in the middle of a desert caught in an eternal night. Between the three shinigami is a motionless hollow corpse whose mask had been ripped off. Then the creature twitched and began to move. Its movements were stiff and best defined as puppet-like. The hollow's hole was still there over his eye and part of its mask was still on it over the eye as well. Gin was the first to speak, "I thought you said their masks would be completely gone, Aizen-sama."
"Well damn. Now the name "poof" makes no sense... Would you like to rename them Gin?"
"YES! I wanna name 'em "arrancar"! Cuz when I was in Spain I learned the language, and so I wanna name 'em a Spanish name so I can use my knowledge!"
Then Tousen spoke up, "what does "arrancar" even mean?"
"To tear off, cuz it's like we just ripped them masks off!"
Aizen stepped towards the creature still writhing on the ground. "I believe that settles it then. You, my son, are now an "Arrancar" and a new member of my army. Now tell me, what is your name?"
The only thing that could be heard was the inhuman sounds that came from the large mass of hollow on the ground. Gin just looks down with no idea what the hell kind of name "uargiblehargiblah" was.
"Can I jus name 'em Aizen-sama?"
"Yes."
"Oh large big, ol', hollow, I name you "Nnoitra"*, may you be strong, kind, pleasant, and not bat-shit insane!" Aizen was very pleased with the name and the dubbing declaration that Gin had given. He helps Nnoitra stand. Once the hollow stands he is given some clothes by Aizen almost immediately because he was beginning to feel insecure about the size of his "ego" compared to Nnoitra's. He never knew a hollow's wang could be so big, yet another reason why hollows were superior to shinigami.
"Well then. Gin," Aizen glances over at Gin, the Tousen, "Tousen, I believe this was small success of many to come. Why don't we go look for a Vasto-Lorde so we may rip its mask off and return it to a human form."
And with that, the three shinigami set forth to explore the vast desert set in a never-ending night. The palace behind them was left under the care of Nnoitra, as well as the computers with Wi-Fi protection and lack of web sense.
Well, there you go. The first (and probably only) chapter to Espada Boot Camp. If you want another chapter, then review. The people who review are kind people that make my day better, and when I have a good day, then I update, but when I have a bad day, nobody's happy because I won't update. Your pick.
* I have no friggin' clue if he was the first made or not, but he is now! :D