Disclaimer – We own nothing from Wicked
2nd Disclaimer – I don't even own this. I didn't write it. My little sister did. We found out recently that she will be having surgery this summer to correct the curvature in her back caused by scoliosis. The story in the middle of this song is the story of how we discovered the scoliosis. The girl is her, the mom is our mother, and the sis, yeah, is me. And just for the record, I never called her ugly. We were dress shopping, though.
No One Mourns the Crooked
(A Hospital Version of "No One Mourns the Wicked" from Wicked)
Patients
Good news!
It's fixed!
The crook of the back
Is fixed!
The crookedist crook
That's quite a sight
The enemy of all of
Us here at Rite
Is fixed!
Good news!!!
Good news!!!
Kid
Look – it's the nurse!
Nurse
Fellow patients
Let us be glad
Let us be grateful!
Let us rejoice
Upon what doctors
Can trust
The crooked workings
Of you-know-what!
Isn't it nice to know,
That meds will conquer
Deforms
The truth we all believe
Is right
Outlive the sight
For you and –
Kid
No one mourns the crooked!
Kid
No one cries, "They're not in pain!"
All
No one leaves a flower in their
Room
Kid
The doctors scorn the crooked.
Kids
Through their lives we always
Learn
All
Sit up straight, or crooked is doomed!
Nurse
And goodness knows,
The crooked's life is painful.
Goodness knows, the crooked
Cry alone.
It just shows when you're crooked
You bend only
On your own.
All
And goodness knows,
The crooked's life is painful
Goodness knows, the crooked
Cry alone.
Nothing goes for the crooked.
They do only
What doc says so…
Nurse
Are people born crooked?
Or do they have crookedness
Thrust upon them?
After all,
She liked to shop.
She liked to spend cash
As so many do…
Mom
How I hate to go and leave
you shopping.
Girl
That's alright, it's only
Just one dress
Mom
Just know that you'll only
Buy one, or it'll be a mess!
Nurse
And, like every shopper…
She had her secrets
Clerk
Have this tight dress,
My little shopper
It's almost time to shut
Down now
So have another bag
Of clothes to charge
And will raise your bill
Cuz it's so large.
Have another little back my shopper
And go home now.
Nurse
And from the moment she
Tried her dress on, she
Looked…different
Sis
She's coming!
Mom
Now?
Sis
The dress is showing
Mom
Uh, how?
Sis
I see a bow.
Mom
I see the hem…
Both
It's a little, perfect, happy color –
AHHHH!
Mom
Good gosh!!
Girl
What is it? What's wrong?
Sis
What could it be?
Mom
A camel's hump?!
Sis
It's ugly!
Mom
Like D. Trump!
Both
Like a bell-tolling hunchback,
Her back has an unnatural
LUMP!!!
Mom
Bend over now.
Girl
WHAT?
Mom
Bend over now!
Nurse
So as you see, it couldn't have
Been easy…
Patients
No one mourns the crooked!
Now at last, she's fixed and
Gone!
Now at last there's joy
Throughout Rite!
And goodness knows
We know what crooked is.
Nurse
You know…
Patients
And goodness knows, the crooked
Cry alone
Nurse
She cried 'lone
Patients
Woe to those…
Woe to those…
Who knows what posture is
They are known!!!
No one mourns the crooked
Nurse
Good news!
Patients
No one mourns the crooked!
Nurse
Good news!
All
No one mourns…the crooked!
Crooked!
CROOKED!!!