This explains one of the many days that the avengers spent living in Stark Tower from Hawkeye's point of view. This is currently a one-shot, but I may write others later.
I am not too good at writing, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. I also hope you people out there find this funny. Happy Reading!
I own none of the Avengers.
Clint was in his room relaxing after 3 hours of training. Clint was hiding from Tony. Clint was bored. So when he heard Tony's voice in the corridor, that was his cue to leave via the loose ceiling tile in his room.
In the vents and gaps between floors was where Clint was at home. He could spy on people, listen in on conversations, steal things while backs were turned, and most importantly, JARVIS couldn't find him when he was in there. This also meant that Tony couldn't find Clint when he was in there. This was one of the reasons that the archer loved it so much.
He had been relaxing up there for a few minutes before he was bored again. Normally he would practice when he had nothing to do, but he had already done enough of that for one day. So that left him two options; and as there probably wasn't a pair of skis and three rolls of fluorescent pink wallpaper in the tower, his only option was go and annoy Natasha. Even though annoying the Black Widow is something most people would only do if they had a death wish, Clint was not most people. And she was used to him, so he rarely got serious injuries.
After about thirty minutes of getting lost, Clint had managed to confuse a very smart person (Bruce), steal a fire extinguisher from a very smart robot (DUMMY) and scare a not-so-smart Norse God (Thor). He now knew the position of his favourite female assassin. He now had several new toys to play with. These toys could seriously annoy a certain billionaire that Clint currently wasn't speaking to.
X-X-X-X-X
He had been told that Natasha was in the gym, but after his nose discovered a beautiful smell, he followed that instead. Clint loved food. Especially food that smelled like baking cookies. And as it turned out, the smell was baking cookies! This made him grin. He could just use his circus moves to flip down, grab the cookies, and flip back up.
He spent several seconds choosing the best spot to conduct the manoeuvre. The vent in front of him slid away easily, and as he swung down and stretched towards the delicious, sweet, crispy biscuits, a person saying 'ahem' made him lose focus and fall. Onto the floor. And he took part of the vent with him.
"Ow! OWWWW!" Clint wailed as he sat on the floor, before he actually looked around the room, "Oh, hey Tasha"
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Lying on the floor in pain underneath part of an airvent because I slipped whilst trying to steal cookies", Clint stated in a matter-of-fact voice.
"Why do I put up with this?" she sighed.
"Because you looooooooove me!" Clint is given the Black Widow stare of darkness, "And because Fury will not have much suitable stuff to put on a reference and no-one else is willing to put up with me."
". . ."
"What?"
Natasha stares at his 'new toys'. "What are those and what do they do?"
Clint grins hugely, "Well, I have taken two items (he gestures towards the rubber duck and the fire-extinguisher) and attached them to some of Stark's new robots (he turns the items over so the small, silver robots are visible)."
"And what do you plan to do with them?"
"I have set the robots so that they all follow Tony and I changed their batteries. The only reason Tony didn't put more work into these was that it's practically impossible to stop them following you. They only stop when the batteries run out."
"You are a cruel, cruel person Clint Barton. But then again, I'm guessing it's your revenge after he-"
"DON'T SAY IT! I'M STILL RECOVERING!"
X-X-X-X-X
The two agents were sitting on the couch, full of cookies, when Tony walked into the room.
"Hey guys, I was told there were cookies. And how are the legs, Clint?"
"He's not talking about that Tony. He says he feels less of a man now."
"Fine then, but it needed to be done Clint. Your legs were scary as hell." Tony receives glares from his team-mates, so he holds his hands up in front of him, "Okay okay! Geez, how was I to know that he didn't want his legs shaved? Anyway, cookies. Where are they?"
"We ate them", the two people from the couch say in unison.
"WHAT? None for me? I was forced to leave my lab by Bruce because he said I needed to get food and talk to someone other than himself and JARVIS. I have talked, but he promised me cookies! That is the only reason I left! How could you eat cookies and not leave me any?"
Natasha goes to reply, but is cut off by Clint, "One, you shaved my legs and I needed payback. Two, what else were we supposed to do with the cookies, other than eat them? And three, They were damn good cookies, so we couldn't stop eating. Well, I couldn't anyway. Tasha only had 2."
Tony's face gets redder and redder with each sentence, and when Clint is finished he storms into the kitchen and comes out again eating pop tarts.
"I hate to tell you this, but Thor is gonna kill you when he finds out you are eating his pop tarts. That guy is possessive."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THOR. I WAS PROMISED COOKIES, AND AS THERE ARE NONE LEFT, I'M HAVING THESE INSTEAD!" Tony storms out of the room with the box of pop tarts in his hand, not realising that he is being perused by a fire extinguisher and a rubber duck.
"What's his problem anyway? And you do know he's going to be even more annoyed when he discovers he literally has followers?"
"No idea and probably. Thor is so going to kill him."
