Title: One of Those Days
Author: Page of Cups
Pairing: Cloud Strife/Riku
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: M for foul language. Like that's a surprise.
Theme: #13 Excessive Chain
Disclaimer: I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I'm not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.
Author's Note: I didn't think this thing would ever get finished, but here it is in all its glory.
Ayumi Asaki was the kind of girl you described as 'lively' when you wanted to put it nicely. As a little girl, she'd been called a 'handful.' At her worst, she'd been called both 'meddlesome' and 'loud.' Her friends termed her as 'fun' and 'carefree.' One look into her sparkling, aquamarine eyes could tell a person when she was up to no good. When she got ideas, her friends exchanged wary, but excited glances. She burst into laughter at random. An air of unbridled energy streamed forth when she spoke. Quick to make friends, and even faster to come up with last-minute plans, Ayumi Asaki was first and foremost a people person, who talked at great length whether you wanted her to or not, and never tried to harness her emotions.
Considering Ayumi Asaki was such a wild ball of energy that refused to be restrained, it wasn't hard to understand why so many people had to look twice the day she walked into Destiny Island High School hand-in-hand with Squall Leonheart.
If Ayumi was known for exuberance, Squall was known for his detached, lone-wolf nature. While Ayumi was never seen without a crowd, it was impossible to catch Squall with more than three or four friends around. You could forget a smile, too, because although Ayumi's million-dollar grin could be seen from the moon, Squall remained stoic and unmoving. Some said they hadn't seen Squall crack a smile since kindergarten, and those who heard the previous statement couldn't believe he'd even smiled then. He spoke little, socialized little, and though he was well-known, an excellent student, and extraordinarily attractive most people kept their distance. Even his friends were a hodgepodge group—a regular old motley crew, if you will. Yuffie Kisaragi was a kleptomaniac. Aerith Gainsborough was an odd, quiet girl who wore flowers in her hair and was genuinely nice to everyone. Tifa Lockhart tended to have anger issues. Cloud Strife was so moody that he glared when he was happy.
No one had ever seen Ayumi Asaki's group cross paths with Squall Leonheart's before, and all doubted they ever would. Ayumi Asaki and Squall Leonheart simply didn't go together—like oil and water, or whatever the cliché was. Most would have assumed that though they'd had classes together since grade school, Ayumi and Squall had never exchanged words, or hardly knew each other's names. After all, Ayumi was bouncy, and Squall . . . well, Squall would probably sooner kill you than think twice if you dared to call him pleasant.
It was the first school day of November after the Halloween Ball. Like clockwork, Ayumi pulled her shiny, red, brand-new BMW into the school parking lot. She checked her make up, adjusted her long, silver hair, and got out of the car while her younger brother, Riku, strode toward the school beside her, laughing and cracking jokes without a seeming care in the world. As they approached the school, Riku continued walking, and Ayumi veered off-course. She crossed back over the parking lot straight up to Squall Leonheart, wrapped her hands around his neck, and pressed their lips together.
Word was that Ayumi cut out of the school dance early and went out for a night with the girls. Yuffie Kisaragi dragged Squall out to the same club. Ayumi spotted her classmate across the establishment, cornered him (concerned that he seemed to be having a miserable time), and dragged him onto the dance floor. Riku said he'd seen more of Squall over the following weekend than he'd seen his entire life, and that they were attached at the lips.
"He's funny," said Ayumi.
No one had the heart to tell her he didn't speak.
Ayumi Asaki was still a junior then, and her brother a freshman. A year later, Ayumi Asaki and Squall Leonheart were still walking down the halls together, and you rarely saw one without the other outside of school. Their friends never mixed, but it wasn't uncommon to find Ayumi among his friends, or Squall among hers. When Riku started looking for work, Squall mentioned him to Vincent Valentine, a Leonheart family friend that owned a small coffee shop near the high school. After Riku started working there, Ayumi and Squall were regular patrons, which is where our story really begins.
After all, this story couldn't possibly be about Ayumi and Squall. That would be far too regular and ordinary.
Ayumi and Squall sat huddled together in their usual booth at the back of the coffee shop. He'd say something, and she'd giggle. She'd wave her hands about, detailing an event of her day, and he'd crack a smile. Riku watched them from behind the counter, flipped on the blender, and grumbled under his breath. His best friend and co-worker, Sora, patted him on the back.
"I'll be right back," said Riku.
He set the drink down, wiped his hands on a towel, and threw it on the counter. Untying his apron, Riku tossed it in the break room, and stomped toward the couple.
"I don't know," said Squall. "I still think it's kind of weird."
"I think it's sweet," said Ayumi.
"No."
"What?"
"Aya, don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't get any ideas."
A glint flashed across her eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about, sugarplum."
Squall's eyes widened, and he shook his head.
"No, Aya. Don't. Whatever you're thinking, don't do it."
"But, cupcake, it's just a little push . . ."
"A little push to you is like a sledgehammer to everyone else."
"But, cookie . . ."
"Stop with the food nicknames. They always mean you're up to no good."
"Me? Pish."
"Excuse me," said Riku. He jutted out his hip, tapped it with his index finger, and glared. "Are you going to order something, or are you just going to sit here all day playing cutesy, because some people are trying to work here?"
"Not you, obviously," said Ayumi.
"And trust me, we're not playing cutesy," said Squall.
"Yeah, I heard. She's up to something evil again. That's not exactly headline news. Now, are you going to order something or do I have to throw you out?"
"Awe," said Ayumi. "Isn't he cute all pissy like that? Look at his hip. Oh, it's precious. Such a sweet little queer." She covered her mouth with her hand. "They grow up so fast."
"Keep broadcasting my sexual orientation, and I will throw you out."
"What crawled up your ass?" said Squall.
"Sweetie pie got himself Saturday detention today," said Ayumi. "Punched a boy in his gym class in the face for calling him gay."
"Gay? Like called him a faggot or something?"
"No. He just mentioned that he heard a rumor Ri was gay, and this sweetheart punched him in the face."
Squall stared.
"You are gay."
Riku's glare darkened. He continued tapping his hip.
"Booth space is for customers, and as you haven't ordered anything, I feel the need to ask you to leave."
Ayumi looked around the shop.
"Uh, Ri? The place is practically empty. And if you're going to be such a primadonna, I'll have a café vanilla."
