She felt like she was going out on a bit of a whim here – with her bedroom shaking as if it was re-enacting a terrible seizure, her book attempting to leave the safety of her hands, and the contents of her shelves spewing all over her pink carpeted floor – that it might be the Doctor currently attempting to pilot the TARDIS.
An inpatient sigh didn't hesitate to leave her lips, nor did she delay from allowing the book to complete its quest to join her bead collection. She went to discover the source of the sudden cacophony, witty insults at the ready. Emerging into the circular room, the scene was exactly as she imagined – he was rushing about in a scurry, only just keeping his footing as he flicked every second lever and pushed every fourth button, his scarf flying wildly behind him.
"Now, what is going on in here?" she demanded with a deadly flick of an eyebrow.
Somehow, in his frantic routine (or lack thereof), he paused to give her a wide grin, which she returned with a cock of the same eyebrow. "Alright, I give up, what is going on here, Romana?" He reached across the console to try the stabilizers.
He was still grinning, she realised, as the room lurched violently and sent them both tumbling to the floor. She quickly picked herself up, mouth open for retort, but he was already talking, "Well then," he said, already on his feet and adjusting his awful hat, "I won't be trying the stabilizers again."
She let out a long suffering sigh and then carefully padded over to the console, each step cautious. Lucky for the Doctor, Romana had actually passed her flight exams. With a quick inversion of the temporal flux, and recalibration of the navigation computer, the room settled itself to its rightful angle. The Doctor let out a relieved sigh.
"It appears she's locked onto a distress signal," she told him, still at the computer. "It's of alien origin, though from data here…" She squinted at the text on the screen. "it's from Cardiff. On Earth."
His brow furrowed. "Cardiff?" He moved to join her at the computer. "Now that's a bit under dramatic, isn't it? We ought to find out how the Welsh managed to accomplish that one."
He didn't bother any further with the computer. He adjusted his scarf around his neck so that it wasn't entirely a tripping hazard, and then made a beeline for the door. Romana watched him go, a pang of resentment making its way through her chest; humans always managed to gain the attention and interest of the Doctor.
When she did join him outside, he was giving the open air in front of them a beam that Romana would only earn if she were to discover Braxiatel's secret diary.
"Ah, look at that," he said, with much more enthusiasm one would normally have for an open space. She'd bet Rassilon's beard that he had been waiting until she stepped outside to begin talking. (Though, catching him holding a fully-fledged conversation with himself was not uncommon.) "That is how you make a secret base!"
Romana looked the air in front of her up and down. "There's nothing here."
Of course, not one of her words had reached his ears.
"You know, I used to tell the Brig how dull UNIT was. Even if you keep in mind that it's supposed to defend the Earth from the most evil of creations… but you know what? He told me I'm too dramatic! That they need the money for more important things!"
He was gesturing wildly, pacing up and down, and gesturing to the empty space in front of them. She suppressed another sigh.
"Doctor."
He looked at her.
"There's nothing here."
"Ah," he said.
She was going to say something about moving on before the Black Guardian appeared, but somebody with a rhotic Earth-American accent cut in, "You're not the Doctor."
The Doctor turned quickly to face their new arrival, ready to retort, but instead he closed his jaw with an audible 'clack'. Romana also had to grimace. There was something-
"Romana, look!"
By Rassilon, how her thunder was being stolen today. He was already grinning. She didn't know how his mouth could contain all of those teeth, let alone how his tiny cheeks could contain that stupid smile.
"Yes, Doctor?"
The man in front of them might have been Maxil, he was frowning so much.
"What a fascinating specimen you are! Let me tell you, there aren't many fixed points walking and talking and accusing me of not being me." The grin had sobered slightly, but was nowhere near vanishing. "It's a wonder you haven't been dealt with yet. I should send a complaint."
Well, she had been right. There was something.
"Now, I really don't-" the Fact began.
