You know, here people usually write conversations with FE characters and stuff about them getting deleted and reviews. I find that corny and lame and a waste of precious space. So instead, I am going to write a jingle about marshmallow fluff...kidding! I'm kidding. This story is a parody about Fire Emblem, written by my brother and me. We are avid FE fans, but we needed to add some humor to this plot. Hence...FE: The Limited Squirrel Edition.

Oh, and a disclaimer. I don't own FE. Satisfied?

Introduction

Long ago, squirrels and humans coexisted. They shared a peace forged with acorns, a peace that lasted many generations. All was lost when mankind commanded the squirrels' wisdom, power, and mixed nuts. Man fought squirrel in a savage war that shook the treetops of their world. This war was called the Squirreling. Defeated and squeaking, squirrels vanished from the realm. In time, man rebuilt and spread his dominion across the land and onto the islands beyond.

A millennium has passed since those dark days ended.

Chris staggered across the open plains, clutching his stomach. That was the last time I'll eat Taco Bell, he thought. Chris passed out.

Chris heard a voice. He groaned and rolled over on his stomach. Ow. He could hear the voice a little louder now.

"GET THE UP YOU FRIGGIN' LARD!"

Chris looked up, still groggy. A girl, about 16 or 17 with forest green eyes and hair stood before him.

Chris closed his eyes. "Just ten more minutes, Mommy...."

The girl showed her impatience at Chris by proceeding to stick an Iron Sword up his you- know- what.

Chris screamed, clutching his butt. "In the name of all things crunchy, that hurt!"

The obnoxious green- haired girl glared at him. "By Father Sky and Mother Earth you are an asshole."

Chris inspected the damage created by the Iron Sword. "You sliced through my Bean Slacks! (from the Mario & Luigi GBA game)"Is it cold in here?" Chris asked.

"Wear one of my skirts you shmuck!"

The girl grabbed Chris' arm and shoved him inside a weird hut- like thing. He emerged clothed in a rather revealing blue dress.

"This clashes with my hair!" he wailed.

The girl ignored this comment. "Hey, I saw some bandits outside! Let's kick some ass!"

"Uhhh..." Chris stuttered. He didn't really feel like getting hurt today. "Uhhh...why don't you ask your parents?"

"They're dead." the girl said plainly. Chris felt genuinely un-sorry.

Chris looked over the girl's shoulder and noticed her parents sneaking out the back door. "Oh too bad...how did they die?"

"They were slain by bandits."

"Chris wished the girl was slaughtered by bandits also. "Well, look at the time! I have a conference in Ilia I need to attend..." he said, stepping backwards through the door, careful not to expose his backside to the girl again.

"You haven't told me your name yet!" the girl said in a threatening way.

"It's Chris."

"That's a stupid name, lard."

"I'm a tactician."

"Hey, maybe you can be useful."

"Uhh...thanks...um...." Chris stuttered.

"Lyn! My name is Lyn. " she said, secretly slipping an active Mine into Chris' skirt. "Now let's go kick some bandit ass!"

"St. Elimine bless anyone who gets an inanimate object stuck up their crack." Chris breathed, closing his eyes.

There. I am finished. Read, review, do whatever. I am an indifferent author.