Riku practically gnashed his jaws together.
"Squall? Anything you'd like?"
"Uh . . ." He looked between brother and sister. "My usual?"
"So coffee. Black."
"Yeah . . ."
Riku stormed away from the table. He retrieved his apron from the break room and tried to ignore Sora's chuckles when he moved to the coffee machine.
"This place doesn't pay enough for this bullshit."
"It's not that bad," said Sora.
"I bet you wouldn't feel that way if your sister and her boyfriend loved to come here everyday just to make your life miserable."
Sora blinked.
"I don't have a sister."
"You know what I mean."
Riku capped the coffees with their respective-sized lids, and was about to round the counter when the bell dinged. He glanced toward the door, and his breath hitched as Cloud Strife sulked into the store. Sora's elbow jabbed Riku in the ribs. Riku frowned at him, and received an eyebrow wriggle in return.
"It's Cloud," said Sora.
"No shit," said Riku. He took a deep breath and watched Cloud as he passed the counter and dropped in the seat across Ayumi and Squall.
You remember Cloud, don't you, dear reader? Squall's friend that glares when he's happy? Yep, that's the one. Well, Cloud Strife was as completely emo as they come. He had a thing for dressing in only black, navy, or purple so dark it looked black or navy. He was Squall's best friend since their nursery days (born under a week apart, they literally slept in the same hospital nursery as newborns), and the moody one of the two. He tried very hard to be the tough, uninterested, asshole guy, but failed to overcompensate enough for how genuinely nice he really was, and this tended to make him even crankier.
As the chain of events would follow, when Squall and Ayumi started dating and Squall spent more time at the Asaki house, Cloud inevitably followed. It was the first time Riku appreciated his sister's taste in guys, because until Cloud followed Squall into his living room one day, Riku had no idea Ayumi's new boyfriend was friends with the sexy, blond guy that Riku had been eyeing in the halls since his first day of freshman year. This was also the moment Riku decided he should show a genuine interest in his favorite (who cares if she was his only?) sister's love life by making friends with Squall. Bitching every time he invaded their house was overrated, anyway.
Unfortunately for Riku, Ayumi Asaki wasn't as dumb as she sounded. Three days after Cloud first walked into the Asaki house, Ayumi claimed Riku followed him like a lost puppy dog. This was, apparently, very cute, and she proceeded to tell Squall about Riku's 'little crush' before he'd ever gotten a chance to confirm or deny it. A credit to his fortune, however, was Squall wasn't as big of a bastard as he looked, and had unheard-of powers of persuasion when it came to keeping Ayumi quiet. This was a feat Riku had thought supernatural, but he was thankful for Squall's demonic abilities, anyway, because at least Cloud didn't know.
"Go talk to him," said Sora.
"You know you want to," added Naminé, another co-worker.
"But . . ." said Riku.
"It's dead," said Vincent. "I'm sure Sora and Naminé can handle it."
Riku huffed. To his misfortune Cloud seemed to be the only one who hadn't noticed.
He checked his hair in the reflection of the coffee machine, grabbed Ayumi and Squall's drinks from the counter, and took a deep breath.
"I can do this," said Riku.
"That's the spirit," said Vincent.
He spared a glare in Vincent's direction before rounding the counter. Cloud sat slumped in his seat, fiddling with the edge of the table, and his head rested against the back of his palm. Riku paused for a moment to further brace himself (and to take in the view of Cloud's lower lip jutted into a pout). He crossed to the table and sat the coffees in front of Squall and Ayumi.
"Hey, Cloud," said Riku. "Rough day?"
Cloud's head popped off the table. He leaned back and shrugged.
"Eh. Failed a pop quiz and found out my English Lit paper is shit. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"You looked miserable."
"More than usual, you mean?" said Ayumi.
Cloud shot her a nasty stare, softened his expression, and turned his eyes back to Riku.
"Nah. Just been a long day and I have a busy weekend coming up, so I'm kind of dreading it. And now it's going to be more exhausting because I have to fix my paper for resubmission."
"Sorry to hear that. Want a coffee or something to cheer you up?"
From the corner of his eye, Riku saw Ayumi raise her eyebrows and nudge Squall. He frowned and shook his head.
"While coffee sounds great, I'm broke. Just had to replace the radiator on my car, so my entire savings is gone."
"Be careful about that," said Squall. "Riku's kicking out loiterers today. No money, no seat."
Riku gave a swift kick under the table. Squall winced.
"Don't worry about it," said Riku. "It's on me."
"No," said Cloud. "I couldn't let you do that."
"It's a coffee, not a car. Don't worry about it."
"No, really. I wouldn't feel right taking money from you."
"Why not?" said Squall. "You do it to me all the time."
Cloud redirected his gaze across the table.
"You're different."
Ayumi practically wedged her elbow between Squall's ribs.
"Why am I different?"
"Because you are," said Ayumi.
Squall patted her arm.
"Thanks for clearing that up, babe."
"No problem."
"So is there anything I can get for you?" said Riku.
"Cloud would be happy to accept a vanilla latte with lots of espresso," said Ayumi. "He is caffeine-dependent, after all."
"I didn't say that," said Cloud.
"Oh? Was there something else you'd like, because I was under the impression that's all you ever order?"
"I didn't say that, either."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I don't feel right about taking his money."
"It's four dollars."
"Yeah," said Riku. "It's not going to break the bank."
Cloud huffed.
"Accept my brother's generosity, and stop complaining. Geez, Cloud, sometimes I think that's all you ever do. I don't know how you put up with it, pumpkin."
"Stop with the food nicknames," said Squall. "It makes me fear something truly evil is going on inside your head."
"At least something is going on up there," said Riku.
Cloud and Squall snickered. Ayumi slapped Squall's wrist.
"They can have their chuckle. You, however . . ."
"I'm going to go get that coffee before Aya gets emotional."
"Hey," said Cloud as Riku turned to leave. He spun back around, raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. I know it's 'only four dollars,' but I'll pay you back for it."
"Don't worry about it. Really. I don't mind."
Riku offered a smile and turned away. He inhaled, and tried to keep his pace steady as he returned behind the counter. Sora, Naminé, and Vincent smirked as he approached.
"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" said Vincent.
"I knew you could do it," said Naminé.
