Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own this mess.
A/N: Just a little oneshot continuation of 4x04 because I refuse to believe Jane waited until the next day to see Maura at work for the first time.
…
The all too familiar scent of cleanliness mixed with an indescribable warmth and comfort fills her senses as soon as she steps through the front door. By the delicate clatter of high-end metal hitting vintage oak, Jane knows exactly where she will find her friend and tries not to leave dirt on the hardwood of Maura's house as she moves through the hall.
"Please tell me you're making something good. Preferably alcoholic," Jane announces as she walks into the kitchen.
"With tofu and garbanzo beans?" Maura briefly glances up from the cutting board with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not even sure I would try that."
Her voice sounds tired and hollow without even a modicum of the cheeriness that usually peppers her words. Jane's face immediately softens in concern. If it had been a hard day for her, she knows it had been hell for Maura.
The steady thumps of the knife against the cutting board echo in the otherwise silent room as Jane walks around the kitchen island. Leaning her hip against the counter, she waits for Maura to look up. To do something to indicate that she notices Jane is standing mere inches from her. But when she doesn't, Jane softly sighs. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
Jane watches as the lettuce gets chopped beyond recognition. "I wish you would've let me give you a ride home."
"You have work to do, Jane," Maura replies softly. "I can't inconvenience you with my every beck and call."
"You took a cab home because you didn't want to inconvenience me?" Crossing her arms, Jane scoffs. At first she had been hurt, but now she's hurt and pissed. Well, kind of pissed. And a lot of hurt.
"Are you kidding, Maura? I sat at work all day thinking you hated me so much for arresting you that you didn't even want to see me. That you would rather get in some stranger's car than look at me," she says, her voice low and nearly to the point of breaking. "That….it's what family does for each other, Maura. You get pissed and then you get over it. You inconvenience each other. You accept a freaking ride home from jail, for god's sake."
So slowly that Jane can't really tell if it's moving, Maura sets the knife down on the cutting board. Her shoulders rise and fall with each deep breath and when she finally looks at Jane, her eyes are wet with unshed tears. "Am I, Jane?"
Her brow wrinkles. "Are you what?"
Maura replies with a whisper, "Family. Am I part of your family?"
Her eyes dart between Maura's wet ones, and she's not surprised when Maura steps forward and automatically leans into her arms. They've been in this position so many times over in so many different circumstances that it's the most normal thing in the world to wrap her arms around her friend and hold her as tightly as she dares.
Jane's chin rests right upon the crown of Maura's hair as she speaks in a scratchy, broken timber, "Of course you are. God, yes, of course you are."
Jane's hand strokes smooth circles on Maura's trembling back as her friend cries in the otherwise quiet kitchen. "I thought—I thought this would be the one I couldn't solve. I didn't think I could protect you, Maura. I was…terrified."
"Jane," Maura sighs as she pulls back and starts dabbing at her eyes. "You are a very intelligent woman and more than capable at what you do. Despite my reluctance to listen to my gut, I trusted you to figure everything out. Whether it meant I was guilty or not, I trusted you to do the best you could do to keep me safe. There is no one else I would have rather had on my case."
"At least one of us was confident." Softly grinning, Jane strokes the outside of Maura's arm before slowly starting to back towards the freezer. "Let's get something for your eye before it gets any worse. You already look like you've been in a bar fight. Do you have any frozen peas?"
"Peas?"
"Yeah. To put on your eye."
Maura's brow furrows. "Why would I use frozen peas when I have several icepacks that would—"
"Nope," Jane interrupts as she starts sifting through the immaculately organized freezer. "You're getting the Rizzoli treatment."
"Well you're going to be looking for a very long time because I certainly don't have any frozen vegetables in there."
"Of course you don't," she sighs, slapping her hands against her thighs in defeat as she stands. "Just…go sit down and I'll be in there in a minute."
Maura turns and starts putting the demolished food into containers. "Let me st—"
"I'll take care of the food," Jane starts to gently push her friend out of the kitchen. "Go. You've had one hell of a day."
"I could say the same to you," she challenges with a raised brow.
"But I didn't end up in an orange jumpsuit, did I?"
"Good point," Maura agrees as she heads towards the couch. "Top shelf. And please put lids on the containers this time."
