How many times have I thought about this before? Gon, you are my light.
Beyond this facade known as friendship, if you even peeled one layer of me, I wonder if you'd be terrified of how I really feel, how I really look at you... and how I would literally do anything just to be by your side.
I could take a thousand lives for you, and I wouldn't even feel a hint of guilt or remorse. As long as it was for your sake, I could do anything to protect you Gon… but now, you're in a hospital bed, just a mere 12 year old who aged rapidly after sacrificing your body and throwing away your life just to kill Neferpitou…
You're sick and dying, and the Hunter Associations unable to do anything for you, even after you just helped save the whole fucking world from being taken over by Chimera Ants…
There, they are more concerned about who's going to replace old man Netero as chairman... How freaking unfair is that?!
After the deed is said and done, they'd likely just get off with a thank you and send a useless Nen eraser to diagnose your condition as "hopeless!"
Damn, I almost killed that bitch right there and then in the hospital room, but I remembered that I promised myself not to kill innocent people again…
Then there's your useless father Ging Freecs…
Despite being aware of your condition, he wouldn't even come to see his only son in his deathbed…
Leorio punched him for that, but it wasn't enough to get him to come see you.
Everybody is being useless... If it's going to be like this, I might as well fucking kill 'everybody…'
No... No... I can't think like that, I won't allow you to die. You can't die Gon. If you die, what will become of me?! You are my sun; you illuminate the darkness within me... You gave me warmth... You gave me something to live for; you gave me the capability to love…
Yes, this is love... It's already gone beyond friendship. I might as well admit to myself what I feel about you… I want to be with you until our recklessness kills us both at the same time... but there's no way in hell that I'm letting you go before me this early... We still have a whole life ahead of us.
No... I won't allow you to die, there's a way.
Alluka, my beloved sister that the whole Zoldyck family fears, yet is unable to let go of… She can create that miracle for a cost.
You'll be fine Gon, I'll entrust you to our master Bisket for a while.
*All that transpired can be read in the manga. Killua saved Gon, but the two part in order to give Gon the privacy he needed with his father.*
It was their last night together and as usual, they slept in the same room and on the same bed like kids.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Gon asked, looking to his white haired friend for an answer.
This was probably the... 57th time that question had been brought up, and the heck if I'm keeping an exact count... but I know that each time the question has been asked, I've almost broke my resolve and begged for you to take me with you.
As usual, I ignore what I really want, and prioritize the option that would be for the best.
I frown at him like the answer is obvious, but on the inside, I know how badly I really want to stay. "I told you I can't; I'll be traveling with Alluka to explore the world."
Well, I do owe her that much. She's been kept imprisoned in the Zoldyck household since birth, and the least I could do as her big brother who also owed her my best friends life, is to help her live her life freely for once.
Gon gave me somewhat of a hurt expression mixed with a heavy sadness, and I couldn't help but take the look on his face personally, like It was me who was causing him this terrible pain. Even though I know Gon's intention wasn't to make me feel terrible about leaving, and it was merely his own qualms causing this, I still felt that it was my fault to some degree.
"W-Why are you making that face? We're friends aren't we? It's not like we'll never see each other again. Once things settled down, we'll hook up again just like before, and go on even more reckless adventures."
Despite my words, Gon still had the same look adorning his face as before, and I felt yet another tug of strong emotions over-sweep me.
Please Gon, I'm begging you... Don't make that face; I'm also hurt by our sudden parting, but I can't stand to see you so stricken with sadness.
I could never let you go, Gon, not matter how far I am from you. It's me who wants to possess you completely, not the other way around, and It's me who can't sleep at night while thinking about you, so please, don't make such a terrible expression over me.
Your honesty, your innocence, It attracts every person who comes into contact with you one way or the other.
It's me who wants to monopolize you. At first, I thought it was just because you're my best friend that I feel this way...
But I've come to realize while you were lying in that hospital bed, that I want to live my life with you, to see the world through your eyes, to eat the same Food that you eat, and breathe the same air that you do. I want to walk in the same path as you, Gon.
I've witnessed how your immature self, turned into someone unbelievably attractive. Your still tanned body developed these well-toned muscles, and your warm, stubby, and calloused hands became much longer and thinner... Just thinking about you in that way feels like betrayal.
"Yeah, I know... but I don't want to be apart from you. Since the day we met, we've never been a part... I can't bear it Killua..." It seemed as though nothing could break his sadness.
"Ah geez Gon... Just go to sleep... Don't think about it too much..." I finally lied down to bed, and tried to follow my own advice by not thinking about it.
But I was in for a surprise...
Gon suddenly smothered me with a hug, and I could immediately feel his breath feathering my neck. He was so close; we've never been this close before…
A blush crept onto my face. His breath felt so hot, and his warm body wrapped around me in a comfortable grip. In this darkness, I wouldn't dare use Gyo to see his Expression, or I might just lose my resolve…
Then the next moment, I felt his lips seeking mine in desperation. He fumbled around in the dark a bit, but ended up landing a kiss lightly onto my pursed lips.
I don't know how much of this was real, or if I was already asleep and simply dreaming, but I did not want any of it to stop...
His hands sought out every inch of my bare skin, and I didn't dare ask Gon what the hell is he was doing; I didn't want to break this spell in the slightest...
My head was already floating. How does this pure and naïve guy know what the heck he's doing?!
Ah, I don't want us to be apart… and I don't want this to end either.
I could feel a wet and warm tear plop onto me, staining my shirt.
I didn't say anything that night, and didn't know how we even got through it... Darkness hid our emotions and embarrassment from being seen by the other... And the next day, we acted in front of Alluka like nothing was amiss, and parted in front of the World Tree...
DISCLAIMER: I don't own HunterxHunter... But I love them to death... It's my first time writing a fanfic on this site. If there is at least one review, claiming they're reading this, I'll continue writing this story...Thank you. :-)
Special thanks to Luffyftw for editing this, really I'm so grateful^_^ Thank you…