"Though he really should be paying for you," said Sora. "After all, I think you're the girl in this flirtation."
"Oh, you three can just shut up."
----------0----------
Riku shuffled through the contents of the refrigerator. He pushed aside plastic containers of leftovers and two cartons of juice before pulling a jug of milk from the back. As he emerged from behind the door, Ayumi sauntered into the kitchen. She was dressed in sweats, her hair pulled into a high ponytail. A dark green athletic bag hung over her shoulder.
"Hey, Aya, I got a question for you."
"What's up?"
"Can you pick me up from detention today? Gets over at four."
She sighed.
"Nope. I have practice until six. You know that."
"I know, but I need a ride home."
"Who's taking you?"
"Mom."
"Why can't she bring you home?"
"Because she has that corporate party tonight, and she's leaving at two. And Dad left for another one of those business trips this morning. And I can't drive."
"Not my problem you failed your driver's test twice."
"That parking space isn't normal, goddamnit."
"I don't know what to tell you. Guess you'll just have to walk."
"Ayumi. That's going to take at least an hour."
"Walk fast."
"Come on. Help out your little brother."
"Ri, you know I have my lessons from eleven to six on Saturdays. I simply can't do it. You're going to have to walk."
"So gymnastics are more important than your poor, deserted little brother?"
"For what I'm paying for these lessons? You bet your ass they are."
"What if it rains?"
"Run."
"You're a crappy sister."
"No, I'm normal. Not my fault you took offense over people knowing your sexual orientation. It's kind of stupid you worry about it, anyway. How do you expect Cloud to think about dating you if he doesn't know you're gay?"
"Why, again, would Cloud think about dating me if he knew I was gay?"
"Maybe Cloud's not as straight as you think he is."
"Maybe you're trying to get my hopes up so I just tell him and make an ass out of myself."
"Maybe I know more about Cloud than you do, and therefore would make better judgments on whether it was a good idea to tell him or not."
"Maybe you always think it's a good idea to tell people you have the hots for them, so your opinion doesn't really matter."
Ayumi smirked, shrugged, and passed her brother to the door that led into the garage.
"Maybe, but I'd like you to consider that if I hadn't told Squall I liked him, we wouldn't be together now. I'm going to my lessons. Have fun walking."
Riku grumbled.
----------0----------
Destiny Island High School's Saturday detentions lasted from noon until four. They were given out for more serious infractions—fighting, in Riku's case. This kind of behavior might have earned him in-school suspension, but he was a first time offender, so instead had to suffer through four hours on a sunny weekend in the stuffy school classroom. The only other person present was the boy Riku had punched. They weren't allowed to do homework. A scheduled bathroom break was at two. For the remainder of the time, they were forced to twiddle their thumbs and stare at the front of the classroom. After twenty minutes, Riku was sure the clock was going backward.
During the lavatory break, Riku tried to strike up a conversation with the boy he punched, but it seemed that taking a swing at someone was enough reason for him to move away when spoken to. In fact, Tidus avoided all eye contact. He stared at Riku as if he'd grown a second head when Riku inquired into the status of Tidus's injured nose.
"What's wrong with you?" said Tidus after Riku's fourth attempt to make conversation.
"What are you talking about?"
"You fucking slugged me in the face two days ago. Now you're acting like we're best friends."
"I was having a bad day. You just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I did try to apologize."
"You told me I deserved it."
Riku frowned.
"I was having a bad day."
"You're a fucking psycho. I didn't even start the damn rumor."
Riku stared at his reflection in the mirror. What had he been so pissed off about, anyway? It wasn't like his friends, coworkers, and even family didn't know he was gay. Squall knew. By association, Cloud probably knew, too. He wasn't ashamed of it. He hadn't thought he was, anyway. A sick feeling crept into Riku's stomach as he stared at his reflection, and then there it was.
"It makes me feel ugly," said Riku.
Tidus looked up from the sink where he was busy washing his hands.
"What?"
"Being gay. It's . . . it's becoming more accepted, but it's still . . . it's still something that's just . . . it's not normal. And, well, you know my sister. Ms. Popularity. And sure, she's weird. She's dating Squall Leonheart for fuck's sakes, but I have to see them together all the time, and they're so fucking cutesy. He might be kind of pissy, but they have a normal relationship. And I'm . . ."
"You're gay," said Tidus. Riku nodded.
"I hate when people point it out. It's something that's part of me, but it's ugly, and I . . . I hate it. I don't want to be this way."
Tidus frowned.
"It can't be that bad."
"I bet you've had lots of girlfriends, huh?"
He shrugged.
"A few."
"Ayumi had lots of boyfriends by the time she was my age. She had her first real kiss when she was twelve. I bet you did, too."
"Thirteen, actually."
"I've never been on a date. I haven't had my first kiss. All my friends have gone through all this, but I've . . . I've always known I liked guys, and . . . I feel left behind."
"And ugly."
"Yeah . . ."
"I doubt you're the only gay guy in school."
Riku smiled.
"Oh, I know I can't be, but I don't know how to find them. I hear a lot about this gaydar thing, and whatever it is, I was unfortunate enough to be gay and born without it. And then there's this guy I'm interested in, but I doubt he's interested in me—probably sees me as a kid—so . . . yeah. Sorry I hit you. I'm just kind of sensitive about it."
"Cloud Strife?"
Riku frowned.
"What did you say?"
"The guy you're interested in. It's Cloud Strife, right?"
"How do you . . ."
"Well, that's the rumor."
Riku felt the blood drain from his face. His head felt light, dizzy.
"The rumor isn't that I'm gay?"
"Well, actually, the rumor is that you're dating Cloud Strife, but since you obviously aren't, I assumed he was the one you were interested in."
"Just how popular is this rumor?"
Tidus frowned and took a step back.
"You aren't going to punch me in the face again, are you?"
"No."
"I heard it from about seven different people. I mean . . ." Tidus took a breath. "You just . . . you're always making these eyes at each, and talking all the time, and he . . . I don't know. Let's just say that I wouldn't be hopeless about it if I were you, because everyone seems to think he's interested, too."
Riku hung his head. He tried to focus on his breathing. He felt more lightheaded by the second.
"Do you think Cloud's heard?"
Tidus shrugged.
"I don't know. It could just be our class, you know?"
