Disclaimer: I don't own anything because I can't think of anything on my own. The best I can do is take another person's work and interpret it in my own stupid way. J.K. Rowling owns all the Harry Potter stuff, and Star Wars belongs to George Lucas.
Film Studies Class
It was the last week of school, and Hogwarts had lost yet another Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Fred and George Weasley had won a bet among the Gryffindors regarding how the new teacher would disappear and had since jangled the gold galleons in their pockets whenever they saw one of the losers.
Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger were fifth years and, as always, knew more about the disappearance of the professor than they cared to divulge. They tipped off Fred and George before they precipitated the incident that led to the Professor Wormtail's disappearance. The twins were now eternally grateful to them and paid them with candy and promises of future adventures in crime. The five previously mentioned students were gathered in the Gryffindor common room on the summer afternoon our story begins. Due to a broken air conditioner, a number of conjured fans had been placed around the room. Hermione's hair was even frizzier than usual, and when anyone spoke, it was in a near yell.
"Hey!" Harry yelled. The others turned their attention to him. "Do you realize that if we hadn't gotten rid of Professor Wormtail we fifth years would be in DADA right now and Fred and George would be sluffing class without us?"
Fred, who was the first to decipher the acronym Harry had used, yelled back, "Why don't we go to the Muggle Film Studies class? They're watching Star Wars today as an end of term treat, and I've always wanted to see it."
Harry nodded, Hermione nodded complacently, and Ron looked bewildered. George simply grinned.
"Let's go then," Hermione suggested, rising from her armchair and heading for the portrait hole. The others quickly followed her and felt as though they had entered a vacuum when they emerged into the quietly air-conditioned hall.
Ron, forgetting that he could speak normally outside the common room, yelled especially loudly, "Which way to the film class?"
"Shut up, Ron," Fred said between clenched teeth, "do you want Snape to throw us in the dungeon again?" Ron sulked, the others rolled their eyes and shuddered, and Hermione led the way to the classroom.
The desks had been magically moved to the sides of the room and stacked to the ceiling. No one wanted to sit too near them, so the class (and cheapskates who wanted to see a free movie) were congregated in the middle of the room in front of a large screen. The five Gryffindors picked their way noisily through the prone figures on the floor until they found a space large enough for all of them. They sat down in the dark to the blaring sound of 20th Century Fox fanfare and conjured pillows and junk food.
"Hey, pass the chocolate frogs," George called to Harry, making no effort to keep his voice low.
"Shut up! We're trying to watch the movie," said pestering voices all around the room.
"Shut yourself up!" Harry retorted, "there's not even anything on the screen yet."
When the scrolling words appeared, Fred read them aloud for the benefit of Hermione, who had her head down and was trying to bite open a package of Every Flavor Beans.
Again the anonymous voices protested. "We can all read. Why don't you shut up already!"
"Bite me!" Fred insisted.
"That's it! You're dead!" Scuffling sounds broke out across the room as someone tried to get at Fred. Unfortunately for the assailant, he stepped on several people in his rage and was quickly apprehended by them. It looked at though a full-scale fight was imminent when Professor Tweedly awoke from his nap and paused the movie.
"What's going on here? Sit down and watch the damn movie or I'll make you write another paper. I don't care if it's the last week of school. I can still fail you."
The classroom was calm again, and as the professor waved his wand at the film projector, Star Destroyer started moving again.
Hermione gasped and nearly choked on a lobster flavored jelly bean. "Look at that poor defenseless ship. It's being shot at by a much bigger ship. Why can't they leave it alone?" She was almost crying as she said this.
Ron smirked at her. "Why don't you start another political action group? Maybe something like SPAS: Society for the Protection of All Spacecraft."
Luckily Hermione didn't hear all of Ron's comment because as he was speaking, R2-D2 and C-3PO appeared on the screen. Laughter coupled with shouts of "Look at the stupid muggle machines!" rocked the room. Professor Tweedly had to pause the movie again until the laughter died.
"Alright! You asked for it. Tommorow you are to hand in a four page essay on this film and how it reflects muggles' feelings toward magic and technology. By the way, I'm aware that many of you aren't in this class, so I'll clear some things up for you. Yes, you do have to write the paper. Yes, I'll send you to Azkaban if you don't. And yes, I do know who you are: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Draco, Ginny, Cho, and Alicia."
