Title: "The Great Pie Fiasco"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: G
Summary: Pies and pranksters never mix well.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1,178
Date Written: 21 January, 2012
Challenge: For a AphroditesBlessings' Yuku forum weekly challenge
Disclaimer: Po, Monkey, Tigress, Shifu, all other characters mentioned within, and Kung Fu Panda are ﾩ & TM DreamWorks, not the author. Everything else is ﾩ & TM the author. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
The loud raucous the boys were making was her first warning. Viper slithering swiftly across the floor and hissing at her to, "Watch out!", was her second. Tigress growled, her striped fur sticking out and long tail swishing with her rising anger. Crane flew in next followed by Po pushing a cart and Monkey scampering behind him. Monkey leapt through the air and tackled the cart with howling laughter.
Tigress' amber eyes narrowed as she continued to watch the two most annoying members of their team. Mantis was on top of the cart but leapt away when Monkey tackled it. She growled again, her tail cutting through the air, as Monkey started grabbing pies up out of the cart and throwing them. Po managed to dodge the first one Monkey threw, and it hit the wall behind him instead.
Tigress raised an eyebrow and continued to growl. The sound started soft and low in her throat but grew louder as Monkey continued slinging pies. Po missed the second pie, and it hit Crane square in his feathered back. He squawked and flew weakly out of the room. Monkey howled with laughter as he hit Po square in the face with the third one. He whirled around on the cart, throwing pies with both hands. Viper ducked and slipped out of the room. Mantis was completely covered by the one that splattered him.
"Don't you - " Tigress started to warn, snarling, as Monkey turned toward her. Yet the primate refused to listen to his own common sense that had to be warning him that Tigress was one of the last people he wanted to hit with a pie. He threw it anyway, his tail jerking wildly through the air and his laughter not pausing for even a second. Tigress ducked smoothly; the pie splattered behind her.
Monkey's laughter suddenly died in his throat. He pointed at Po as he dropped the other pie he had been holding down on to the cart. "He did it."
"I did not!" Po exclaimed, his dark eyes wide and round. He pointed back at Monkey. "Monkey did it."
Mantis managed to reach a feeler out from underneath the pie that held him, trapped, to the floor. "Monkey did it," his tiny, smothered voice agreed.
Every one was looking at something behind her, Tigress realized, and then the scent of the newcomer struck her nose. She had not smelled him to start with for the strong, delicious scents of pie filling the room. Her striped face fell as she turned slowly around. "Master - " she started, her voice humbled and her tail curling around her left leg.
Shifu's furry face was still covered with dripping cream although he'd scraped the crust off of himself. His whiskers and tail bristled; every inch of his fur stood on end. His beady eyes glowered out from around the berry and cream filling.
Tigress' face filled with concern to see her hero so humiliated. "I would not have ducked," she told him, "if I had known you were there, Master Shifu."
"It is not your place, Tigress, to protect me from which should not be being flung in the first place," Shifu murmured quickly. Tigress could hear Po and Monkey shuffling behind her and see the anger building steadily in her Sensei's face. She would have liked to have dealt with the pranksters herself, but she knew from the anger glowering on Shifu's face, that he would deal with them himself immediately. Bowing her head in respect, she stepped to the side, then rushed over to help Mantis who was still trembling underneath the pie that had hit him.
"MONKEY!" Shifu thundered behind her.
"Oh, you're going to get it now!" Po teased Monkey, his short, black tail wriggling in anticipation.
"And just from whence, panda," Shifu demanded, turning to include Po in his furious glare, "do you think Monkey received those pies?"
"Huh . . . " Po murmured, his black and white face becoming downcast. He stared at his sandaled feet as he slid them around the floor.
Shifu jumped up and grabbed Po's ear. As he started to descend, he also snatched Monkey's ear. He brought them both down to his level. "You will both train privately with me for the rest of the day, and then tonight you will clean every inch of the training hall - "
Po and Monkey instantly began to complain.
" - with your toothbrushes," Shifu completed his command, and Monkey knowingly fell silent. He did not dare to push their Sensei any further, but yet Po still had a complaint.
"But, Master," he cried, his large stomach rumbling loudly, "it's lunch time!"
"Those who would show such disrespect to food, panda, have neither the need nor right to devour it."
"You mean . . . " Po's eyes started to tear up. His tail jerked. His stomach rumbled. "I-I-I-I'm going to miss lunch?"
"Yes. Until you can show your food the proper respect it deserves and eat it as a gentleman should, instead of throwing it, you have no need to take time away from training to eat."
"But, Master!" Po cried. Shifu pulled their ears as he started leading them to the training room.
"Shuddup, Po," Monkey grumbled, his long, brown tail whisking behind him, "before you get us in even more trouble!"
"I wasn't the one throwing pies!"
"You were about to start, panda. I saw the one you held behind your back to strike Monkey."
"He started it!"
"It does not matter who started it. I shall finish it." He yanked their ears hard, and Po wailed loudly as he led them away.
Tigress shook her head. She had finished freeing Mantis at last from the pie, and he leapt away from it, buzzing loudly with disdain. "Serves them right," he muttered.
She agreed whole heartedly but then looked down at her paws that were still covered in pie. She took a tentative lick, and her own stomach actually flopped to attention in delight. She shook her head. "Such a waste of good food," she murmured, her tail swishing.
"It's not all wasted!" Mantis called to her as he hopped toward the cart. "Look! There's still a few pies left!"
Viper stuck her head back around the corner. "Ssshould we sssave one for them?" she asked.
"Are you kidding?" Crane demanded, still feverishly preening his feathers. "I'm never going to get all of this pie gunk out of my feathers! Shifu will give them what they deserve, and I say we should eat the rest of the pies!"
Tigress smiled in agreement. Her tail whisked, and she ignored the soft growling of her own stomach. Maybe there was one thing good left to be said for having pranksters around, after all, she thought, but then they still definitely deserved every punishment Shifu was going to give them.
"Moral of the ssstory - " Viper hissed, " - you can't have your pie and eat it too."
Tigress smiled; Crane and Mantis laughed. Then the friends dined as the pranksters paid for their crime.
The End