A little one-shot I did to celebrate Thanksgiving. I just LOVE writing about the Espada; their personalities clash so perfectly.
Answer my poll, please!
It was Thursday. Nothing seemed special about it. The Espada gathered for their weekly meeting. Then, Aizen said something that would change their entire day:
"Fellow Espada, it is Thanksgiving Day, and I think we should celebrate."
All the Espada stared at Aizen with incredulous confusion; they had no idea what Thanksgiving was.
Grimmjow was the first to break the silence. "What the hell is a Thanksgiving?!" he growled.
Aizen explained, "Simply put: each year, American families gather together to celebrate Europeans discovering their land and befriending Indians. You see, in 1621, a group of Separatists from the land of England sailed to North America in search of religious freedom. When they arrived, they signed an important document called the Mayflower Compact. In this document, they agreed that adult males would meet to create new laws; this was a first step towards self-government, which was extremely important among Americans. At Plymouth Rock, they met the Native American Samoset, who cordially invited them to the new land. Later, the great chief Massasoit and 60 brave natives arrived to teach them the basics, such as hunting and fishing. The Pilgrims were very grateful, and-"
"You call that 'simply put'?!" Grimmjow interrupted, "I wanted the definition, not a fucking history lesson! Get to the freakin' point!!"
Aizen brushed a strand of hair away from his face. "All right, very well. Basically, we will gather together tonight at six o'clock for a huge dinner. Just us: me; Gin; Kaname; and you Espada. It will be like we're one big family."
Lilynette's eyes sparkled. "Ooh, that sounds sweet! So, who's gonna cook the dinner?" she asked eagerly.
Aizen smiled. "You all are," he replied calmly.
Halibel raised an eyebrow. "You've got to be kidding," she muttered with quiet frustration.
Aizen turned towards Halibel. He said, "No, Halibel, I am not joking; you Espada will be preparing a six-course meal. I am expecting all the essentials – salads, appetizers, roast hollow, rice, dessert, everything."
It was Nnoitra's turn to complain. "And what if we don't wanna do this?" he sneered defiantly.
Aizen stopped smiling; his eyes narrowed. "If that's the case, then I assure you, you will be ousted from the Espada, or worse. You have my word for it," he said ominously. Nnoitra shrank deeper into his seat; his crocodile smile was wiped clean off his face.
"Halibel, I am placing you in charge of the kitchen, since you're possibly the most levelheaded Espada here," Aizen said. Ulquiorra sneezed.
Baraggan shot up out of his chair and slammed his palms on the table. "If anyone can handle authority the best, it is I, Baraggan Lusienbarn!! Why can't I – the King of Hollows – be in charge of the kitchen?!!!" he demanded.
"Because, Baraggan," Aizen answered calmly, "nobody likes you."
Before Baraggan could respond, Aizen stepped out of his chair and left the room. Gin and Tousen followed. The meeting had been dismissed, and the Espada now had eighteen hours to make their Thanksgiving meal.
Halibel stood in front of the other Espada, most of which were listening intently.
"Okay, show of hands," she began, "who here can cook?"
Not a single hand went up. Halibel placed a palm to her forehead and closed her eyes in exasperation.
"Let me rephrase that," she sighed. "Who here can make anything remotely edible?"
The hands of Lilynette, Ulquiorra, Zommari, and Aaroniero all went up.
"Okay, then. From here on out, you four are in charge of cooking the food," Halibel declared. She turned towards the remaining Espada. "So, what are you guys going to do?" she asked, characteristically raising an eyebrow.
Szayel smiled. "I will begin researching recipes for potential dishes," he said, flouncing out of the room.
Grimmjow smiled a toothy grin. "I'm gonna start hunting down ingredients," he said. Nnoitra grinned as well and followed the blue-coiffed man out. The only three left were Baraggan, Yammy, and Starrk.
"What about you?" Halibel demanded as she glared at them.
