Disclaimer: I own nothing but my love for Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp.

La Pamplemousse, crazy nutcase of the Feminine Grapefruit tribe, sat watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and sighed.

"I love Norrington."

The world stopped moving for a second, as everyone who had ever seen Pirates did a double-take and stared at the 14-year-old girl.

"Everyone's so mean to him. He was going to jump after Elizabeth when she fell off the cliff-fort-thing, and he let Will take his woman, and he said "By remembering that I serve others, not just myself.". He's an awesome, nice guy, who has a bunch of yes-men at his disposal! Why does everyone hate him?"

She suddenly leapt to her feet. "I know! I shall write-eth him a fanfic of his very own-eth! And he will be so loved he will never frown again! And then, maybe, he'll wear some pink frills!"

La Pamplemousse had a fetish for men in pink lace and frou-frou.

She sat down, and began typing.

~*~

Commodore Thomas Gregory Armand Matthew Michael Philip Betsy Pineapple Norrington the 13th and ¾ woke up one morning, put on his spiffy blue suit, and his fluffy white wig. He then walked to the window, opened it, smiled, inhaled the fresh sea breeze coming in from the harbor, and said with joy, "What a beautiful morning! No pirates!"

Commodore Thomas Gregory Armand Matthew Michael Philip Betsy Pineapple Norrington the 13th and ¾ skipped down the steps of his house, and hurried off in direction of the harbor. While he walked, he noticed that everyone was staring at him. "What's going on?" he thought. "Is my wig on backwards?"

He suddenly walked right into a pretty young lady. "So sorry, excuse me." He said, before recognizing her.

"Elizabeth?"

"Commodore!" She said, her voice suddenly a high-pitched squeal. "How nice to see you! Is that a new wig?"

"Um… no, it's not."

Elizabeth giggled in a flirtatious way, scaring the Commodore to no end.

"Are you feeling all right, Elizabeth?" he asked. "Is your corset on too tight? Why aren't you off snogging that Will fellow?"

"Oh, but Commodore…" purred Elizabeth in a would-be seductress voice that made Commodore Norrington flinch. "…you're so much more…interesting then Will…"

"But…I thought you were going to marry him! I said he could have you… really, it's okay! I'm over it!"

"But Commodore! I love you!"

Norrington looked puzzled. "No you don't. You love Will, and I am all alone. That's the way the world works!"

Elizabeth leaned closer to Norrington, and puckered her lips. Norrington shrieked, ran away, and hid behind a building.

"Oh dear, I suppose she's drunk. I knew that bloody pirate would rub off on her…"

He peeked out from behind the building. Elizabeth was gone. Norrington breathed a sigh of relief and began strolling down to the docks again.

Suddenly, a man ran up to him.

"Mr. Turner?"

"Commodore! How are you this fine day?"

"Um…" Commodore Norrington considered telling the man that his fiancee had just been hitting on him, but decided against it. "I'm all right, Mr. Turner."

"Oh good!"

"Yes… Mr. Turner, why are you even talking to me?"

"Just…er…saw you in the street and decided to say hello. You're looking nice today."

"Mr. Turner, you're frightening me…"

"I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER! I LOVE YOU, COMMODORE NORRINGTON!!!" screamed Will.

"You forget your place!" said Norrington, taken aback.

Will leaned close to Commodore Thomas Gregory Armand Matthew Michael Philip Betsy Pineapple Norrington the 13th and ¾ and whispered, "My place is here…"

"EEK!!!" Norrington took off down the street. "Has everyone gone mad?"

It was not turning out to be Commodore Norrington's day at all.