Insane Breakdown

by Klinestife

Then Bob threw a Master Ball at the POOP. Then he noticed POOP had low hp, so he took it to the PokeCenter. Nurse Joy was like WTF IS THAT, and had a heart attack. Only one thing came to Prof. Oak's prodigal mind. "This, is a LEGENDARY POKEMON!" Crackfic.

Rated M for frequent use of language and references to alcohol and drugs.

Warning: This story may provide the reader with violent spasms. In some instances the reader's brain may melt.

This is a collaboration of TRIPLENNNBOYEAH, frontier399, and RodlShdwDragn.

Funniest Contributor: RoflShdwDragn

Editor: frontier399

Uploader: TRIPLENNNBOYEAH

Bob was fishing for a Chinchou when it suddenly floated out of the river by itself. Bob was puzzled by the floating fish so he tried to walk over and touch it, but unfortunately for him he wasn't Jebus so he fell into the lake.

Then, Chuck Norris came in, and the water magically parted before him. Bob was saved by the almighty Chuck Norris. You know, Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. He can do anything.

"OMG Chuck Norris, you are my savior!" Bob cried.

Then he went back to fishing for a Chinchou, oblivious to the fact that it was floating right above him.

Delibird, who was also Chuck Norris's nemesis, decided to appear and rained down presents of joy. Or sorrow. Dunno which. But anyway. There were presents exploding everywhere – some even gave out mystical lights – and it was goddamn frickin' chaos.

And Bob just kept fishing with the Chinchou still hovering over his head, oblivious of the fact that the whole fucking world was falling apart.

Bob was a happy man. So was the Chinchou… well, er… a happy Pokemon in this case. Why? Because it was happy.

THEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS LIKE "OH NOEZ IT'S DELIBIRD MY ARCH NEMENEMENEMENESIS I MUST KILL IT o.O"

THEN DELIBIRD WAS LIKE "I WANT TO EAT MEAT AND HOTDOGS CUZ DELI MEANS MEAT AND HOTDOGS IN SOME UNIVERSE AND w00t!"

Then, Jesus appeared with dual submachine guns and blew the fuck out of the two of them. Delibird died immediately. Chuck Norris was completely fine. The bullets cannot stop his awesome-ness.

Although, no one had seemed to notice Bob and the Chinchou, both who were having the time of their lives.

Jesus then granted Bob the power of walking on water and left immediately afterwards. Bob was like "OMGYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYA I CAN WALK ON WATER NOW!" and then started dancing on the water. Chuck Norris challenged Bob to a fight. The Chinchou was still floating and staring into space.

That's when Suicune appeared, and because it saw Bob walking on water it got pissed because Suicune is like Jesus and Bob was copying it. So anyway, Suicune froze the floating Chinchou – who STILL didn't know WHAT THE FUCK was going on, and then drop kicked Bob's face. WIN!

Chuck Norris was then uber pissed because Suicune just pwned his new opponent, and decided to pwn Suicune. But then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all came out of nowhere lightning fast – and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass.

Chuck Norris then defied Lemon Demon reality and kicked the asses of EVERYONE around him. But then Master Chief showed up and looked at the huge brawl and thought WHATTHEFUCKISGOINGONOMGWTF.

Cortana was monitoring his thought waves at that time, and deduced that he wanted to fuck something. Smart AI my ass.

Master Chief then stared at Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris stared at Master Chief – and then proceeded to kick his ass and Master Chief went flying out of nowhere. You know. Chuck Norris is invincible. Cortana was really pissed off, because she was about to get down inside the Chief's mind, too.

TRIPLENNNBOOYEAH: Rofl. Rofl, your turn.

Frontier399: Rofl, he disappeared.

RoflShdwDragn: Yeah.

Frontier399: Yep.

Then the Flood came up and they were all like "I WANNA SUCK YOUR BAL- I MEAN BRAIN AND LIFE FLUID OM NOM NOM NOM NOM"

Chuck Norris decided to sue the flood for wanting to suck his balls, but then he noticed that he spent all his cash on liquor last night. So he hired the world's cheapest attorney, PHOENIX WRIGHT! Booyeah. However, in court, all the HOLD IT's and OBJECTION's pissed the judge off to no end, and he threw his hammer at Phoenix Wright's head and knocked him out. Thus explaining why he REALLY quit. And why he wears that fucking gay hat all the time now.

He wanted to sue the judge for injuring him, so he hired this n00b attorney called Apollo Justice, who couldn't do SHIT, and in fact, he defended HIMSELF while Apollo sat there looking like a fucking idiot with that bad hairdo.