Starrk stared back through half-lidded eyes. "What about us?" he answered.
Halibel pondered this. "Good point," she responded.
Starrk yawned. "Wake me up for dinner," he muttered, already half asleep.
A couple hours later…
Lilynette and the others sat in the kitchen waiting for Szayel to return. Surely enough, the pink-haired scientist walked into the room with a three foot-high stack of papers. He put the mass of papers on the table, brushed himself off, and adjusted his glasses. The anxiousness that hung in the air was so thick that it could have been cut with a knife.
Finally, Szayel announced, "Okay, I have procured an approximate amount of 1,286 recipes for you to sample. I picked a very wide spectrum of recipes; it shouldn't be too hard for you to arrange a dinner worthy of Aizen-sama." He strode out of the room.
Zommari picked up the paper on the top of the stack. "Stuffed hollow," he read, "Hmm, seems easy enough. How about this as the main course?"
Aaroniero shrugged. "SOUNDS GOOD TO US," his two voices spoke in unison. His high-pitched voice continued, "It says here that we need a full twenty pounds of hollow." His deep voice took over, "GRIMMJOW AND NNOITRA SHOULD BE ARRIVING ANY MINUTE NOW."
As if on cue, the wall suddenly exploded; chunks of the wall flew everywhere. Grimmjow strode through the hole that he blasted with his cero – in his arms was a gigantic hollow that resembled a bird.
Ulquiorra sighed. "You just couldn't well enough use the door, could you?" he inquired sarcastically. He pointed at the door, which was less than a foot away from the smoldering hole in the wall.
"Hunh. A real badass doesn't use doors," Grimmjow snarled. He hefted the dead hollow onto the table. "This twenty pounds?" he asked.
Before Aaroniero could say, "THAT'S AT LEAST SEVENTY, DUMBASS," Grimmjow left the room by using Sonído.
Five seconds later, Nnoitra entered through the doorway with a large rucksack on his back. He pointed to the large hole. "Grimmjow?" he asked dryly.
"Grimmjow," Ulquiorra answered.
Giving an understanding nod of his head, the tall and lanky man removed the pack and dropped it on the table with a heavy THUD. "I got all the plants I could find around Hueco Mundo," he said.
Lilynette stared at the bag. "What, that was all you could find?!" she demanded; the bag didn't weigh anymore than fifteen pounds.
Nnoitra's one eye regarded her cynically. He said, "Lily, I hope ya realize that this is Hueco Mundo that I had to search through. How many plants have you seen, hmm?" He turned his back on the four and left.
Lilynette emptied the bags contents on the table. A large variety of vegetables fell out. There were also some small hollow scattered in the mix.
Ulquiorra, taking charge, said to Zommari, "We need these fruits and veggies chopped, now."
Almost instantly, Zommari zoomed from one end of the table to the other, and back. Within seconds, there were four Zommaris chopping up vegetables with identical zanpakutō.
"So, Ulquiy, what do you plan to do with all these vegetables?" Lilynette asked curiously.
Ulquiorra regarded her with a deadpan expression. "Hmmm, well, with the hollow and vegetables, we could make some coquille St. Jacques, or maybe Neuremburghs," he mused, "Or, we could try Marguerites…"
Lilynette stared at the quiet figure, thoroughly confused.
"Uh…how about a salad?" she suggested.
The dinner…
The residents of Las Noches had finished their salads; it was now time for the main course. Aaroniero and Zommari rolled a serving cart out of the kitchen. It was weighed down by a large (about seven or eight feet in diameter) platter – whatever was on the plate was covered by a gleaming silver dome. The two Espada lifted the heavy platter off the cart and placed it in the middle of the dinner table. With an unnecessary flourish, Aaroniero removed the covering. Aizen's eyebrows rose ever so slightly.
A large roasted hollow was placed in the center of the plate. Perfectly cut slices of vegetables that lined the rim accentuated the fancy look. The crispy, golden brown skin emanated a juicy, succulent steam. Nnoitra licked his lips.
