Summary: Yes. A first-person summary. Got a problem? Why is it that all girls trapped in Middle Earth are damsels in distress with perfect attitudes? Why is it that I am the only one with half a mean streak (more than half, actually) and an ounce of ability to think for myself? And now I have to go all the way to Rohan to find Gandalf to get him to help me. Well, at least I've got everyone's favorite travelers going - grudgingly - with me. I still say I'm dreaming.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, so if you sue me, I will sic a legion of hot-as-heck elf archers on you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Aw, damn.
Why the hell did my alarm clock not go off?
If I'm late for school again, I'll get suspended. Damn! That's the last freaking thing I need!
I open my eyes. Yep. I'm definitely late. There go my Winter Vacation plans. The sky is bright blue and the sun is already almost at its peak. Wait. How can I see the sky, if I'm in my bed?
I jump to my feet. No, I am definitely NOT in my bedroom. Grass expands on all sides of me, and a small, fuzzy pony pulls a small, hay-covered cart down a small dirt path. There are little hills with...windows and doors... all around.
Him. This is strangely familiar. Actually, it is very familiar, but I am a sensible (stop laughing, now. Or I'll try my hand at archery, and miss you entirely, but it's a good threat) and know fiction from reality.
"You're awake!" a small voice behind me says. I spin around. I see nothing. I look down.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I jump back, trip, and land flat on my ass. Real graceful, Amy.
But there, standing right before me, complete with curly hair and fuzzy feet, is Pippin.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
WILL YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, DAMN READERS/AUDIENCE/WHATEVER!? And you! In the blue shirt! If you don't stop calling the insane asylum, prepare to face my wrath! Wait. I don't have wrath. I'm late for school, stuck in...I don't even want to think about it... and face to face with a hobbit!
Oh my god, I sound like a psychopath.
Oh my god, I am a psychopath.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Merry! Over here! She's awake!" Pippin calls again. Another little hobbit trots up behind him and smiles cheerfully at me. I push away a spiky strand of short black hair self-consciously (I don't think my wonderful sense of style is very appropriate for Middle Earth)
"What's your name? I'm Pippin." Pippin says. I simply nod incredulously. Of COURSE I know who he is! I still can't find my voice to say anything. I know I'm dreaming. Except, normally, my LOTR dreams don't involve Pippin or Merry at all. I like them and all, but my dreams are occupied by OTHER things.
"Pip, you brainless orc! She just fell from the sky and now you ask her her name before making sure she's okay?" Merry cries. Yay. They're concerned about me. I think.
"Amy." I mutter stupidly. Funny how little I can say now, but I seem to always be suspended for talking in class.
"Come again?" Pippin says inquisitively. He's always curious. I've noticed that.
"Oh, my name's Amy." I say quickly.
"Welcome to the Shire, Amy." Pippin says cheerfully. "You can tell us where you're from while we go meet our friends." I gulp. Damn. Once again, I'm good at lying, but I can't do it in LOTR terms. "I'm visiting from NYC" won't help me here.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fortunately, I manage to stall Pippin and Merry for a while as we walk, bringing up stupid things such as how pretty a little white pony is (actually, it is pretty cute, big, fuzzy ears and all...SHIT, I'm going soft) and how much I love the air here.
That's when we arrive at Frodo's cute little hobbit hole. Pippin and Merry knock, and Frodo comes to the door. He invites us in. Unfortunately for me, I didn't duck enough going into the really short little hole. I hit my head on the door. Whack. Pretty lights... wait. I'm on the ground. DAMNIT! At least Aaron Hale from Algebra wasn't watching. Or any elves.
"Oi, Amy, you alright?" Merry asked. I nod, cursing myself, and he smiles. "This is our friend, Frodo."
Frodo smiles. "Now, Amy, from where do you travel?"
"and what brings you to unconsciousness in the middle of the Farmer Maggots' pony grazing field?" Pippin teases. If I had any smart comment without swears in it, I would've said it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Aww, I love them. They're like the little brothers I never had. Hey. I could live here. Sweet hobbits. No school. No work. No responsibility. Elves (somewhere). See? I'm optimistic. And people call me a cynic.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"You've yet to answer my question, Amy. Where do you journey from?" Frodo repeated.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Damn. I'm screwed. They'll never understand. My life is over. The world will end and I will die.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wait. This place is enchanted. Anything can happen. "Listen...I'm from a parallel universe. The United States of America. I doubt you've heard of it."
"I've heard of that once…." Merry says. I think it nearly killed me.
"You have?" Pippin looks surprised. So do I.
"Wait…no…." Damn hobbit. I know they think I'm lying.
"I don't know how I got here and I don't know how to get back." I blurt stupidly. As I say this, a scraggly strand of black hair falls out of the clip it had been held back in. Wow, I look quite disheveled. I know it. How is it that Mary Sues can look perfect, no matter how far they travel, how much mud they walk through/get splattered by, or how many twigs pull at their hair? TELL ME! SOMEONE, TELL ME!
