This is my latest fic. Hope you enjoy it :)
Chapter 1.
Sophie paced her bedroom. Her mind was reaching its overdrive limit. She fanned herself with her hand in a vain attempt at cooling herself down as her other hand clenched at her hip. She was surely going to hyperventilate at any second. Sophie paused and sat on the edge of her bed and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and slowly blew it out.
Why is she here?
Sophie opened her eyes and composed herself, taking in her surroundings. The room was different, the last time she was here. Sophie regarded the double bed she was sat on, far removed from the single they used to share, every night, way back when. The walls were now purple with framed photos creatively hung, most of which she had taken herself. Some were of friends but most of landscapes of the places she had been. Not with her, she thought. There were no photos of her, anymore. Sophie sucked in her bottom lip and felt a familiar pain in her heart that she tried to quell. Pointless though it was, she would never know how to do that. It just got less and less, day by day, little by little until it was just about livable. Almost as if the heartbreak could get put away somehow, until something happened that reminded her of it. A familiar smell, like her perfume, or, her favourite pizza on a menu.. but then it just got put away again. But it was never forgotten. Ever. That would be impossible. Even four years later.. four years, two months, twelve days, to the day.
Tears pricked Sophie's eyes. She stood.
So why is she here?
She had no idea. None at all. Had she come back to hurt her? Remind her? Play with her? The emotion was pushing on her chest much like as if a weight had fallen on her. The crushing sensation wasn't going away. Sophie swallowed and it hurt. She stood by the window and bravely peered out.. Sian had been across the street.
She was still there.
Sian.
Sophie's breath caught in her throat as she saw her. She was still beautiful, of course she was. Her blond hair still long as it caught in the breeze. She had her thumbs hooked in her back pockets as she laughed with Rosie who, for some reason had stopped to talk with her! Why would she do that? Rosie of all people knew what Sophie had been through, what had happened on that night! The night she died. Or may as well have. Her life had fallen apart, that night. How could she forgive her? She wouldn't, no way. Rosie may have forgiven her in the last twenty minutes as it now seemed, but Sophie never would. She shook her head to emphasize her own point. "Never" she muttered, just to be certain. Sophie couldn't believe Sian still wore that leather jacket. It hung off her shoulders and framed her perfectly, just as it always did. Sophie cocked her head and sighed and just as she did, both of them looked up at her.
Sophie bolted from the window as she felt her knees go weak and her heart suddenly thumped in her chest. It was like someone had given her an electric jolt directly to the chest. All of a sudden she was out of breath and her head again, was swimming.
Sian saw me.
The rational side of her brain dissolved completely as panic set in. Sophie found a wall and leaned against it, resting her head back she clamped her eyes shut.
What if she comes in here? Up here? Talks to me?
Sophie's mouth went all kinds of dry and so she licked at her lips and then ran a hand through her hair. She couldn't think of a thing to do. She heard the door go downstairs and people come in. Two women, it sounded like.
No no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooo!
Sophie fumbled to her bedroom door and eased her way through it. She crept to the top of the stairs and listened. She was on her knees. She could barely make out voices above the rushing sound in her ears but she forced herself to concentrate.
"I'm not sure about this Rosie.." she heard Sian say. That voice she hadn't heard in such a long time..
"Well, it's gotta happen sooner or later, now you're back-"
"-yehh but"
Back? She's back? For how long?
"no buts Sian, you're going to talk to her. Besides, she's much more mature now. She might be over it".
Sophie shot to her feet and turned in the direction of her sister's voice. Her expression aghast, why the hell did she say that? Over it? OVER IT? How on earth could she possibly be over it?.. Then a light went on. Sophie had never been the quickest but she was getting better. Her lips curved into a slight smile. Rosie was daring her to come downstairs. Her older sister knew she'd be listening and she was setting her up, seeing if Soph would be the bigger person and attempt a civilized conversation with her ex-girlfriend.
Sophie dipped her head and sighed as she leaned on the banister at the top of the stairs. It looked like Sian was going to be around, and if she didn't want to cause a scene every time they bumped into each other, they were going to have to talk. It's not like they really got chance to talk things out last time, Sian just kind of left. It hadn't even been a week after Sophie had caught them, and she bolted, in true Sian style... Sophie felt the anger rising within her, the stirring deep in her gut that had almost consumed her before. She tried to push it down.
"Sophie!" Rosie called, "there's someone here to see you".