"Hey, that doesn't look half bad," Gin said, already reaching hungrily to slice off a piece. He didn't get the chance, however, because his hand was abrasively slapped away.
Szayel wagged his finger; a sly grin was set on his face. "Now, now, is that any way to begin a feast on Thanksgiving?" he scolded, "According to my research, families should give thanks before stuffing their faces! So I say we all close our eyes, and give thanks!"
"Thanks for what?!" Grimmjow growled. "We have holes in our bodies, we're being hunted down by soulkeepers – or whatever the hell they are – and we're fucking dead!!!"
Szayel's shoulders shrugged. "It would've helped the mood," he grumbled.
Gin sliced himself a piece of the juicy meat and scooped up some stuffing. "Well, let's see how ya did," he said as he popped the slice and the stuffing into his mouth.
There was a nervous silence that was shared by the Espada as Gin chewed. It was the moment of truth!
Finally, the silence was broken.
""
Gin's arms flailed wildly as he choked on the food lodged in his throat. Tousen hurried over and performed the Heimlich maneuver. A saliva-covered object was sent flying from Gin's mouth.
"What…the hell…is in…that stuffing?!" Gin managed to ask between gasps.
"The same thing you stuff all things with!" Lilynette answered. To drive the point home, she held up one of Starrk's now empty pillows.
"You stuffed the hollow with my pillows??!!" Starrk exclaimed, unusually angry.
Lilynette held her hands in front of herself, palms facing outwards. "How was I supposed to know they were yours? All the pillows look the same!" she shouted back.
"Espada, I am less than pleased with this meal. I am sorry, but you failed," Aizen said disapprovingly.
A defeated silence hung among the Espada. Halibel pinched the middle of her brow; she had failed.
Grimmjow could sense the air of discouragement. Leaning toward Nnoitra, he whispered, "I think I can find a way to turn this situation around."
Grabbing a fruit that resembled a banana, he yelled, "FOOD FIGHT!!!" He threw the banana, aiming for no one specifically.
. . .
No one moved a single muscle.
How's that for awkward, Szayel thought. He did a facepalm. Ugh…Grimmjow, you scurrilous idiot.
Rather than move, all of the Espada were staring with apparent fear. Grimmjow followed their gaze and blanched.
Aizen's face was covered in yellow mush; there was a banana peel situated on his forehead. He did not look happy.
"Change of plans," Aizen muttered, "Yes, you Espada are lousy cooks, but you will not be ousted."
The Espada breathed a sigh of relief.
"Unless you fail to fulfill this one task…"
They stiffened again, listening intently.
Aizen continued, "If you can kick Grimmjow's ass so badly that even I would wince, you are all excused. So painfully that Gin would cry. So hard that the shockwave of the beating would give Tousen his sight."
"What the hell kind of challenge is that?!" Grimmjow yelled. Then he noticed the other Espada.
They all stared at him. Szayel had a particularly frightening expression; his eyes were opened as wide as they could go, and the corners of his mouth were turned upwards in a psychotic grin. Even Starrk had unsheathed his sword and was tapping it threateningly against his palm.
"On the count of ten," Nnoitra cackled. "One…two…three…"
Grimmjow gulped.
"If I were you, Grimmjow," Aaroniero said, uncovering his left arm, "I WOULD START HAULING ASS."
"TEN!!!" Nnoitra screamed, "GO, GO, GO, GO!!!!!!!"
Ten arrancar charged after Grimmjow, who was literally running for his life; he was too scared to even use Sonído. Their rebel yell echoed throughout the halls of Las Noches.
Gin, Tousen, and Aizen remained at the long rectangular table. Aizen's iconic quiet-yet-amused smile was set upon his face. They knew quite fully the thrashing that Grimmjow would receive.
Gin leaned over.
"Please pass the potato salad."
Okay, R&R would be nice. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!