I don´t give up

Jacob:

The fight was over and we won it. I really wanted to die during the fights so there will be no need to face Bella and Edward again.

I know she loves me and she needs me. She should be mine. It´s all so complicated and all because of that damned bloodsucker Edward Cullen. And now she wants to marry him? I hate this fucking leech.

I was lost in thoughts when I heard Leah screaming, I sprinted in the direction the cry come from and found her in front of the last new born.

I skipped between them to rescue Leah, in the same moment he put his arms around me and pressed the air out of my lungs, I heard my bones breaking in this embrace. I couldn´t fight, I couldn´t even move he was too strong. Waves of pain flew through my whole body and I wanted it to stop, rather die than feel more of this agony.

The next thing I remember is Carlisles face while he examined me. Oh, I´m still alive I thought but the pain is alive too. The doctor told me what happened and what he did to set my bones right and that he gave me some drugs to lessen the pain. Great, it would be nice to die as a hero and now I was rescued and of all Mr. Super-hero was the one who saved me. Oh how I hate this guy.

When I awoke the next time Bella sat at my side with tears in her eyes. She stroked my unbroken left arm and it felt so completely perfect to be touched by her, I really love that girl.

"Jake, you promised to come back after the fight, I was so afraid of you. When Edward heard Leah and the other wolves screaming in their minds he hurried to find you and help you out. I´m so glad, he was just in time, he told me a few moments later and he wouldn´t get you out alive." Yeah, well done Eddie

"I wanted to rescue Leah, but I was too slowly to get out of his way in time." I said and groaned "Tell Edward I say thanks but it wasn´t necessary. Without the chance to get you there is no reason for my existence."

She shook her head, her beautiful brown eyes full of sorrows "Don´t think that way Jake. I love Edward and you know I love you too, but more than being your friend I can´t offer." Why couldn´t it be someone else she´s in love with, I could handle this but not that vampire!

I wanted to tell her all the reasons why she should prefer me, but I was just too tiered. So I only asked her to stay a little bit longer

How much painkillers are in my body

I yawned and couldn´t hold my eyes open any longer. I could feel her hand on my arm until I finally fall asleep.

When I awoke she was still there or back again, I don´t know. I looked at her and when I realized the tears in her eyes I knew this would be the last time we are together like this. This was a visit to say goodbye.

No, Bella! Don´t leave me!

It was silent in my little room the only noises were the wind in the trees outside, our breath and our heartbeats. After she had opened her mouth without saying a word for a few times she finally started to speak.

"I caused you already so much pain Jake and I don´t want to make it even harder for you but I need to tell you something." She sighed. I don´t want to hear it! "If we would life in a perfect, normal world without magic and true legends we would be the perfect couple.

I dreamed about it Me too we were sitting on our veranda, drinking a glass of ice-tea and watching our children playing in the garden. You held my hand and it felt so right."

I saw it "That´s how it could be, Bella." I assured her "You could stay human, we could have kids and you mustn´t leave Charlie. You´ll be alive. If you only would choose me!" I begged

"Jake, you don´t understand. I told you in a different world you would be the one for me, but in the world we live in it wouldn´t work. You know how messed up and damaged I was without Edward, I couldn´t risk to lose him again, I need him. I´m glad you´re alive and wish we could stay friend but I don´t belief that you´ll change your mind and if you couldn´t accept that I will marry him I see no way for us."

That worse than I thought now she even rejected me as a friend "Bells, please! You won´t do that. You love me!" I said "I´ll behave, if you´ll kiss me one last time I´ll never again ask you to leave him." But I won´t stop fighting for you - as long as your heart beats

She smiled, but the smile didn´t reach her eyes "I truly wish that I could trust you in this but I don´t belief you." She said "I just hope!" and then she kissed me. It wasn´t a deep, passionate kiss but it still more than I hoped for.

The next weeks nothing interest happened. I couldn´t leave the Res because Charlie thought I had a crash with my motorcycle and have to rest in bed with broken bones - After all, Sam had to tell him this story as Charlie heard me screaming when they carried me home after the fight – so it was impossible for normal humans to heal so fast he shouldn´t see me running around.

Bella hasn´t visited again, she thought it would be better for me if she wasn´t around too much, if I would use my time for other people stupid girl how could I convince her to choose me when I can´t speak with her?

One day when I got back from the cliffs my dad gave me an envelope – their wedding invitations - I was shocked when I saw the date, only five weeks from now! That´s too soon!

I wasn´t willing to give up, the bloodsucker shouldn´t get my girl!

I decided to start one last try to make her mine, to let her see the truth! I couldn´t call her, because I know she wouldn´t pick up the phone when she´ll see my number on the display. It was a hard choice but finally I decided to call her fiancé, maybe he´ll help me.

I knew he agreed with me in some points. He wanted Bella to be safe, he wanted to see her growing older, to have a family of her own and he wouldn´t risk her live when she gets too close to him. He knew I would be better for her – he had told me this!

I dialed his number and he greeted me on the first ring, it wasn´t hard to convince him to send Bella to LaPush, he said she was sad without me and he wanted her to be happy again.

Two hours later I heard the roar of Bellas truck and rushed outside to welcome her. I hugged her – in an only friendly way and thanked her for the invitation I hate to lie to her

I asked her to go for a walk to the cliffs and she agreed, when we arrived the highest point we sat down and watched the ocean for a while, I took her hand like I have done all the time before but she withdrew it immediately. I growled

"Please Jake, you´ve promised!" she whispered

My body was trembling "I promised to behave, but you can´t forbid every small touch, that´s just not fair"

She looked at me a bit scared and slipped a little away from me - that was too much.

"It seems that even my presence is unpleasant for you. Once you said you love me and now?"

Bella was on her feet now and stumbled backwards, away from me "Jake, calm down!" she begged, now really scared

"I am calm" I shouted and followed her movements "Tell me, what´s wrong with me? What´s so special with your Leech? Am I not good enough for the little princes?"

I grabbed her arm and drew her back to me "Look at me" I yelled "and now tell me that you don´t love me!" She sobbed "You´re my best friend Jacob of course I love you" I took her face into my hands and forced her to look into my eyes.

What I saw in her face was only fear, she sobbed and tears were rolling down her cheeks

"I wanted you to understand that I would be better for you, everyone except of you already knows it but now I give up. I got it. C´mon Bells, you´ve got your prince you don´t need me anymore, so why waste your time any longer. Go; get your vampire I´m not longer in your way."

I pushed her away and turned around to leave the place I wouldn´t look at her shocked expression but then I heard the scream. The push I have given her was too hard, she skidded over the stony ground right to the abyss, I wasn´t fast enough to catch her and she felt over the edge.

I jumped directly after her but it was pointless, she had crashed into a rock under the water line, her neck was broken, and she was dead.

Everything I wanted for her was to be alive and now I was the one who had killed her! Ironic

I carried her lifeless body to a place outside the Res and waited for them to find us. It was crazy but I thought when he kills me finally I´ll got his girl