There was a low murmur as students realized that their friends (or enemies) were in the room with them. Considerable rearrangement took place as Tweedly restarted the movie.
"Hi, Ginny. Didn't know you were here."
"Hi, Fred...George...Harry...and everyone else. Great movie, huh?"
"Don't know yet," Harry answered for all of them, "come sit with us."
The class silently watched the film until Darth Vader entered dramatically. "Hey, it's Malfoy!" George exclaimed.
"I heard that, you bastard!" Malfoy's response was drowned out by laughter. Luckily, the professor had fallen asleep again.
An hour passed before anyone spoke again. They were quite absorbed in the muggle film. Well, most were.
"I don't get it," Ron whined, "Darth Vader is a wizard and the rest are muggles, right?"
"Ron, you sound just like Luke," Hermione said laughingly.
"I want to go to Tosche station to pick up some power converters," Harry said in an unbelievably bad imitation of Luke Skywalker.
"Actually, Harry, Luke is kind of like you," said Hermione, clearly having fun taunting her two best friends.
"He is not..." Harry began, but then his face fell as he realized how true it was. They were both orphans. They both wanted to have adventures and discover the secret power within themselves. Their fathers had both been murdered by strangely speaking evil men with superhuman powers. Harry resolved that next time Darth Vader came on screen he would blast him with his wand for Luke's sake. If that didn't work, he could just hurt Malfoy.
"What about this Obi-Wan fellow?" George asked himself sophisticatedly, one hand on his chin and the other on Alicia's shoulder. "He reminds me of Dumbledore."
Rons eyes lit up as though he had had a revelation. "Then he is a wizard."
Hermione turned her eyes from the screen to glare disapprovingly at Ron. "How many times do I have to tell you there are no wizards in the Star Wars universe? They're called Jedi, and they use the Force."
"Well he's magic at any rate, and I can't wait to see him beat the hell out of Darth Vader. It'll be just like Voldemort's fall all over again. Sorry, Harry."
But Harry wasn't listening to Ron. He was absorbed in a conversation with Ginny about the other characters.
"I like Han. He's pretty funny. Still, I wish he were more committed to the rebellion." Ginny declared.
"Yeah," Harry said, nodding, "He acts kind of like Fred and George."
"Are you insulting my family?" Ginny asked quickly and sternly.
"No! I'm just saying Han is funny and cynical like Fred and George."
A drawling voice interrupted Harry and Ginny's discourse. "Hey, Potter, I'll bet you think you're just like Luke."
"So what if I do, Malfoy?"
"I've seen the second movie in this series."
"So what?"
"You'll find out when you watch it." Draco smiled maliciously and leaned back on the floor, seemingly deaf to Harry's repeated inquiries about his (or Luke's) fate in the next movie.
Fred ate the last of the chocolate frogs as the rebel pilots prepared for their attack on the Death Star. The sudden lack of junk food made him angry. "I bet Luke dies along with everyone else in that 'pitiful little band'."
"No way!" students yelled from every direction. "And we haven't even heard that line about the pitiful little band yet."
"Hey, wait a minute!" Ron exclaimed, jumping to his feet in excitement. "Isn't this the movie where all the bad guys talk with British accents? I resent that."
Hermione, whose view of the screen was blocked by Ron, yelled for him to sit down and then lectured him on vocally discovering things that had been obvious to everyone for some time.
The Death Star exploded to tremendous applause from most of the students, dismay from Malfoy, confusion from Ron, and general despondancy from Harry. "It doesn't matter. They'll just come back later" he said to himself and anyone who could hear and pity him.
"Shouldn't we clean up the mess we made?" Hermione asked the others, gesturing to the pile of candy wrappers and pop bottles.
"No, the house elves can do that," Fred and George.
Ignoring Hermione's glare, the other Gryffindors meandered out of the temporary theater and back to their common room.
"Well, at least we all found someone in the movie to identify with. That should make us happy." Someone of the group suggested.
Ron laughed derisively. "I didn't. The only character I could identify with was Chewbacca. He follows the other characters around and growls whenever he doesn't like something. I know I shouldn't be putting myself down, but it's so easy to see."
