So it's back! For those who have already read it you will notice that I have made a lot of changes to it, and hopefully you will agree that the changes are for the better.

My story begins about in the middle of episode 24, when they catch Higuchi, and develops from there.

Word count: 4666

-x-

Chapter 1: The Beginning of The End

Light was pacing the bathroom floor. Just a few walls were separating him and the rest of the task force. What should feel like a few meters felt like miles upon miles. They had just retrieved the Death Note from Higuchi Kyosuke, and returned to headquarters to study it and the Shinigami that was attached to it. There was a lot of work that had to be done; Higuchi had died soon after his capture, and they had found a supposedly magical notebook that had been used to kill people. Their findings had to be reported, studied and filed systematically. The task force was running about like mice, thrilled to have made such huge progress. Light, however, had walked straight to the closest bathroom as soon as L had released him from their handcuffs, exerting all his focus to keep up his normal façade. He felt torn in a thousand different directions as his head was spinning with thoughts. L had apologized for suspecting him for so long; he had practically admitted defeat. He had won. The rules he had created would become the rules of his new world.

Despite his clear victory, Light felt more uncertain than he had ever done before. He couldn't find it in himself to rejoice at his triumph. Instead, he was overcome with new emotions he'd previously thought himself incapable of.

I killed him. I killed a man. He was not innocent, but it was not my right to place judgement upon him either. I should not have killed him... I had to kill him though! He was an obstacle that had to be eliminated, therefore my actions are justified. I did what had to be done. Although I could have done things differently… No! Relying on Rem to kill Higuchi would not have been a fool-proof plan. Things would have been too uncertain; it was the only way. I am a murderer now… Stupid! I have been a murderer for a long time… No! That's not right… I kill murderers... and thieves, and swindlers, and drug dealers, and the filth of this world. I kill people just like a murderer. What I do is wrong… But it isn't though. I can't do wrong. I am justice… I am Kira. No… I'm god.

Light stopped in front of the mirror over the sink and smirked at his own reflection. He remembered the look of shock on L's face while he had watched Higuchi writhe in pain as his heart stopped beating. He had hoped L would be terrified when he realised how close his certain death was, but he knew L was too composed to fall that far. He would reveal his fear; if he felt any at all. They would be releasing Misa any moment; everyone would expect him to be there. He had no time for pitiful moments of sentimentality. He shook his head and laughed quietly at his own foolishness, he could not let his victory get to his head. He cast one final glance at his own flawless reflection before he walked out of the bathroom, ready to say goodbye to Misa. Ready to tell her the location of the buried Death Note so that his plan could proceed. Ready to continue playing his role for just a little bit longer.

-x-

The entire task force was sitting in the main room in silence. Everyone were burnt out after a long day and ready to go home, yet no one seemed to want to be the first one to leave.

Light was contemplating what had been a rather dramatic goodbye-scene with Misa. For some reason he had changed his mind about telling her to go dig up the Death Note. He had a nagging feeling in the back of his head; somehow, he felt that it would be wiser to wait. L's monotone voice finally broke the silence startling everyone except Light.

"Must be hard." He said, his gaze glued to the computer screen as usual.

"What?" Light asked. He wasn't sure who L was talking to, but out of all the options he was the most likely alternative.

"Not being so close to Misa anymore." L said, looking at Light with his usual stoic mask well in place.

"Did you break up?!" Matsuda yelled in shock, looking back and forth between Light and L, hoping to get an answer.

"No, Matsuda, we didn't, I think L meant physically close, as in she was living upstairs." Light explained, massaging his temples discretely, trying not to act too offensively towards Matsuda. He had grown tired of dealing with the idiotic man long ago.

"Do you have no intention of addressing my statement Light-kun?" L urged, earning a dirty look from Light. Light had made sure no one but L would see it.

"Yes. Of course, it is hard. I wish I could be with her every day, however catching Kira comes first." Light said. He didn't know why but it felt strange to lie like that. Somehow. Lies didn't feel as welcome in his world as they used to. For some reason it just felt wrong.

"Awww, poor Light-kun! Leave him alone Ryuuzaki, aren't you done picking on him now that we have proof that he isn't Kira?" Matsuda said.