On cue, another blue box slowly faded into existence beneath the foundation, near the Doctor's self-proclaimed secret base, the only evidence of its arrival being the sound which normally would have been music to Romana's ears.
"Oh… no," The Doctor was gawking. "No!"
She stared, too. So did the Fact. Though, her attention was divided between the Fact beside her and the Doctor…s? The man beside her was a marvel, one which needed to be escorted to Gallifrey as soon as this matter was dealt with. Which, admittedly, was quite a pressing matter. To be honest, she wasn't sure which topic would cause the Time Lords more grief – the Fact or the paradox. It wasn't exactly advertised as good time travelling when you met yourself.
"And stay in there!" The Doctor, her Doctor, had promptly shoved himself back into the newly appeared TARDIS as he tried to leave. "I don't need the universe imploding and everything that has ever existed to die! Or worse, the Time Lords on their way here!"
However, there was a flaw in his magnificent plan; the Time Lord instead escaped under his outstretched arm, being several hands shorter. Connected to the new arrival's hand was a firehaired woman, who was obviously his companion. Yet another man followed. Romana couldn't help but wonder where she was.
"That was rather rude of you, me." The new Doctor told Romana's Doctor, "I'd be nicer to myself if I were you... which is actually a real problem because I don't remember being you looking at me. I should, shouldn't I?"
"Certainly sounds like me to try and forget this."
"Well…. the universe hasn't imploded yet." The new Doctor pointed out, so sheepish he may have been wearing wool and only wool.
"But you don't seem to get the concept of the grave danger with might be in!" Now, only the Doctor could manage to sound impatient with himself. "This could end catastrophically, you know that, and if it gets out of hand and I end up trial again…" He was shaking his head, his curls bouncing about on top of his head. "I will at least try to remember to make sure you hit yourself right in the nose."
He tapped the tip of his nose, which bought a slight smile to Romana's face.
"Our timeline seems to be in quite a fragile state right now. And the High Council never approved of me meeting myself if it wasn't for their benefit, as you should remember."
He glanced back at Romana – no wait, the Fact – and then wacked on a grin to look at the new arrival. "And plus, I was here first, and I'm not going anywhere."
"You're very welcome to deal with Jack, but I'm still staying," the other one said. "Two geniuses are better than one, after all." He raised his brows expectantly.
"Well, that does make sense," her Doctor replied, praising himself. "The most brilliant man in the universe at the same location in time and space twice." He clasped his hands together. "Though, I do hope for us that we don't damage the web of time too much."
Finally, Replacement Romana spoke up, "Wait... so, he's you?" She was pointing at Romana's Doctor. That bought a smirk to Romana's face again, despite herself.
"Yes, of course he's me," the other Doctor replied. "I had to inherit all these traits from somewhere. The chatterbox one, definitely from this guy."
"You're saying that like it's a bad thing!"
She really ought to put a stop to this bantering before it began. Should the High Council intervene now, she really didn't want them to see… ah… what was it? The most brilliant man in universe? Participating in banter with himself? There were reputations to uphold.
She cleared her throat. The other one looked to her immediately.
"If you two have stopped arguing over whose got the bigger what, I do believe we're infringing upon the laws of time for a reason." She nodded to the Fact, who supposedly, was named Jack. How… anticlimactic. She had expected something William Shakespeare might have named his anti-hero.
"Ah, right, of course." Her Doctor straightened, his grin faltering. He turned his attention to the Fact, Jack. "State the nature of your emergency!"
Jack quickly adopted an amused grin, one which usually hid barely-contained laughter. He suppressed himself with surprising professionalism.
"Not really an emergency, I suppose, but we had someone fall through the rift a couple of days ago," he explained. Her Doctor's grin slowly faded. The other man was still listening. "We've done scans upon scans, but our equipment has to be acting up... It's telling us we've got a Time Lady."
She and her Doctor exchanged an unimpressed glance. It was strange a Gallifreyan, let alone a Time Lady, had fallen through a rift, as they had no need to be in close proximity to one in the first place. But it was not worth defying the laws of spacetime to call not one, but two Doctors by (alien) distress beacon.