Riku nodded, but his neck felt weak, and it was more of a bob than anything else.
Riku Asaki was a fairly confident boy. His friend tended to refer to him as the mature one. The cool, calm, and collected one. He was the hard worker. He was the good student. He was the one with a strong sense of composure. Little ever bothered him, and obstacles rolled off his back as if they were never challenges in the first place. He was personable and strong-willed. Embarrassed was not a word in Riku Asaki's vocabulary.
Until it came to his sexuality, anyway. And Cloud Strife, who glared when he was happy.
At that moment, Riku Asaki learned the meaning of the word 'mortification.'
----------0----------
When Saturday detention left out at four o'clock, Tidus got into his mother's car and disappeared from the school parking lot. Riku started on his long walk home, cursing Ayumi's name under his breath every fifteen seconds. Every ten seconds, he cursed whatever gods there might have been for making him gay. For every five seconds, he cursed the rumor about himself and Cloud. He didn't stop worrying that Cloud might have heard. If he had, Riku imagined he might have to crawl under a rock and die.
You've experienced this feeling, haven't you, dear reader? This feeling of utter horrific mortification when you realize you weren't as stealth about your little crush as you thought you were? When you realize that so many people have figured it out—people you hardly even know—that your crush must know by now. And your crush clearly doesn't return those feelings, because you've talked to him since then, and he's said absolutely nothing. And despite all your attempts to assuage your fear of rejection, you just can't because he has to know how you feel because everyone else knows. And that's when you realize you have been rejected, no matter how silently, and it's just as bad as if he'd turned you down in front of everyone you ever knew, because they know how you feel, and they know he knows, and they know you've been squashed.
Yes, that's pretty much exactly how Riku felt walking home from Saturday detention. If he'd been a less stable person or more insecure he'd have shot himself in the head, but Riku Asaki was a fairly normal teenager with fairly normal self-esteem. He'd have to settle for locking himself in his bedroom until he was thirty and hope everything would blow over by then. Or convince his parents to move. Or simply avoid Cloud Strife until he was dead, which could prove to be difficult because his sister was dating Cloud Strife's best friend.
Riku swung his sneaker at some pebbles on the ground. He reveled in the aggressive crunch of gravel as rubber met stone and the pebbles skipped down the street. Just as he decided this was all Ayumi and Squall's fault and that they needed to pay, he felt the chilling sensation of a cold water droplet against his skin.
"This is fucking unbelievable," said Riku.
He closed his eyes, hung his head, and the downpour began.
Riku imagined he must have looked insane to the drivers passing by in their warm, dry vehicles as he stood in the middle of the rain, stomping his feet, and crying out. Someone up there was out to get him. He was sure of that much.
Ayumi said to run in the event of rain. Riku sought shelter at the nearest gas station and used the pay phone to call the only phone number he knew by heart of a licensed driver that hadn't shot him down for a ride that day. Squall answered on the third ring.
"Hello?"
"Squall? It's Riku. Are you busy?"
There was a pause on the other end.
"Where are you? I can hardly hear you."
"At the Sunoco on Evergreen. It's fucking raining."
"Yes, I can see that."
"I had Saturday detention, remember?"
"I'm not following this story, Riku."
"Mom has some business thing, Dad's out of town, and Ayumi's at her stupid gymnastics lessons so no one would pick me up from detention. I tried walking, but now it's raining, and I think I'm going to cry."
Another long paused. Riku tapped his foot.
"Squall?"
"Yeah. I . . . I have to be at work in, like, twenty minutes . . ."
Riku huffed. He made a strange sort of strangled choking sound he didn't know he was capable of.
"Look," said Squall, "let me call my boss and tell him I'm going to be late. I'll come get you, okay? Just stay where you are."
Riku burst into tears.
"Okay."
". . . Are you going to be okay?"
"Just come pick me up. Please."
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. It's a bit of a drive from my house."
"Okay."
"See you in fifteen."
"Okay."
There was a long pause, and then Riku heard the phone click. He placed the phone back onto the receiver and huddled under the roof.
----------0----------
Squall's car pulled into the Sunoco parking lot fourteen minutes and thirty-one seconds later. Riku dashed off the sidewalk, yanked the car door open, and plopped into the passenger seat. For a moment, Squall stared at Riku's disheveled appearance. His eyes were puffy. His usually well-coifed silver tresses were drenched, frizzed, and sticking up at odd angles. Tan, unblemished skin turned bright red from the water, cold, and despair. Riku tried to glare, but it was half-hearted. Squall frowned.
"One of those days?" said Squall.
"You have no idea."
Squall shifted the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. They drove in silence for a few minutes. Riku leaned against the passenger door with his forehead pressed against the window, eyes focused on the rain pouring down in heavy sheets.
"I hate hurricane season," said Riku.
Squall nodded.
"Me, too. So what happened today that was so awful?"
Riku shrugged.
"Stuff."
"I get it. You don't want to talk about it."
Riku shook his head.
"Not really."
"Must be really crappy, then."
"Yeah."
Riku snuck a glance at Squall. He sighed.
"Okay, well first there was the fact I had to go to Saturday detention. And I'm already kind of freaking out about someone at school knowing I'm gay, right? And then he was the only other person there, and it was so boring so I tried talking to him."
"How'd that go?"
"Crappy at first, cause he kept thinking I was gonna hit him again. Then it got even crappier because I started talking out my ass about how I thinking being gay makes me ugly and shit. And I don't want to talk about that with a stranger, but it just started coming out of my mouth like word vomit, cause I don't know who else to talk to. I can't talk to Ayumi cause she doesn't listen, you know? She just starts wriggling her eyebrows at me, and I don't want that. And Sora starts looking all worried like he's going to find me in a bathtub with my wrists slit or something. That just makes shit worse. Like maybe I should just go slit my wrists."
"You just need someone to listen."
"Yeah, exactly. So I just started talking to this stranger. Sometimes it's easier, you know? Cause they don't start worrying or smirking or anything. They just listen. And then once I started going, I started blabbing about Cloud . . ." Riku paused and sighed. "I feel really weird talking to you about this."
"Why's that?"
"Cause Cloud's your best friend. And I know it's no secret I have this . . . thing . . . for him, but . . ."
"You've never really said it."