"Ok." L said simply, then he returned to staring at his computer screen. He didn't seem to actually be doing anything on his computer, he was just staring emptily at the screen. Light assumed all of the things L was doing at that very moment was happening inside his head. The L he knew never really did nothing. There was always something going on in that brilliant mind of his.

"Guys! I just had a genius idea! Let's go out for a drink tonight! You know, to celebrate catching Kira and all!" Matsuda suddenly exclaimed. The silence seemed to be getting to him again. The rest of the task force, excluding L and Light, looked at each other before they nodded in agreement.

"That's not a bad idea actually." Soichiro said. "We have all worked hard, and achieved what looked impossible at the beginning, we should relax a bit."

It seemed as if it had been what everyone had waited for. The cue to get moving and leave headquarters. Everyone started gathering their things and tidying up their workspaces before they left together. Everyone, except L and Light.

"Are you not going with them?" L asked without looking at Light.

"Aren't you?" Light countered.

"I don't like being out in public, surely you know this by now." L said, raising and invisible eyebrow.

"I suppose I do." Light said distractedly. This made L turn to look at him curiously.

"Is there something on your mind, Light-kun?" L asked, his eyes wide in mock concern, and otherwise as unreadable as usual.

"I am a bit tired, that's all." Light said. He was staring into the room without actually seeing it.

"It has been a long day, maybe you should retire for the night?" L asked.

"Yes. That sounds nice." Light said, standing up slowly.

"Light-kun? Aren't you forgetting something?" L asked. There was something in his voice. Light couldn't discern whether it was worry or amusement, or something else entirely. L's words however made Light snap out of his daze. Was he forgetting something?

The handcuffs. They were gone. That meant he wouldn't have to share the bedroom with L anymore, in fact it would look strange if he did. He had been so unfocused he had made a mess of something so trivial. He could have smacked himself.

"What?" Light turned around, looking at L with a perfect mixture of surprise and confusion on his face. He glanced down at his wrist and let his face light up with understanding. "Oh! Of course, where should I be sleeping now?" He asked, laughing at his own silly behaviour.

"I won't sleep tonight, so you could sleep in the room we have been sharing if you wish, and then I'll have Watari prepare another room tomorrow. Unless you want to go home that is." L said. Light felt as if L's keen gaze was dissecting him. He knew he had acted out of character. He had been out of character.

"No thank you. Traveling between here and home is a waste of time. I need to use my time wisely. Focusing on the case is my number one priority." Light said diligently. It was what was expected of him.

Light Suddenly felt unwell; he had just realised that everything he did was following a path that was lain out before him long ago. He wasn't even sure it was entirely of his own making anymore. He, the genius Light Yagami, had become a puppet himself in the game of deception he had been playing with L. Earlier he had felt so empowered by his victory; things had gone exactly according to plan, he had felt so… in control. Now his world was thrown into chaos by a simple feeling. He wasn't in control anymore.

I am so tired. Why did I even start all of this to begin with…? Shut up! I know why. This is the right thing. I can't second guess myself now, that would surely be the death of me! I need to pull myself together.

"If you say so Light-kun." L said. His gaze was still trained upon Light, trying to figure out what was happening inside of the younger man's head.

"I'll go to bed now, before I fall asleep where I stand." Light said, laughing for a bit, just like he was expected to, then he left. Once again forcing himself to keep his flawless façade in place. It was slipping, and it took all he had to walk away from L as if nothing was wrong or out of place.

He had expected to feel some sort of relief when he finally reached the familiar bathroom in the apartment he and L had been sharing for so long. He was not granted any relief. As soon as the door was locked behind him, his head was bombarded with thoughts. The thoughts were so loud and contradicting it was as if they all got their own voice, screaming at him from inside his head trying desperately to grab his attention and hold on to it.

What am I doing?! I nearly blew it!

This is wrong why am I doing this!

How can I call myself god when I can't even keep my shit together?!

I have become a murderer! This was not how it was supposed to be!

I am Kira and I am going to kill L!

It feels like I'm falling. I don't have any control anymore.

I want to kill L!

Do I really?

