Blaine's head was spinning. He'd just finished his final rehearsal with June for the big showcase tomorrow and he was utterly exhausted, physically and mentally. He wanted nothing more than to drop his head to the piano and take a long nap, but he still had to redo the order of the setlist and practice the choreography for the last number since June had insisted on making numerous last minute changes, wanting everything to be absolutely perfect before she presented Blaine to the people who could make or break his career.
Focus had never been a problem for Blaine, especially when it came to performance preparation, but he'd been distracted all week. No matter how much he tried to push everything from his mind, the gnawing anxiety about lying to Kurt kept rising up. The showcase was tomorrow night and he still hadn't found a way to tell Kurt that June didn't want him to perform at it. Blaine kept waiting for the right time, the right words, the right way to tell Kurt, to let him down gently, but he was still at a total loss. He knew the truth would hurt Kurt's feelings and his pride, and that was the last thing on earth Blaine ever wanted to do. He'd barely slept all week, thoughts racing, his head dizzy.
Blaine sighed, making his way over to the piano. He needed an outlet for all his worries and music had always been his healing balm, the one way he always felt safe communicating. He took a deep breath and began to sing, putting every ounce of love and pain and fear into the song.
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
Kurt was walking down the hall to the NYADA practice room to surprise Blaine for lunch. Between Blaine's crazy long rehearsals for the showcase and Kurt's end of the semester coursework, they'd barely seen each other all week. Kurt knew that Blaine had a tendency to forget about any semblance of self-care when he was engrossed in a project, eschewing food and sleep and even (rarely) hair gel in favor of writing a song or rehearsing lines for a script or nailing down complicated new choreography. So Kurt intended to come to the rescue today with lunch and hopefully a quick thirty minute make out session before Blaine had to get back to rehearsal. Kurt wasn't ashamed to admit that he just missed his fiancé.
Kurt paused at the doorway to the rehearsal room, smiling as Blaine's voice rang out down the hallway, clear as a bell.
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
Wow, Kurt breathed, goosebumps erupting across his skin. Blaine was singing like his very life depended on it. Kurt recognized the song and knew it hadn't been on the preliminary setlist Blaine had shown him a few nights ago. Clearly, June had changed her plans and for once, Kurt was perfectly content to defer to her judgment, because he couldn't think of a time that Blaine had ever sounded better.
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Kurt peered through the partially open door. Blaine's eyes were closed as he sang, infusing every word with emotion and meaning. Kurt simply watched him, utterly transfixed. His heart felt ready to burst with love and pride, a lump growing in his throat as he listened to the lyrics.
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
Kurt was transported as Blaine continued to sing. Clear as day, snippets of their life together played like a home movie in his mind. He pictured stepping off of a plane with Blaine in some exotic locale, hand in hand as they enjoyed a summer vacation together. He saw them walking along the beach at sunset, their feet making two perfect pairs of footprints in the wet sand. Kurt saw them skinny dipping in the hotel pool beneath the stars by moonlight, before falling into bed, laughing and happy, damp and still smelling faintly of chlorine.
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Kurt imagined them on their wedding day. He could see Blaine, handsome in a tuxedo and bow tie, standing at the altar, eyes welling with happy tears as Kurt took his dad's arm and was led down the aisle. He pictured them five years later, when their adoption finally went through, and a tiny pink cooing baby was placed into their arms for the first time. Kurt imagined his daughter holding Blaine's finger in her dainty fist as they both sang her lullabies to soothe her to sleep. Images were flashing through Kurt's mind now, faster than he could even register, the millions of cherished moments Kurt knew without a doubt belonged to his future with Blaine. Finally, Kurt pictured them sitting in matching armchairs, holding hands while they read and growing old together just like he'd always imagined at the end of The Notebook.
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
Kurt nodded to himself, almost imperceptibly. He's been engaged to Blaine for months already, but there was a new confidence and certainty. He just knew, right down to his very bones, that he was meant for Blaine and Blaine was meant for him, as if the last puzzle piece has finally slotted into place. It's was all so clear to him now and he was positive that he wanted this life with Blaine, all of it, every single exhilarating, infuriating second.
Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard
Kurt stepped over the threshold and into the room, eyes still locked on Blaine as he sang. After a moment, he looked up and their eyes met for the first time. There was a flash of something Kurt couldn't quite identify in Blaine eyes before his lips twitched up into a wan smile as he continued to serenade him. He listened as Blaine's voice soared through the bridge, emotion bleeding out of every word he sung.
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Blaine's voice broke as he sang "give your all to me" and Kurt felt his mouth go dry, suddenly fearful. He couldn't help but flash back to watching Blaine sing a different song that had been dedicated to him on that terrible, awful night at Callbacks. He'd watched Blaine unravel before his very eyes once before, the guilt eating at Blaine so much that he could barely force the words out of his mouth without a sob escaping. But this wasn't like that situation at all, Kurt tried to reassure himself. Clearly, Blaine was feeling worried or uncertain about something and Kurt was determined to fix it. They'd get their happy ending: growing old together, come hell or high water.