Her Doctor was quick to reply, "Why, Time Ladies can be quite a lot of work." Romana received a meaningful look. "But that isn't an emergency. Time Lords don't usually do... that," He waved his hands around vaguely. "but if she is indeed a Time Lady, she should easily find her way to contact the Time Lords to return to Gallifrey or… wherever."
Romana gave him a slightly pointed look.
"Ah, yes! Of course, it would depend on who it is. Certain renegades don't wish to associate with the Time Lords, quite like myself and company here," her Doctor added.
There was a brief reprise of silence. The other Doctor and his companion had not yet said a word. He was still staring at Jack, his brow furrowed and his hands joined restlessly in front of him.
When he did speak up, it was quiet. "Maybe Pond and I should take care of this one, eh?" he chuckled with no humour behind it. "It's lovely to see… er… teeth again, and it's lovely to see you again too, Romana, but-"
Her Doctor cut over him sharply, "You suddenly want to get rid of me. Why?" He stepped closer and the lines of his face were emphasised. "There's something I'm in the dark about, isn't there?"
Although a sudden accusation, and probably unfounded, Romana found herself nodding anyway.
"How am I supposed to keep secrets from myself?" The other Doctor did not back down. He'd lapsed into a more relaxed pose, although it might be different to a trained eye. "It's rather ridiculous if you think about it. With timelines. And… stuff. It's all rather timey wimey wibbly wobbly, and you know, you'll eventually end up finding out anyway when you get to be me, standing here, and-"
"Pardon me, not that telling yourself things you already know isn't incredibly fascinating, but have you forgotten who you are talking to?" Her Doctor looked offended. "We practically invented distraction by talking. I'm sure we could talk to the end of time itself, but I believe we had a reason for being dragged here."
He looked to Jack. "Fact, would you lead us to the reason?"
Jack glanced around, meeting all of the eyes on him, and then nodded. Her Doctor nodded once, slowly, giving a sideways glance to the other one, who was wringing his hands in front of him. His companion leaned in and whispered something Romana didn't catch.
"Uh… secret entrance, anybody?"
Now, that was line to drop at an awkward party. It certainly enlightened both Doctors' faces with grins, rightfully so.
Jack led them to a panel in the concrete, encompassed in her Doctor's 'secret base' schematics. Well. That was an 'I Told You So' to be cashed in later. The panel began to descend into the ground, slowly revealing the inner workings of a base beneath the service. Romana had to grin.
"Brilliant!" her Doctor exclaimed, with much more enthusiasm than necessary. "Now that is how you build a secret entrance!"
Romana just caught Jack's grin.
"More strays? Really, boss?" Someone shouted up to Boss – Jack – whose grin quickly departed.
"I'll have you know, Mr Harper, this is the Doctor. Two of them, actually." Jack's accent carried his voice across the expanse of the room easily, so the source of bickering below – a man, dark hair – snorted in amusement.
"You bring home the weirdest friends," the same man commented.
"You're actually talking about the Doctor?" another voice started, female, soft, and quieter than the man's.
"Not to be rude or anything, but isn't he the reason Torchwood was established in the first place?" the same man, at which Jack just laughed. Her Doctor was smiling, too. The other one was not.
"Two of them?" another voice put in, also accented, but differently to Jack's. This man's accent was gentle, soft, like a Gallifreyan sunset.
As soon as the lift came to a stop, her Doctor didn't hesitate to step off, still beaming. "Oh look, Romana, I'm famous." He moved over to the nearest person – the dark haired man, Mr Harper? – and inspected them closely. "Are you UNIT?"
"Torchwood," Mr Harper deadpanned back, looking worriedly down his nose at his surveyor.
"Ah," he replied. "Never heard of it. You're definitely alien, though, aren't you?"
He moved from Mr Harper and to observing the base instead while the others departed from the lift. The other Doctor still had not said much, evidently uncomfortable, which sent something uneasy down Romana's spine.
