Notes: I broke the toys; I'm fixing them. This explains how Hephaistion got to appoint the new king of Sidon. Yes, there's a sex scene, but there's a fair bit of politics/military, too. This concludes my accidental Phoenician Trilogy (e.g., my "I had no intention of writing three stories when I started" tale).

"You kicked him out of your goddamn quarters?"

"What? No. Did he say that?" Alexander glared at Perdikkas.

"Not exactly. What he did say, he said in confidence."

Perdikkas was Hephaistion's closest friend outside Alexander, and he'd barged into the king's office in his Byblos house. "Out," he'd yelled at the secretaries, who'd looked first to the king. Alexander had nodded, shooing them away.

Now, Alexander had perched himself on the desk he'd been using. "If you won't tell me what he said, why do you expect me to just blurt out what I said to him?"

"He's fucking miserable and I have to deal with him. He just chewed out Seleukos for essentially nothing. I need to hear your side of the story."

"Suck my dick."

"Shit-eater."

They glared at each other, then Perdikkas relented and continued, "Look, you're friends with us both. I won't tell him what you said, or tell you what he said."

"You'll just play fucking mediator."

"Well somebody clearly needs to be the adult in the room."

"I didn't kick him out!" Alexander spread his arms wide. "I said he could come to my rooms any time, the same as always."

"But he has to keep his own rooms? That's not the same as always. He's never actually slept in the tent you assigned him."

"Well, obviously you already know what I told him, so why are you asking me?"

"I wanted to see if maybe he misunderstood. He doesn't always listen well when he gets worked up."

True enough. With strangers, or his men, he kept a level head, but he had a temper, and with people he cared about, or conversely, who annoyed him, he could fly off the handle, as he'd apparently done with Seleukos, one of the other Hypaspist lochogoi and, like Perdikkas, an old schoolmate from Mieza. But a schoolmate he didn't like as well. They'd quarreled as boys and continued to quarrel as men. He could be a tetchy pain in the ass sometimes.

"Look, if I take a mistress to get an heir, the army needs to see her in my quarters. That means Hephaistion can't be. I'm not putting him aside. He did that all on his own."

"Holy Zeus! You're both stiff-necked idiots with too much pride. A perfect pair!" Perdikkas stomped around the office, kicking a random chair onto its back.

It had been two days since Hephaistion had left. Just that morning, Alexander had received a dispatch from Sidon, affirming that the city would open its gates to him. In another three days, they'd proceed south.

"Rumor says," Perdikkas continued, "that you're about to pull a Philip, and you'll have a pretty new Page in your bed soon."

"Why in all of Hades would I do that after so long?"

"You're slow to mature? I don't know, but it's the rumor."

"I figured the rumor would be that I'm taking a mistress."

"That hardly excludes a Page. And maybe you should fucking think about that, with regard to Hephaistion."

"That's what I told him, Perdikkas! Taking a mistress doesn't affect us. He's the one who moved his things back to his tent."

"But you intend to give him his own quarters in Sidon?"

"I have to."

"No," Perdikkas replied, hands on hips. "You don't. Not really."

"I can't have a mistress and my lover in the same damn house!"

"Why not? Philip did it often enough. Plus all those wives in the women's rooms."

"And we all saw how well that turned out."

"It worked well enough until the last one."

"You say that only because you didn't have to listen to my mother on a regular basis." He waved a hand in dismissal. "No, I'm not going to do it. It would insult Barsine."

"So you'd rather insult Hephaistion?"

"I'm not insulting Hephaistion!"

"That's not what the army's saying. They think you put him aside and are getting ready to demote him."

"Fuck that. They'll find out they're wrong. He didn't get his position in the first place because he's my lover. Why would I take it away if he isn't?"

Perdikkas righted the chair he'd kicked over, then plopped down in it. "Alexander, a lot of people think he did get his position because he's your lover."

"Then they're stupid."

"Doesn't change what they think."

"But if he got his position, like you, because he was the son of the King of Orestis, that would be okay?"

Perdikkas's face went hard. "I command the Orestian sarissophoi because I'm their prince, even if we now serve the King of Macedon. That's tradition. Just like you command the army because you're Philip's son."

Alexander resisted grinning. Hephaistion wasn't the only one who could be tetchy. "And my point is made. You were born to it—yes, like me. You're good at it, but you were born to it. Hephaistion earned his place in the Hypaspists because he fights like a fucking maniac."

"He is a fucking maniac when he wants to impress you, or protect you." But Perdikkas seemed mollified on the other front. "Unfortunately, the assumption is that he did earn it in your bed. Now he's not in your bed, so the men expect him to be moved somewhere less prestigious. Kinda like Pausanias."

