Author's Note: This is it, I have no regrets. Almost a year of writing, plenty of mistakes, and a few stories later, now I'm ready to do this story justice. Thank you all who have followed, favorited, and reviewed this story before, but now I must do the right thing, and reboot the hell out of this story.
Disclaimer: Touhou Project is the property of Team Shanghai Alice/ZUN. I do not claim ownership of anything pertaining to Touhou. Any other references to non-related things are also not owned by me. This is a nonprofit fan work.
Picture Credit: MSPaint Racing flag-patterned gohei by yours truly.
Rated T for: Language, suggestive themes, and ornery shikigami.
Original Post Date: 5/14/14
In a remote corner of the world, tucked away in the secluded forests of Japan, one may look upon it and find nothing worth remembering. An empty shrine, the only notable monument for miles, and other than being kept in a clean state, there was no reason to be there.
Traveler. Do not be misled.
Perhaps if you still believe in your fairy tales and myths, will you find a world where the myths come to life, and the fairies themselves will tell you their tales. A hidden paradise, the last haven for magic, the land of endless fantasy.
Reach your hand out, through the barrier, and enter the forest: the land of Gensokyo awaits.
Do not be afraid, for if you do not show fear, you shall behold a wondrous future filled with no end of excitement, rich history, beautiful landscapes and wonderful people. The world will be yours to enjoy as you plea—
"AAAAaaaAAaaaaggh!"
"Ah-hahahaha! Oh, that was beautiful!"
In a comfy corner of Gensokyo, lay a house that nestled on top of a hill overlooking a vast expanse of forests and plains, mountains and monuments off in the distance. The house itself was rather matte on the outside, not unlike a quaint village house. The inside betrays its apparent origins, being lined with what many would call "modern indulgences".
"That scream was so high-pitched! That one is going in the DVR!"
In the living room of this peculiar abode, gathered around a plush blue couch, three ladies of varying ages were viewing the extravagant home theater with varying levels of interest.
One was a young girl, who was adorned in a red dress and light green mob cap, casually swinging her legs up and down from her spot lying on the floor. One may notice a few extra features present on this girl, in plain sight. Two feline ears were poking out from under her cap, and two black tails were swishing back and forth from her lower back.
The other two were even stranger. A tall blonde woman stood behind the couch, her arms were covered by her adjoining sleeves, and a stony facial expression that indicated she had seen many things in her life. She wore a white robe, with a blue tabard over the middle, a white mob cap atop her head with noticeably pointed protrusions that housed a set of fox ears. If that weren't enough to convince anyone she wasn't ordinary, her nine bushy, well-groomed tails could clue someone in.
Of the three, the blonde currently enjoying herself was arguably the most normal-looking, but she was anything but normal. Lounging in a purple form-fitting dress and rosy mob cap, this woman holds tremendous power and ability, the likes of which are almost completely unrivaled. Notably, she doesn't appear to have any other external oddities, but that only served to set her apart that much more from her colleagues.
These, my friends, are youkai.
"Lady Yukari, I may be speaking out of place, but..."
The blonde standing above the couch stared tiredly at the other blonde, who was stuffing her face with popcorn.
"Mmf, Ran, herw much you bet, mmmf, thsh won wnnt make it through the day?" Yukari said while downing mouthfuls of popcorn.
Ran, the kitsune, drew out a long, exasperated sigh. "I don't know, that's kind of what I wanted to talk ab—"
"Ohohoh, this one has the nerve to take up a stick against Rumia! That won't wooork~." interrupted Yukari with a lilting mock to her ending sentence.
Once again, Ran sighed. Yukari waved for her to continue while keeping her eyes glued to the screen. "It has been months since the Youkai Uprising incident, and ever since then you have—"
"And now she slipped while in midair, how does she DO that?"
"WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?!" shouted Ran. She quickly covered her mouth in shame, but judging from the lack of reaction, her concerns were misplaced. "This is what I mean! You've done nothing but eat, sleep, and watching all the outsiders struggle to even live the moment they step through the Barrier!" Ran pointed to the HDTV, where the current outsider was running out of the forest in nothing but his boxers towards the village.
