Welcome back! Two-shot this time. For NaNo. I got too impatient and didn't want to wait until the end of November to start posting... no, this is not my 50k. Only part of it, but here you go! (and yes, I find it awkward when trying to think of something to say. xP
Maximum Ride sat on her roof thinking. Yes, she was thinking. Shocker. However, thirteen years does a lot to a person. You lose your best friend and the love of your life because he's an idiot, and then you spend the next several years lost in a depression. Brilliant. Though by now, at twenty-eight years, she did pride herself on being a bit more controlled than she used to be. And more mature, considering the genes she had that had always made her more mentally advanced than others.
Thinking, yes. In a tangle? Nothing new.
Of course, it was that certain boy she had known who had disturbed her sleep and sent her to find a calmer state of mind. A dream. She hadn't had a dream where he had slinked past the wall in her subconscious in years. And there he had been. Same as it always had been. Young and in his prime- their prime, actually. Young and madly in love.
How things had changed.
Max shivered and bent her wings around to shelter herself from the chilly air. Normally she would have thought more and grabbed a jacket, blanket, or something to shield her, but as usual she wasn't thinking. But wasn't she? Around and around in her mind; where would everything stop?
With a sigh, she propped her arms on her slightly-drawn-in kneed and leaned her forehead on them. She had been fine. So fine. Everything had been going slowly, and nothing had phased her. Nothing. They were good. She remembered nothing, and he brought up nothing. It was banished, forbidden. To think she had actually considered that she was finally past it. It would never come back; that part of her past was gone for good.
Unfortunately, she was wrong. That wasn't new, but it was still as unwanted as ever, especially considering the circumstances. She was fine with being wrong other times, but this time? Not so easily accepted. Definitely not.
Stupid of her to think she could escape it. Somehow, she knew it would haunt her for eternity. It would always be the ghost of his love- knowing that he could have done better. She had tried. Oh, had she tried. But he had eluded her. And as soon as she had managed to come to grips with that, she had settled down, as they labeled it. Settled down? She had been hiding. Hiding fromt he world, hiding from the taunting bitterness of reality.
Then once she finally tried to emerge from her hole of self-loathing, everything had changed again. It was finally right. She was right. He was right. Everything was back in place like it should have been with him. Though it was different, it was the way it should have always been before. Oh sure, she still struggled with the memories and pain of abandonment, but they all had been there to help. Especially...
The familiar sting of tears permeated her cloud of melancholic thoughts. Well, it had been fine... until tonight. Until the well-known torment. And it had to be tonight of all nights. Tonight. This time. Nothing could have been worse, and she hated it. Hated it. Wished she could rewind time. But time moves on... on and on and on, never giving her a change to catch her breath until something else slammed into her face and sent her spinning. Spiraling back down, so down.
Arms encircled the cocoon she had created with her wings. She stiffened impulsively, then gritted her teeth, ashamed of her tears. She would only hurt him more.
"Max," Dylan sang quietly in her ear, sleep filling his voice. He tugged her backwards gently until she was tucked against his chest and wrapped in another layer of feathers. "Max, what's wrong?"
She shook her head and willed the tracks of tears to melt into her face. If she spoke, she would betray herself immediately. She couldn't hurt him more. So all she did was close her eyes and let her head drop back against his shoulder. It was no use; she knew he could tell.
"Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine," she whispered, shivering as a bit of the breeze filtered down into her shelter. "I just needed to think."
"Mhm."
Dylan rubbed his head against hers, trying to distill some sense of security to her. She had thought she had the ability to hide from him; to lock away her innermost ponderings. She always had. And he had always humored her, though his own heart ached for her to realise the truth, and that he didn't hold anything against her. How could he? She was Max.
At least now she didn't try to pretend. Oh, she still tried to hide when she wept, but he still knew. She would try to cover it up with makeup, and she never wore makeup unless she had been crying or if they were going to a wedding. He thought she knew, but then he couldn't always quite read her. Genetically engineered as he was to her, he was still a man, and she was a woman.
He just wished she would consistently let him look into her, and empathise with her. Help her, even. But her want to be so incredibly strong often left her at her weakest, though she would never admit it. Some things never will change about a person.
Dylan stroked her wings. Her gorgeous, powerful wings. It helped her to relax- sometimes. He could only hope if would work this time.
Her spine stiffened again, and he knew she was trying to resist. If she could remain detached and in control, she would. But she couldn't. Not always. She had to start learning. Well, she had been. Then her emotions had been thrown out of whack again. Hopefully they would settle soon, but not until after-
"I had a dream," she whispered, letting herself slump into his embrace, defeated.
He held back a sigh and remained calm, continuing to massage her cramped joints, hoping and praying she would let him in.
