Disclaimer: Nico (from Runaways), Tommy (aka Speed from Young Avengers) and Victor (aka Anole from New X-men) all are the intellectual properties of Marvel Comics.

7:03 P.M.

Nico pushed herself out of Tommy's arms, and reached up to fix her hair. Running cross country did absolutely nothing for her hair. "Okay. So I'm here. Why did you practically kidnap me, anyways?"

Tommy gestured at the apartment. It looked like he'd bought out an entire block of 7-11's. At least, she hoped he'd b bought /b all that alcohol. "You're both going to help me celebrate my twenty-first birthday, of course!"

She took a twelve-pack off of the nearest chair and collapsed. "Both? Who, me and Billy?" Nico was answered by a brisk tapping on the door.

Tommy zipped over to the door and unlocked every deadbolt from the floor to the lintel. Heh. Lintel. Nico grabbed her first beer of the night and took a pull. What a fun word to say. Lintel.

Some green-skinned guy came in, laden down with his own purchases of liquor. From the looks of what he'd brought, though, he went in for the sweet stuff. "Where's your liquor cabinet, Tom?"

"Look around you! Nico, this is Vic. Met him when we fought the New X-men." Tommy grabbed the bags from Vic and simply plunked them on the floor. "Vic, this is Nico. Met her when we fought the Runaways."

Vic grinned, and gave Nico a wave. "Hey. Why exactly are we here, again?"

Tommy handed him a beer, and popped one open for himself. "To get crunk. Obviously. Bottoms up!"

8:21 P.M.

"No!"

"Yes!"

Nico threw her head back in laughter. "You honestly caught him with your tongue? Why didn't I think of that?"

Tommy leered at her from over his bottle. "Wish you tried."

Vic waved his comment off. "You can't." He stuck his tongue out, letting it cross the room to grab another beer. "Uhnlesh you cahn do thish..."

She goggled. What she wouldn't give to have that in her mouth. Had she just thought that? Wait... yeah. Cool. "Wish you weren't gay."

"Oo tol' you I whash day?" he asked, his tongue still waving around the room.

Tommy laughed and slapped him on the back, a little too hard. Vic ended up coughing into his glass. "You brought cocktail mix stuff. We're not drinking slow enough to want to taste anything."

"Oh."

9:14 P.M.

"I'm drunk."

Tommy sighed. "Yes."

Nico giggled at Vic's apparent wit. He turned to her and said, "Hey, guesh what. I'm drunk."

God. What Tommy wouldn't give for a normal metabolism right about now. He'd already absorbed all the alcohol he'd dumped into his system and was now nursing a gallon of water to try and get his hangover under control. This was one of the rare times that being a speedster stunk.

Nico rolled over so that her head was in Tommy's lap. And he was in so much pain that all he could do was groan. "Hey, Tommy?" she giggled. "Vic's drunk."

"Not so loud." Fuck it. He set down the water and reached for the nearest alcohol. He was going to get drunk again, dammit.

10:10 P.M.

"I am offishially twenny-one!"

Nico looked up from the martini she was attempting to shake vigorously. "What? Weren' you twenny-one this mornin'?"

Tommy puffed out his chest proudly. "Nope! Mom pushed me out at eshacalactaly ten ten!"

Vic raised his own martini glass, shouting, "Hippo birdie, Speed!"

"Shush! My secret identity!" Tommy shouted back.

Nico sloshed her drink into a martini glass, spilling dreadfully. "An' that's why I don' bother wi' stupid things like secret identitities!"

11:33 P.M.

"Is he out?"

Nico poked the man's side with her finger. He simply rolled away from her. "Yeah."

"Let's go cut up his underwear."

She had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. This mutant had some sick ideas. "I've got a better idea. I always carry a little sewing kit..."

A grin split Vic's face, causing her to think of Kermit the Frog for a minute. "Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"

"Let's sew the legs of his boxers closed!"

12:01 A.M.

Nico was shaken away from the warm. She turned to slap the offending sleeper, but paused when she saw the two guys tangled up into a sleepy mass. They'd just all passed out like this, in a heap. Nico was a bit surprised to find herself both grateful and annoyed that they were all still clothed.

Tommy's hair was mussed just so over his eyes, and his stubble was starting to grow in. Who knew that white stubble would be attractive? Even wrapped up and entwined with Vic's arms and legs, she found him insanely sexy. Not a recent development, but the attraction had needed time to grow.

