A/N: Crack fic. Hiram and LeRoy Berry have had enough of Blaine Anderson stealing solos from their daughter. I don't own Glee. Warnings for character death. Makes fun of Rachel and Blaine a bit.
Fatherly love
There's nothing that a parent won't do for their child. So, when Hiram and LeRoy Berry heard about Blaine Anderson's transfer to McKinley they were concerned. They were concerned because they knew that Blaine, like their daughter, lived for the spotlight. Blaine, like Rachel, was also a talented performer. Blaine, like Rachel, completely lacked any sense of style. Which was unfortunate, but there wasn't much that Hiram and LeRoy could do about that.
Things started off well enough, with Rachel successfully driving Mercedes and Santana away to the Troubletones. That eliminated the female competition, except for Tina, who didn't count anyways. Hiram and LeRoy had taught Rachel well. Winning the solo by default was just as good as winning it through competition. She had topped her previous performance of last year when she sent Sunshine Corazon to the crack house rather than the theater for her audition.
Rachel was concerned about Blaine as well. She tried to play on Finn's acknowledgment of reality that Blaine could outclass him to attempt to create a hostile atmosphere for him. That had worked, a little bit. However, the problem with Blaine was that he wasn't as isolated as Sunshine was. He had connections within McKinley, to Kurt Hummel, which they reflected on as a terrible waste. For Kurt, obviously. Kurt knew the speed of things and didn't actively fight Rachel for solos anymore. That was good. Blaine though. . . just didn't get it.
"So you're probably wondering why we invited you over to our home?" LeRoy said.
Blaine preened. "Yeah. I was wondering about that. You have a very nice home though."
Hiram was standing by the fireplace. "Well, thank you Blaine. The reason we called you over here was to impress upon you what your role should be in New Directions."
Blaine looked over at him quizzically. "I'm a valued member of their team. I'm happy to help out. I wish I had more of the spotlight to be sure, but you know sacrifices have to be made."
LeRoy frowned at that. "Yes, Blaine, sacrifices. We're going to have to ask you to not compete with Rachel for solos. Not so much ask, as demand."
Blaine's face turned mottled with rage, the vein on his neck standing out. "Now listen here, I've earned my solos. I'm not going to stop competing with Rachel for them. I have every right to the spotlight!" He rose from his chair, turning to quickly leave.
Hiram grabbed his arm. Blaine struggled and freed himself from his grip, but tripped in the process. The top of his head hit the wall, but the gel that he had used gave his hair so much stiffness that it caused him to rebound off the wall, and fall onto the glass coffee table that graced the Berry's living room. The table shattered upon being hit with the force of the beefcake Blaine, glass impaling him.
LeRoy Berry was horrified at the scene before them. Blaine had just ruined their new carpeting. He went to go dial 911, knowing that it was hopeless. As he lifted the receiver from it's handle in the kitchen, a warm hand covered his own, and placed the phone back in its cradle.
"The cops will never believe the story. We have to dispose of the body, make it look wholly unconnected with us."
"Oh, Hiram. Ok. Get him out to his car and we'll stage a crash. It'll be a production!"
Hiram hefted Blaine over his shoulder, carrying him out to his car. Hiram dug into his pockets and found his keys. He placed Blaine into the passengers side and took his place at the drivers seat. LeRoy had come out and got into their Prius to follow.
"Look LeRoy, it's like Weekend at Bernie's, except it's Weekend at Blaine's!"
LeRoy just sighed miserably. After they got back, they'd have to clean up the coffee table, and convince Rachel that Hiram stumbled after one too many Chardonnays. Not that it'd be hard or anything.
They drove out to a secluded stretch of road outside of town. Hiram and Blaine switched places and Hiram fastened his and Blaine's seat belts before driving the car at a relatively high rate of speed into a tree. Satisfied at his handy work, and relatively little damaged incurred to himself, Hiram Berry stepped out of the car. He noticed LeRoy smoking a cigarette while leaning on the drivers side door of their Prius.
"You know, Hiram, it's times like this that I wish we would have let Shelby keep her."
"Oh, that's not true LeRoy."
"You're right Hiram. Let's go home and clean up the mess. I don't want to have to do it after Temple tomorrow."
"I do wonder what it would have been like if Rachel had been a boy though."
"We'd be the soccer dads from hell."