Picking up a stylus from the desk, Alexander threw it at the wall, chipping painted plaster. "Pausanias got another boy killed. That's why he was demoted. Then the crazy bastard murdered my father."

"I'm just telling you what's being said. Usually that's not my job. It's his. Except I doubt he's really told you everything the men say behind his back, and sometimes to his face."

Alexander took a deep breath and blew out, staring at the room's rush flooring. Perdikkas was probably right. Hephaistion rarely whined, and when he did, it was about small shit, like the other night, when he'd recounted his bad day, because everybody had bad days. Alexander was aware people talked but had thought a lot driven by jealous rivals.

Walking over, he fingered the new crack in the wall plaster. "When you say 'the men,' exactly what do you mean? How many is 'the men'? Just some of the officers, like Seleukos, and his backers?"

"Holy Hera, you're dense. It's more than half the fucking army, Alexander."

The king spun to stare. "What?"

"You didn't realize?"

Alexander was genuinely gobsmacked. "I knew people talked, but I didn't realize it was that widespread."

"By Herakles! He hasn't told you a goddamn thing, has he? Get your sheltered head out of your royal ass. My lord."

"He just let it go on?"

"What was he supposed to do?"

"Tell me!"

"So you could get all offended on his behalf and make some idiotic royal pronouncement that nobody would believe and would probably make it worse?"

Rising, Alexander stalked around, a hand in his hair. Perdikkas was right; that's exactly what he'd have done, because he loved Hephaistion. But he had to do something, and bringing Hephaistion back to his rooms clearly wasn't it. "I should have moved him out when he was first named lochogos."

"Wouldn't have made any difference in how they thought he got the position. At least when he was sleeping in your rooms, he was spared some of the camp gossip."

"His men don't say these things—?"

"No, his men are more likely to start fights defending him."

Well, at least there was that, if not the "starting fights" part.

"What are you going to do?" Perdikkas asked.

"I don't know yet. Something to shut them all the fuck up."

"If it will please my king to hear my case?" It was the formal request for a royal adjuration.

Alexander nodded for the Hypaspist to approach. This was open court day, a long tradition in Macedonia where the king heard appeals on prior cases, or new ones that had arisen on the road with the army. While on the one hand, Alexander valued the opportunity to listen to the rank and file, on the other, he worried this couldn't, pragmatically, continue much longer. His increasing duties made finding such days difficult. This was but one of two allocated this month. Last night, his throne had been set up at the center of camp last night, to herald open court. The only rule was "first come, first serve," so they'd started lining up before midnight, he was told. It was now past noon, and he doubted he'd get through everybody before sunset, though he'd have to stop sooner. Even with breaks for food and to take a piss, his back was killing him from sitting almost all day.

"Proceed, Herakleides." He knew the petitioner well; he was Hephaistion's second.

"My lord king, how would you rule on a situation wherein a loyal officer was demoted through no fault of his own, but only because he'd lost the favor of his commander?"

Alexander went very still and just stared at the man. "I would need to know more about the situation."

Herakleides was sweating. "He's a good commander, fair. His men will speak for him if required. Otherwise, I came as their voice."

Fine, they'd play this game. "Has the man already been demoted?"

"No, sir."

"Then why do you assume he will be?"

Herakleides's eyes slid sideways. "That's the rumor."

"Why are you listening to rumors instead of asking his commanding officer the truth?"

He held Herakleides's gaze and the man's sweating got worse. Hephaistion had said, more than once, that Alexander had a terrible glare, thunderous. Most men reacted like Herakleides. Hephaistion would have boxed his ear or given him a camel kiss.

"Do you want to ask me something, Herakleides?"

"Please don't demote our commander, sir."

"I had no plans to do so." A new, ugly thought occurred to him. "He didn't put you up to this?"

"What? No!" Fear shifted abruptly to startled outrage. "He has no idea I'm here. His file…we talked and decided I should come."

So Alexander's first assumption had been correct, and Perdikkas had been right about Hephaistion's men.

Perhaps all this could be turned into an opportunity, halting the shit running out of mouths around camp. Speaking loudly enough to be heard by everyone near his throne, he announced, "Hephaistion Amyntoros earned his position by bravery in combat. He was nominated by Admetos himself, Commander of the Hypaspist agema, and I confirmed it. Unless he does something dishonorable or shows cowardice—which I doubt—he'll keep his rank and probably advance higher. Anyone who thinks otherwise insults me, and my judgement as king. That's all I have to say on the matter."

Although it wasn't all he planned to do about the matter. He had a fresh idea.

"You may go, Herakleides. Next?"