Sophie snorted; did she really want to do this? She straightened herself up and took a calming breath. She would. She was 24 now, she could handle this. It's not like she hadn't had awkward conversations with some of her other ex's after they'd split before... They weren't Sian though, were they? Your first love, first girlfriend, first..everything...
Sophie ignored herself and went downstairs.
Sian was nervous. She had played this moment out in her head sooo many times; she had a whole entry devoted to it on Live Journal. She had been such a coward, such an insecure, messed up teenager when it had all gone wrong. She didn't think Sophie would ever forgive her, and wouldn't blame her if she never did. However she had to try, try to get it back. Sophie was the one good thing in this world, the purest and most honest soul she had ever met, and Sian just had to. She would get Sophie to fall in love with her again, whatever it took. Sian's heart jumped to her throat as she stared wide-eyed at the stairs. Her palms were sweating and her chest was heaving. She licked her lips. This was it. She heard footsteps.
And there she was. Her long brown hair the same, all choppy and styled so the layers stood up a little. Sian wondered if she used the same product… just because she loved the way it smelt. Or used to, at least, back when Soph let her get that close. She stood a sizable distance away now and kind of avoided eye contact until the tension couldn't stand it any longer. Sophie bought her eyes to Sian's.
Sophie thought she would melt. Those eyes. They were piercing, just as they used to be. Stared right into her soul it would seem and would so easily be able to read her, just like she used to, if Sophie let her. Sophie sucked in a breath and swallowed it, loudly. It formed a lump in her throat. She smiled, a little. Or at least thought she did. It translated into a sort of.. grimace, which would be the only way Rosie could later describe it. Sophie had no idea what to say. She rubbed her palms gently in a slow motion on the sides of her legs.
"Hay" Sian breathed.
"Hi" Sophie returned.
Rosie had been looking from one girl to the other and honestly hadn't blinked once. She thought this was a great idea, Sophie had seemed totally fine the past year or so and hadn't mentioned Sian once in that time. Sure, before that it was a struggle, the blond always on her little sisters mind or at least, always returning to her little sisters mind, especially when Soph was single and feeling a bit lonely. But then Rosie would always find a way to cheer her up and that would be that. It had been four years, after all. And especially after what Sian had said outside, Rosie felt certain they could be friends again, and even that at least would erase whatever Sophie was hanging onto. Rosie smiled and was pleased with her reasoning.
Still silence.
Maybe not! Rosie thought. Her smile dissolved and a teeny bit of panic crept in.
Sian's eyes hadn't left Sophie's. A million things were going through her head. God she wished she could turn back time and just be kissing her right now. Or even better, have Sophie cross the distance and kiss her, show Sian that she wanted her. Honestly she didn't think she would ever get that back. But in this moment anything would do, a smile, a nod, a word. Any word. Even if she told her to leave. It would be something. Did Sophie even care?
Sophie was back to being 15 years old. Stood awkwardly in front of this girl, this girl she loved and didn't know what to do about it. Didn't know what her feelings meant, just that she had them and they confused her. They were confusing her now. She should hate Sian, for what she did. Have no feeling for her at all, it had been four years of guess work. She suddenly shows up and what does she expect? Don't pretend like you haven't wished for this, her mind piped up. Wished for it so desperately it hurt just as much as the pain you felt. It was true, Sophie had imagined so many times what they would talk about if this moment ever actually happened. Well it's here, so what are you gonna do?
Good question. She couldn't forgive her. Ever. That was impossible. And to be quite fair she should give her a verbal bashing, for what she did. Everything she was feeling was playing out on her face, Sophie was never very good at concealing her emotions, and it was something Sian loved about her, the expressions that crossed her beautiful features. She couldn't read them now, however. Sian was out of practice. Sophie looked into Sian's eyes and saw something. She was scared. Sophie would never forget that expression, it was the one that burned into her, after Sophie had walked in and—she closed her eyes. Bit back the pain. Sian was stood right in front of her and she couldn't be thinking about that. She would crumble.
Sophie moved her head to the side and breathed. "What are you doing here?" It was all she could manage.
Sian felt it like a wall had hit her. Hard. Not the question she was expecting. Well maybe it was, but she had hoped for a smile and a brief hug. Her head laughed at her. Fat chance! "I uhmm.." she cleared her throat and found her voice. "..finished my masters and so thought I'd come back. My dad's still here so-"
"Not on Coronation Street". Boom! Good choice of words! Sophie closed her eyes and regretted it as soon as it had left her lips. She saw Sian react like she had been slapped.