"Yeah. Not to anyone. Everyone just kind of . . . figured it out."
"So you told this kid you hit about Cloud?"
"Not exactly. Kind of. I started talking about Cloud, but I didn't say his name or anything, but then he guessed it was Cloud and it really freaked me out. Cause I didn't know I was obvious enough for someone I hardly knew to know I liked Cloud. And then he told me that the rumor isn't that I'm just gay; it's that I'm dating Cloud. And it's really going around. Which really sucks, because when I asked him how popular this rumor is, he tried to make it sound better than it is. And he told me not to give up or anything because people got this rumor cause of the way we both interact with each other. But I know that's crap because if it's going around as much as he says it is, then Cloud has to know by now, and if he knows by now and I had a chance in hell, he'd say something, right? Cause he'd know that I like him."
Squall shrugged.
"Cloud's kind of oblivious to people's feelings. He's not the brightest crayon in the shed, if you catch my drift."
"Isn't it the brightest crayon in the box?"
"That's my point."
Riku sighed and returned his gaze out the window.
"This just sucks. I mean, it's nothing against you, but . . . You can't tell my sister this, okay?"
"Don't worry. I know Ayumi can't keep her mouth shut."
"I know." Riku sighed. "It's just . . . I noticed Cloud my first day at Destiny Island High. I mean . . . yeah. I saw him in the hallway between homeroom and first period and I think I was obsessed from that moment on, but I was pretty content with just enjoying the view from afar, you know?"
Squall snorted.
"I can't tell you how weird it is to hear anyone say that about Cloud, much less you."
Riku pouted.
"I'm not telling you anything anymore."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you. It's just . . . I could never look at Cloud that way, you know? I've known him since he was picking his nose and eating dirt. I mean, really . . . Can you imagine anyone saying stuff like this to you about Sora?"
A smile crept over Riku's lips.
"Okay. I get where you're coming from."
"Good, because I didn't mean to offend. Continue. I'm listening."
"Okay, well . . . where was I?"
"Enjoying the view from afar."
"Oh, right. So, anyway, I was content with just staring at him. But then you and Ayumi started dating. And the first time Cloud came over to the house with you, I think I just about died. And then we started talking. And if you and Ayumi didn't start dating, I would have never met Cloud. And if I would have never met Cloud, the entire school and their mothers would have never figured out I liked him. And if that wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be feeling this supreme mortification, because Cloud . . . Guys like Cloud don't go for guys like me. And if Cloud didn't know, and the school didn't know, I wouldn't feel rejected. And everyone wouldn't know I'd been rejected. And if this all didn't happen, Tidus wouldn't have ever said anything to me in gym class. And if Tidus hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have gotten all defensive and punched him in the face. Then I wouldn't have had detention, and been stuck in the rain. And it just sucks."
"That's a rather excessive chain of events."
Riku sighed again.
"Yeah."
"Or simply put, if you weren't gay, none of this would even matter."
"It makes me feel ugly. Kind of . . . subhuman."
"But it doesn't make you subhuman. It doesn't even make you that different. And they can only make you feel bad about it if you let them. No one's saying shit to you about being gay. You're doing this to yourself."
"That's what Ayumi says. But there are people who would say something if they knew it was true. There's a lot of people who think it's just wrong, or disgusting. I've been really lucky . . . really blessed to have a family that supports me. I know I've been really fortunate that my family and friends don't care. I guess I'm just scared of what's going to happen once everyone knows it's true and I have to really deal with the hate that's bound to ensue. I know my friends and family aren't normal. I know I've been living in this bubble.
"Tidus really scared me, because I don't really know him. I've never been called a faggot. I've never . . . No one's ever tried to make me feel disgusting for it. Ayumi says I'm preparing myself for the worst, but I think . . . Maybe she's right, but is that so bad? And she keeps telling me that I should tell Cloud, but I don't think I could take him looking at me differently on top of the rejection. But now he probably knows, and . . ."
"Riku, you're right to an extent. There is a lot of homophobia out in the world still. And you're going to encounter it everywhere you go. You probably already do, but it's never been directed at you. I don't blame you for being scared. I'd be terrified if I were you."
"Really? You?"
"I'm not made of iron, you know? Just because I'm not the friendliest guy doesn't mean I don't care about the people around me. And even I'm not impervious to caring about what other people think of me. It's normal to worry about what other people think of you.
"Ayumi loves you like a mother bear and you're her cub. I know she doesn't always seem to have the best intentions, but if anyone messes with you, her claws are going to come out and shit's going to get nasty. She doesn't want you to hide. She wants you to be proud of who you are and not care about what anyone says. It's an impossible task, but she wants you to be happy. And you are really lucky to have a sister like that, and parents who accepted you as a homosexual before you ever even came out to them."
"Ayumi told you about that, huh?"
Squall smiled.
"Ayumi talks about you more than you'll ever know. And I don't know much about your friendship with Sora, but I know it's something like the friendship I have with Cloud. And you are lucky to have Sora, because while he may worry that you're going to turn suicidal on him, it's only because he cares.
"I know you're freaking out over this Cloud thing, but as Cloud's best friend I can promise you that he has no idea you like him. If he's even heard this rumor, it hasn't even crossed his mind that it manifested because you had feelings for him. Furthermore, I can assert that as Cloud's best friend, if he actually managed to get it into his head that you liked him, he wouldn't look down on you for it. If it freaked him out at all, it would only be because Cloud finds himself extremely average-looking, and has a hard time understanding why anyone is friends with him, much less would want to date him."
Riku raised his eyebrows.
"Cloud finds himself average-looking?"
Squall laughed.
"Cloud thinks he's average in just about everything. He's not ugly, but he's nothing special. He's not stupid, but he isn't smart. He's absolutely obsessed with how incredibly short he thinks he is. He hates his hair and has tried just about everything to get it to lay flat. When we were thirteen, he called me at two in the morning in hysterics because he set his hair on fire trying to iron it. And you should meet his cousin, Sephiroth. You ever want to meet someone that's going to make you feel like a piece of shit, it's that asshole. He's been coming down hard on Cloud for about a thousand different things that Cloud isn't since they were kids. Cloud's weak. Cloud's pathetic. Cloud's small, and unimpressive, and so ordinary that he's hardly worth existing. I mean, really, you should hang out with the guy sometime. If you got him talking, you wouldn't be so worried about how he'd look at you."