Someone… please… help…

Light's eyes begun to sting, just like they used to do when he was a kid, when he was about to cry. He shook his head violently and tore off his clothes. He turned on the shower and stepped into it without waiting for the water to become warm. He felt confused and uncertain, and for the first time since that fateful day, on November 23rd 2003, when he first picked up the Death Note, he actually doubted himself. He remembered having moments of fear and doubt the first few days after, but that was nothing compared to this. Now he was actually hesitating with his plan. He knew hesitating could be lethal, yet he couldn't help it. He, Light Yagami, could not control his own emotions… and it hurt. It hurt so bad he didn't know what to do.

What is happening to me…?

Light didn't even try to stop the tears from falling from his eyes. There was no point. He was broken. Something, somewhere along the way had happened. What was it? What was making him feel so conflicted? Spending so much time next to L, seeing how little he cares for his subordinates, seeing how much he wanted to catch Kira, to catch Light, all of that should have made Light even more determined to finish what he had started.

Where did I go wrong…?

Then there was L, no, Ryuuzaki. Not the detective, but the person Light had spent so much time with. The person who had kept him company through the long nights of investigating. The only person Light had ever met who was equal, if not superior, to him intellectually. And every day with him was exciting and interesting, and he never grew bored.

Light realised how his own selfishness was what was ruining him. He had never experienced such a strong desire to keep something that he was supposed to get rid of. It was a completely new type of discipline that he had never practiced before, and he wasn't certain if he was going to be able to go through with it.

Am I strong enough…?

Light reached for the soap, wanting to scrub away all the conflicting thoughts, but instead his hand caught something sharp. He looked at the item in his hand; it was a barber razor. This one had become rather dull, but he had neglected to throw it away yet. It was one of the many grooming items he regularly used, which was a great contrast to L's one bottle of head and shoulders "all-in-one" shampoo and shower gel. He remembered how he had asked why L paid so little attention to his own appearance. He had only gotten an empty look in return, as usual. L never shared any personal information with anyone, unless he had to. Light stared emptily at the Razor, turning it idly in his hand. He was imagining a better dressed L, with proper posture and well-groomed hair. Would he respect L more or less, if he looked like that?

He didn't think he would. It wouldn't be the L he knew, with all his quirks and weirdness. Light felt something clench in his chest while he thought of L, tighter and tighter, as if his very heart didn't want to let L go.

That's just silly… He thought to himself, yet the increasingly painful feeling did not go away. It was as if it had a will of its own, like a soaring dragon, refusing to go down without a fight. Light clenched his hands in frustration. The sharp pain from his palm reminded him that he was still holding onto the razor. He opened his hand gingerly. He watched as a thin stream of blood blended with the water, giving it an orange tinge as it rushed down the drain. It was as if it washed away a small part of his confusion and pain.

It actually felt good.

Light stared at the razor in a contemplating manor for a few minutes before he came to himself. The thoughts and ideas that had been playing around his mind made him feel sick and disgusted with himself.

How could I even consider such a thing? What the hell is wrong with me?

Light put the razor away hurriedly and grabbed the soap instead. He grabbed the soap with the hand with the cut, making it sting. He told himself it was an accident, because he would never admit he had willingly caused himself pain. He scrubbed himself until his skin was red and sore, and the turmoil inside of him had calmed down, then he got out of the shower.

He dried himself and pulled on a pair of boxers in a robotic manner. Normally he would dry his hair before he went to bed, but today he couldn't be bothered. It didn't seem all that important anymore. Why should his hair matter when he had to kill L, and a part of him that he didn't even know existed, wanted to keep L alive?

Light didn't sleep much that night, he kept tossing and turning, unable to find a comfortable position. The few times he did manage to find a position that didn't feel lumpy and uncomfortable, his mind wandered to the most terrible pictures of dead bodies, Ryuk and the Death Note. If Light didn't know any better he would think he was actually feeling guilty, however there was no way he could feel guilt; he was God after all.

-x-

At four in the morning Light gave up on sleep. He got dressed in the first matching shirt and pair of jeans he could find in the closet. He was glad he hadn't had time to clean out his belongings from the apartment he'd been living in with L the day before. It would be too awkward to walk around in the rags L called clothes, and going home just to get himself a new outfit, while wearing yesterdays dirty clothes, would be utterly disgusting. Or so he told himself, but he didn't really feel the truth in it, as he normally would have.

