Characters: Addison centric. Derek and Meredith. This will be an Addek pairing but it won't be for a long time.It's told in Addison's POV.

Summary: Warning Possible Spoilers….But nothing has been confirmed. There is supposed to be a Ferry accident that will rock Seattle Grace. In my story especially Derek, Addison and Meredith

Meredith Grey is dead. And just like that my life changed. I had been at the hospital all night helping victims of the ferryboat accident when Richard called me into his office. I scowl when I see his 911 page because I was in the middle of helping a patient, but until they find a replacement for you, you are the Chief of Surgery and my immediate boss so I can't ignore your call. I came stalking in the room and halt my first instinct to ask what was so important when I see you swiping away tears from your eyes.

"Richard, what is it?"

I look into your eyes and know, I don't know what I know but I know something has changed. That my life will be irrevocably rocked by the words that you are about to utter. I steel myself against the edge of the chair in your office and stare you in the face and prepare myself.

"What happened, Richard?"

You look into my eyes full of grief, longing and there's something else there…Hope. I don't understand why you have hope in your eyes but it's there.

"Addi, I just got a call from the officers over at the Ferryboat explosion. It's about Derek."

The room has started to spin. While its true that you and I haven't spoken over ten words in the last couple of months you were still an important part of my life, a life that was over now but would forever be embedded in my memories.

"Derek isn't…."

Richard must've realized how his words sounded because he sprinted over to me and put a steadying hand on my shoulder, "Oh God, I'm sorry Addison. No, it's not Derek. Derek is at the Ferryboat site but he's not hurt."

I exhale the breath I didn't know I had been holding and slide myself into the chair and stare at Richard through slitted eyes, "You could've started with that. What's Derek doing at the site when we need all the surgeons we can get here?"

Richard sat in the chair next to me and said, "Derek is there because no one can get him to leave.

Addison, Meredith Grey is dead. She was a victim of the accident and Derek won't leave her corpse. They called me because he won't move."

I let out a sound, I don't know if its shock or a sound of sympathy but I look up. "Derek, is there?" I know what you said to me and my heart knows what you've said but I can't process what it truly means.

" Addison, I need you to go down there and get him. If anyone can get through to him, its you." I shake my head in disbelief, if anyone can get through to Derek, its Meredith. But, Meredith is dead and once again Derek is alone.

I stand up on wobbly feet and nod once and say, "I'll go get Derek. Thanks for letting me know Richard, how are you?"

Richard smiles softly at me and said, "I'm dealing. I just can't believe that a life has been snuffed out so young. She has been so happy lately."

I nod but don't respond. She had been so happy with my husband. My ex-husband who I still loved.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

When I step on the dock, I see you immediately. It's hard not to notice the man that is standing in the middle of all the commotion wooden in shock and disbelief. I had to prepare myself before I left my car. I had to give myself a pep-talk. This was not a time for me to worry about how I felt. This was not a time for me to worry about how this would affect me in the long run. My priority, my priority is you.

I nod to the officers as I come up behind you silently. You notice my presence because you stiffen when I place hand on your shoulder.

"Derek."

You look at me and I notice the grief that is resident in your eyes and I turn myself in front of you and said, "Derek, let's go home."

He looks up at me through blank eyes, "Home?"

He motions to the body bag that he's had his hand hovering over for the past fifteen minutes and I don't know how to bring you back to reality.

I nod and said, "Let's go home so you can get some sleep. We'll get you something to eat and then you can go to bed."

He looks up at me and I finally realize that I've been crying. The water had been rolling out of my eyes since I walked up to him and I hadn't even realized that I was now openly sobbing. He blinks and speaks softly, "I'm not leaving here. She needs me."

I know you are too wrapped up in your grief to be able to process the surroundings around you so I realize that it is up to me to help you.

I hesitantly place my hand on the body bag next to yours and I feel your eyes on me. Meredith had been a rival for your affections in life, but in death, in death she deserved the utmost respect that I refused to deny her. "Meredith, I'll take care of him now."

That seems to be enough because your hand falls away from the bag and you shiver even though today wasn't a cold day. I bundle you up in my arms and move you towards the car.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

At first, I had decided to take you back to my hotel but then I thought better of it. I didn't know if anyone would be trying to reach you and I knew that the last place that they would look is at my hotel. So I settled on going back to the trailer. During the drive, I had kept up a nonsensical conversation with you, about the weather, sports, everything that came to my mind. You never responded to me, only acknowledging my ramblings with a jerky nod of your head or one syllable answers. I knew that, it was the only thing that I was likely to get out of you for the moment. And for the moment that was enough.

As I pull into the driveway at the trailer in your house, I immediately notice something. I notice that you haven't been living here lately. There are weeds that are almost at the door of the trailer in addition to the rust that is currently growing on all your lawn furniture.

I reach for your keys as I help you out of the car and enter the trailer. I'm glad that the inside appears to be tidier than the outside. I push you inside and exhale a breath once that's completed. I maneuver you to the chair at the kitchen table and place you down.

I know that you are still in shock and I am respectful of that. I busy myself making you a cup of coffee and searching your cabinets and refrigerator for sustenance. I resign myself that the most you will get besides your cup of coffee is a piece of toast and some eggs.

After fixing the food, I notice that you have kept your eyes on my movements thoroughly. I turn to you and feel self-conscious all of a sudden, "What?"

You shake your head at me and say, "Nothing, just thanks. Thank you Addison.'

And that's enough for me. You acknowledge that it's not easy for me to help you after everything that's transpired between us but here I am ready and willing to help you through this latest crisis. I'm hesitant to ask you anymore questions as I sit down in front of you and push the plate of eggs, the toast and the coffee in front of you and demand you eat.