"Cloud?"
"Yes."
"But he's . . ."
Squall smirked.
"He's a nice guy, which as lame as it sounds, is really rare these days. Cloud's one of those friends that if you accidentally killed someone, he'd help you bury the body. He's just a genuine good person—the kind of guy you want in your life. He can drive you crazy sometimes because he doesn't realize how far being a good person really goes, but if you ever need anyone, Cloud's there. And he's a lot of fun to be around once you get him to loosen up. He says the most ridiculous, hilarious things. But, yeah. He's gotten shit on a lot, and it's made him . . . I wouldn't say hard, but he's definitely put up a barrier. Few people get in and see Cloud for who he is."
Riku sighed.
"I wish I could."
Squall smiled.
"Oh, Riku. You already have."
"But . . ."
"You think Cloud would admit being broke to just anyone?"
"But he didn't want to accept the coffee. And he said he'd pay me back. And that you're different."
"Sure, I'm different. Cloud and I have been friends since we were in diapers. I know what he sounds like when he starts screaming like a little girl. But you . . . He's starting to test the waters with you. And he really likes you, Riku. When Cloud's feeling down around other people, he glares. When Cloud's feeling down around you, he doesn't bother to hide it. He just doesn't know if you're safe, yet."
"Safe?"
"I told you: Cloud's been getting shit on since he was a kid. His family, people at school . . . and for all sorts of reasons that you and I would find ridiculous. He's warming up to you. Give him time."
Riku frowned, staring out the window as Squall rounded the corner onto Riku's street.
"Hey, Squall?"
"Yeah?"
"Ayumi keeps telling me that I should tell Cloud how I feel. She keeps saying . . . well . . . she keeps telling me that she knows Cloud better than I do, and that maybe he's not as straight as I think he is. As his best friend, what would you say about that?"
Squall bit his lip as he pulled into the Asaki driveway.
"You didn't hear this from me because both Cloud and Ayumi would kill me for this."
Riku smiled.
"Got it."
"As Cloud's best friend, I'd say Ayumi knows what she's talking about."
Riku reached for the door handle.
"Since Ayumi knows what she's talking about regarding Cloud's sexuality, and since if Cloud heard the rumor he wouldn't think it had anything to do with me liking him, and considering you suggested I hang out with him sometime, would you say—as Cloud's best friend, of course—that he could feel the same way about me that I do about him?"
Squall fumbled with the steering wheel.
"You didn't hear this from me."
"Understood."
"That would be an . . . erm . . . a well-researched hypothesis."
Riku smiled.
"Cause Cloud and Ayumi would kill you for telling me this."
Squall nodded.
"That's right."
"Thanks for picking me up."
"No problem."
Riku opened the car door.
"Hey, Riku?"
"Yeah?"
"Ayumi's coming over to meet me at work when she's done with her lessons."
". . . Okay?"
"So she's not going to be home until late tonight."
" . . . Good to know?"
"And I happen to know that Cloud has a bunch of hated family members visiting his house today and is pissed off at me for bailing on him."
". . ."
"So he'll be looking for an opportunity to escape."
Riku's face brightened.
"But I didn't hear that from you, right?"
"Right."
"You're a great guy, you know that? You should marry my sister."
Squall shrugged.
"Could happen."
"Sorry I held you up from work."
"You don't see me crying over it."
"Well . . . yeah. Thanks for picking me up."
"Anytime."
Riku scrambled from the car and ran through the rain to the door. His heart felt light as he turned the knob and bounced inside.
----------0----------
The phone had never looked so deadly.
The joyous feeling in Riku's heart from the information he had not learned from Squall was gone. The time it took for Riku to shower, dress in dry clothes, and make his hair presentable was enough time to drain the confidence away. Maybe Squall had his information backwards. Maybe this was all an elaborate plot of Ayumi's to torture and humiliate him. She was probably the one who started the stupid rumor in the first place. And she'd refused to pick him up knowing it was going to rain and that he'd resort to calling Squall for a ride. And she had to have known that he'd spill his guts (she was his sister after all).
It was the sane part of Riku's mind telling him that Ayumi wasn't that deceitful, scheming, or smart enough to get away with it that kept Riku staring at the phone.
He grabbed it off the base, dialed the first six numbers, and set it back down. For the twelfth time.
He was starting to feel ridiculous.
"It's just a phone call," said Riku. "It's just a phone call. You just don't say anything about what Squall told you, and you'll be fine."
He took a deep breath, dialed the first six numbers, and hung up again. For the thirteenth time.
"Come on, Riku, you're being stupid. It's just Cloud." He paused. "Yeah. It's just Cloud, my ass. Perfect, sexy, adorable Cloud who might like you, too, and you're going to be alone, and . . ."
Riku grumbled a few incoherent sounds, took a few deep breaths, and dialed Cloud's number. All seven digits of it. Some say the third time's the charm. Riku took fourteen.
He had never felt so pathetic before in his entire life. To make matters worse, it wasn't even Cloud that answered the phone, and damn it if his voice didn't just crack when he asked to speak to him.
"Who's calling?" said the unidentified answerer.
"This is Riku."
"Hey, Cloud. It's your boyfriend."
The sing-song taunt echoed in his ears. He felt the blood rush to his face as Cloud's voice came over the line.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Cloud . . . It's uh . . . It's Riku."
There was a long pause.
"Oh, hey. Um . . . yeah. Sorry about that. Kadaj. He's my cousin. Real pain in my ass. Um . . . what's up?"
"Well . . . uh . . . yeah, so I was just calling because . . ." If it was possible, Riku would've kicked himself in the face. Composure, damnit. Get some fucking composure. "I was talking to Squall today and he said you had some family thing you didn't really want to be at, and he's out with Ayumi tonight, and my parents aren't here, and I'm really bored, so . . . yeah. I thought I'd give you a call and see if you wanted to come over. Cause I'm really bored. And no one's here. And Squall made it sound like you'd be looking for a reason to get out of your house. So . . . yeah. I'm calling."
He had said all of this very fast. Yeah. Riku would've kicked himself hard. There was another long pause.
"Oh. Well . . . heh. Well you heard my cousin, didn't you? I think anyone would be looking for a reason to get away from him. The rest of them aren't much better."