Vic seemed to be much younger asleep. Maybe it was because he wasn't trying to be the cool guy, maybe it was because all of his defenses were down, but something had stripped away years from him in sleep. Maybe it was just his eyes. Maybe they were too old, had seen too much as an X-man. God knows she'd been through a lot.

Oh, for fuck's sake. She hated being a maudlin drunk.

Nico yawned and crawled back into the tangle of arms and legs, situating herself in a hollow between the men where she was the most comfortable.

1:39 A.M.

"God, you think your love life is bad? I was dating the leader of our team while he was betraying us," Nico was waving around her arms wildly to emphasize her point about Alex. "I swapped spit with a traitor!"

Victor leaned against the couch lazily. "Try having a crush on your teacher. Your gay teacher, who has way too many morals. And then dies before you hit eighteen."

Tommy looked up from his incredibly comfortable position in Nico's lap. "Dude. Harsh."

Nico patted Vic's shoulder awkwardly. "Okay, you win."

Tommy rolled his head back so he could look up at Nico. "No. I win. I don't have the guts to actually date the two people I think are hot, so I give them both excuses and beer. All that to get laid."

Nico and Victor locked eyes over Tommy's prone body. As one, they decided on the best plan for the moment. "You're drunk, Tommy."

"Yeah. I am."

2:15 A.M.

Vic stared in bewilderment at the white blur that was whirring within the perimeter of the apartment.

"Why did you do that, Nico?"

Nico grinned devilishly. "What, give him booze?"

Vic tried counting the amount of times that Tommy lapped the room, but couldn't see fast enough. "No... mix booze with Red Bull."

3:26 A.M.

Tommy sat cross-legged on the floor amidst the detritus that had gathered on the ground. He still was vibrating, and looked a little blurry around the edges. "Okay, Captain America."

Vic made a dismissing snort. "Totally. I'd do him."

"Yuck. Old white guy?" Nico stuck out her tongue in disgust. "I'd take Luke Cage over Cap any day."

Tommy shook his head. That combined with his vibrating made Nico nearly toss her cookies. "Can't. He's taken."

"Crap. That wasn't in the rules."

Vic grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled on it with a Sharpie. "There. Now it's a rule."

Nico grabbed the paper from him, and read: " 'Rules. 1. No fucking married guys.' That's dumb. It's the only rule on the paper."

Tommy grinned. "Exactly."

She pouted, and handed the paper back. "Fine. But that means you don't get to do Spiderman."

Vic whined, "Awww... but... Webbing!"

4:34 A.M.

"Okay. I have never... put on a superhero costume."

Both boys drank grudgingly. That one was an obvious gimme. Vic muttered, "No fair, you're practically a walking costume."

"Watch it, Snot-head."

Tommy began to refill both glasses. He'd decided on water by now, because they were all already stone drunk. Might as well avoid the monstrous hangovers now. "A very hot and sexy walking costume?"

"Better."

Tommy racked his brain for a good one. Something that was true... Ah. That's it. "I have never fucked a boy."

Both Nico and Vic drained their shot glasses.

"Vic? I'd have pegged you for a virgin, dude."

"Nah. He was this guy from my hometown. He was cute, and wanted to experiment. Straight as a board, too." Vic yawned lazily, his tongue lolling out a foot or so. "He had a mutant fetish, though."

"Can't say I blame him," Nico chuckled. "Your tongue must be legend." She refilled Vic's glass, and her own.

Tommy secretly agreed. Vic's tongue had grown more and more appealing as the night went on. The green man rubbed his finger along the edge of his shot glass and said, "I have never fucked a girl," The mutant leered at Tommy, expecting him to drink up. His glass remained full. Not that it was anyone's business, but he was untouched, thankyouverymuch.

Nico daintily sipped from her shot glass.

5:51 A.M.

"Happy birthday, man."

"Thanks."

"God, can you believe we drank all night?"

"I'm going to feel like crap in the morning."

"It is morning."

"Oh. Time for bed."

Author's note: I wrote this when I turned 21 (instead of going out and getting drunk myself...) And so, I present you with my birthday gift to you. A fic about three characters from completely different comics getting drunk. A couple of notes that my buddy didn't get, but aren't necessary to understand: a lintel is the top bar of wood over a door, and "crunk" is one of those new-fangled hippity hop words that means "crazy drunk". Oh, and the "I never..." game is easy. One person (truthfully) says something they've never done, and anyone who has done the "something" drinks a shot.

Let me know what you thought! I'm also on the lookout for a beta, so if you are interested, let me know.