Harry broke the silence that followed Ron's self-disparaging remark. "I hope they show Empire Strikes Back soon. I want to see what happens to me."
The others nodded their agreement.
Film Studies Class
It was the last week of school, and Hogwarts had lost yet another Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Fred and George Weasley had won a bet among the Gryffindors regarding how the new teacher would disappear and had since jangled the gold galleons in their pockets whenever they saw one of the losers.
Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger were fifth years and, as always, knew more about the disappearance of the professor than they cared to divulge. They tipped off Fred and George before they precipitated the incident that led to the Professor Wormtail's disappearance. The twins were now eternally grateful to them and paid them with candy and promises of future adventures in crime. The five previously mentioned students were gathered in the Gryffindor common room on the summer afternoon our story begins. Due to a broken air conditioner, a number of conjured fans had been placed around the room. Hermione's hair was even frizzier than usual, and when anyone spoke, it was in a near yell.
"Hey!" Harry yelled. The others turned their attention to him. "Do you realize that if we hadn't gotten rid of Professor Wormtail we fifth years would be in DADA right now and Fred and George would be sluffing class without us?"
Fred, who was the first to decipher the acronym Harry had used, yelled back, "Why don't we go to the Muggle Film Studies class? They're watching Star Wars today as an end of term treat, and I've always wanted to see it."
Harry nodded, Hermione nodded complacently, and Ron looked bewildered. George simply grinned.
"Let's go then," Hermione suggested, rising from her armchair and heading for the portrait hole. The others quickly followed her and felt as though they had entered a vacuum when they emerged into the quietly air-conditioned hall.
Ron, forgetting that he could speak normally outside the common room, yelled especially loudly, "Which way to the film class?"
"Shut up, Ron," Fred said between clenched teeth, "do you want Snape to throw us in the dungeon again?" Ron sulked, the others rolled their eyes and shuddered, and Hermione led the way to the classroom.
The desks had been magically moved to the sides of the room and stacked to the ceiling. No one wanted to sit too near them, so the class (and cheapskates who wanted to see a free movie) were congregated in the middle of the room in front of a large screen. The five Gryffindors picked their way noisily through the prone figures on the floor until they found a space large enough for all of them. They sat down in the dark to the blaring sound of 20th Century Fox fanfare and conjured pillows and junk food.
"Hey, pass the chocolate frogs," George called to Harry, making no effort to keep his voice low.
"Shut up! We're trying to watch the movie," said pestering voices all around the room.
"Shut yourself up!" Harry retorted, "there's not even anything on the screen yet."
When the scrolling words appeared, Fred read them aloud for the benefit of Hermione, who had her head down and was trying to bite open a package of Every Flavor Beans.
Again the anonymous voices protested. "We can all read. Why don't you shut up already!"
"Bite me!" Fred insisted.
"That's it! You're dead!" Scuffling sounds broke out across the room as someone tried to get at Fred. Unfortunately for the assailant, he stepped on several people in his rage and was quickly apprehended by them. It looked at though a full-scale fight was imminent when Professor Tweedly awoke from his nap and paused the movie.
"What's going on here? Sit down and watch the damn movie or I'll make you write another paper. I don't care if it's the last week of school. I can still fail you."
The classroom was calm again, and as the professor waved his wand at the film projector, Star Destroyer started moving again.
Hermione gasped and nearly choked on a lobster flavored jelly bean. "Look at that poor defenseless ship. It's being shot at by a much bigger ship. Why can't they leave it alone?" She was almost crying as she said this.
Ron smirked at her. "Why don't you start another political action group? Maybe something like SPAS: Society for the Protection of All Spacecraft."
Luckily Hermione didn't hear all of Ron's comment because as he was speaking, R2-D2 and C-3PO appeared on the screen. Laughter coupled with shouts of "Look at the stupid muggle machines!" rocked the room. Professor Tweedly had to pause the movie again until the laughter died.
"Alright! You asked for it. Tommorow you are to hand in a four page essay on this film and how it reflects muggles' feelings toward magic and technology. By the way, I'm aware that many of you aren't in this class, so I'll clear some things up for you. Yes, you do have to write the paper. Yes, I'll send you to Azkaban if you don't. And yes, I do know who you are: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Draco, Ginny, Cho, and Alicia."