"Okay you two" Rosie interjected. She held her hands up. "Wow I know there's history but c'mon!" Sophie shot her a look but Rosie ignored it. "The tension in this room is going to react with my hair intensifier!" She walked towards her sister, "I'm going to make some tea" and lowered her voice, "be nice!"
Sophie looked at Rosie as she left the room. Really what did people expect from her? She looked back at Sian who now had tears in her eyes and Sophie's heart lurched. Her head wouldn't let her do anything about it, however.
"I'm just going to go" Sian said as she pulled her hair from her neck. She was suddenly very hot. "This was a mistake-"
"Sian wait" Sophie took at step closer to her ex. Sian regarded her, the awkwardness in her disposition evident. They both seemed to feel the air between them become a little bit electrified the closer they got. There was still something there. "I'm sorry I said that", Sophie offered, and Sian brightened a little at that. "We're going to be at the pub later, after dinner. I know mom would love to see you, if you want to come".
Sian was biting on her top lip. This really hadn't gone according to plan, she was supposed to be all confident and suave, be that lively girl Soph had fallen for. Instead she was a wreck. Really she didn't know how she wasn't crying. She had to get out of there and compose herself. She supposed at least Sophie wanted to see her again. Somewhere public though, but it was better than nothing.
"Okay" Sian smiled, although it was a false one. "I will". She turned to go and got to the door. She had to add something. "Soph.."
That pulled on Sophie's heartstrings, she hadn't heard that voice call her Soph in years. Sophie had loved it. She still did. She looked at Sian.
"..it's great to see you".
Sophie smiled and it lit up Sian's world. That smile. There it is. Sian smiled back and then left.
Sophie stared at the door for what seemed like ages. That smile. That Sian Powers smile. It elated her and upset her in equal measure. She wanted her and didn't want her. Wanted to chase after her but couldn't. Wished it was already time for the pub and also wished she hadn't of invited her. Sophie growled at herself. Ten minutes in the same room as Sian as she was tearing up on the inside. What the hell was she going to do? She felt Rosie come up behind her. "Why did you do that?" Sophie asked, in a small voice.
"You were going to have to see her, sooner or later. She's really back".
Sophie let that statement resound in her head. She felt her chest collapse under the tension that had been piling in the room. She exhaled, loudly. "I don't know if I can do it".
"Of course you can" Rosie answered immediately, "its Sian-"
Sophie shot around to face her sister, "and that's why I can't!" her eyes had filled up again. Rosie felt her heart lurch in her chest for her baby sister. She knew this was the best thing for her, even if Sophie couldn't see it right now.
"Soph you need closure!" Rosie's eyes were wide and her hands animated her point, "you've never had the opportunity to talk it out with her, now's your chance".
Sophie shook her head and a tear spilled down her face. She quickly wiped it away and folded her arms across her chest. Her face seemed to crumble. "It's just so hard". She looked away and at the floor.
Rosie took a step closer and into Soph's personal space. Her chest literally hurt for her little sister. She tried to peer under Sophie's downturned face. "I know it is kid", Rosie reached out and brought Sophie's face to meet hers, "you just have to do it". Her tone was soft, "how else will it ever be over?"
Sophie's eyes looked into Rosie's, her voice was small, "what if I don't want it over?"
Rosie dropped her hands to her sides, a tiny grin on her lips. "Only one way to find out".
Sian had been stood outside the Rovers for, 17 minutes. She took another deep breath, it felt like her thousandth. She fidgeted nervously and tried to talk herself out of going in. There were a million reasons why this was a bad idea, why her whole coming back was a bad idea. She had wanted to come back last year, and the year before, and the year before that, actually pretty much every year since her outstandingly huge mistake. She had wanted to explain to Sophie so badly, apologise so venomously, make it up to her so desperately, but she had been a coward. The biggest coward ever and had just ran, and had had no idea what to say since then. Were there even the words to apologise? She didn't know. But the simple fact was she was in love with Sophie Webster, ever since that day her best friend had kissed her, way back when, and even though she had totally ballsed everything up, she knew that this was her chance to make it right. Sian had always failed in the past when she needed courage and confidence to go get what she wanted. She wasn't going to let this opportunity pass her by as she had the previous four years. Sian turned to the doors of the pub and took her last deep breath. This is it.
She went in.
..to be continued..