Yep. Back to the original story, though. After failing to sue the flood, Chuck Norris sat in a corner and sulked. He sulked and sulked until Bob, who had somehow survived everything, walked over to him.

"I can defeat you."

The Chinchou, who still had no crapping idea what was going on, unfroze itself and just decided to wing it and float into the lake. Bob turned around just to see it float into the lake and was all like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then he started chasing after it, but then the revived Delibird started chanting, and out of nowhere Torterra appeared, and started Torterra – ing. Then Bob was all like, "OMG IT'S ECO-BOWSER CUZ HE HAS LIKE A TREE ON HIS BACK. I MUST CATCH HIM."

Then Torterra got all scared and crap and pissed in its pants. Er, tree. Er… on the ground. Anyway, Bob started chasing Torterra as they ran around in circles.

CIRCLES OF DOOM!

It was at that time when Golbez decided the whole thing was gay and unleashed hell on Eco – erm, on Torterra. He used a METEOR and even though it was SUPER EFFECTIVE, it didn't do shit, because he was the weakest final boss in the Final Fantasy series.

RoflShdwDragn: I thought Golbez died? With the old moon rabbit.

TRIPLENNNBOOYEAH: Screw that. It's crack.

RoflShdwDragn: Ahh… so Golbez came back from the dead by taking crack?

TRIPLENNNBOOYEAH: It's a crackfic, who cares.

RoflShdwDragn: Damn, Triplen. You have just found the elixir of life! Crack.

The most it did though was make a leaf fly off Eco-Bowser's tree, which wasn't much. Bob continued chasing Torterra and created more CIRCLES OF DOOM. The CIRCLES OF DOOM started glowing and shit, and light exploded from the ground.

Evil Chuck Norris started floating out. "Greetings! I am evil Chuck - "

What happened was that Neku Sakubara had hopped out and used his pin. Or attempted to. Completely ignoring the fact that he didn't exist, he shoved the pin through the Evil Chuck's flesh. And of course, pins are Chuck Norris's weakness, ever since this chick pierced his nipples with a pin. He had to go through surgery after that.

Frontier399: … That's gotta hurt.

Then Evil Chuck was like, "OH NO PINS, MY ONLEH WEAKNESS… I'M DYING! I MUST TAKE CRACK!"

But then Chuck was like, "YOUR INITIALS ARE LIKE E.T., SO YOU CAN'T TAKE CRACK!"

Then E.C. was like, "!"

"I HAVE DEFEATED YOU!" CHUCK NORRIS CRIED TRIUMPHANTLY. "I HAVE DEFEATED - "

He then got bonked in the head by Bob, who still wanted a fight with him.

TRIPLENNNBOOYEAH: Wait, wait, I just realized something. Didn't Delibird die?

Frontier399: Yeah, Rofl. Jersus machine-gunned him to death.

RoflShdsDragn: Noooooooooooooooooooooo...he took crack.

TRIPLENNNBOYEAH: Oh. Ok.

Frontier399: Lol.

That's when a piece of POOP appeared out of nowhere and started talking to them. It was like, "I'M A PIECE OF POOP, FEAR MAH SUPREME POWER BIOTCHES!"

Then Bob was like, "OMG I'M GOING TO CATCH YOU!"

Then Bob threw a Master Ball at the POOP.

The POOP was caught and the POOP was like "NNOOOOOOOOOO! MY POOPiness WILL COME BAAAAACCCK FOR YOUUUUU!"

Then he noticed POOP had low hp, so he took it to the PokeCenter. Nurse Joy was like WTF IS THAT, and had a heart attack. Professor Oak then came cuz he was the most awesome Pokemon expert, and here was a kid with a Pokemon he didn't know about.

Only one thing came to Prof. Oak's prodigal mind. "This, is a LEGENDARY POKEMON!"

POOP felt greatly flattered. I mean, it was just a piece of TALKING POOP. But then POOP'S all like, "BUT I KNOW IT'S A LIE YOU GAY FAG, YOU'RE LYING SO I MUST EAT YOU! With my POOPINESS."

And so Oak was devoured by the POOP and came out of POOP'S other… side? Anyway, he came out of POOP's other side as… POOP.

DUN, DUN, DUN.

POOP then realized the epic power it had at its hands, and also realized that he could conquer the WORLD with POOP! But then Sho Minamota came and killed him, thus throwing him into The Game.

Bob was sad. All he was left with now was one POOP that was dead and one POOP that was alive. He wanted to join The Game too.

