Hey! Murks here. Rewriting my stories. Read and Review my little happy people! And have a cookie!

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade or the characters featured in it. I do however own the plot, Voltaire's search engine, all the websites (not real but still mine) the evil lair in the bedroom with central heating. Live in luxury!

Basically, this is me having a rant through the evil grandfather of everyone's favourite two-tone-slate-haired teen. Ray! Er. I mean… Kai! (it's Voltaire)

Voltaire's Thoughts On Bad Guys

Who agrees with the fact that bad guys are getting more boring everyday? Anyone? I mean come on! Every bad guy wants to take over the world these days! Or destroy it. But I see no point in that! If I destroyed the earth then no one could love me and my evilness!

I'll get out my laptop and go to a search engine.

See what happens when I type 'evil villains.'

Search result:

www . Evilvillains . com Do you want to destroy the Earth? Then go

Here for hints and tips!

www . badguysrule . com. Who agrees that bad guys rule? We bad guys will take over the world! It's only a matter of time…

www . evilosity . net. Are you evil? Do you agree that world domination is the best thing a bad guy can do with his life? Then come on in!

See what I mean? I'm sick of it! All this taking over the world lark! How totally unoriginal! It's all take over the world this and world domination that. And the catch phrases! YUCK! I mean here are some examples.

Everyone has their own evil laugh. But they all sound the same. Like this:

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Or Buahahahahahahahahahaha!. Or Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh heh he-BUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And the whole ransom thing:

Send £10,000,000,000 in a red sock and leave it by the old oak or your puppy, Fluffypoodleicious will never see another day again!

And it's always made up of newspaper and magazine clippings! Are they saying that being Evil makes them lose the ability to write?

Of course you have your typical robbers saying:

"This is a stick up! Put all the money in the bag and no one gets hurt!"

And the Ray Gun Of Doom. Every proper mad scientist has one. The thing is, they take 20 years to make it, threaten the crowd with it and the good guys always beat the scientist up and destroy the ray gun.

See what I mean? All so... unoriginal. If I was going to take over the earth I would do something highly original. Like... Fill the earth with Bunnies that Eat Everything until humans run out of food and have to rely on me for it. Because I'll have a huge stash full of it in my 'Bunnies That Eat Everything-Proof Deposit Box.' I would of course charge prices that are way over the top and become a billionaire!

And if I was going to use a Ray Gun, then I wouldn't go threatening the people. I would shoot it suddenly. Unexpected attacks are the best way I say. Threats are ok, I guess. It's just, they warn people what's coming. So they can run.

I'll search for ray guns in my search engine

www . Raygun. com. Create threats and havoc with this ultra cool ray gun! Now with 10 new 'DOOM' settings!

www . doom . com Want a way to make people listen to you? Threaten them with a ray gun! Only £10,000,000,000 (+ 2.00P&P, please allow 4 months for delivery, if not fully satisfied, return the item along with a piece of paper explaining why, wait another 4months to get a computer-made reply telling you that it's your fault and you won't get your money back. You statutory rights are not affected.)

It's all the same! Threaten people with a Ray Gun. Create havoc. And the costumes, oh the costumes! The horror!

Now I'll search for 'bad guy costumes' in my search engine

www . costumeshopforbadguys . net. Get the latest black and silver bad

guy costume. Consists of black cape, silver skin tight suit with matching black underpants to wear on the outside!

www . capes and cloaks . co. uk Buy all the newest cloaks and capes in 20 different colours! Now we have Acid Green and Hot Pink!

It's all skin tight suits and capes with underpants on the outside. Bad guys and good guys do the same! I often wonder why.

And lastly, Evil Lairs. Every bad guy has one. It's always some dark, dank cave, it's walls dripping with slime and fungus. Or underground hideout or old empty warehouse. At least be original!

How about a hole in a tree? Or in your bedroom! At least a bedroom has central heating! The caves and warehouses and underground hideouts can get pretty cold. And dark. At least a bedroom has a light so you can see what your doing. I'm sure many an evil plan has been ruined because the Villain couldn't see that he was, in fact holding a stock of dynamite instead of a nice, scented candle. Mmm lavender… Or not.

Oh well, that's bad guys I guess.

That's all from me for now. And a note to bad guys.

BE MORE ORIGINAL!

So, what do you think? I wrote this thing years ago and had it on for a while. Until a while later I came and saw how icky it was. Typos galore! Anyhoo, reviews are most welcome here

BTW, Volty probably isn't in character and is probably guilty of doing the things he moans about.

Another BTW. Originally, I wrote this in Slade (Teen Titans) POV, then Kai (but he isn't really evil), so now I'm trying Voltaire. Heh.

And yet another. I can't help how fantiction aligns my writing. I know half the lines are split up. Someone tell me how to sort it out?