"Do you want to stay?" Merry asks. I want to. Sort of. But I kind of miss America, too. And I don't want everyone to think I'm dead.
"I have no damn idea." I swore at hobbits. I'm bad. Somebody shoot me. Or spear me with an arrow (if that's the only way I can associate with elves, so be it). Or whatever the expression is here. "I don't know how to get back. I told you"
"Gandalf can probably help." Pippin pips (haha! I'm good, yeah!) "He can do anything."
"He's in Rivendell, right? We can go there, we don't have to pass through anywhere like Moria." Merry glances at Frodo and raises a cute little hobbit eyebrow.
Frodo's brow furrows. "No. He's visiting in Rohan for an undisclosed amount of time."
"I am not walking alone to Rohan." I say quickly, crossing my arms.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Damn. I hope it wasn't too blatantly obvious that I know where Rohan is and how dangerous the path to get there is.
Just say it. I'm an idiot.
Wait. Am I losing my witty edge? THIS CANNOT HAPPEN! I'LL BECOME A NERD WHEN I GET HOME! REBELLION IS MY HOBBY! I AM QUEEN OF REBELLION!
.........but here, my rebelliousness has yet to resurface under the waves of me falling on my ass. Repeatedly. STOP LAUGHING, DAMN READERS!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Then what can we -" Frodo begins, but then we all hear hoofbeats (Large hoofbeats, as opposed to hobbit pony hoofbeats) outside. Pippin glances out the window.
"Aragorn, Legolas, Arwen, and Gimli are here!" He says, grinning. I think my eyes swell to the size of my face.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Before you can say "That girl is a murderous psychopath and should be locked up," I am out the door, knocking the little thing almost off its hinges, and standing in the path of the galloping horses.
The light shines down on the horse on the right. A white horse. And on it sits the King Of All That Is Hot. Oh shit, I am definitely dreaming...definitely, definitely dreaming...this is just another figment of my imagination, its going to go away, just like all the -
The horses all slam on the brakes right before sending me into the next dimension. "Just what' d'you think you're doing'?" Gimli asks me, tugging his beard in frustration (I am a frustrating person. You should know that by now.)
"Standing." I respond quickly. My voice sounds rebellious again. "Why? Anyone have a problem?" I am regaining a sense of myself by pretending it's only Gimli I'm hauling off at, not Elf McHotness.
"Amy!" Pippin runs out to me. Good. I'm glad he did. I think things were about to get ugly, although it would be a nice change of pace if, rather than marrying and being together forever, my dream (I'm positive it's a dream) involves being slain by my beloved.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
But then I think, if I were really dreaming, wouldn't I have woken up when I ran into that hobbit door? Ow. My head hurts. But it'll hurt even more if that arrow hits it. So I get off the path.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"You know her?" Aragorn asks Pippin.
"Yep. She's our new friend, Amy." Pippin grins proudly. Joy. He thinks I am a trickster like him. Of course, he lives a good life. I wouldn't mind.
"Aragorn! Legolas! Gimli! I'm glad you're here!" Frodo is coming out of his hobbit hole. He stands by the side of the path.
"Why?" Legolas asks, glancing suspiciously at me. I wonder if Pippin will notice that I am now a puddle on the ground. Wait. I'm not. He's clutching my arm as though he fears I will run myself under their horses' hooves.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Will you guys cut the dubious stare? I will NOT run under a horse's hooves!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"We need you to accompany Amy to Rohan to see Gandalf." Frodo says. I could've run over and hugged Frodo. That's when I remembered that my Preciouses over there currently loathed me. (it means hated. Get a dictionary. You'll need it later.)
"Accompany her? She'll need more than us to even leave the Shire alive, with a brain like hers!" Gimli huffs. Aww, he's just jealous cause I don't like him as much as the other two. Of course, no one can compete with Legolas.
Legolas says nothing. He makes a point of doing that in important situations. Aragorn says nothing. He doesn't do that very often.
"Please! She needs help! She will be no burden, I promise." There Frodo goes, putting words in my mouth. He seems like he wants to help me. But I think he just wants me to leave.
"We should accompany her there. We are headed that way." Arwen says. I smile graciously at her, and try to look sweet. or ethereal, like her. Maybe she likes etherealness.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Don't know the word Ethereal? Look it up in the dictionary. The one I told you to get earlier, you know?
"Fine. I suppose we can." Aragorn says. Legolas looks somewhat disinterested, as though he disapproves of the decision but is too well-mannered to say otherwise. Damn. Why does everyone I love hate me? It's like with Jeff in middle school...
"We ride off now. We've got a ways to go before nightfall. Amy. Go collect your belongs, we'll await you near the exit to the city." He said my name. Pippin. I'm a puddle again. Help me.