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
Kurt clapped as the final chords of the song faded out. "That was nice," he smiled encouragingly. "Are you going to put that in the showcase?"
"June doesn't want you in the showcase," Blaine managed, head hanging down and eyes fixed on the piano. "She never did."
Kurt recoiled slightly, Blaine's words like a punch to the gut (and the ego). Blaine finally met his gaze, eyes shining with guilt and regret. "So you've been lying to me this whole time?" he asked, incredulous.
"I thought I could convince her," Blaine rushed to explain, "and then they wouldn't be lies anymore."
Ouch, another blow to Kurt's pride and self esteem. Because it meant that not only was June not impressed by Kurt's initial duet with Blaine on "Story of My Life" but clearly she hated him enough to be resistant to Blaine's repeated requests that Kurt be given at least a small part in the showcase.
"I love you," Blaine added, his chin quivering.
"How am I supposed to believe you if I can't even trust you?" Kurt snapped, anger and frustration growing by the second.
"I did it because I love you," Blaine tried to explain.
And that's when Kurt exploded verbally and physically. "You lied to me!" he shouted, as he swatted the brown paper bag containing Blaine's lunch off the piano. "We've had long conversations about this."
Blaine jumped to his feet, hands out in front of him in a clear sign of surrender. "I didn't know what else to do... I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'm – I am so sorry," he apologized.
Of all the spats and conflicts Kurt and Blaine had had since Blaine moved to New York, this one felt like the biggest betrayal. Blaine knew how incredibly important trust was to Kurt. He wasn't naturally open with his heart, used to years of rejection, bullying, and teasing. But over time, Kurt had let Blaine in, making room for him in his life and in his heart. Blaine's confession that he'd cheated on Kurt had led to serious trust issues and it had taken months of patient work on communication and honesty to start to rebuild what had been broken between them. Kurt just couldn't believe that Blaine had jeopardized all of that to lie about a stupid song at June's showcase. He needed to get out now, before he said something he'd really regret to Blaine.
"Yeah, I bet you are," Kurt said sarcastically, shaking his head sadly before turning towards the door. "Too bad I can't believe anything else you say."
Kurt spent the next hour wandering through the park, propelling his body forward while he tried to make sense of his jumbled thoughts. He'd been so happy when he woke up this morning, excited for the challenges that the day presented, ready to take on the world with Blaine at his side. To have the rug pulled out from under him just seconds after he'd been picturing marriage and parenthood and growing old with his fiancé felt like throwing more salt on the wound. He knew with time the sting of being rejected by June (again) would fade, but he wasn't sure if he'd ever be okay with Blaine's dishonesty. His lie had caused Kurt to doubt the one thing he's always been sure of: that they were meant to be together. Blaine's dishonesty had disturbed the foundation and now it felt like a house of cards that was teetering on the brink of collapse.
Kurt dug his phone out of his pocket, dialing his dad's number, as he often did when he was feeling adrift and lost.
"Hey kiddo," Burt answered brightly on the third ring.
"Hi dad."
"Uh oh, what's wrong?" Burt asked immediately, hearing the anxiety in Kurt's voice.
"Blaine and I had another big fight and I just – I don't know what to do," Kurt admitted. "It wasn't supposed to be this hard," he murmured.
"No one said it would be easy, buddy. Relationships rarely are. What was it this time?"
"You remember June?" Kurt asked. "She's the benefactor that came to NYADA and watched Blaine and I perform."
"Yeah, that's ringing a bell. What about her?"
"Well, she asked Blaine to perform at a showcase to introduce him to the theater community. And for almost two weeks now, Blaine's been telling me that June wanted me to sing a song at the showcase with him. Then today I went to watch him rehearse and I could tell he was upset about something and he told me that June doesn't want me to sing at the showcase and she'd actually never agreed to let me participate. Blaine's just been lying to me all along," Kurt sighed heavily.
"Ouch," Burt winced. "I'm sorry, Kurt. But you know how I feel about people like this June lady who don't believe in your talent, right? Just screw them. You're amazing and talented and if they can't recognize that, it's totally their loss. You're going to be a star, with or without some old lady's help."
"I don't know about that, but thanks all the same, Dad. I'll get over not being picked for the showcase and I'll even cop to feeling a little jealous of Blaine's success. But that's not what's really bothering me. He lied to me again. It seemed like we were finally starting to find our rhythm in New York and things were looking up for us and now it's all come crashing down again," Kurt explained, voice wavering as he tried to hold back the emotion that was threatening to overtake him.