But then it's like, this huge afro dude appeared out of nowhere and used its magic to give everyone huge afros. That's when Miror B and his big Pokeball afro appeared with his army of dancing Ludicolo, and they started to dance to music that appeared when Miror B snapped his fingers.

But then, Miror B and Bob pulled out their DS's and traded the two legendary mascots from Diamond and Pearl. However, the two deities, because they were gay beyond reason, started to have butt-sex midway through the trade. Time and space started to distort due to heightened emotions from the two deities. Um… okay.

Then Ash KETCHUM came in and was all like, "Pikachu, I choose you! Go Volt Tackle them!"

Pikachu appeared out of nowhere and Volt Tackled Miror B, Bob, AND their DS's. The handhelds exploded and left Dialga and Palkia stuck in the void between the wireless systems. Forever. And forever having… butt sex.

But then Giritina is like, "OMG MY EYES BURN WHY THE CRAP DOES ARCEUS IMPLANT VISIONS INTO MY MIND OF WHAT THOSE TWO ARE DOING, AT EVERY GIVEN TIME OF THE DAY? AUUUUGHGHGHGH!"

This rage caused Giritina to become severely pissed and the Distortion World (hehe) started to distort (hehe x2). He started charging towards the two butt sexing legendaries like a crazed man, his eyes going all out of whack and stuff.

The two deities saw the charging Giritna and went apeshit freaking insane. But then Johnny Bravo (oh yeah) appeared in the middle, flexing his muscles. Giritina went, "WTF !"

And Johnny Bravo went, "Lulwat?"

"Hey Giritina, baby, wanna check out my muscles?" Johnny Bravo started flexing his muscles again, and flicked his hair. Giritina blasted him away. Dialga and Palkia took one look at each other and started butt sexing again.

Giritina then went crazy with rage. "GAH DAMMIT, WHEN DO YOU GUYS EVER STOP?"

TRIPLENNNBOOYEAH: Wait a sec. How did Johnny know that it's Giritina?

Frontier399: Dunno. He's on crack. He suddenly knows stuff.

RoflShdwDragn: You gotta love Johnny.

Dialga and Palkia looked at him, and were all like, "Ollollollololololol! OL! OL! OL1lolo1olol1ol1ol1ololo1l!lolo1lolOL!11"

Then they went back to butt sexing, and Giritina started ripping out its own wing thingies out with its imaginary claws that it obtained (somehow) through being pissed at the two legends.

The insanity made Giritina join the deity butt-sexing session.

OMGWTFBBQ?

Arceus was watching the whole thing with his mighty powers and stuff, and was getting pissed off about the fact that he was the only dimension legendary in Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum that was not having butt sex. He got so pissed off he summoned Yugi Moto and made him use his "Heart of the Cards" crap to pwn them.

Unfortunately, the "Heart of the Cards" did NOT pwn them, and Giritina, Dialga and Palkia continued their butt sexing party. They weren't about to let anyone crash it.

But Arceus decided to, and decided to use Judgement and kill 'em all. Unfortunately nothing happened when he used the attack, so Arceus was like "aw screw it" and went in to join the party.

That's when a certain Magikarp floated in. Then the Magikarp was all like, "JUDGE FUCKING MENT ON YOUR ASSES BIOTCHES!"

And beams of light and crap smashed down onto the legendaries, and they were thoroughly OWNED. Then POOP appeared after beating the game and crap and ate the legendaries, who appeared again as POOP. Then POOP was like "I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

Then BOB was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And he banished POOP to the shadow realm.

Suddenly, with all the dimensions gone, things started getting really messed up. Two rocks with smiley faces on them suddenly appeared in the realm. You know, personally, I have no idea where the "two rocks with smiley faces" idea came from.

RoflShdwDragn: Read our other crackfic.

TRIPLENNNBOYEAH: Shut up. They don't know that.

The smiley rocks started spinning around each other, and a rainbow appeared above them. Lollipops warped out of nowhere, and a sun with a baby's face began rising from the fray.

The sun – baby thing was laughing. And then the TELETUBBIES APPEARED!

Organization 13 came in, all pissed off because they needed two more rocks with smiley faces in their castle, but didn't want to go through Teletubbies, as they were the most terrifying shit things that were ever made. So they flipped a coin, and Demyx was chosen. Demyx went in and attempted to retrieve the rocks, but his BRAIN exploded before he got there, because the Teletubbies were doing their belly dance thing.

The Organization turned nervous.

