A/N : I've always thought 'Goodnight and Go' could be a great PeterKelly song and with them both working in Toronto, a fic just popped into my head.
Check out the playlist on YouTube, link on my profile.
"How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?"
- Eclipse
She opened the front door of her humble Toronto home and couldn't help but smile. There he was on her doorstep with a bag over his shoulder.
She always thought he was going to look different, but he never did. His eyes still shone her favorite blue. His infectious smile could still brighten any day. He still had that presence about himself that made her feel such a myriad of emotions.
She had been thinking of what to say to him since he'd called an hour ago when his flight was cancelled. But now when he was finally here, she was completely speechless.
"Hi, Kelly." She melted. The way he said her name still had the same effect on her.
"Hey, Peter."
Simultaneously, they opened their arms and enveloped each other. He held her tightly to him, smiling as she overwhelmed him. She closed her eyes and reveled in his touch. Memories of years past flew her to the spacious studio in Los Angeles where they had first met.
They pulled away from one another and Kelly took a step back. "Come in," she said softly with one hand on the door. Photos littered the walls and tables. The décor was simple but classy, representing Kelly perfectly. However, Peter barely saw the house, more interested in looking at Kelly than her home. He couldn't help but keep thinking that it had been too long since he had last seen her.
"Thanks for putting me up, Kelly. I really appreciate it."
"Of course. That's what friends are for, right?"
She shut the door behind him, closing out the cold, Canadian air.
"Put your bags down. Come into the living room. Would you like something to drink? Water?"
"Kale juice, please," he teased.
She rolled her eyes as she continued trying to be a good hostess. "Beer?"
"Is it Canadian?"
"Well, of course!" She played along with his teasing.
"Then, yes." Kelly disappeared into the kitchen. "After that wonderful airport visit, I could use a drink. And who better to ask…"
The last part elicited a chuckle from the kitchen. Of course, Kirsten had something to drink.
"Hey, I'm reformed, you know?" She called, popping the caps off the bottles.
Peter chuckled as he began looking at the framed photos that littered Kelly's living room.
"Uh, Kelly? Why don't you print any pictures of your daughter where she's actually looking at the camera?"
"Because they don't exist," she answered, setting their bottles on the table and walking toward Peter.
"She hates having her picture taken?"
"Well… she doesn't so much hate it. It's more like she just doesn't let it happen."
"Huh," Peter chuckled. "Are we sure she's your daughter?" He teased, looking down at her.
Kelly giggled before looking back at the pictures and adding somewhat bitterly. "Well, I guess it proves she's David's."
This struck Peter as odd. "Was there ever a doubt?"
Kelly looked back up at him again. "No," she answered slowly. "No, there wasn't."
Peter felt awful now. He hadn't thought about the question until he had asked it.
"Kelly, I…" he started to apologize but, before he could, she leaned toward him and placed her head against his shoulder. He hadn't expected her to do that but he recovered quickly and put an arm around her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "When you said the picture was proof, my mind processed it wrong and I spoke too fast. I didn't mean for it to sound like I thought you'd been with so many people you wouldn't know who your baby's father was."
"I know," she said softly. Her voice was sad and thoughtful as she stared at the pictures of her daughter.
Peter rubbed his hand up and down her arm as they stood in a companionable silence. Kelly suddenly took a deep breath and sighed, pulling herself away from Peter.
"I wish she was awake so you could see her," she said as she walked and sat down on the couch.
Peter chuckled before joking. "Why don't you just go wake her up so I can see her?"
Kelly cut her eyes at him in the way that she used to, which caused his grin to grow. "Only if you want to get her back to sleep."
Peter laughed. "No, thank you. Those days are long gone for me."
They sat down on opposite couches in the living room, both taking a sip of their drinks.
"She probably wouldn't even recognize me. It's been so long since I've seen her," he said with a guilty tone.
"Oh, she will," Kelly said with a grin. When Peter looked confused, she continued. "She picks you out of pictures. Her 'Petey.'" She added the last bit quietly.
Peter smiled, widely. "Petey." He repeated softly with a smile. He had hated nicknames since childhood. But Kelly's daughter had him wrapped around her finger immediately. She could call him anything and it would be acceptable.
"Bet your mom loves having her granddaughter so close."
"Yeah. Sometimes too much," Kelly said with a roll of her eyes.
Peter chuckled. "Yeah. They never get tired of grandchildren."
"Voice of experience."
He shrugged. "So is this it for you? Toronto, I mean. Are you set up to roost?"
"I don't know. I used to think I'd never really settle. I'm always been kind of a gypsy. But after having her…"
"Everything changes," he finished for her.
"Yeah, it did. I don't want to say we'll be right here forever. But I do like raising her here in Canada."