"Yeah. I mean I wouldn't have called cause I know you had a lot of homework and stuff to do, but Squall said you'd be looking for a reason to leave . . ."
"Can't get much work done with the circus here. Yeah."
"Yeah."
"So . . ."
"Yeah, anyway . . . I know we haven't really hung out without Squall and Ayumi there, but . . . um, yeah. So did you want to hang out, or are you stuck there?"
"I should be stuck here, but they already hate me. Won't surprise them if I bail. Which is funny, you know, because I wouldn't bail if they didn't all hate me."
Riku's laugh was forced and weak.
"Yeah, right."
"So . . . I don't know. Should I just come over?"
Riku held his breath for a second and closed his eyes.
"Yeah. That would be good."
"Okay. I should be about ten minutes."
"Okay. I'll make sure the door's unlocked. You can just come on in."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"I'm going to go then."
"Okay. I'll see you soon."
"Yeah."
"Okay, then."
"Okay. See ya."
"Yep. See ya."
Riku placed the phone on the base. He brought his hand to his mouth and chewed on his knuckles. He feared this was going to be a very long night.
----------0----------
It was one of those days.
One of those days when everything seems to be going wrong, and just when something seems to go right, everything explodes again. Right in your face. And chances were it took you eyebrows with it. Or in Riku's case, his left wrist.
Everything was supposed to go smoothly (or as smoothly as an awkward Riku could go). It started out as anticipated. Cloud arrived. Riku offered him food and drink. Cloud declined both. They made small talk through two movies and sat on opposite ends of the couch. Riku resisted the urge to vomit and tried to not think about how empty the house was save for Cloud and himself. Then Cloud mentioned something about being thirsty, and Riku jumped at the chance to do something.
Cloud's eyes on him as he scrambled around the kitchen sent his nervous system into overdrive. One broken glass of water later and Riku felt his feet shift from under his body. He didn't have time to feel embarrassed about landing face-first on the kitchen tile in front of Cloud. As he sat up and brought his hand up to cover his eyes, bright crimson blared in his peripheral vision.
"Are you okay?" said Cloud.
Riku burst into something akin to delirium.
"Are you crying or laughing?"
"Both, I think."
"Are you okay?"
"I think I need stitches."
Riku allowed Cloud to pull him to his feet. He held his wrist still as Cloud eased the shard of glass out from between his skin. The thin line of blood exploded and began to run down his arm to his elbow. Riku continued to laugh.
"It didn't hit a vein, so that's good, but we should get you to an emergency room."
"I'm so sorry."
Cloud smiled.
"Save the apologies for when you're not bleeding."
And that's how Riku Asaki ended up in the emergency room one Saturday evening holding Cloud Strife's hand as the doctor stitched up a laceration in his left wrist.
Riku looked up at Cloud and smiled.
"Sorry about tonight. I'm just a barrel of fun, aren't I?"
Cloud shrugged.
"Eh. You aren't that bad. Kadaj is worse."
"Sorry you had to see what the inside or my wrist looks like."
"It's okay. I like the color red."
"I feel like a moron."
"How's your wrist feel?"
"Numb as all hell."
"At least the pain's subsided. Thought you were gonna blow out my eardrums the way you were screaming."
"Hurt like a bitch. I'm really sorry about this. I'll make it up to you."
"Don't worry about. I already told you that this beats out time with my family."
"You're in the emergency room watching me get my body stitched back together."
"Could be worse. I could be spending time with my cousins while they rip me apart. Metaphorically, of course."
Riku smiled.
"I might be delirious from the pain or so humiliated I have no filter on my mouth anymore, but I have no idea how anyone could rip you apart."
Cloud brushed his free hand over Riku's forehead.
"You're sweet."
"Can we do something fun when we're done here?"
"Shouldn't you rest your wrist?"
"Yes, he should," said the doctor. She smirked at him.
Riku frowned.
"Listen to this lady. She's sewing up my skin like I'm a fucking t-shirt and still has the nerve to tell me what to do."
Cloud laughed.
"She knows what's best for you. You're going home to rest after this, but maybe we'll stop for ice cream or something. And I'll stay with you until your sister gets home."
"Okay. I'd like that."
"Yeah. Me, too."
"If you don't mind me asking," said the doctor, "how long have you two been together?"
Riku raised his eyebrows. Cloud actually turned red.
"We aren't," said Cloud.
"We just hung out for the first time alone tonight," said Riku.
"Oh," she said. "I'm sorry. I assumed . . ."
"It's okay. You aren't the first."
"What?" said Cloud. "What do you mean she's not the first?"
Riku laughed.
"I think I'm delirious from loss of blood. I can't believe . . ." Riku sighed. "There's a rumor going around school about us being together."
"Really."
"Yeah." Riku shook his head and tried to calm his giggles. "And Squall didn't tell me that you like me. Oh, God, this is so unromantic."
"Squall didn't tell you that I like you?"
"No, but he said it was a well-researched hypothesis. But I didn't hear that from him."
Cloud formed a sort of half-smile.
"Squall's got a bigger mouth than I thought."
"It's okay. He only told me that much because he knows that I have feelings for you." The doctor snickered. "Oh, this sucks. I've been, like, harboring feelings for you since before I met you, and then I found out today that you might have liked me back, and now I'm confessing everything in an emergency room with a slit wrist in front of a total stranger, and it wasn't supposed to go this way."
Cloud's free hand worked its way into Riku's hair. The pads of his fingers rubbed at his scalp, allowing the strands to slide between the digits.
"You've been harboring feelings for me since before you met me, huh?"
"Yeah. I saw you in the hall my first day in high school and I think I ran into a wall from staring at you. It's only gotten worse since I've met you."
Cloud smiled and stared down at the floor.
"Wow. That's . . . that's sweet. And wholly embarrassing."
"Why are you embarrassed?"
Cloud looked at the doctor and back down to Riku.
"We could start with the fact we aren't alone during this conversation. Or that I'm nothing special."
"You're amazing. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."
"Yeah. Embarrassing."
"I'm sorry. I'm just running my mouth today. This day has been so horrendous I just can't stop myself."
"One of those days, huh?"
"Yeah. I can't wait for it to be over. You think you're embarrassed? Imagine how I'm going to feel when it sinks in that I'm actually saying all of this out loud."