You smile at me sadly and start to consume the food and halfway through you break down. The sobs that wrack your body shoot straight to my heart. I stand up and cradle you in my arms as the sobs overcome you and you slide onto the floor.

"I loved her." I rock him back and forth slowly and refuse to flinch even though his words cut me to the heart. I stroke his hair, and speak into his ear softly, "I know Derek. I know she loved you too."

Derek laid his head on my chest as the sobs slowly subside and he falls asleep. I exhale slowly through my teeth and prepare myself; I wasn't going to be going anywhere anytime soon.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

I had moved you into the bedroom and had covered you up even though the tears still leaked from your eyelids in sleep. I went to the kitchen and pulled out my cell phone and was glad when Miranda picked up on the first ring.

"This better be good, Montgomery. We need you and Shepherd down here, its chaos."

I nod as I hear the gruff tone in her voice so I break the news to her gently, "Miranda, Meredith was one of the victims of the ferryboat."

I know I have shocked the Nazi into silence when I hear a sob on the other end of the line. She quickly strives to cover her voice and say, "How is he?"

I close my eyes as the tears start to fall again, "He's devastated Miranda. I don't know I ever see him that bad. I had to go to the ferryboat and…" My voice falls as I relive the look in your eyes, the look of defeat and total despair that had been your personality since I first encountered you.

Miranda clears her throat, "What do you need?"

I turn around and say, "I can't leave him here alone. I need to get a change of clothes and some food for his refrigerator. It's obvious they were spending all of their time together because his trailer doesn't look like its been lived in."

Miranda nods, "I'll send someone over… How are you Addison?"

I falter when I realize she has addressed this question to me. To me? I'm working on autopilot, what else is there. "I'm fine Miranda; the one we need to worry about is Derek."

Miranda hangs up and I go back to my vigil, watching you sleep and grieve at the same time.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

It is night when you next awaken and I'm apprehensive of the state that I will encounter you in. I know that the reality of your situation must've hit you in your sleep because the grief has now been replaced by anger. Anger at everything and everyone.

"What are you still doing here?"

I refuse to flinch at your tone because I know that you are trying to run me off and I speak in the same brisk tone that you greeted me with, "I'm here to make sure you don't do something stupid. Sit."

He glares at me and I glare right back. Did he forget? I'm a redhead, fighting is in encoded in our DNA. I'm ready for the next caustic remark which you don't give only sit down and I triumph over my win.

He looks around the kitchen in disbelief. "What happened?"

I smirk as I set out his dinner in front of him, "It's clean. I know that's a new concept for you but I promise you will get used to it once it sinks in."

You smirk at me as I sit down and watch you slowly consume the food; I've laid out in front of you. I don't know how to approach this so I speak slowly, "I'm sorry Derek."

He pauses at looks up at me and I met his gaze without blinking. I wanted him to believe in the sincerity of my words. I was truly sorry. It wasn't fair that a life would be snuffed out before they even had a chance to live.

He nods and goes back to his food, "You can go home now Addison. I can do this alone."

I flinch and nod and stand up. You don't want me here it was to be expected. You had been a master out of keeping me out of your heart and your life and once again I was privy to that fact. I reach for my purse when I hear him curse from behind me.

" Addison."

I turn around and close my eyes and will my mind and heart to still the tears that were threatening to roll down my cheeks. He leans forward, "I don't know how to do this Addison. I don't know how to accept your help while I'm dealing with this. I'm a jerk but I want you to know that I appreciate every thing that you've done for me. Everything."

I nod and pull you into a hug. It was a hug full of comfort. I pull back and lean to kiss on your cheek but I miss and it hits your lips. I pull back in shock and immediately scramble to apologize. This is not what I had intended by comfort but a light flares in your eyes.

I stand back even as you are pulling me closer to you. I shake my head, "No Derek. You are grieving and I'm…I'm." I'm not strong enough to fight you, or the pull that still exists between us. When you latch your lips on to mine I drop my purse and wrap my arms around your neck.

I know that you don't want me, I know that I'm a substitute and a poor one at that but you needed me and for now that was enough.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

As my breathing returns back to normal, I realize what I've done. I've allowed you back inside and you now have a chance to break me again. But not, if I cut you off. I open my eyes and turn to you and watch as you doze peacefully too exhausted to doing anything but sleep. We had made love, three times each time more urgent than the first. It was like we were renewing the fact that we were alive and allowed to still love. I knew that I wasn't what you wanted but my heart didn't know that. My heart still knew that you were Derek.

I slid out of bed and exhale deeply as I start to pull on my clothes. I sit at the kitchen table and curse to myself. It shouldn't have happened but it did and now that it did, I was powerless to deny that I still wanted you. That I still loved you.

The phone rang shocking me out of my stupor. I answer the phone softly and am shocked to hear Richard's happy voice, " Addison. Where's Derek?"

I lean against the counter and said, "I just got him to sleep, what's up Richard? Do you need something?"

Richard laughs in my ear and I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the handset in disbelief, "Are you laughing? What's going on?"

Richard's voice filtered through my ear as he uttered, "Meredith was just admitted to Mercy West. It was a case of mistaken identity. Let Derek know, I'm heading over there now."

He hung up the phone and I stared at the headset in disbelief. She was alive, and Derek and I had just slept together. How ironic was that.

I walk into the room frozen in disbelief as I shake you awake. You open one eye and glare at me in disgust, "What?"

I know that he doesn't want to reflect on what he had just done so I speak quickly and forcefully, "Get dressed. I'm driving you to Mercy West."

He glares at me as he sits up and reaches for his pants, "What for?"

I walk to the door, not wanting to see him get dressed even if we had just been intimate. "It's Meredith .She's alive."

Please let me know whether I should continue or not, the idea has been knocking around in my brain and
I'm curious to hear thoughts on the idea.