"Oh... I lost that bet." Yukari sulked, turning to Ran with a bunch of tears lined up to fall from her comically oversized eyes...
...only to find her loyal servant looking at her with shock. "You already had a bet lined up? ...On the life of a human?!"
Yukari turned back to the big screen and swung her arm as if to say "don't worry". "Oh, come on, it's not a big deal. They knew going in that it wouldn't be easy. Why are you being so uptight all of a sudden?" In response, Ran placed her face in her hands and let out a high-pitched whine. "This is how things work in this world, Ran, don't tell me you forgot that."
"That's not the issue, Lady Yukari." said Ran, somewhat muffled by her hands. She quickly removed them to reveal a slightly deadened stare, not that Yukari saw this. "The survival rate for entrants into the outsider profession is an estimated 1.9%, with a margin for error of +/- .4%." Ran stated with the energy levels of a university professor with tenure. "A further 62.5% from those who survive choose to leave Gensokyo within the week. The remaining outsiders have managed to integrate themselves within society, and have not gone out of their way to draw attention to themselves."
"Your point?"
"I fully understand the way that Gensokyo works. Many youkai exist to terrify and feed on humans. There are many exceptions, of course." explained Ran. "Now, I don't believe myself a champion for humanity, not in the least. I draw the line at betting on the survival of innocent outsiders!"
Yukari cut in with a smile on her face, "Not all of them are innocent. Some of them just want little girls!"
Ran's left eye was twitching. "Wh-who even indulges you in these bets?!"
Yukari finally turned her head back to face her subordinate, who was teeming with pent-up frustration and anger. Them's the breaks for shikigami, usually. "Oh, you know, I gather a few who just want have a little selfish fun, that's all." replied Yukari with a smug smirk.
Silence reigned as master and servant stared each other down. The other girl on the floor was innocently watching TV.
"It's just Lady Yuyuko, isn't it?"
Yukari said nothing.
"No one else wanted in to your disgusting bets, didn't they?"
Sweat began to form on Yukari's forehead.
"Are you starting to feel remorse?"
"Now, I wouldn't say that, but—"
In an instant, a burst of foxfire had slammed into the home theater, detonating on contact. Ran was breathing harshly, her outstretched hand smoking from the jet of flame she had loosed. No one batted an eyelash at her outburst.
"Well, what does that make this, the eighth time this week you've acted out? It's a good thing I settled for my own product guarantee!" At Yukari's word, a barrier lifted from the fancy electronics. The smoke from Ran's attack dissipated, revealing the home theater to be intact and fully functional. Not even a slight discoloration. "Even if I wanted to go through the hassle of trying to redeem my out-of-the-box warranty, I doubt it would cover this." Yukari stood up from the couch, looking slightly miffed. "Do I have to box your ears again, Ran?"
Ran held her no-nonsense stare at her master. Yukari was about to speak up to her, when her shikigami then produced a calendar open to the current month, held right up to Yukari's face.
"Too long. Five and a half months straight you have holed yourself up in here, wasting it away on these snuff films and tawdry bets!"
"Really? That's a personal best, if I do say so myself!"
The calendar was then crushed in Ran's grip, her fist trembling with fury. Despite this, Ran managed to subdue her inner rage. "The populace was actually concerned by your absence. It seems your monthly diversions were actually a highlight they missed of you."
Yukari grinned widely, puffing out her chest in a gesture of feeling proud of herself. "Is that right? I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but when I host a party, I host a party!"
Ran's eyelids drooped a bit. "The last thing you did was lacrosse..." she droned, "I think. I don't think those accursed sticks are supposed to be able to impale the oni!"
"Like I said, I know how to host a party!"
"Just find something to do, Master!" growled Ran, with emphasis on "Master". She threw the calendar to the floor, exasperated and exhausted. "It is that time of the month for you, you know..." she muttered just loud enough for Yukari to hear.