Normally, there was little he wouldn't do to avoid wearing dirty clothes, yet he suspected that if the circumstances made it the only available option today, then he wouldn't have cared. It just didn't seem all that important. Nothing did. The only things that mattered were L and the Death Note. Soon he would be left alone, without anyone to play games of deception with. And he knew, no one could ever take L's place. There was only one L in the world, and Light would kill him.

When I kill L, it will be the final nail in the coffin. My position as God in the new world will be secure, and I will finally be able to truly begin shaping the world to my liking.

When Light walked into the Livingroom, it took all he had not to jump and yell in surprise; Rem was hanging there in the air, looking out of the window silently.

"What are you doing here?" Light asked, trying not to sound too rude. It was hard to get on Rem's good side, and even harder to stay there.

"L kept asking me difficult questions; I got tired so I left him alone. I also have to stay close to you; you are the owner of the Death Note." Rem said, gliding over to where Light was standing, as if proving a point. "L seem to think that the fake rules are fake, I fear he will continue investigating Misa if you don't kill him soon."

"I am aware, I am reconsidering my original plan, the situation has changed slightly, but it's nothing major, I just don't want to mess up when I am this close to victory." Light said, hoping his words would reassure Rem, rather than make her suspicious.

"Very well, I don't trust you, but I trust that you care enough for your own life to keep your word to me." Rem said.

"I suppose I do." Light said, more to himself than Rem. "Don't return to the main room before the rest of the task force arrives, or else it will look suspicious. Preferably stick a little closer to my father but not too much, that would also look suspicious."

If I can avoid it I'd rather not have L find out that Rem is haunting me instead of the Death Note, and if he figures out that it is the human who owns it, and not the book itself that is haunted by the Shinigami, I'd rather have him think it is my father, who was the first person to touch the Death Note after Higuchi, who is possessed instead of me.

"I understand." Rem said.

Light walked down to the main room, only to find L sitting in front of his computer in the exact same position as he had done the evening before, except now he had a large chocolate cake placed neatly next to his keyboard

"Did you have a bad dream, Light-kun?" L asked as soon as Light entered the room. He hadn't even looked in Light's direction before he spoke.

"No, why do you ask?" Light said, realising what a foolish question it was right after he had spoken.

"You aren't usually up this early." L answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was, and Light felt painfully stupid for not having thought his reply through before answering L. L was a detective, it was his job to put together two and two, so of course he would react to it.

"Well, yesterday left me with a lot to think about, so I found it difficult to get a good night's sleep." Light said honestly. He liked those moments when the conversation actually allowed him to be completely honest. Somehow, considering his constant deceit, it just seemed so ironic to him.

"I suppose it did. Do you know how to kill me now then?" L asked. Light froze in his tracks. How does he know? Did I slip up? Has he figured out that some of the rules are fake? What is this?

"What are you talking about?" Light asked tensely, he couldn't bring himself to sound more relaxed, however he didn't think sounding tense would incriminate him further either way. It was normal to be tense when someone accused you of being a mass murderer, right after they had found proof that you weren't.

"Relax, Light-kun, it was a joke." L said, cutting off a piece of the chocolate cake with his spoon.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I suppose I'm just too used to you accusing me of being Kira. I didn't realise." Light said acridly.

"My, my, such a caustic reply. No need to be huffy. It's just so unusual for you to make such a mistake, Light-kun. It was rather unexpected." L said, glancing sideways at the brunette.

"Yesterday was a tough day." Light said dismissively, hoping L wouldn't pry any further. As soon as L spoke, Light knew that he had made a mistake; L had caught on to something already.

"I suppose it was…" L said, he sounded distracted, and was clearly very focused on something. This made Light's stomach turn, because he was pretty certain it wasn't the cake, and if L wasn't focusing on his cake then it had to be his own thoughts, which meant that he had read more into Light's behaviour than Light had intended to display. Light cursed himself inwardly; he had been completely off his game ever since he had regained his memories. It had never been this hard to keep up his act before he gave up ownership of the Death Note.