"Not at all connected to UNIT?" her Doctor went on, now questioning the woman, who seated at a desk nearby. She was petite, her hair worn back off her face so Romana could clearly see the enthralled expression placed across her features. "If not, I really don't want all this alien technology in the power of humans. Could result in something very not good." He looked the woman up and down, and then turned back to Jack, expecting him to reply.
The Fact was working at his jaw. "We're professionals."
"Uh-huh."
There was an awkward lapse of silence, in which Romana's Doctor closely observed Jack, who suddenly had his brow raised in challenge.
"You have weird friends." Mr Harper broke the silence, though was not looked at them. He tapped something on the nearby console, which set the elevator back into motion, returning to its rightful position.
The other Doctor smirked and scratched his forehead, looking around at their colourful group. Romana sighed loudly. Her Doctor was chewing his lip.
"I think we ought to continue our trek to the reason, Fact," he said. "Where are you keeping this Time Lady you talked about?"
Jack was thankful for the continued flow of conversation. "Downstairs. We weren't sure what to do with her. Gwen's being trying to chat and Tosh is keeping a close eye on her. Ianto tried coffee. Not much luck so far, though." He looked at the other Doctor, though he did not meet Jack's gaze. "We thought you'd be able to help, being telepathic company. She's been pretty unresponsive."
Her Doctor was nodding vigorously. "Of course," he said. "Let us see her, we will do what we can between us."
With a few more quips from the Torchwood staff, Jack led their charge towards the reason. Romana's Doctor did not save the eardrums of anybody in their party, but of course, it was her who had to humour him.
"You know," the other one mentioned to her quietly at one point. "I get better as I get older. I promise."
"Of course we do," her Doctor quickly welcomed himself to their conversation. "Speaking of which, which one are you? Certainly an older one, unless I'm forgetting whole incarnations in my old age."
"The eleventh," the older one divulged.
"Oh dear!" Her Doctor's eyebrows shot up. "I didn't know there are so many of me running around! Alive! Ha!" He took the fabric of the other Doctor's jacket between his fingers. "But this body is rather young-" He moved to the face, grabbing his chin, inspecting it closely. "Not another midlife crisis, I hope? I truly hoped the successor of the Coat of Doom would have put that behind him by now."
Romana's Doctor released the older one from his grasp. They were both smiling slightly.
"Midlife crisis? Really?"
"It's the chin," his companions shot towards them with a cheeky grin.
A larger grin crept onto Romana's Doctor's face. "You must be three millennia old now, though," he observed.
"Well..." He began to scratch the back of his neck.
Jack stopped them. "Just down here, Doctor…s." He was pointing to a final set of stairs. Below, the lights were set to dim. It gave off a faint aura of home.
Her Doctor grinned at his counterpart, though it was weakly returned. The former look the steps two at a time, and the latter followed, seemingly afraid he might fall over. There was a lot of leg in comparison to the rest of him.
Romana followed them down, giving a smile to Jack as she went, but he only nodded in return. Replacement Romana had not made a move to follow her Doctor, and instead was chewing her cheek, her arms crossed defensively in front of her next to the other man.
Something crept up the base of Romana's spine, working its way to a shiver as she progressed down the steps. Yes, it felt like home, but… something was wrong. It was smoke; fire. Something was burning and it was not the twin suns of Gallifrey. The flames were eating away at something, perhaps someone, and despair radiated across Romana's very essence. She felt like searching for a fire extinguisher, but the awful feeling in her gut was telling her not to both as there were none.
She almost neglected to stop for the two Doctors in front of her, who were frozen on the bottom step, looking into the fire. Except there were no flames, only a couch with a woman, a Time Lady, curled up with a book open in her lap, a blanket draped across her shoulders. It hid her shrill form well, but not well enough. She steadied herself on the second last step, behind the Doctors.
And the one on her right, the older one, gasped out, "Romana?"