"Well, aren't we cheeky today!" scowled Yukari, "Let me just get ready, and then we can head out." A thin, purple line was motionlessly drawn in the air, red ribbons inexplicably tied at the ends. The middle then expanded into a large hole, where a hellish landscape filled with disembodied eyes were staring out from within, which Yukari then entered very casually.
Yukari Yakumo is known as the Youkai of Boundaries. Like her moniker says, she can manipulate borders and boundaries. If that doesn't sound impressive on paper, then one would be sorely mistaken. Almost anything and everything with even a vague sense of boundaries she can manipulate and mold to an astounding degree. Think about it: the boundaries between hot and cold, between two places, between life and death. Her whimsical nature makes it very possible to do something crazy for kicks. There are limits, but theoretically there is nothing she cannot do. She is only held back by... laziness.
As her master was out doing her thing, Ran let out a sigh in relief, and a soft smile broke from her mouth. "Chen, would you like to accompany us on our trip?"
"Mmm, okay, Miss Ran." the young catgirl plainly said, getting up lazily. "I know where this episode is going, anyway." Chen gestured to the TV, where the outsider was currently being beaten up by the local schoolteacher.
Ran Yakumo is Yukari's loyal shikigami. Being a nine-tailed kitsune, she is normally a very powerful youkai, but being under Yukari's servitude, her power and ability have gone up greatly. She shares Yukari's surname as a sign of her status, as aside from their blonde hair, they are unrelated otherwise. Naturally highly intelligent and proficient in many forms of mathematics and magic, she strives to keep as professional as she can possibly be, and oh boy, does she try.
Chen is Ran's shikigami, a feat in itself only possible because of Yukari. She's a two-tailed nekomata girl whose adorable looks and child-like curiosity belie a fondness for mischief and black magic. She is simply too immature to grasp anything more mischievous than setting a chalkboard eraser up on a door. Despite having immense potential due to being able to have power channeled from Yukari and Ran, she is too inexperienced to trust in being able to handle too large an increase. Ran treats her more like her child rather than her shikigami.
"Now then, we have to make you look good so everyone can see how cute you are! Hold still for just a second." Ran got to preening and cleaning Chen up close, applying saliva and pinching parts of Chen's face, leaving the young girl uncomfortable.
"But Miss Raaan~" she whined, I can... clean myse— Ouch!"
Ran only nodded back at Chen with a blissful look on her face. "Of course. Nothing but the best for my little Chen!"
"Ran, it's freezing out here!"
Yukari popped her head out of a gap in front of them, inadvertently letting in a bunch of snow from outside. "So, why am I doing this in the middle of winter, again?"
"Because this is your extracurricular duty, which you have neglected to carry out for the past few months." said Ran, stone-faced, "And now you will do it before you hibernate because screw you."
"I see you have no shortage of impudence today, Ran." Yukari shot a nasty look at her shikigami. "Well, I didn't need so much time. Are you two ready to go?"
Ran silently nodded, while Chen only smiled. Yukari opened her parasol in response as she said, "Good. I have a few places in mind, and we will be going full theatrics as we go."
Ran rolled her eyes, while Chen was scrounging up winter wear for the three of them. "Here you go, Miss Ran." said Chen, holding up an indigo scarf up to her caretaker.
"Aw, thank you, Chen! I needed that." Ran lowered herself and accepted the scarf, taking her time to wind it around her neck. Upon finishing up, however, she took stock of the fact that something didn't feel right. "Um... I don't think this will be enough."
The nekomata looked hurt for all of a second, before Ran put up her hands in apology. "No, no! I don't mean the scarf itself! I just mean..." Ran's nine bushy fox tails all stood on end. "I have nothing for... my tails." A slight blush made it to her cheeks, embarrassed that she forgot something that practically made up a third of her body space.
"Just drape a throw blanket over them, you'll be fine!" Yukari dismissively waved her hand at Ran as she huddled a now bundled up Chen to her side. "Hey Chen, how would you like to learn something new today?"
Chen looked up at her with an expectant expression. "Really? What will I learn today, Miss Yukari?"