Peter was struggling with how to approach this topic again. "Her father's here." He pushed gently. He just wanted to know how that was going.
"Yeah. He's…" Her voice was quiet as it trailed off while she tried to find the right words.
Peter couldn't help himself. "A jerk, a douche bag, the most unappreciative man ever? Scum?"
Kelly shot him a warning glance. Just because he was right didn't mean he had to say it. "He's complicated."
Peter scoffed. "Kelly-," he started.
But she knew where he was headed and interrupted before he could continue.
"Not romantically complicated. That's totally over. It's purely parental. She should have a father who's involved in her life and cares about school even before college. She deserves a father who would make sure she's in the best preschool available because she's his little girl. Instead I had to have the 'this is your baby' debate with him." She shook her head, tears finally falling free.
She started again, her voice cracking. "I just want the best for her."
"You are the best for her," Peter assured her. "You are the best mommy to that little girl. She adores you."
"I just hope it's enough." She paused. "I know what it's like to grow up with an absentee father. I never wanted that for my children and now that's what I've given her."
"Kelly," he started. "This is not your fault. Besides, your dad wasn't in your life and look at you. Look at your relationship with your mother."
Kelly paused for a moment and smiled through her tears. "That's true."
Her tears could still break his heart.
A companionable silence fell between them, as it had a habit of doing. They looked into each other's eyes, both realizing how much they'd missed their friend. Peter broke the silence softly.
"I meant to call you so many times."
"Yeah. I've wished I could call you so many times." Kelly looked away from him, suddenly interested in her bottle.
"You should have."
"You know I can't. A woman can't just call her married guy friend." She paused. "Those are the rules."
"Well, the rules suck."
"Yup."
"You know I'm always here for you though."
"Mmhmm," she mumbled. They smiled sadly at one another, both knowing it wasn't true.
Kelly cleared her throat before changing the subject.
"I must say being head of the CIA works for you," she grinned at him. "It's a great show, Peter." Her voice was laced with pride.
He blushed a bit.
"You're hard to give a compliment to."
"Sorry," he smiled.
"I'm being honest. I really like it."
"Well, thank you." He tried to accept the compliment better this time.
"Arthur reminds me of a very conflicted Sandy Cohen."
"I think he's more of a very, very handsome Caleb Nichol."
Kelly laughed. "Yeah. You're right. But Arthur also has a beautiful blonde Canadian wife like Sandy."
"Valid point," he chuckled.
"You're lucky I'm not the jealous type," she half-heartedly jokes, her eyes focusing on her drink.
"Jealous? You know no one can compare to you." Despite herself, her stomach did a flip at his words. She still couldn't look at him. "There's only one Kirsten for Sandy."
The small grin she had been wearing faltered at his words. In reality, if he was Sandy, she was Rebecca. No, worse, she was Rachel.
"Hey." His voice broke her train of thought. She looked back up at him. "You know you're my favorite Canadian."
Kelly giggled. She knew that was a title he could give her and it was one she happily accepted.
With their tension once again ended, their conversations moved into safer topics.
They talked about their former coworkers and their projects. They talked about their children.
Kelly smiled as Peter beamed about his daughter's music talents, clearly a gift she'd been given by her father.
Time flew past without notice until suddenly it was one in the morning. With Peter's flight in the morning, he really needed to get some sleep to make the plane.
"I'll show you your room."
They walked down the hallway side by side. The narrow passage pushing them together a bit.
"This door on the left," she pointed.
He put his bag in the room and walked back to the door where Kelly was waiting in the hallway.
"Do you need anything? Towel, toothbrush?"
Peter pointed back into the room. "I've got it all."
Unsure how to say goodnight, they stood silently with their focus on the floor. Finally, their eyes connected, blue ocean meeting blue sky. His stare made her heart race while the way she was looking at him caused his heart to slow.
He didn't think about what he was doing. He didn't have to. His left arm raised itself of its own accord. His hand cupped her face gently and he exhaled sharply as she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.
Slowly, he leaned forward to kiss her, stopping just before their lips could meet. Their breath mingled in the small space between them; the bite of the alcohol faintly detectable in the air. His right hand found its place near the small of her back.
"I've missed this," he whispered, his eyes closed.
"What? Sandy and Kirsten?" she asked, knowing full well what he was actually saying.
"No. You and me," he answered bluntly, opening his eyes. Their lips grazed each other as they spoke.
"Me too," Kelly whispered, keeping her eyes on his.
He didn't say anything. Instead, he simply looked into her eyes for a moment before leaning further toward her. Their lips briefly made contact; their mouths already slightly open. Before they could seal their kiss, a tiny voice echoed through the silent house.
"Mommy," the voice quivered.