The tiredness Maura carries is evident in her gait, and Jane frowns as she hears the heavy exhale when Maura lowers herself onto the cushions. She wishes there was something, anything that she could do to erase the past day from both their lives. But since she can't, she does the only thing she can do—grab an icepack and try to comfort her best friend with her presence that may or may not be enough.
"Lean up," Jane gently commands as she walks around the couch. Jane slides onto the couch and Maura lies back down, her head resting on the top of Jane's thighs. Looking down, she studies her friend's face. The shallow wrinkles and dark bags around her weary eyes and the fatigued downward tilt of pink lips is almost haunting.
The look has only grazed Maura's face a handful of times before, but Jane knows the seriousness it holds. Jane had seen it when she had woken up in the hospital after the Marino debacle—with Maura in scrubs and hair loosely knotted on her head as she held vigil by the hospital bed. When she had shot Paddy and Maura had screamed at her with such pain it was still hard for Jane to even think about. And again when Hope had turned her back on the child she had never known was alive instead of the giving the motherly hug Maura had hoped for her entire life.
Almost automatically, she begins running her hand through light colored curls as Maura winces with the weight of the icepack against her eye. It's scary how close she had come to never being able to spend time with her friend like this again. Dinners without Maura spewing random facts, holidays without having to wear those ridiculous matching sweaters Maura had bought them, the bright smile that greeted Jane every time Maura saw her…she has to bite her lip to keep her chin from trembling at the thought of losing all that they had together.
The sound of Maura's voice brings her back from her thoughts. "Do you think Angela would've turned that video in if it had been you facing life in prison?"
Jane's hand immediately stills in Maura's hair. For long moments, there is no other sound than Jane's shallow breaths. Then, as her hand resumes motion, "I don't know."
Maura opens her uncovered eye to scan Jane's face. "She tells me I'm like her own daughter, and yet—"
"Hey, no," Jane interrupts, her voiced marred with concern. "I just told you that you were my family. I meant that. And Ma…I don't know what she was thinking. But she loves you, Maura. She really does."
"I do believe that she loves me," Maura says as she begins to sit up. "Just perhaps not the way she believes she does."
"She does, Maura. She was just scared of what would happen to her if she didn't show him. We both know she watches too much CSI for her own good," Jane firmly states with no room for argument. Her hand finds Maura's and gives it a small squeeze. "And I would've stopped her from turning it in if I had known about it."
Maura shakes her head in disagreement. "The cop in you would've been obligated to do the right thing."
Jane scoffs. "The right thing would've been to throw it away, Maura. I know you didn't kill that man. There was no sense in adding fuel to the fire."
"But you would've faced jail time if you had been caught," Maura replies with a brow wrinkled in confusion.
"Yeah," Jane agrees with a small grin, "I can think of worse things than being your bunk buddy for a year."
Maura grins—happy that Jane, a straight and narrow cop, would take such a huge risk for her. But, of course, it really should be no surprise. Jane has always done everything in her power to make sure Maura is safe and taken care of, and Maura loves her dearly for it.
Jane reaches down and runs her fingers across the mottled purple skin of Maura's forearms. She's not sure how much they hurt, but they hurt her seeing them painted on what should be unmarked, delicate skin. "I should've taken you home with me instead."
Maura simply watches as Jane's fingers lightly make their exploration across her marred arms.
"Why did you want to stay there?" Jane finally asks without looking up. "With a butt doctor, no less. I mean, if I was going to pretend to be a doctor I think I would pick something a little more dignified."
The smallest grin shows on Maura's otherwise matter-of-fact expression. "You didn't indicate that you wanted me to leave with you."
Jane tosses up one arm in disbelief. "Why do I always have to do the asking?"
Maura merely shrugs. "Because you're the one that's scared."
"I'm not scared!" Jane gasps. "I'm not. I'm just…worried."
"Why?"
"Because…" Jane starts. "Because you're my best friend."
"I am," Maura nods.
Jane hopes the blush is well hidden on her face as she looks anywhere but Maura's face, "You're also incredibly beautiful."
Maura pulls away the icepack and winks. "I usually am."
"Very humble too," Jane laughs.
