Lost Words of Kyou

Everyone thinks the year of the cat is not worth a second look. I'm tired of people always telling me I'll never achieve anything as great as the year of the rat. The only reason why everyone likes that small, "precious" mouse is because he is on his way to be successful. Everyone sees all the good qualities in him, but it seems all my good qualities had faded away already.

Yuki is known for being the smarter one, the one who is stronger in martial arts, and the one who will hold positions in student council and become a strong leader. Everyone in the class thinks that Yuki is the best candidate for the council. Everyone wants to try to be like Yuki; walk like him, talk like him, and even try to force themselves to have an interest in whatever he's interested in. I always hear people say, "I need Yuki" or "Where is Yuki?" It seems as though Yuki is the center of a circle, where if he breaks away, everyone else will fall. It seems to me that I am at the edge of the circle, as if I am not needed. I am like an unneeded drop of paint on a painting, the last leaf to fall from the tree, and the extra person in the class, where if I were to disappear from the circle, no one would see a difference. The first leaf from a tree is the indicator of the coming of winter. The last leaf is the one unseen, swept up under the rake with the rest to be only thrown away.

Martial arts is who I am. I spent months – years – trying to perfect my skills, but somehow, Yuki spends only a small number of days to perfect his skills. I was the one who was mocked at; other kids and adults telling me that my martial arts were horrible, telling me that I would never amount to anything greater than a beginner. They tell me to give up. They tell me that my form is horrible. Then, they turn their backs on me and laugh as loud as they wanted to, pretending as though I am too ignorant to know that they were only trying to suppress my full potential. While they turned their backs and poked fun at my abilities for years, they turn their faces to Yuki. Yuki – the one who never encountered the tornado of insults, the one who never had to think of whether the ones who mocked you were right, or that you should keep following in what you believe to be your path. Yuki never had any of this. All Yuki had was an easy road. Though…

If he did receive those insults, he would not have stopped training. It was I, the weak one, who had stopped for a short while, delving in the thought that all those other kids were right – that I did not have the potential to do anything great.

Why is it that everyone can see Yuki's qualities and talents so easily? If Yuki is the one with all the talent, then what makes me? We are both so similar in terms of talent, yet am I seen as just a shadow – a clone that has died rather than live? Am I seen as a person who has no talent? Yuki is the one who is praised for his work. I was never praised for my work. Am I worth anything to anyone? Yuki has so much talent, I sometimes do not think I can ever exceed him. He has so many admirers, and he knows it. Everyone likes to talk to him. He is supposed to have a good personality. My mother said that I had to be act a certain way to be acknowledged in the way Yuki has, but those words had only mixed me up. It has only confused me. I ended up never showing what I really feel, and being someone other than myself. I hated myself for it.

Maybe it is the truth. Maybe I am not needed…

"We need someone to show us the proper form for martial arts."

"Yuki, we need you!"

Nothing will change…

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When I first read Fruits Basket, Yuki and Kyou's words were almost the exact words I thought of once. This short "thought-story" na by Kyou is not written with callousness where any words to give the tone of jealousy or sadness was thrown into the computer without thought. All of the thought stories made were motivated from real events that Fruits Basket has reminded me of. Unlike Momiji, I wanted to forget everything, but I guess it is difficult to agree with him that keeping all your sad memories is a thing of gratitude.

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Well, anyways hope you review!