"Well, what did Blaine have to say for himself about the lying?" Burt asked gently. "Did he try to explain his behavior at all?"
"Yeah, he just said that he didn't want to hurt my feelings and he thought he'd be able to talk June into it so it wouldn't be a lie anymore."
"That makes sense. So is it fair to say he had good intentions?" Burt prodded.
"I guess so..."
"Okay, so it sounds like you can at least understand why he did what he did even though it turned out badly, right? What's the thing you can't get past then?"
Kurt sighed heavily, lowering himself onto a deserted bench on the outskirts of the park. "It's the trust issue. How can I believe anything he says when he's lied to my face about the showcase for the past two weeks?"
"It's easy, Kurt. You just have to take a deep breath and step out on that tightrope, believing that Blaine will be there to catch you if you fall. Trust is a deliberate action. It's something you choose to do, not something that's out of your control. Humans are fallible; we're going to screw things up from time to time because that's just what we do. At the end of the day, no relationship, no interactions with other human beings are going to be perfect and 100% reliable. There's always going to be an element of risk." Burt went quiet for a moment, giving Kurt a few seconds to take everything in before he continued. "So, I'm going to ask you one simple question: is Blaine worth the risk of getting hurt?"
"Of course he is," Kurt answered almost immediately.
"Well there's your answer then, kid. He's worth it, so you have to choose to trust him despite his imperfections, flaws and all."
"Okay," Kurt nodded, slowly releasing a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Okay, so I guess I should go find Blaine. He's probably panicking by now since we ended our conversation on such bad terms."
"That sounds like a very good idea," Burt chuckled fondly.
"Thanks, Dad. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without your advice."
"I'm glad I could help. Now go patch things up with Blaine."
"Yes sir," Kurt smiled. "Okay, love you. Bye, Dad."
"Love you too. Talk to you soon."
Blaine stood, gazing down at Kurt's fingers intertwined with his, admiring the sparkling platinum band on his ring finger. "Are you ready for this?" he asked Kurt, face splitting open in a wide grin. His cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much in the past few days.
"Of course, I was born ready," Kurt giggled before breaking off into a fit of hiccups. "On second thought, I probably shouldn't have chugged that glass of champagne in the limo. Oh well," Kurt said, not sounding regretful in the slightest.
"Hey, it's your special day. You can do whatever you want," Blaine encouraged, booping Kurt's nose. "You can even chug a whole bottle of champagne straight from the bottle if you want, as long as you don't get too drunk to fuck me later. I plan on taking full advantage of all our hotel suite's amenities," Blaine said with a lewd wink.
"Fair enough," he laughed. "Now c'mere," Kurt said, reaching for Blaine. "Let's at least make you presentable before our grand entrance." He smoothed down the lapels on Kurt's tuxedo and straightened his tie, waiting patiently while Blaine did the same for him. Once they'd both had a quick once over, Kurt linked arms with Blaine, gently steering him through the curtain.
Rows of friends and family began to cheer as Kurt and Blaine entered the reception hall and made their way to the center of the vast dance floor. The lead singer of the band grabbed the microphone and announced "Introducing for the first time ever, may I present to you The Anderson-Hummels!"
Blaine blushed as everyone began to whoop and catcall. Kurt took his hand and twirled him around twice before dipping him to rapturous cheers and applause from all the wedding guests.
"Alright alright, how are we all doing tonight?" the band leader asked the crowd. "Okay, let's kick this party off with the first dance for our married couple. This song's for Kurt and Blaine."
A second band member sat down at the baby grand piano that Blaine had insisted was an absolute requirement for their wedding reception. A familiar melody filled the room as the lights dimmed and a spotlight shone down on them. Kurt pulled Blaine to him, lacing their fingers together. Blaine rested his other hand on Kurt's shoulder, his face naturally nuzzling into the curve of Kurt's neck as he'd done so many other times over the years.
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
Kurt led them in circles around the dance floor, their bodies swaying together as one. Blaine couldn't help but join in on the chorus, singing softly into Kurt's ear while Kurt traced random patterns up and down Blaine's back.
My head's under water 'Cause all of me
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
"You really are, you know?" Blaine said softly.
"I really am what?" Kurt asked, confused.
"You're my end and my beginning. You're my everything now. We're going to grow old together," Blaine beamed.
"Yep, it's official now. We've signed documents and everything. You've reached the point of no return," Kurt said gleefully, laughing maniacally. "Everything's going according to my plan," he continued to tease.
"Clearly," Blaine shot back.
"So which is today, do you think? A new end or a new beginning?"
"A new beginning, definitely," Blaine replied. "And I, for one, can't wait to see where this new beginning takes us."
Kurt leaned forward, capturing Blaine's lips for a slow, sweet kiss. "As long as it takes you along for the ride with me, anywhere's fine."