Cloud laughed.
"Would it make your day better if I told you that Squall was right when he didn't tell you that I like you?"
Riku made that strangled choking sound again.
"I think it would make my life better."
"Well, then, Squall was right. I 'have feelings' for you, too."
"I swear I'm not always this pathetic."
"I know. This isn't the first time I've met you, you know."
"I know. Can we still get ice cream after this?"
Cloud snorted.
"Yeah. We can still get ice cream."
"I can pay since your car broke."
"Do you listen to every little thing I tell you?"
Riku's face scrunched up for a second. He nodded.
"Yes!"
"You are pathetic."
"You're being mean."
"I think he's just moved past embarrassed to happy," said the doctor.
Cloud paused and then nodded.
"Yeah. Can't blame me if I'm happy you 'have feelings' for me."
"Why do you keep saying it that way? Like it's stupid I said I have feelings for you."
"It's not stupid. It's cute."
"You think I'm cute?"
Cloud shook his head and laughed.
----------0----------
Ayumi Asaki and Squall Leonheart walked into the Asaki house on Saturday night to find Riku passed out on the couch with an elevated, bandaged wrist and his head in Cloud's lap. Empty ice cream containers and video rental cases lay strewn across the coffee table. The channels on the television flipped, temporarily bathing the room in darkness and then flooding it with light.
"What the hell . . .?" said Ayumi.
"Okay," said Squall. "I had a feeling I might find you here, but I really wasn't expecting this. What the fuck happened to Riku?"
"He's drugged," said Cloud. He changed the channel.
"Drugged?" said Ayumi.
"Tylenol with codeine."
"Why is Riku on codeine?" said Squall.
"For the pain."
"Could you start at the beginning?"
"No," said Cloud. "Maybe you could, though, because apparently you didn't tell Riku that I like him."
"Hey, it started with her," said Squall, pointing his thumb at Ayumi.
"What do you mean it started with me?" she said.
"You were the one who wouldn't pick him up from detention. Poor kid got caught in the downpour and called me in tears from the Sunoco payphone to pick him up."
"Yeah," said Cloud. "And then you were the one who didn't tell him I liked him."
"I didn't tell him. He started going off about feeling ugly because he's gay, and it reminded me of you. And then he was all worried that you were going to hear this stupid rumor about you two being together and you hating him for being gay, so I was trying to make him feel better. It's fucking stupid that you two are so crazy about each other and neither one of you will admit it freely, anyway. Today was the first day he actually told me flat out that he's interested in you."
"He actually said it?" said Ayumi.
"Actually, he said he was content enjoying the view from afar since his first day at Destiny Island High, but it's all the same."
"But that still doesn't explain why you have my baby brother drugged and passed out."
"Well he called me to come over because someone didn't tell him that I'd be dying to get away from my family." Cloud looked pointedly at Squall. "We watched two movies. I got thirsty. He got flustered. Broke a glass of water, and then next thing I know he's face-first on the ground with a piece of glass sticking out of his wrist. So I rush him to the emergency room and while he's getting stitched up, he professes his feelings for me, which . . ." Cloud paused.
"Which you liked because you are interested in him?" said Squall.
"Well, yeah, but . . . Yeah. Anyway, so I took him for ice cream, rented some movies, and brought him back here. They gave him the Tylenol at the hospital for the pain today and tomorrow. He passed out pretty quick."
Ayumi smirked.
"So you're acting like you don't care, but you're actually really pleased because not only did you get to be his hero, but now you know how he feels about you."
Cloud scoffed.
"I wasn't his hero."
Squall snorted.
"Actually, you kind of were."
"He was half-delirious."
"Cloud, I don't care if he was seeing flying hippos," said Ayumi. "Please tell me you're going to date my baby brother now that this has all come to light, because I'm going crazy over here waiting for you two to hook up already. How many rumors does a girl have to start?"
"That was you?" said Squall.
"Oh, come on. Who else would it have been?"
Cloud rolled his eyes and dropped his gaze to Riku's face—relaxed, peaceful. He brushed the back of his hand across Riku's cheek.
"Well, yeah," said Cloud. Ayumi and Squall stopped squabbling and turned their attention to him. He looked up to meet their eyes. "Just because he made an ass out of himself doesn't mean I like him less."
"You got to be his hero," said Ayumi.
"Yeah. I guess I did."
----------0----------
Riku Asaki was the kind of guy you described as 'self-assured' when you wanted to put it nicely. As a little boy, he'd been called a 'heart attack waiting to happen.' At his worst, he'd been called both 'annoying' and 'arrogant.' His friends termed him as 'cool' and 'collected.' One look into his calm, aquamarine eyes could tell a person when he was feeling especially confidant. Unless you were talking about Cloud Strife. Once you brought Cloud Strife into the equation, everything you thought you knew about Riku Asaki fell apart.
Rumors ran rampant across Destiny Island High when Cloud Strife walked in the following Monday morning hand-in-hand with Riku Asaki and his bandaged wrist. Word was Riku tried to slit his wrists, but Cloud walked in before he'd gotten a chance to finish the job, and they'd hooked up in the emergency room. Riku and Cloud never bothered to correct them. While it wasn't a fairytale ending (or even a fairytale beginning) and the couple dealt with more than their fair share of open stares and glares, name-calling, and homophobia, they had each other. Little by little, the shield Cloud Strife put up against the outside world crumbled. The awkward air between them settled into comfort.
Riku and Cloud attended Squall and Ayumi's wedding as a three-year strong couple. They sat at the head table together as the new Mr. and Mrs. Leonheart cut their wedding cake. Riku watched Ayumi rub icing into Squall's hair, bright smile on her face, and he turned his eyes downward. Cloud's thumb ran along the length of a scar on his left wrist. Riku smiled.
"I love you," said Riku.
Cloud smiled.
So as I said before, I didn't think this story would ever get finished.
Tidus wasn't in the mood for talking for some reason. Little brat.
Yeah, so I was working on this story for several weeks now. And it's finally finished, posted, and that's that.
Who knew one story could cause so much trouble?
But I'm satisfied, and that's the important part.
Let me know what you think. I'm all ears.
(And yes, more 100 Steps is coming. It's been on my mind nonstop. Even as I was finishing this. I have a Roxas to get to, after all.)