"He... he was in it."
Too much. His hands froze. His breath caught. "It's been... years."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, straightening up again. "I shouldn't have bo-"
"No, Max, you should. Please." Dylan tightened his arms, drawing her back even though she resisted. "Tell me. You need to."
"Every memory of you... and me," she moaned, covering her face with her hands. "Every important one. All of them."
He let her mutter to herself for a minute, even though he was wishing she would simply out with it. His beautiful, bruised angel.
"Except..." her heart rate increased.
He could almost see it thudding in her chest, and with every pulse he felt echoed into his own heart. And it hurt. Of course it hurt; he knew it would if she had been so upset. And she hadn't even told him yet.
"He was you. It was like a rewind, except everything was changed. Different. With him." She began to cry again. "I'm so sorry."
He pressed his forhead to the back of her head, trying not to let it get to him. He couldn't. She needed him. "Max-"
"I don't get it. I was finally alright. I've been alright, Dylan, you know I have!"
"I know... I know."
She drew in a haggard breath and sighed it right back out again. "It was a nightmare, believe me." Max wrapped her arms loosely around her stomach, rubbing it. "I'm sorry."
"I know, Max."
She twisted around so she could see his face. Pain was etched clearly; even as he tried to control his expression it fell.
Still, he met her eyes and managed a shaky smile. "You know what I've told you. He meant so much to you."
"I've got you now," she whispered, staring in shame down at the glittering ring on her finger. "Yes I still can't seem to do anything to help that."
"You're not to blame. You're tired, stressed, and you haven't been able to eat, remember?" He inhaled deeply. "You're not yourself, and you know that."
"Still..." She sighed, and continued to stare glumly down at her wedding ring. It was simple, really... she liked simple. However, Dylan had insisted on getting some diamond shavings worked onto the metal to make it sparkle. "To match your eyes," he had winked as he had presented it to her. Her wings had folded.
A hint of a smile crept onto her face, and he took that as a sign she would be fine. "What did you eat earlier?"
Immediately she pushed back and crossed her arms. "Nothing out of the ordinary, I assure you," she sniffed indignantly, a crooked smile turning her lips up.
Dylan grinned back, then leaned forward to steal a kiss before standing up. "You're forgiven. Try not to think about it?"
Her smile disappeared, and she nodded, serious again. "I'll try," she sighed, shrugging. She always did. And she would get over it.
He smiled once again, then brushed the back of his hand to her face, watching her flinch as the chilled metal of his wedding ring rubbed across her skin. She was lovely even then.
Max watched as her husband disappeared back into their house; no doubt he was asleep again as soon as he hit the pillow. He worked too hard, but he did it for. Especially since she had been too weak to do much for a few months. At least that period had passed; though she still grew sick occasionally it was not to the point of her not being able to get out of bed. And dear Dylan... he had borne it all like a saint.
She shifted her position, then drew her knees up again, resuming her position she had held before Dylan had interrupted her study. She was bi-polar. Must be. Because now she didn't feel as disloyal... though her heart drooped a bit as she recalled the memory. But no; she musn't think of it, or she would too easily slip back into her old train of thought. No, better to look forward, even though she hated waiting.
But wait she must. And wait... and wait. At least the Flock were scheduled for a visit soon. She could tell them. They would help her pass the time. They could speak of old times; reintroduce each other to the lives they now lived separately, and catch up on what had been playing out in their own stories.
For that's what life was. A story. A beginning, middle, and end. However, it was the waiting between each step of the plot that was horrible enough to drive anybody mad; especially a hormonal bird-woman. They were the worst, as Dylan cheerfully reminded her daily. So cheery. Always so cheery.
"Uuh," Max groaned, her thoughts put to a halt once more as she focused on the pain at hand. That had hurt. How long did she have to wait, again? No matter... it was too late to worry about anything anymore... she was tired. Knowing her husband, he would wake up again anyway, somehow sensing she still had not gone to bed. Annoying. Affectionate. Awesome?
That's it. Alliteration? Her mind was halfway to China. Hopefully it would make it there and then return in time for a new day... right now, she didn't care. Time for bed.
Max stood to her feet and wrapped her arms underneath her rounding stomach, supporting the exta weight as she spread out her wings to keep her balance. With a hop and some flaps, she was back on earth in front of their bedroom window. She glanced inside as she clambered in, mindful of her middle. As she had guessed, Dylan was sprawled out sound asleep.
She stepped around to the far side of the bed and managed to manuver herself back onto the matress. And as if she had pressed a switch, Dylan reached over for her. She smiled as her heart swelled, thoughts of Fang long gone. Looping her hand into his, Max cradled her stomach with her other arm and closed her eyes.