X-X-X-X-X
Natasha and Clint were sitting at the kitchen table getting drinks. For the past 48 minutes they had been watching the live feed from Tony's lab, and they couldn't stop laughing at him as he kept trying of rid himself of the duck and extinguisher, and he still hadn't managed it. Natasha had started making pot noodles for them both and Clint was shooting the wall with his miniature cross-bow. That was when the God of thunder walked into the room.
"Greetings, my friends! I bring good news about the…" his voice trailed off slowly as he looked at the spot his beloved pop tarts usually lived, "WHO HAS MOVED THE FOOD OF THE MIGHTY THOR?"
"HIDE!" is all that the Black Widow can say before quickly vanishing somewhere. Clint dives under the table. Unfortunately, Thor decided to demolish said table with Mjolnir.
"WHERE ARE MY POP-TARTS?" Thor bellows as he picks Clint up by his shoulders. Unfortunately, Clint is in too much shock to speak. "I WILL CRUSH YOU, TINY HAWK!"
"Tony…stole…food…he's…in…lab…"
"Thank you my little friend!" Thor sets Clint down, slaps him on the shoulder, and sprints for the stairs.
"No problem," he wheezes. Someone needed to teach Thor that the people of Midgard aren't as strong as Asgardians.
Natasha then reappeared from her hiding place and sighed. "Thor owes us a new table."
"True dat," Clint stared at her for a few seconds, "And I told you Tony was going to die."
Clint has gained a bruise on his arm.
X-X-X-X-X
As Clint nursed his arm, Natasha sent messages to Bruce and Steve explaining the Tony/Thor/pop-tart situation. She then decided that Tony should also be warned, even though he deserved it
"Tony, Thor is looking for you. He knows you took his pop-tarts."
Tony points to an empty box and says, "Well, they were delicious. I can see why he likes them."
"There is an angry Norse God heading your way, and all you can think about is how delicious pop-tarts are?"
"So you admit that they are delicious?"
"No. I can't stand them. Biscuits are much nicer than that rubbish."
"DENIAL!" Tony says in an Australian accent.
Clint giggles. "I understood that reference!"
"Finding Nemo is so awesome."
Natasha sighs and glares at Clint, "Clint, you aren't even in this conversation. And will you stop making fun of Cap? Don't answer, I already know what you'll say. Would you please stop shooting arrows at that wall?"
"HE'S SHOOTING ARROWS AT MY WALL?!"
"Just stay safe Tony."
Natasha switches the video link off and sits on the couch. Precisely 173 seconds later, JARVIS sends a message out through the whole building stating that Thor has found Tony and he requires assistance. Tony that is, not Thor.
"You go. I don't trust anyone else with the situation and I can't be bothered." Natasha states. Clint obediently makes his way to the elevator, and once there he presses the button that will take him to Tony's lab.
X-X-X-X-X
When he arrives there, the scene doesn't look too good. Bruce is sitting in his chair with his face flat on the desk and in his hand was a used needle that had once contained sedative. And if Bruce had been stopped himself from becoming a green rage monster, then he was in the right place. But where were the angry God and billionaire? That question answered itself a second later, when the sound of something smashing came from the room to his left. Before he entered it, he decided it was best to call Natasha for help. She always knew what to do.
"Natasha! Wazzup?"
"What's happened? You left 3 minutes ago and you are already calling me."
"I have located the targets. But I don't want to go in. It sounds scary in there."
"Fine. Just go in there and try to diffuse the situation. The last thing we need is Fury wondering why we have a squished Tony."
Clint clicked the little red button on his phone to end the call. "Here goes nothing."
X-X-X-X-X
Natasha soon arrived at the room and although it was a mess, she wasn't surprised. Clint was hanging from something on the ceiling and trying to shoot sedatives at Thor, but none of them could pierce his armour. Thor was holding Tony by his shoulders and his feet were dangling 2ft above the concrete floor. Tony didn't seem too distressed, considering his situation. But this is Tony Stark we are talking about.
"THOR!" The God in question turned to face the redhead. "Please place the world's dumbest genius back onto the ground! You don't know where he's been! And stop shaking him while you're at it."
"NOT UNTIL HE RETURNS MY POP-TARTS!"
"Thor, that is disgusting."
"BUT THEY ARE MY POP-TARTS AND HE STOLE THEM!"
"Tony, will you buy him more pop-tarts if he lets you go?"
"Yep…Sure…Whatever…Hurting… Pain… Agony…" is all Tony can manage to say.
"Thor, put him down now."
The god huffs and places him on the ground. Tony then lands on top of his followers, and luckily people couldn't hear what he was saying due to the duck squeaking underneath him and the fire extinguisher spraying him.
"If you have not replaced the mighty food of Thor by tomorrow, then you will feel the wrath of Mjolnir!" Thor loudly states then turns and walks away, unfortunately he walked underneath the spot where Clint had been hanging from the ceiling. Unfortunately, the ceiling decided Clint was too heavy. The small patch of ceiling then fell onto the mighty thunder God, who wasn't too happy with the situation. "WHO DARES ATTACK THE MIGHTY THOR?!"