"Lady Yukari, what is the meaning o— MMPH!" Yukari threw a throw blanket right onto Ran's face, silencing her protests.
While the fox lady was preoccupied, Yukari set upon Chen with a question, "Do you remember the country where Gensokyo is located in, Chen?"
"Mmm... Japan?"
"Very good! And what language do they and the majority of us normally speak?"
Chen furrowed her eyes in thought. "Japanese?"
"Correct! So why are we speaking English?"
Before Chen could try to think about it, Ran managed to free herself from the blanket, and sardonically answered, "Because you were fooling around again?"
"Zip it, Ran!" Yukari once again shot a nasty look at her insubordinate shikigami. She quickly went back to looking happy before Chen would get upset. "She is correct, though. I have taken it upon myself to blur the boundaries of perception to allow our words to be read in English!"
...
"What? Is that not astounding? You should be thanking me for making everything easier for the reader to comprehend!"
Ran just shook her head in exasperation. "Just because you can perceive the fourth wall, that doesn't mean you can—"
"Now then, shall we move on?" interrupted Yukari, causing Ran no end to her frustration.
"Does this mean I forgot how to talk in Japanese, Miss Yukari?"
Yukari kept on a happy face, though Ran was able to perceive a few drops of sweat by the crook of her master's neck.
"Of course not, Chen! In fact, you can use Japanese honorifics, if you wish!" A sweet smile stretched across Yukari's features, hiding a sinister side that served only her own intentions.
Chen tilted her head, looking somewhat confused. "W-Why would I? Isn't speaking one language enough, Miss Yukari?"
"Oh, come on, kid. Be moé for me just for a bit, would yo—"
"Th-That's enough," interrupted Ran, placing a hand on Chen's shoulder. "Chen, Lady Yukari promises to buy you a snack if we can get moving, all right?"
At this, Chen's face lights up, looking forward to the treat. "I hope we can get some chilled taiyaki!"
The nekomata ran into the gap with a smile on her face, ready to go on with her day.
Without looking back, Yukari bitterly addressed Ran with a scowl present on her face, "What's with you? Don't you at least want her to call me— I mean, you 'Okaa-san' at least once in your life? Live a little, give in to the moé side!"
"This contrived manner of trying to extract moé from my little Chen is due to you watching too much animé in your spare time," Ran professionally stated, "Perhaps this venture needed to happen sooner."
"I could have sworn it did!" Yukari said as she beckoned her shikigami to enter the portal, but not before stopping Ran while pointing to the floor and saying, "You will have to clean that up", entering the gap right afterwards.
The same gap that led to their destination was letting the harsh snow into the house. Ran only looked on at the mess she knew she would have to clean up afterwards.
"Well, at least I got a blanket out of this..."
Counting what few blessings she had, Ran placed the blanket over her tails and stepped through the portal, which then closed up behind her.
Whatever her master has planned will surely capture everyone's attention soon enough.
A/N: Well, here it finally is, the start of an all-new Gensokyo One Grand Prix. Many things will have changed, compared to my first "revision". Not everything is gone, though, but it will end up being better planned out. The original will be left up for sentimental purposes.
Once again, I extend my gratitude to those who have previously taken time out of their lives to check this story out, especially Imperishable Soul and Another Man, who have given me proper criticism and I've taken their lessons to heart. I may not be aspiring to be a great writer, but that doesn't mean I won't try my best, for them and for everyone. Thank you.
Another thing of note, as much as I've broken punctuality promises for this story, I can safely say... This won't be updated regularly. No, I'm very dedicated to my RWBY story right now, and this upload is part of an event I set for myself, having been on this site for one year today. I realize that this was my own doing, starting up new things before giving attention to G-1 here. Although, to be fair, the former G-1 was a wordy mess, and I needed to improve.
If all of this makes me come off as a self-absorbed windbag, then I'm inclined to agree. However, if you decide to follow this story, I will be thankful. Here's to a brand new journey together!
May Yukari have mercy on us all...