"DANCER"
Artie only wrote one word on the wrinkled sheet of notebook paper. Just "DANCER". His biggest aspiration. His ultimate goal in life. The one thing that he ached for with all of his heart. Just to stand on his own two feet and dance. To feel the beat of the music pulsing through each of his limbs as he moved in synch with the beat. It was what he fell asleep thinking about and what was fresh in his mind from his dreams in the morning. When Bryan Ryan instructed the Glee club to write their biggest dream on a sheet of paper, Artie hadn't hesitated for one moment to write his down. He'd observed a few of his peers contemplating what to scrawl onto their pages. When Mr. Ryan had torn his paper out from under his clammy hands, Artie had felt his heart stop. With the loud crumpling noise that the paper made when it had been crushed, he felt his tender heart crunch simultaneously. The moment that the paper ball landed neatly in the metal garbage bin, Artie felt the tears fill his eyes. He begged himself not to cry in front of his friends. As soon as he was dismissed, Artie wheeled himself to the nearest boys room, hurried into the handicapped stall and let the tears fall. It was like reliving that fateful day all over again; hearing that his life had changed in such a devistating way. The paper ball was a metaphor for his old life. Thrown in the trash.
Confessing his hurt to Tina had helped. While it didn't change a thing about his situation, it lifted some of the weight that he'd been feeling on his chest. Having someone know what he was dealing with made him feel so much less alone. Companionship and comraderie was what he craved. The chair had isolated him, made him lonesome and depressed. Having Tina to share his sorrows made life seem a little less dismal. When Tina had asked him to do a routine with her, he'd thrived on the idea. So he didn't have the use of his legs. He could still try his best to dance! Using his upper body to perform the routine with Tina would be fun, wouldn't it? Artie had never been so wrong. Going to the special store with Tina to purchase the tappers to attatch to his wheels had been great. Tina showing him the routine she'd choreagraphed gave Artie hope that he had the potential to be as talented and graceful as she. When Tina started showing him the steps of the routine, he'd been overjoyed.
High on the feeling he'd gotten from dancing with Tina, he'd decided to take the next step. In Biology class, Artie approached John Hubener, a boy in his grade with cerebral palsy. After a brief discussion, John told Artie that he had a spare pair of crutches that he'd be glad to let him borrow. Artie had excitedly carried the crutches to the choir room where he'd planned to meet Tina to reherse their number. He propped the crutches up against a stack of music stands, and left them there while he and Tina practiced. Artie had been sure that dancing with Tina would make him feel normal again. Like any regular boy, with two arms and two legs, two hands and two feet. He was wrong again. Having Tina scurry around his chair with tap shoes on while he wheeled to the left for two counts, and then to the right for two, made him feel even more useless than he had before. Frustrated with his lack of ability, he stopped the music and rolled over to where the borrowed crutches were standing. He explained to Tina where he'd gotten them and requested she help him stand up.
Tina was concerned at first, considering she knew that Artie had never attempted such a thing before, but the way that Artie's face lit up made it impossible for her to say no. After slipping his arms into the crutches, Artie made sure that the rubber-tipped ends were placed firmly on the floor. Using his arms to push himself up, he began to rise out of the chair. Tina helped him to stay stable and kept her hands protectively on his stomach to support him. When Artie was standing at his full height, he looked Tina in the eye, and they shared a moment of nervous laughter. Tina gently let go of Artie as he moved the crutches forwards, trying to drag his limp feet across the ground the best he could. Artie felt on top of the world. Suddenly, Artie felt his left crutch start to wobble, and then his right. Tina saw an unsure look of fear pass across his face, and before she knew it, Artie was laying on the floor.
Artie was unable to catch himself as he fell. With his arms in the crutches, he fell hard, his chest and shoulders hitting the ground just before his head. As his cheek slammed into the hard linoleum floor, Artie felt the familiar feeling of aching in his heart. He'd felt it when Mr. Ryan had thrown his paper in the trash bin, he'd felt it when he was attempting to dance with Tina, and he'd felt it when the doctor told him he'd be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Suddenly the physical pain overwhelmed the emotional. His ribs, shoulders and head were aching painfully where they had hit the floor. Again, he felt the tears brimming in his eyes, but this time he made no effort to stop them. He heard Tina uttering startled apologies and offering help, but his embarassment made his face burn more than the impact from his huge, painful fall.
"Just go away," he whispered.