The Teletubbies giggled and laughed (evilly, of course) and all hell broke loose. As they were doing their group hug, the members of Organization 13 started holding their heads in pain at the sheer power of the horrifying Teletubbies.

The baby sun then rose out from the midst and laughed. Then Bob somehow wandered in the dimension, and started wondering WTF was happening. Then he saw the Teletubbies, and got all happy and stuff.

The Organization was in shock because Bob was fine, so they attempted to recruit Bob into getting the two "rocks with smiley faces on them". But then Axel went all insane and killed everyone. It was then when the Teletubbies turned gigantic and made an evil laugh.

Their eyes glowed red. They unleashed their ultimate weapon. The GAY ROBOT VACUUM CLEANER ELEPHANT SCOOTER TANK MACHINE THINGY NU-NU!

The gay robot vacuum cleaner elephant scooter tank machine thingy went over and sucked Axel into itself and gave a high-pitched, spine-curdling, heart-wrenching, fear-inducing shriek of, "Nu-nu."

Bob then went apeshit insane at all the dead people, and so he took a Gatorade from his pocket.

He drank the Gatorade and kicked the asses of the Teletubbies, and then turned towards… a camera and said, "GATORADE IS THE AWESOMESAUCE ENERGY DRINK!"

An orange lightning bolt appeared in front of the… camera, and a deep voice wafted out of nowhere.

"Gatorade - Is it in you?"

The letter G appears out of nowhere, with an orange lightning bolt hanging behind it.

Then Jimmy Neutron jetted onto the screen in his jetpack, and realized he was not in front of his cartoon logo. He went crazy and blasted the Gatorade logo with his shrinking gun.

Then the Jimmy Neutron logo somehow fell in, and the robot dog Goddard came in, doing his "bark bark" thing.

Before an episode title could come out, Chuck Norris jumped in the dimension and kicked Jimmy in the face. Johnny Bravo appeared out of nowhere too, and flexed his muscles.

"Oh yeah, baby. Check out mah muscles."

Meanwhile, Bob was still standing there, STILL not knowing WHAT THE FUCK was happening. Déjà vu, anyone?

The authors, realizing that too little Pokemon have been appearing, decided to throw in a floating Chinchou for no reason.

And guess what? It was the same old daydreaming Chinchou from before.

Then the Magikarp (who was forgotten at the time) was all like, "JUDGE FUCKING MENT!"

But instead of rays coming out, a Togekiss did! But oh no, this isn't your normal old, run-of-the-mill Togekiss, no, this Togekiss was all emo-like and it was like, "My life is a pitch-black hole, with nothing to fill the pain within." Oh, the irony.

And through the sheer emoness of the Togekiss…

Er, nothing happened. But that isn't part of the story. OR IS IT? DUN, DUN DUN.

DUN – DUN – DUN - DUN, DUN – DUN – DUN – DUN! Anyway the Togekiss came in front of everyone and said, "My life is a failure. I am a failure. This world is dark to me, and this pain is filling me full of sorrow. I, I AM A FAILED PERSON! Er, Pokemon. But anyway. FREE ME FROM THIS PAIN! THIS TORTURE! I BEG YOU!"

Meanwhile, Bob was standing there, scratching his butt like an idiot.

Then Bob was like, "OKAY, NUMBNUTS."

Then he took the Togekiss's wings in his hands and started swinging the Togekiss around. Togekiss was like, "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, I WANT YOU TO KILL ME! NOT THIS!"

Then Bob was like, "DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?"

A random, high-pitched voice starts wafting in. "YEAH WE LIKE WAFFLES. DO YOU LIKE PANCAKES? YEAH WE LIKE PANCAKES. DO YOU LIKE FRENCH TOAST? YEAH WE LIKE FRENCH TOAST…"

Then Togekiss was all like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I HATE WAFFLES!"

Then Bob was like, "OMG NON BELIEVER… Shun the non believer, SHUUUUUUNNNN!"

Frontier399: Oh hey pancakes. I like pancakes.

Then Master Chief came in and threw a pancake into the non-believer's face. Who was, in other words, the emo Togekiss.

"I… I WILL RETURN!" The Togekiss started flying away and hit into a wall that suddenly spawned out of nowhere.

"AHH… walls, my other worst enemy… you'll get what's coming to you!" cackled the Togekiss, flipping off the wall before proceeding to crash into another one.

"AHH…touché, you gay wall, touché!"

And the POOP was all like "POOOOOOOP…"

Then a nuke spawned – ollolololo1lol1ol1olololO!lol!LO!oloLOLolO!olololo1- and blew everyone up.

THE END.