"Aren't you tired Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, trying to keep the conversation going. It didn't seem to work out in his favour.

"No, not particularly." L said, clearly still deep in thought.

"Well, technically there are still a few hours left before work starts, and the rest of the task force arrives, so I think I'll go for a run. I've been handcuffed to you for so long, I haven't had the opportunity to work out at all." Light said, walking towards the stairs hurriedly.

"Wait, Light-kun." L said, just as Light reached the exit to the staircase. Light turned around slowly, looking at L, trying to keep his expression blank despite his tangled nerves. Has he figured out anything? Was one of the thoughts that kept pressing themselves to the surface.

"Have you seen the Shinigami, Rem, today?" He asked innocently. Light felt all of the colour drain from his face. He hoped he was standing too far away for L to be able to see it, or else L would know for certain that he was lying when he answered.

"No. The last time I saw her was yesterday, right before I went to bed, she was hanging around here." Light said. It took all he had to keep his voice steady and convincing.

"I see… It disappeared not long after you went to bed. I thought it may have followed you." L said.

"Why would you think that?" Light asked. He felt nauseous. He couldn't understand why lying suddenly felt as if it was next to impossible, nor how he was still managing to pull it off more or less flawlessly.

"If it knew you beforehand then perhaps it wanted to exchange information? Or maybe you have some sort of power over it, and it followed you to receive orders? Or perhaps it is not the book itself that is possessed by the Shinigami, but the first one who took it from Higuchi? Or maybe Soichiro is not the one possessed even though he was the first one to touch the Death Note after Higuchi, maybe it's you? Maybe it became yours because you were the one holding it as Higuchi died?" L said, looking straight at Light, his expression almost triumphant.

Light opened his mouth to answer, but found that he had completely lost use of his voice. He closed his mouth dumbly. How did he…?

"This is all mere speculation of course. The first two options would mean that some of the rules in the Death Note are fake. The last one is plausible though, it is probable even, given that the Death Note is such a violent tool." L said, biting his thumb thoughtfully.

"I see. Well, as I said I haven't seen her since yesterday, now if you would excuse me I'm going to go get changed." Light said, grateful that his voice seemed to function properly again.

"Light-kun" L said. The tone in his voice actually made Light shiver. Even before L spoke, Light knew he had messed up majorly this time. "You called it her."

L didn't need to say anything else. Both geniuses in the room understood very well what he was implying: It had been impossible for any of the task force to tell whether the Shinigami was a female or a male, and that was supposed to include Light as well.

Light stood completely still, not even breathing, for what felt like an eternity as L looked at him, this time there was no doubt in Light's mind that the expression L was wearing was nothing but triumphant. Even Matsuda would be able to tell that L had achieved something that he was proud off.

Light knew he had to say something. Fast. He had to make up a believable excuse, but before he had the opportunity to say anything L spoke again:

"It confirms what I already suspected; from its looks, voice and demeanour I have also concluded that it has to be a female, if the Shinigami even have such gender roles, who knows?"

What?! What is he doing? Why is he making up the excuse for me? What is he playing at? My words implied that I know Rem better than I have let on so far, and that I, one way or the other, have lied to L. Either about talking to Rem earlier, or about being Kira, or both… Light should have felt relieved to be granted a reprieve from the pressure of having to defend his "innocence", but instead he felt some weird unfamiliar feeling. If he didn't know any better he would guess it was fear, but that couldn't be it, he was Light Yagami after all, the God of the new world.

"So, I hope you will continue to stay in the same apartment, Light-kun, I do rather like to keep my friends close. Almost as close as I keep my enemies…" L said, the look he was giving Light spoke more than a thousand words. Light knew L wouldn't put him in handcuffs again, because the rest of the task force would be strongly against it, but from that point on L was going to watch Light so closely that he might as well could have been handcuffed to the man, and Light could do nothing about it.

-x-

So! What did you think? Does it look promising?

I will be posting chapters roughly every two to three weeks so that I will have time to make any changes that I might want to make if you guys have any brilliant suggestions, and also because I spent a lot of time on school because I want to become a doctor or something along those lines and it requires a lot of studying.