always towards better things
it's not a lot to me if you said just what you mean
i've got you all the way and everyday
i see the way you smile
i want you all to know
everyone and anyone to seal it with a kiss
kiss - heartsrevolution
i.
She is always at his mind, sometimes cowered in a corner, and sometimes right in the middle, fulling it. She is dancing and shouting and skipping and sobbing and talking and whispering and lying and—
She never leaves his mind.
ii.
He is always aware of her, always always
Whenever she is in the room, he watches her, he watches her every little movement and he watches and analyzes and remembers.
He watches her across the hall. He watches as she holds a book with her right hand, all her attention on it. He watches as she holds a fork in her left hand and lifts it to her mouth to eat whatever it is, her eyes, her attention never leaving the book she holds.
iii.
She finds him in Myrtle's bathroom one monday half an hour before curfew. It is one of his bad days and he is sitting on the floor, his face resting on his knees, he is taking deep breathes.
"You have a lot of wrackspurts around your head. It is not good for your health, you know." an airy voice comes from the door.
He liftes his head, looking at her. She is looking at him, a strange look on her face, her head tilted right slightly, and the corner of her mouth turned upward.
She does not say how this is a girl's bathroom and he should not be here, or how a ghost haunts there, she does not say anything about how his eyes are red either. (she would not be Luna if she did)
iv.
"Salazar, Loony started hanging out with Potty and his gang, reckon they pitied her. Fucking Loony."
"Shut up Goyle." only those three words leave his mouth.
v.
"I think I love you" he tells her one day.
"But you do not know me at all." she replies.
"I know. But a part of me still loves you."
"Must be the wrackspurts around your head, though they are less than before now."
"Good, good." he says and that is it.
vi.
luna, luna, luna, he repeats it over and over, he repeats it like it is a prayer, like it is the most important word he had ever said, a word worth the whole universe, with its stars and planets and constellations.
(it is the word of hope and happiness and dreams and sometimes—most of the times—sadness and bitterness and nightmares)
vii.
When they bring her to his home—it have not felt like a home for a while—on Christmas holidays, he notices her immediately and she is looking at him. She looks resigned, accepting her fate, but also so damn scared, the fear is obvious in her grey-blue eyes. And he understands, beause he is scared too, he has been scared for months—maybe even more than a year, now.
They take her down to the dungeons, to lock her down, and he goes to his room.
At the privacy of his room, he laughes and laughes and laughes hysterically until there are tears in his eyes and then he cries.
viii.
He wants to hold her, wrap his arms around her, he wants to smell her, recognize her smell, burn it into his mind. He wants to kiss her hair, her cheeks, her eyelids, her nose, the corners of her mouth, and her lips. He wants to know every little detail about her.
(he wants her to know the same things about him too)
ix.
He finds her on the Astronomy Tower on wednesday at the early hours of the morning, sitting over the edge, her legs dangling.
"Fuck, Loony! What the hell are you doing?" he yells.
She turns her head to look at him, and smiles—serenely and genuinely and completely her.
"I am watching the Forbidden Forest. Did you know, if you look closely, sometimes you can see the thestrals flying?"
He shakes his head at her, a small smile on his face.
x.
"Are they going to hold me here forever, Draco?"
She uses his first name, (never malfoy, he was never, not once malfoy to her) she always used his first name like he gave her permission, like he told her she could use it. He finds he does not mind it.
"They are only holding you here so your father will stop writing with manifest support for Potter. He is doing a good job so far, from what I hear." he answers her.
"Daddy always said he loves me. That must be why he stopped." she says and the tone of her voice makes him want to cry and laugh at the same time.
"Yeah, must be."
xi.
"I love you." he tells her one day.
"Do you know me enough to love me?" she asks.
"Perhaps." he replies. "Perhaps."