Their eyelids slid open and they searched for the other's eyes. Slowly, Peter pulled away from her lips that he was still dying to kiss. He only moved far enough away to place his forehead on hers.
Kelly swallowed thickly before speaking. "She's protecting you from me." She knew she could get Peter to kiss her, touch her, make love to her. But doing so would ruin the most precious thing in the world to him: his children.
"No." Peter disagreed, softly. "She's a good girl. She's protecting her mommy from me." He knew the power he had over Kelly's heart. He could feel it beat between them, thumping urgently in her chest. When he was away from her, she could forget and get over him. That's what she had been doing since they'd stopped working together and seeing each other every day.
If they kissed or anything more, he knew she would fall again, and, when he left tomorrow to go back to his family, she'd be left alone.
Kelly managed to tear herself away from Peter and head into her daughter's room. She smiled as she saw her little girl's head full of curls peaking over the bars of her crib. As soon as the tot saw her mother, she dropped the small stuffed goose she had been hugging with one of her arms.
"Mommy," she said, a small whine still in her voice.
"Hey, sweetie," Kelly cooed as she scooped her daughter up. "Why are you awake, baby girl?"
"Toof," she answered and pointed to her mouth.
"Oh, your tooth," Kelly walked toward the changing table to retrieve some medicine.
As she walked, the tiny blonde tried to mimic the way her mother had said the word but she couldn't manage to get the end right.
Suddenly, she whispered urgently. "Mommy," her grip tightening on Kelly's shirt.
"Hmm?" When there wasn't an answer, Kelly turned to see her daughter's chubby arm pointing. She followed the finger and looked behind her to find Peter.
"Oh, sweetheart, it's Peter. You remember him, don't you? Petey?"
"Petey?" Her voice was excited now.
"Mmhmm."
The little blonde wriggled in her mom's grip, reaching for Peter with her round arms. He walked quickly, excited to be remembered.
"Hey, sweetie. How've you been?" He asked softly, taking her from Kelly's arms.
She watched him with those eyes of her mother's. He kept up their conversation on his own.
"You've gotten bigger since I saw you last." He said as he walked around the room with her. "What's Mama been feeding you?"
One of her chubby arms reached up and her tiny hand covered Peter's mouth. His eyebrows shot up.
"You're right. People often tell me I talk too much."
Kelly looked over form what she was doing, intrigued by the turn in the conversation. She giggled at the sight of her daughter's chubby hand over Peter's full lips. "No, Peter. She wants you to sing to her."
"Oh," he responded quickly. "I guess you don't request that very often, do you, baby girl?"
Kelly rolled her eyes. She wasn't a singer. That didn't mean she didn't enjoy singing to her daughter. But it wasn't like she was going to tell Peter that. He'd probably ask to hear a sample.
"So, any requests, darling?" When she remained silent, Peter decided on his own pick.
"I see trees of green. Red roses too."
His velvet voice swam through the dark nursery.
"I see 'em bloom… for me and you."
Content, she held one of her hands at her mouth, a small smile on her lips as she listened. Her eyelids had already begun to slip.
"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."
Kelly turned to watch the scene behind her.
Seeing a man hold her daughter like that, look at her like he did, with such love and adoration, it broke her heart.
Of course, he wasn't just any man. It was Peter. That made the vision even more surreal and even more perfect.
She walked over to them as Peter rocked the little one in his arms. Once Kelly was beside them, she realized her daughter was already asleep.
"The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky," he continued as Kelly gently opened her daughter's mouth and rubbed the soothing gel on the sore tooth.
"Are also on the faces of people going by," Peter had to chuckle through the lyrics. The baby never moved a muscle or showed a sign of being disturbed as Kelly's finger prodded her mouth. She lay there in a trusting slumber only a child was capable of, her mouth still hanging ajar.
Peter watched Kelly as she looked at her flesh and blood in his arms. She gazed at her baby with such unconditional love and affection. Peter had never seen her so gorgeous.
"I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do."
Peter's voice had slowed, his focus slightly waning as he stared at Kelly. She met his gaze, her eyes speaking volumes to him.
'Remember when you sang to me?'
He smiled. 'I remember.'
The words were so slow now that he was merely speaking in a rhythm.
"They're really saying," he paused, wondering if she had been paying attention. If she knew the next lyric. Her eyes told him that she did.
"I love you," he finished. Kelly couldn't believe that he had completed the verse. She hurried back to the changing table, her heart pounding in her chest.
Peter's ears were burning. He was angry with himself, not knowing why he did this to her or to himself. He looked down at the sleeping bundle in his arms. She was her mother's daughter, the spitting image of Kelly.
Peter was caught by the thought that he could hold this little piece of Kelly for as long and as tightly as he wished and what would anyone say?
