Author: Dany
Rated: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Summary: "Because darkness only comforts when you live in it together." D/H Slash
Disclaimer: I do not claim or own the characters. I'm just borrowing them :)
Feedback: Sure, mail me and tell me what you think :)
Please, don't let me wake up. It's still too early to rise. I've been asleep for too short and awake for far to long. I won't open my eyes. I don't want to. The harsh light will blind me and hurt my eyes like it always does.
Leave me in the dark. Please. The darkness comforts me, it takes me in it's arms and hushes my cries. Darkness fits me like light never will. Bruised and broken but safe. I'm afraid when I open my eyes the light will discover my scars and my skin will start to burn again.
No,.. No one can see me.
I roll over in the bed, my back hurting as it touches the matress beneath me. I remember... his fingers scratching over my skin, letting me bleed and hurt. But at the same time he heals me. He always does.
Where are you?
My darkness... I feel you fading away from me. You can't.. not yet. Not yet. Don't go I need you to stay. I feel his hand stroking over my damaged skin and he pulls me closer against him. Tears start to fall but like always they don't make a sound.
My silent tears. I've cried them for so long. I'm not willing to stop them as long as darkness surrounds me, as long as it protects me from harm. He kisses my forehead softly, his hands grabbing my hair non to gently.
His kisses taste like rain and fire at the same time. He likes me where I am because I'm beneath him now. He always was aggressive and demanding. I once gave in and he didn't let go ever again.
I even tried to escape.. I ran and I fled but it didn't matter. He'd always find and capture me. Maybe, now – I'm still running. Maybe, I'll always run. But he knows I'll be coming back.. on my hands and knees.
I've been so weak concerning him.
Totally helpless, I've allowed myself to get into waters I can't get out of. And he knows it. He doesn't taunt me about it anymore because he knows he has broken me a while ago.
I don't think it's his fault... even when I was still the little 11-year-old boy I liked to hide in the dark. It always gave me some feeling of safety which light couldn't.. I've always shied away from light, even when I didn't know it.
He knew all along but he waited until I was ready enough to face the truth.
Ready enough to face the darkness.
To face him.
And me.
I'm able to – now. It's easy once you did it. Once when darkness has enveloped you it's easy to let yourself get lost in it.. but it gets harder everyday to return to the light.
Inhaling deeply, I open my eyes to expect a burning bright pain but nothing comes. It's still dark.. and more importantly, safe. He lies there watching me, his silver hair mussed and his eyes shimmering.
So beautiful...
His chest is smooth and like porcelain. It looks so perfect. It is perfect. The total opposite of mine. I remember a time when it was smooth.. But now it has so many scratches on it, so many hidden scars that only light would give away.
And it's all because of him.
Sometimes I still get angry at him for doing this to me. Sometimes I still imagine how it would be to be the one who scratches and abuses his skin. The one who would hurt him so much just to heal him again.
I wish I was able to tear his perfect skin, to bruise it. I want to hurt him so much.. I want to hate him so much, but I cannot. Or maybe I can, but it's not what I'm doing. I'm not hating him, I'm...
I turn away from him. No. Never. I'm just confused... this is his fault. He likes to play mind games, he always did. He can play with my mind, but not with my heart, no, never my heart. I know it's the one thing you want the most but I cannot, will not, let you do that.
It's the only thing I've got left.
Or is it?
I stand up and wince as I feel my body protest. It's spent and broken. But I must... Someday I must face the light. Even if it hurts.. I must face it to rescue my heart from him. To get out of reach. Because he's just as afraid of the light as me.
Maybe even more.
I take two or three steps until my hand smoothes the silk curtain. Just one swift movement... My hand grabs the curtain tightly... just one flick with my hand and I'd be bathed in light.
I have to... Now! I cannot –
"Harry,.. please come back to bed." His voice is soft and firm but I can still hear the fear in it. I turn my head to look at him. He sits there, looking at me. Something is different.. and then I know...
He's afraid. Afraid that I'll leave him. That I'll leave him alone in the darkness. Because darkness only comforts when you live in it together. He knows this as well as I.
I hang my head and look at the closed curtains, my hand still gripping it tightly. I've almost done it but I cannot go on. I cannot leave him... I know this much.
Maybe someday there'll come a day when we'll take each others hands and walk into the light together. Maybe someday...
I let the curtain loose and turn back to join him in bed.
Someday. Tomorrow maybe. But not today.
Not today.