What if Frosty the Snowman joined the NASCAR circuit teamed with Dale Earnhardt Jr., a returning Dale Jarrett, Boba Fett, and a Raggedy Anne doll to take down the evil triumvirate of Tony Stewart, the stick figure from the bathroom signs, and the bird from the Coco Puffs box?
*Flashback to the Homestead-Miami Speedway race. The last race of the last year.*
Darrell Waltrip: "Fire! Fire! On the track. Boba Fett flipped! His cars on fire! Get him out of there!" Raggedy Anne had already been knocked out of the race after the Coco Puff bird knocked her into the divider by pit row. Dale Jarrett had fallen asleep at the wheel, did not start the race, and promptly got rear ended. Dale Earnhardt Jr. was riding in front providing draft for Frosty the Snowman. The stick figure guy from the bathroom signs was doing the same for Tony Stewart. They came around the last corner head-to-head. Tony Stewart broke first. He shot right around the stick figure from the bathroom sign. Frosty followed suit and shot left around Dale Earnhardt Jr. It all led to this. It's down to the end! Neck and neck! The finish line was 100 yards away. Tony Stewart veered left into Frosty the Snowman and that was it. Tony Stewart has won again. His team joined him on the podium. He, the stick figure from the bathroom signs, and the bird from the Coco Puffs box shot champagne into the crowd. One of the corks hit a fan in attendance. It was a dark day for racing.
"And it won't happen again," Frosty muttered under his breath.
"Something on your mind?" asked Boba Fett.
"I still can't get that race out of my mind man!" Frosty exclaimed.
"Of course not," said Dale Earnhardt Jr. "The season just ended two months ago because the NASCAR lasts longer than most major wars now."
"I never told you guys this," muttered Frosty, "But that girl that hit with the cork… was my mom. She has a severe eye contusion. We aren't sure if she'll ever see again."
"Couldn't you just find a new piece of coal?" suggested Raggedy Anne.
"And couldn't you find another Raggedy Andy? Oh wait, you can't!" Frosty yelled. A tear rolled down her cheek. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm just on edge because the Daytona race is coming up.
*Snore, gulp, snore, wheeze* bellowed a sleeping Dale Jarrett.
"I know I've got this Dale. Thanks for your input," Frosty said as he clapped Dale Jarrett on the shoulder. He started to stir but fell back into his stupor.
"We have like twenty minutes before the race starts. Hands in everybody," said Dale Earnhardt Jr. Boba Fett placed Dale Jarrett's limp, sleeping arm on top of the pile. "On three," Jr. said, "protagonists!"
Everybody: "One, two, three… PROTAGONISTS!"