Smile slowly fading from their faces, Maura seriously asks, "What else are you afraid of?"
"I don't know…" Jane starts massaging the palm of her hand out of nervousness, and her voice drops significantly quieter. "Having more with you."
She knits her brow. "What do you mean?"
"This," Jane motions between them, "this thing we have…the sex. It isn't exclusive. I mean, I don't like being with anyone else, but it's easier than only being with you, you know?" She pauses briefly to glance up. Maura's face is calm and caring and gives Jane the strength to state her fears. "At least this way, when you find someone you really like…I can just shove what we did in the back of my mind and pretend it didn't happen because there has never really been an us."
Maura raises an eyebrow that is somehow not condescending but playfully skeptical at the same time. "Do you think that's really going to work?"
On the nights she isn't with Maura, all she can think about is being with Maura. The perfect slope of Maura's back as she lies on her stomach with the sheets scrunched around her waist. Those four freckles in a perfect line that rest upon Maura's pale shoulder. The airy laugh and staccato gasps that leave her lips when Jane does something decidedly right. And finally, when they're done and basking in their afterglow, the feel of Maura's warm skin sticking to her own and the soft breaths tickling her neck as Maura scoots right against her to fall asleep. Those are the things, those are the memories that will be etched into her mind for a lifetime. There's no way she could ever pretend it didn't happen.
A defeated sigh finally escapes Jane's lips. "No."
"No," Maura agrees with a half-smile. Scooting closer, she places her hand on Jane's knee. "And besides, I've already found someone I really like."
The words throw Jane off, and it feels like she's nearly gasping for breath. Is it someone she knows? God, she hopes not. There's no way she could bear to look at Maura and whoever it is being happy together every single day. She squirms uncomfortably; almost angry that she didn't see this coming. "That's…I'm, uh, happy for you, Maur."
"You are so incredibly dense sometimes," Maura nearly groans. Reaching up, she turns Jane by the chin until they are looking eye to eye. "I really like you, Jane. A lot. I've just been waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and admit you liked me too."
"Hey, my head wasn't up my…oh. Oh." Realization hits and long gone is the insecure Jane to be replaced with the smug and haughty Jane. Smirking, she wags her eyebrows. "So you really like me, huh?"
Maura playfully rolls her eyes. "Yes, Jane, I do. Very much. This has never just been about the great sex we have."
Jane laughs, without sounding embarrassingly giddy, before slowly sobering. There's so much she wants to say—she had dreamt of this moment hundreds of times after all—but there's no need to get ahead of herself. This is just the beginning of their forever. They have time; the L word could wait. Her fingers gently run down the side of Maura's face. "I really like you too."
Their lips meet and the kiss is just as soft and sweet and electric as it is in Jane's memories. It's slow and deliberate and perfect. Because now neither is trying to take all that they can as quickly as they can for fear of it being the last. No. Because this right here and right now is just the start of everything and they can take the time to enjoy it.
Almost reluctantly, Jane pulls back and tenderly kisses the swollen edge of Maura's eye. "I'm sorry."
Maura's hand comes up and covers the one cupping her cheek. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You got me out of there."
"And if I hadn't?"
A smile blooms across Maura's face. She no longer looks tired and hollow, but elated. "I would still like you just as much."
Jane grins. "You were kind of cute in that orange. I could've gotten used to it."
"Hush," Maura laughs. She leans forward and takes another kiss. "Let's go to bed."
Jane's eyebrow shoots up. "And I thought the little jailbird would be tired."
"You won't ever call me that again if you know what's good for you," Maura threatens with just enough seriousness that Jane almost believes it.
Raising her hands in defense, Jane stands from the couch and tries not to laugh. "Easy, tiger. I was just kidding."
"Good," Maura says as she stands. "And yes, I am tired. That's why we're going to bed."
"Yay," Jane murmurs with only a modicum of disappointment. She follows behind Maura to stairs. "How about Maura the Miscreant? That kind of has a ring to it, don't you think?"
Maura looks over her shoulder as she enters the bedroom. "Are you actually trying to get kicked out of my bed before you even get in it?"
"You wouldn't," Jane scoffs.
Maura simply raises an eyebrow.
