It was near the end of spring term in my second year at North High. I was looking forward to summer break, though I was pretty sure I wouldn't be freed from Suzumiya Haruhi's SOS Brigade during the summer.
My suspicions were confirmed sooner than I expected. It all started in the SOS Brigade club room. Koizumi Itsuki and I were peacefully playing Five-in-a-Row while waiting for Haruhi to make her dramatic appearance.
"Attention, everyone!" said Haruhi as soon as she entered the club room. "I have just decided on our next big mission...oh, it looks like Kyon and Itsuki have already gotten started."
Haruhi walked over to our table and examined our game. "What the heck are you doing?" she asked angrily. "This stone should be removed from the board!" She pointed to a black stone in the center of the board.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, feeling confused.
"A stone or group of stones must have at least one empty point adjacent to it at all times!" said Haruhi. "If it has zero, it dies!"
"Actually, we weren't playing Go," said Koizumi with his usual annoyingly cheerful smile. "This is a game of Five-in-a-Row."
"Go?" I repeated, not knowing what Haruhi or Koizumi were talking about.
"Yes, Go!" said Haruhi furiously. "It's the game you're supposed to be playing on this board! It's called a Go board! As in, a board that you play Go on! Hence, the name!
"This brings me to our next big mission!" continued Haruhi. "We're all going to apply to become professional Go players!"
Asahina Mikuru squealed in fear. Nagato Yuki looked up from her book at the sound of Haruhi's words, but her face remained as blank and expressionless as ever.
"Surely you don't expect all five of us to pass?" said Koizumi, still wearing that goofy grin.
I stared at Koizumi, dumbstruck. It was completely unlike him to be the voice of doubt in front of Haruhi.
"After all, only three people are allowed to pass each year," he finished.
"That's where you're wrong," said Haruhi. "The biggest qualification tournament in the Ichigaya branch of the Nihon Kiin in Tokyo allows only three people to pass. But there are two other branches of the Kiin: the Central branch in Yaesu, Tokyo and the Kansai branch. Each one allows an additional applicant with the top score to pass. Now, I've already filled in the applications for which of us will participate in which tournament."
"You did WHAT?" I shouted.
"What's your problem, Kyon?" said Haruhi. "Don't interrupt the Brigade leader! As I was saying, Yuki, Mikuru and I will all play in the Ichigaya tournament. Itsuki, you're in the Kansai tournament. Kyon, that leaves you in the Yaesu tournament."
Shortly after the spring semester ended, I made my way to Yaesu for my first game of the preliminaries for the Pro exam. This preliminary tournament would last for five rounds. To pass, I had to win three of my games. If that ever happened (which was about as likely as hell freezing over), I would move on to the main tournament, which would be a round robin tournament. After everyone played everyone else, whoever had the most wins would become a pro. Apparently the same thing was going on in the Kansai branch of the Nihon Kiin (not to be confused with the Kansai Kiin). In Ichigaya, however, the three people with the most wins in the main tournament would pass.
I sat down in the room where we would be playing our games. We drew lottery numbers to determine who would play who for the first three rounds. After those three rounds were over, those with three losses would fail, while those with three wins would automatically qualify for the main tournament. Everyone else would move on to the fourth round.
"Kyon," said the tournament director. I got up when my name was called and drew my lottery number.
"Is Kyon your given name or surname?" asked the director.
"Neither," I said. "It's my nickname."
"So why did you register as Kyon?" asked the director.
"I didn't," I said. "Someone else signed me up for this tournament."
After we had drawn our lottery numbers, I sat down in front of my designated Go board. My opponent sat across from me and bowed. "Onegaishimasu," he said.
"Onegaishimasu," I repeated.
I played black in this game, thereby playing the first move. I didn't know the first thing about Go, except what I had recently read from a beginner's book. With no sense of strategy, I did what I always did in Five-in-a-Row: play in the center.
My opponent's expression looked skeptical about my move. He then played a white stone in a corner star point, four points across and four points down.
A miserable loss doesn't even come close to describing my first game. I was the laughingstock of the pro exam participants.
In my second game, I tried to implement what little strategy I had learned by playing in the corner star point. It didn't really do me any good, though. After I lost that game, people didn't even bother suppressing their laughter whenever I showed up.
One more game, I thought to myself as I left the building after my second game. After I lose one more game, I'll never have to show my face here again. Hopefully I'll never meet the people who are laughing at my horrendous absence of talent.
That night, my cell phone rang at about 11:00. I reluctantly answered it.
"Hi, it's me," said Koizumi's voice. "I need you to meet me at Nagato-san's apartment as soon as possible."
To be continued...
Author's note: The information Haruhi mentioned about how five people become professionals at the Nihon Kiin each year is my vague understanding based on information from Hikaru no Go and Sensei's Library. I have no idea whether or not the three tournaments happen simultaneously, but for the purposes of this fanfiction, I am assuming that they do. I am also assuming that the preliminaries function exactly the same way, and the main tournaments are all round robin. I'm not sure whether or not this is true.
The title of this chapter, "Baka no Itte," is Japanese for "Hand of an Idiot." It is the antithesis of the "Kami no Itte," which means "Hand of God." All credit for the term "Baka no Itte" goes to Sensei's Library user ChiyoDad.