There was a low murmur as students realized that their friends (or enemies) were in the room with them. Considerable rearrangement took place as Tweedly restarted the movie.
"Hi, Ginny. Didn't know you were here."
"Hi, Fred...George...Harry...and everyone else. Great movie, huh?"
"Don't know yet," Harry answered for all of them, "come sit with us."
The class silently watched the film until Darth Vader entered dramatically. "Hey, it's Malfoy!" George exclaimed.
"I heard that, you bastard!" Malfoy's response was drowned out by laughter. Luckily, the professor had fallen asleep again.
An hour passed before anyone spoke again. They were quite absorbed in the muggle film. Well, most were.
"I don't get it," Ron whined, "Darth Vader is a wizard and the rest are muggles, right?"
"Ron, you sound just like Luke," Hermione said laughingly.
"I want to go to Tosche station to pick up some power converters," Harry said in an unbelievably bad imitation of Luke Skywalker.
"Actually, Harry, Luke is kind of like you," said Hermione, clearly having fun taunting her two best friends.
"He is not..." Harry began, but then his face fell as he realized how true it was. They were both orphans. They both wanted to have adventures and discover the secret power within themselves. Their fathers had both been murdered by strangely speaking evil men with superhuman powers. Harry resolved that next time Darth Vader came on screen he would blast him with his wand for Luke's sake. If that didn't work, he could just hurt Malfoy.
"What about this Obi-Wan fellow?" George asked himself sophisticatedly, one hand on his chin and the other on Alicia's shoulder. "He reminds me of Dumbledore."
Rons eyes lit up as though he had had a revelation. "Then he is a wizard."
Hermione turned her eyes from the screen to glare disapprovingly at Ron. "How many times do I have to tell you there are no wizards in the Star Wars universe? They're called Jedi, and they use the Force."
"Well he's magic at any rate, and I can't wait to see him beat the hell out of Darth Vader. It'll be just like Voldemort's fall all over again. Sorry, Harry."
But Harry wasn't listening to Ron. He was absorbed in a conversation with Ginny about the other characters.
"I like Han. He's pretty funny. Still, I wish he were more committed to the rebellion." Ginny declared.
"Yeah," Harry said, nodding, "He acts kind of like Fred and George."
"Are you insulting my family?" Ginny asked quickly and sternly.
"No! I'm just saying Han is funny and cynical like Fred and George."
A drawling voice interrupted Harry and Ginny's discourse. "Hey, Potter, I'll bet you think you're just like Luke."
"So what if I do, Malfoy?"
"I've seen the second movie in this series."
"So what?"
"You'll find out when you watch it." Draco smiled maliciously and leaned back on the floor, seemingly deaf to Harry's repeated inquiries about his (or Luke's) fate in the next movie.
Fred ate the last of the chocolate frogs as the rebel pilots prepared for their attack on the Death Star. The sudden lack of junk food made him angry. "I bet Luke dies along with everyone else in that 'pitiful little band'."
"No way!" students yelled from every direction. "And we haven't even heard that line about the pitiful little band yet."
"Hey, wait a minute!" Ron exclaimed, jumping to his feet in excitement. "Isn't this the movie where all the bad guys talk with British accents? I resent that."
Hermione, whose view of the screen was blocked by Ron, yelled for him to sit down and then lectured him on vocally discovering things that had been obvious to everyone for some time.
The Death Star exploded to tremendous applause from most of the students, dismay from Malfoy, confusion from Ron, and general despondancy from Harry. "It doesn't matter. They'll just come back later" he said to himself and anyone who could hear and pity him.
"Shouldn't we clean up the mess we made?" Hermione asked the others, gesturing to the pile of candy wrappers and pop bottles.
"No, the house elves can do that," Fred and George.
Ignoring Hermione's glare, the other Gryffindors meandered out of the temporary theater and back to their common room.
"Well, at least we all found someone in the movie to identify with. That should make us happy." Someone of the group suggested.
Ron laughed derisively. "I didn't. The only character I could identify with was Chewbacca. He follows the other characters around and growls whenever he doesn't like something. I know I shouldn't be putting myself down, but it's so easy to see."
Harry broke the silence that followed Ron's self-disparaging remark. "I hope they show Empire Strikes Back soon. I want to see what happens to me."
The others nodded their agreement.