Story name: I believe

Rate: T, maybe later M

Chapter:-1-No one who would ever love him again
As Heero turned the small car onto the driveway, his thoughts ran across his mind. With difficulty he managed to keep his tears behind his eyes. All this time… All this time his best friend had said nothing at all. He had kept his mouth shut, because it was his way. He never said what was wrong. He never spoke of his problems. Never spoke one word about his feelings at all. Trowa had been a very stoic pilot. And he was a very stoic Preventer. Trowa wasn't gone at all. But would Trowa ever be Trowa again?

For years Trowa didn't spoke about his past. Not even one word about how he and the Heavy Arms met. Not one word about how he became Trowa. Only that he was Nanashi, a nameless kid that took the name Trowa Barton when the real Trowa Barton was murdered. It was a cover up. He was still nameless, at least that was how Trowa felt.

And nobody cried for nameless dead people. For they have had no families at all. For they have had no people who would ever mourn for them. For no one would care for them.

Maybe the hardest part was to leave Quatre. Both men have had a special bond with one and other. It was something like a brotherly love, but went further than brotherly love. Quatre could feel emotions of someone he cared about. It was Quatre who had sensed that there was something wrong, but he didn't understand.

Though Trowa had been afraid of it, he had a fascination for fire. When he could control it, like in welding, he felt save and master over it. When he couldn't control it, when someone else controlled it or something like a forest fire, he was scared to death. Like a deer seeing headlights of a car, he could stand there, frozen in place and would stay there if no one would ever pull him away from that place. As if no one could bring him back to his senses.

And no one had brought him back to his senses. Because there was no one who could do that at that moment, at that time, at that place.

'Heero!' the cheering voice of his kids and the smile of his wife cleared his head. Dark cloudes made place for sunshine and happiness. At least until Kimberly and Timothy were brought to bed at night. Than he would talk to Relena, and probably she would see him cry for the first time in his life. Probably he would cry for the first time in his life.

'You're home father!' Kimberly was his first daughter, and had almost the same appearance as her father. But she was as friendly and warm as her mother. Dark blonde, almost brown hair and eyes like the summer sky. She was pretty tall for her age, and smart. When he opened the door of the car, she stepped back and allowed him to step out of the vehicle, while his son Timothy didn't step back. The door smacked against his little nose and he rubbed it. 'Then you should step aside.' Grumbled Kimberly softly and pushed him.

Heero lowered himself so he could stare into the eyes of his daughter, 'No fighting in my house, remember? Apologize to your little brother.' He spoke to her and she did as he told her to do, reluctant though.

'So this is your house?' Relena came outside to meet her husband and smiled at him, 'I still believed it was my house?' she smiled teasingly at him and hugged him. He answered her hug and pulled her close, burying his face in her neck. Something must have happened today; she felt it in the way he reacted. 'I missed you,' he whispered in her ear, 'I needed you so much today…' could she even hear a little sob in his voice? Then he let her go and all made their way into the huge house where he and Relena had settled.

Timothy showed a drawing he had made. Proud he almost pushed into his father's face. 'Hello there; little rascal! How have you been today?' smiling and hiding behind that smile he petted his youngest child and only son on the head, 'watched over the girls today?' He nodded proudly, 'I did father! I did!' Heero always asked his son to watch over 'his' girls to make sure his son didn't feel rejected when he was away. It could be hard for a man to be around so many girls and women, when he was totally alone. But Heero had only one goal when he was around those women: that no one was unhappy.

It was normal that Lady Une, Mariemaia, Dorothy, Noin, Sally, Hilde Schbeiker and sometimes even Catherine Bloom came to the castle for meetings of the Preventers. It was easy because Relena was the vice foreign minister and a respected woman of the parliament. For a young woman raised in war she knew a lot and still she was very smart. But for warfare or keeping peace with different items than words she needed them. Relena didn't understand a bit about those machineries and weapons.

Next to the women it was also normal that the men regularly showed themselves at the castle. Zechs, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei. Strangely it was Wufei who had a special bond with Timothy. He loved the black-haired and onyx eyed young boy and Duo sometimes joked around that Wufei must have slept with Relena. Timothy was always around Wufei when he was in the house and he listened with adoration to the stories about dragons and knights and women to be rescued. Timothy adored the Chinese fairytales. And Heero had to admit for himself that he adored them as well…

Now next to his wife and kids, the castle was empty. The working chambers, the balconies, the gigantic rooms. They ate in the dining room, all four around a table which could contain 20 people. They sat together, while Kimberly chattered all the time and hardly ate, while Timothy ate all he could and asked if he was allowed to leave the table before everyone was finished. Relena smiled at him and said no. Than Heero started to threat that if he would do that again, he would inform Uncle Wufei about it. And that would mean no more karate practice anymore. In a second Timothy shut up and sat at the table, waiting until everyone was finished. When his father would slowly lower his knife and fork timothy wanted to leave. He knew he had to wait until his father had lowered his knife and fork on the plate, in the way etiquette described. Heero could tease his son for minutes and with a poker face enjoy his sons urge to leave the table. 'Stop teasing Timothy.'

'What!' He lowered his knife and fork and gazed with an innocent smile at his wife, 'what did I do?' Relena smiled a little bit and cleaned the table.

Though they had servants – no one could keep the castle clean all alone – Relena found it comfortable to do things herself. Only when she had guests, she hired a cook. Only one Heero had screened and checked and double checked and screened again. He wanted no one else. Only one Relena had tasted his food and drinks and cocktails. Heero had once hired a cook who couldn't cook at all. He had a good resume and clean history, but he couldn't cook at all. Since that day both screened, Heero for history and Relena for food and drinks.

