Embarrassing Moments with Pet Names
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI. I don't own Gil Grissom or Jim Brass. I do own the dog, LadyScotch.
Synopsis. Gil has a new kitten and wants help finding a name. Jim explains to Gil about embarrassing problems he has had over the years when his animals are named by someone else. There is no sex in the story. This has been uploaded with some corrections. I had problems with my word processor when I saved my edited work.
Chapter One. Watch what you name your pet, it may come back to haunt you
"Ok, so Gil so you've agreed to take in that kitten that Sara found out back of headquarters. Have you decided to name it yet." Asking Captain Brass during a very slow night during the grave yard shift. For that matter it had been so slow for almost two weeks. All of the shifts including graveyard had been caught up on all of their paperwork.
"Yeah, Sara wanted to name it Tofu but I don't know I think I want to name it something with a particular meaning to the cat species. I am going to do some research into mysteries of the cat."
Smirking the man who has finally glad that he would have something to research "Well I have to admit that I am so bored here twiddling my thumbs that I almost wished it was time for evaluations."
"Wow. You really are bored. Oh on other news The undersheriff told me that the sheriff wants to create a cold case think-tank for the time that the lab is has free time." pausing at the stern look he was getting from Grissom. "What is it Gil?
"What does the two sheriffs think I have been doing. I have reread my notes on the Fairwood serial case several times within the last week." Replying the scientist with a heavy sigh.
"Take it easy Gil. The sheriff wants the whole lab to look over old cold cases that are so cold that you get frostbite. He was very impressed with the fact some of facts that Hodges and his Labrat's uncovered. He even told me that he wants to recruit any of the retired CSI's and retired Detectives to supervise a permanent cold case unit who can use make of the labrats. If it goes well they may even get a raise in pay."
"Isn't your friend, the sheriff, up for re-election this year." asking the scientist.
"He isn't up for re-election for another two years. You know a good politician is always looking to make himself look good in the public eye whether there is an election or not." responding the policeman.
"I didn't know there was just a thing as a good politician." retorting Gil.
"Gil don't get smug. Catherine is right you need to study the rules of politics of the system. I'm not saying become another Ecklie. If you did that, I'd kick you in the ass.."
Talking about Politics, Ecklie, and elections always left a sour taste in Grissom's mouth so he quickly changed the subject. "So Brass do you have any ideas what I should call this little gal."
The policeman took the kitten in his hands and scratching her head noticing the purring cadence.
"First of all Gil. I don't think it's a good idea to let anybody else influence another when it comes to naming another's pets. It can come back to haunt you big time. Secondly, you and Sara need to rethink the cats gender." Lifting its tail and smiling. "Its been a while since the Biology 101 dissection. For the two of you. Anyway I and tell you two embarrassing moments I had with two pets that I was not given the opportunity to name."
"Ok. Sounds good to me as I said I'm utterly bored."
"OK. The first was my very first dog that my grandfather gave me when I was eight years old. My dad was still on active duty in the Navy. Peter and Wendy were both in college. So my mother decided to move the two of us in with my grandfather in Jersey. He gave me my dog, LadyScotch. Scotch for short."
"So you liked the expensive Scotch. Even back then. They even had dog who looked like Benji on the label."
"Well actually Gil thats the same dog. Scotch was a airedale/beagle mix. My grandfather owned the LadyScotch brewery. My Sister nows owns the company. I mean come on. Did you really think I could afford that expensive stuff on my salary. My Sister gives me a bottle on my Birthday and Christmas."
Pausing to take a breath Jim proceeded. "Any way the choice of my dog's name led me to be expelled by the nuns at the ripe old age of eight for my essay entiled. 'MY BEST FRIEND, SCOTCH'. It seems that I neglected that my friend was a dog. I remember one line was Scotch was a comfort to me on those noisy Jersey nights when I couldn't sleep. Sister Denise told Father Paul I was destined to grow up to be a no-good drunk. Good old Sister Denise. They were some rough times back in Jersey I thought she was right. Oh well."
The second time I had a problem was when John Manford, an old marine buddy asked me to take his red haired tabby cat. John's now a civil engineer who is constantly going out of the town and couldn't keep her anymore.. Well Marines are raised to always help their other Marine buddies. 'So I said sure Johnny, I'll take her for you. What's her name.' He replied. 'Her name if Cat. Well I call her my Divine Cat.' Well Johnny is almost as smart as you Gil except he knows more about rocket science than bug science. I figured he just called her Cat because she was a cat. I should have remembered Johnny was also a good one to play jokes on people. He made a point of telling me that Cat loves to sleep in bed with her owner."
"Wait a minute Brass, You are friends with Doctor John Manford. I'm very impressed with the friends you keep."
"Funny thing you should say that Gil. He said the same about my friends here at the lab. Which takes me back to the joke he played on me. It seemed Cat is actually a nickname for his all-time favorite exotic dancer. He sent me a letter. It went like this. 'How do you like sleeping with My Divine Catherine Willows.' Of course He was talking about the cat but I knew if any of you CSI's were to find that letter it would look compromising so I burned the letter. Still have Cat plus Tawny one of her kittens."
"Oh by the way Gil, you need to cat proof your house before you bring that tomcat into your house. You need to protect him and your bug exhibits. Tawny's nickname around my place is #1 bug killer. Who needs bug spray when you have a cat."
Gil looks up in shock at the tomcat purring in Jim's lap. "Hey Jim. You have two cats. Whats would be the harm of one more. He seems to like you. I'll clear it with Sara. Please take him."
"OK. OK. I take the cat. You may not be former marine buddy but you are my friend. Cat loves to take care of little kittens.
Authors note. My parents had a French Poodle that they named Louis Bourbon Deluxe and later my Dad was given an airedale/beagle puppy that He was hoping to make her into a hunting dog. That didn't work out like He expected. She didn't like loud noises like thunder or gun fire. Neither did I. She slept in my room at night and when it thundered she jumped in bed with me and we comforted each other. The idea of Jim being expelled came from my own experiences. There was one Sister who decided that my report on the my family's choice of dog's name were not acceptable for discussion in her classroom. I wasn't expelled but I was mad at her. Also whenever we saw the original Benji on the television or the movies we did a double take. Benji was the spitting image of Scotch. Or Scotch was the spitting image of Benji.