In public, and in private, a small hug was the most he'd be able to claim but he could hold this piece of her all night.
By holding this tiny angel, he'd been holding Kelly for about twenty minutes now. He'd even sang her to sleep.
Give this new thought, Peter found it especially hard to set her back in her bed.
He joined Kelly beside the table with no idea of what to say.
'I'm sorry.' But he wasn't.
'I didn't mean it.'
'I did mean it.'
But, when Kelly finally looked up at him, they didn't need words. They never had.
For a few precious moments, they merely stared into one another's eyes. Blue eyes that shone bright despite the darkness of the room.
Their bodies felt that magnetic pull toward the other. Just as they were close enough to kiss, just as the moment was right for them to kiss, if life were a movie, that is. Just at that moment, Kelly put her head on Peter's chest under his chin. He was surprised but quickly wrapped his arms around her tiny frame. Her arms tightened around him as she listened to his steady heartbeat. It sang the most haunting, beautiful, enchanting melody to her.
All she wanted to do was take him to her bedroom and do this, lay with her head on his chest, sleep next to him, sleep in his arms, be completely innocent.
Even though the desire was innocent, it broke the rules.
She pulled back from him.
Peter wondered what she was going to say.
"Goodnight, Peter," she said softly.
"Goodnight," he whispered. She walked silently from the nursery, pausing only to check on her daughter once more.
The next morning, Peter entered the kitchen, already showered and dressed. Kelly and breakfast were already waiting for him.
"Wow," he breathed. "Thank you." He had planned on picking food up on his way to the airport, especially after the events of the previous night.
"You're welcome," she said gently. Peter began to eat and Kelly busied herself in her kitchen.
There were no words spoken between them. The only sounds coming from the occasional clang of pots, jars, and tiny spoons and the running of the water as Kelly did the dishes.
Peter finished the food on his plate and took the empty dish to the sink. He stood beside Kelly as she finished her chore.
"It was excellent. Thank you," he complimented her.
Kelly nodded her head. "It was no problem," she said quietly. She took a deep breath before speaking again.
"Peter," the way she said his name made the hair on his neck prickle. Her tone told him what was to come. "What happened last night, or rather, what didn't happen, it can't happen again."
He stayed silent with his eyes on the floor.
"We just need to get over these feelings we have," she said with little conviction.
"How do you suggest we do that?" He asked, finally looking at her, though she did not meet his eyes.
"I asked myself that for four years straight," she murmured, her voice slightly amused.
"Did it get better? After the show ended and we didn't see one another?" She said nothing and continued staring at her hands. "Maybe that's what has to happen then."
"Are we breaking up?" she joked before turning serious. "What? Like never seeing each other again?" She finally looked at him. A fear gleamed in her eyes.
"No. Like long distance." He said slowly, the statement more of a question. He still wasn't sure what the right answer was.
"A long distance friendship?"
"How else can we stop trying to kiss one another?" He tried to joke but the question was too honest for it to be funny.
His sad eyes held hers. "I wish life came with some type of manual. One for parenting, one for love."
"Welcome to the club. But then again, where would the fun in life be if we knew the answer to everything."
They were quiet for a moment.
"I might be okay with a boring life," Peter said softly.
They looked away from one another, unable to gaze into such sorrowful stares. A few moments passed before either spoke.
"Thank you, Kelly."
She looked up at him. 'For what?' her eyes asked.
"For putting me up last night." He paused. "And for putting up with me these past seven years."
"Oh my… Seven years? We've known each other seven years."
"Sounds like a long time, huh?"
She nodded her head. "It does but then again, from year two, it's felt like I've known you much longer."
Peter agreed. Neither could deny there had always been a connection between them. There was no controlling that, the emotions. However, they both knew they had to control the physical.
They faced each other. Although it was clear that it was for the best, goodbye was not easy. In fact it was the hardest thing either had faced.
Peter tried to turn away from her and walk away. But it wasn't that simple.
There were so many things he wanted to do, things he couldn't do.
Finally, he acted. He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently.
"I'll be seeing you," he whispered.
Kelly squeezed back, her throat getting tight, her eyes beginning to burn. Her mouth was dry and her mind was numb, disabling her from speaking or even coming up with the words to say.
She watched Peter as he bit his lip and let go of her hand.
He turned and walked out of the kitchen, constantly convincing his legs to keep going.
Kelly listened to his footsteps get further and further away. Her eyes were glistening as she heard the cab honk from her driveway.
His hand turned the knob of the front door, and he took a deep breath.
With his bags on his shoulder, he let himself out of the door and out of her life.
"How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?"
"Maybe… it'll have to be a long-distance friendship."
- Eclipse