As both did the dishes – Relena washed and Heero dried and put away immediately – Heero felt the pressure falling down on him again. The voices of his children had made him feel save and comfortable. But now, he felt alone. Relena wasn't allowed to know about the mission. But what had happened was something he just couldn't cope alone.

'What happened today at the office?' Relena asked him directly. She never knew that such a little question could have such a gigantic result. Heero's eyes changed, he felt emotions he couldn't describe. 'Trowa…' he mumbled softly and with a sob in his voice. The same she had heard outside. 'Trowa…' his hands begun to tremble and the plate shattered onto the floor in a million pieces. He couldn't wait until the kids were brought to bed. His tears wanted to overflow his eyes right now. There were simply too many and he lost the battle against the tears. Relena didn't care about the fragile china, she took his hands and held them within hers, 'what happened today at the office Heero?' she asked him with her soft gentle voice, 'What happened?' The warrior Heero wanted to take over from Heero the father, but he was too far gone for a battle between both his wills. 'Trowa went on a mission a few weeks ago…' he began when the tears had fallen to the ground, 'and he… he… Something happened back there, I wasn't informed about what it truly was. But he was found badly burned. 60 percent of his body is badly burned. He might not live… he might die before the end of the week…' Relena understood that she couldn't ask about the mission, but she could ask for Trowa. Carefully she hugged him and allowed him to cry. She didn't know for how long he cried, but when they both looked up, Timothy and Kimberly stood there and hugged their crying father. Don't cry father, their eyes told him, don't cry.

The evening went too fast for his feelings. Way too fast. Questions raised within his mind: what would everyone be doing right now? Would Quatre be with Trowa? Would Duo be with Hilde and Ayla? Would Wufei practice his martial arts under the ever watching eye of Sally? Would Noin be with Zechs? Would Mariemaia do her homework? Would Une help her with that? Would… There were just so many questions, no answers. Heero thought about Trowa, and the pain he would go through right now. Quatre would share his pain.

That night Heero couldn't sleep at all. He wouldn't even try anymore. To lie down and close your eyes so you can fall asleep. Half an hour later, he was still awake. From the balcony he gazed at the stars. Among the sparkles where light spots that didn't sparkle. Planets, he thought, according by the colors. And the silver spots that didn't sparkle were two of the five colony clusters. The wind played with his hair and the curtains of the master bedroom. The soft cool breeze cooled the warm summer night. Only the sounds of night told him he was still in this world and not in the next.

Suddenly the sound of the phone was all he heard. Relena had already answered it, but she gave it to him when he entered the master bedroom from the balcony. 'Yes...? yes… yes… no…. yes…' His voice became slower and lower and filled with emotions and tears, once more. When he finally finished the conversation and hung up, he sat on the bed, in tears. 'He died… he died just half an hour ago…' he answered the unspoken question of his wife, 'Quatre will contact the others…'

She touched his back and hugged him from behind, 'Shall we give him some moral support?' she asked. Heero touched her soft arms and reached for her warmth. He wanted to go to Quatre and help; he wanted to share his emotions with his sensitive friend. He wanted to show his love for his dead friend and his living friend. He wanted to bring Trowa back from the dead.

'Hello there.' Heero felt as if he could faint. Relena had done already. He felt her soft body slip away from his back, releasing him from her grasp and the weight that lay on the soft bed. 'Sorry to scare you…' The familiar voice belonged to someone familiar. 'I didn't mean to.' He said Heero and walked across the room to his friend. Though it was dark, Heero could see the large bang that covered one eye, the graceful stride and the slender body he had seen so often during the war and during his time as Preventer. 'Sorry to scare Relena.' If this was some sort of a joke, it was a sick one. Very sick joke, Heero thought.

Heero saw a soft smile in the dark, 'this is necessary, Heero. Important things are about to begin, or have already begun. I need to find out what their intentions are. I need to find out what is going on. Don't you remember? It was I who always infiltrated organizations. I did those things. Not you, not Quatre, not Duo and not Wufei.' He felt a pair of warm arms around his neck and a small kiss on his forehead, 'Take care of Quatre for me, will you? Tell him I love him. He may pretend that I have died this night, but he knows I'm still alive. He feels those things. He feels lights of lives die out. He even feels how they are born. Remember? He was the first who knew Relena was pregnant. Take care of him for me please?' When Trowa let him go, he felt a hard punch in his neck. Before he knew, the lights died out…

Trowa was the only one standing in the room now. Heero laid knock out on the bed, as well as Relena. She had fainted when she saw him. Sadly that he had to say goodbye to his sister forever Trowa left. No longer was he a Preventer. No longer was he alive. Une gave him a different name and a different identity. He was someone else now. He had become a criminal. And his friends had the license to kill him. And he would kill them. With cold blooded eyes he left the room the same way he entered it, by the balcony.

What would become of them now? The five young warriors lost themselves, thought Trowa, and we loose each other out of sight. We will end up killing each other, because the president chooses me for this suicide mission. He felt sorry for them, and certainly hoped that he wouldn't end up killing Quatre. He could still step out of it, but to protect his friends from harm was more important than this all. For five days he had lay in a bed, completely wrapped up in bandages. Quatre had cried as he was kept asleep. He didn't remember. And then he was declared dead. He couldn't even say goodbye from Quatre. Quatre would follow him to the end of the world. Heero understood. Heero wouldn't.

He left the land and walked over to his car, waiting on the side of the road. No one had seen him. Not even the surveillance cameras. He had avoided all contact, and now that he had died, his new life begun. More likely he would end up killing himself in the end of this life. And then no one would mourn for him. He has had no family. He has had no relatives. He has had no one who would love him ever again.

TBC perhaps?

I'm not sure wheter I should continue this story or not... let me know what you think...