I love you.
I know I do, so I'll just put that out there.
For a whole year, you've been the only one I think about at night, the one thought I hold dear as I drift into sleep.
But you, dear Sirius, will never find room in your heart for a pitiful little Remus.
I know you never will.
At school, in our uniforms, you and our friends exchange your thoughts on homosexuality.
I know they are full of contempt.
Lily and I exchange looks of sorrow for you and our friends,
But I know the looks I give her are really for myself.
She doesn't know that, of course.
I know that my eyes contain the sorrow of months,
Months of you lusting over women,
and I knew you would never lust for me
Like I do for you.
I hear giggles and moans coming from your bed sometimes when you forget the Silencing charm,
And I know when she comes out, I will have to hide the seething ball of jealousy and despair bursting through me.
I know my heart is shattered sometimes,
but I move on,
because I know I am yet young,
and I am strong.
I know I can survive you.
I may never get to kiss you, and run my hands through your thick, shaggy hair,
but I know someday I will find someone I will love
who will love me back.
